Monday, November 20, 2017

Monday Ramblings

It’s been a very odd stretch for me, seeing as how I have basically come to the discovery that I’m not really a sissy.  That being said, my submissive triggers remain just as strong, I’m just starting to understand more about what they are, where they came from, and what they do to me.  It is rather amusing though, that being called a sissy remains a trigger to me, most likely because I never wanted to be associated with the term.

As my depression sets in for the winter I have found myself blocked from easily accessing submissive mental space.  This makes me ache.  Today while feeling down and searching for an X-mas present for T I ended up stumbling upon some hats on Amazon that I hadn’t found before while searching.  I ended up buying them and now I feel guilty and ashamed as I usually do when making purchases of this nature.



Something that goes back to my time with F is that she didn’t want the fur and material colors to match perfectly.  She liked it better when the fur would stand out more and make it more obvious that I was a pathetic sissy boy in fur.  Old habits die hard and one of the “selling points” of these hats is that the fur pom poms are removable, which should also make them interchangeable… and truer to form (these are some bad photoshops of what they should approximately look like).



I do have fur earmuffs that should match with either color to complete it.

I feel sort of sad and pathetic that this is where my unmet needs and down mood took me (even though this is my first purchase on this front since 2011… still).  The fact that I need something like this to obtain the feelings that I desire fills me with shame and self-loathing.  Thankfully I have a friend that is dear to me that helps me feel better about it, but I still can’t help feel like I’m something less than a man.

On the upside, I did hold out enough restraint to stop at those two and not delve into a color scheme that we never accumulated much of over the years.

And to think… it’s only Monday.

4 comments:

  1. I'm really in love with these pompom hats. I adore them so much, I am so happy you have made contact with them too. Maybe T I does not know, but there's a more twisted version of these: with TWO pompoms, that give kind of a very cute Mickey Mouse look. For example Popski London has those hats with interchangeable pompoms too.

    https://www.popskilondon.co.uk/collections/double-raccoon-fur-pom-pom-hats

    The photos on their website do not really show, but their pompoms are HUGE, and they use the same pompoms on their double pom hats too.

    Their instagram page shows maybe a bit better:
    https://www.instagram.com/p/BaRFAYUgSCJ/ (I wear this one from them)
    https://www.instagram.com/p/BSL0HpIgBp0

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BbemsbUgye6
    https://www.instagram.com/p/BZn2Xg4gTEQ/
    https://www.instagram.com/p/BS0Pd2EAxV9

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, kvaat, I appreciate the links.

      I am familiar with that design. They are something I will keep in mind in the future. I saw a woman wearing one at the grocery store yesterday so it was fresh in my memory.

      Take care.

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    2. There is one more thing that you could think about. Now you will have an extra pompom that you are not wearing, you could use it as a keychain. Keychains are really good for several reasons. You keep it with you all the time, when you go to work, do the shopping, at the gym, just any occasion; and you also have even at a weather not suitable for the hat. You will get accustomed to it, it will be part of your everyday life. Pompom keychains also teach you a valuable lesson: it is very not nice to just squeeze your keys into your trousers or pockets - you have to use and keep a bag with you, where you can keep your keychains with love and great care.

      It is also a good idea to use it for a keychain that you pull out in public, like when you enter the entrance to your living place from the street, or maybe with your car keys if you use the car every day. This will help you.

      Keychains you can make on your own from the extra not-used pom very easy with just a string and those metal rings keychains have, or later you can buy more purpose-made keychains/bag-charms if you want.

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    3. Thank you, kvaat.
      I do plan on just swapping them. The white will go on the pink hat and the pink will go on the white hat.

      That is an interesting idea about the key chain and it is something I will keep in mind. Typically I get more selective about who I want to know... and how/when. I'm not sure I would have the courage to do this.

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