I've really tried to write and draw lately. I just can't seem to finish anything.
Things feel lonely right now. It feels like google's attempt to limit/delete/block "adult" blogs scared many off. It also seems like people are flocking to select online communities and a lot of the alternative methods of interacting with others have gone obsolete. It feels like the whole internet is a bit off right now. I don't know if it's just me but this seems to be the current trend.
I am still in a relationship but D/s has been absent for years now. She has been busy for the past year or so with things going on in life. When I can feel my mood turning in this way it makes me miss a lot of things.
There are certain aspects of D/s that are so soothing to someone wired as insecurely as I am. I'm not sure if this should seem pathetic or not, but I tend to just accept it. Bondage, symbolism, displays of devotion, chastity, etc. all provide a sense of security as it means that someone cares enough about you to collar you, chain you, lock you, deny you, and so on. It makes you feel important enough to be constantly monitored in some way. To be owned. To be guarded. All I really know is that there are parts of me that need this in order to feel okay and this is the best I can make sense of things.
There are times that I masturbate while attempting to fantasize about those needs being met. In the end it feels empty since it doesn't matter if I do that. There have been certain times in certain relationships where that was something I wouldn't dare do. But during those times someone cared enough to keep me from wasting my energy on such things.
I think what we need from D/s says a lot about who we are. I think submissive devotion plays a large part in taming the insecurities of both Dommes and subs. A sub needs to feel wanted, chosen, and kept. A Domme (probably) needs to feel loved, trusted, cherished, and empowered. It's a beautiful symbiosis.
All of this is very meaningful to me and I miss it. My head has gotten really hazy, cloudy, and unfocused lately. I can feel myself slipping and the negativity feels inevitable.
If anyone has any ideas for discussion topics or custom drawings please let me know. If I can't come up with something to focus on, maybe someone else can.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Friday, September 11, 2015
The Dividing Line: Sadist vs. Sadistic Characteristics
QUICK UPDATE NOTE: I wrote this in an environment where I felt comfortable researching various definitions of Sadism/sadism and working off of memory of something I scanned a few days ago. I realize now most of the thorough definitions of Sadism/sadism are a little bit broader than I had based one section of this off of. Please bear with me on it as it doesn't really affect the overall result even if it does make me look like a bit of a jackass :)
I have served several Dommes over the years, a couple of which I would describe as "to their core" Sadists. The others exhibited sadistic tendencies or characteristics but the drive of their cruelty was not quite the same and during discussions about the topic, things didn't seem to resonate with them in the same way. After a lot of analyzing I have tried to find that dividing line between the two.
A common dictionary-like definition of a Sadist is someone that derives sexual pleasure from inflicting suffering on others. I'm not quite sure I like this definition as I tend to think of it a bit differently. I view sexual pleasure as: a physical act that contributes towards an orgasm and/or achieving said orgasm. Non-sexual sadistic acts do not supply this, but they still may give a sexual reaction in a Sadist. A person needs some basic factors to experience sexual pleasure:
-Being sexually aroused/horny (keeping in mind this happens at different rates for men and women).
-A mental and physical environment capable of sustaining the aroused state, ideally until orgasm.
So, re-written, a Sadist is someone that derives sustained sexual arousal from inflicting suffering on others. This definition makes a bit more sense to me based upon my experiences.
I have come to believe that one factor separating full Sadists from part Sadists is the need for active participation. Dommes that exhibit sadistic characteristics tend to require active participation to sustain sexual arousal. That is, they are turned on during play and will continue to be aroused on for the duration of the activities/environment. A full Sadist can achieve sustained arousal without being directly involved or present. The idea of the situation provides enough of a mental environment to continue the aroused Dom-space state.
This can be especially difficult to differentiate when dealing with a Domme's fetishes. e.g. if she is a bondage enthusiast, chastity enthusiast, etc. she may be able to fantasize about a situation without it being present and achieve arousal. How this differs from a Sadist is what factors drive her. The bondage enthusiast may enjoy the control, a sub's helplessness, etc. The Sadist may enjoy control, helplessness, but is driven by how the sub suffers because of it.
That focus on suffering tends to increase the natural creativity level of a Sadist. She doesn't just want to tie him up and immobilize him, she wants to bind him in discomfort. e.g. binding a sub in a sustainable/comfortable long-term position vs. an unsustainable/uncomfortable long-term position.
Another example would be locking a sub in a cage vs. locking him in a cage while gagged and blindfolded, wrists chained behind his back with the chain on the outside of the bars so his arms are pulled in an uncomfortable manner, spreader bar between his ankles and an anal plug while kneeling on dry rice. The latter situation requires a significant amount of extra work (probably at least 20 minutes as well as some awkward positions securing everything). A part Sadist may be fine with the just the cage but when she leaves the room, the arousing environment fades (or at least decreases). A full Sadist is more likely to go the extra mile but when she leaves the room, the juices will continue to flow.
Is that all necessary? No. It's a locked cage, he's not going anywhere. His freedom is gone and she holds the key. She does it because she wants to do it and enjoys doing it. The sub's suffering continues her aroused mental environment while she is now a passive participant. It is knowledge that keeps her going and not just fantasy. This fuels her creation of factors that will sustain arousal even after direct interaction ceases.
Another major factor that defines a full Sadist is the constantly evolving "one step worse than last time" tendency. Dusting the shelves? Let's add wrist cuffs and a chain. Next time it's a shorter chain. Next time it's no chain and just a lock binding them together. Next time it's locked behind the back. Next time it's locked behind the back with nipple clamps. Next time it's behind the back, nipple clamps, and a spreader bar, ball parachute, butt plug, bells (while being told to remain quiet) and so on. Eventually, dusting is impossible... so add a creatively harsh punishment for doing a poor job in order to maintain a sub's desperation level.
A part Sadist seems to find a point where it's "cruel enough," and reaches a plateau. A full Sadist seems to keep going and going and going with evolutionary time and creativity being the only limits (a sub's physical/mental limits seem to be forced to expand at the same rate).
I hope these differences between a full Sadist and part Sadist make sense.
These factors seem to be one of the hardest things to explain to a part Sadist since they don't naturally relate to them. It seems Dommes are either wired this way or they aren't.
It's sort of funny that I have met vanilla women that seem to exude many characteristics of fledgling Sadists. From what I can tell they get some form of endorphin "rush," but I don't think they have reached the point of a sexual connection. If you know the types they tend to seem somewhat playful and enjoy pointing out observations that draw attention to and embarrass men with teasing or jokes that border on being cruel. It makes me think they may have the wiring for this, but the likelihood of them entering the D/s lifestyle is still very slim.
One of my ex's was a Sadist whose evolution had been severely limited by the willingness of subs to suffer for her. I was the first that was willing to endure and I encouraged her to grow in whatever ways "did it" for her. A while ago I spoke with her for the first time in a few years and was a bit startled by how far she had grown (although it did not surprise me). When we were together we dabbled in chastity. Now she believed a sub should be in chastity 24-7 and released up to twice a year for an orgasm if their behavior earned it. She believed subs should be kept in wrist and ankle chains all the time, the heavier the better, and that they should move without letting them drag or make noise. She required subs to be on their knees whenever they were in the same room that she was in. She did not permit subs to look at her above the ankles or make eye contact. In the past she had loved to wear fur and went to great lengths pushing my sissification. She still loved to wear fur but now believed all subs should be kept naked and shivering (e.g. keeping AC cranked in summer and windows cracked in winter while she stayed bundled up). As of speaking to her she was beginning to explore pegging. It was not something she had done yet and the idea of it didn't really do it for her (as it does for most women who are enthusiasts), but she was searching for something to further degrade a sub and give them a twisted version of sexual intercourse now that she no longer permitted it by traditional means. I'm curious as to where she is now on this. Our relationship ended due to her having to relocate due to family issues and the offer for me to relocate with her was never extended. I'm also curious as to where I would be now if things had continued.
I have served several Dommes over the years, a couple of which I would describe as "to their core" Sadists. The others exhibited sadistic tendencies or characteristics but the drive of their cruelty was not quite the same and during discussions about the topic, things didn't seem to resonate with them in the same way. After a lot of analyzing I have tried to find that dividing line between the two.
A common dictionary-like definition of a Sadist is someone that derives sexual pleasure from inflicting suffering on others. I'm not quite sure I like this definition as I tend to think of it a bit differently. I view sexual pleasure as: a physical act that contributes towards an orgasm and/or achieving said orgasm. Non-sexual sadistic acts do not supply this, but they still may give a sexual reaction in a Sadist. A person needs some basic factors to experience sexual pleasure:
-Being sexually aroused/horny (keeping in mind this happens at different rates for men and women).
-A mental and physical environment capable of sustaining the aroused state, ideally until orgasm.
So, re-written, a Sadist is someone that derives sustained sexual arousal from inflicting suffering on others. This definition makes a bit more sense to me based upon my experiences.
I have come to believe that one factor separating full Sadists from part Sadists is the need for active participation. Dommes that exhibit sadistic characteristics tend to require active participation to sustain sexual arousal. That is, they are turned on during play and will continue to be aroused on for the duration of the activities/environment. A full Sadist can achieve sustained arousal without being directly involved or present. The idea of the situation provides enough of a mental environment to continue the aroused Dom-space state.
This can be especially difficult to differentiate when dealing with a Domme's fetishes. e.g. if she is a bondage enthusiast, chastity enthusiast, etc. she may be able to fantasize about a situation without it being present and achieve arousal. How this differs from a Sadist is what factors drive her. The bondage enthusiast may enjoy the control, a sub's helplessness, etc. The Sadist may enjoy control, helplessness, but is driven by how the sub suffers because of it.
That focus on suffering tends to increase the natural creativity level of a Sadist. She doesn't just want to tie him up and immobilize him, she wants to bind him in discomfort. e.g. binding a sub in a sustainable/comfortable long-term position vs. an unsustainable/uncomfortable long-term position.
Another example would be locking a sub in a cage vs. locking him in a cage while gagged and blindfolded, wrists chained behind his back with the chain on the outside of the bars so his arms are pulled in an uncomfortable manner, spreader bar between his ankles and an anal plug while kneeling on dry rice. The latter situation requires a significant amount of extra work (probably at least 20 minutes as well as some awkward positions securing everything). A part Sadist may be fine with the just the cage but when she leaves the room, the arousing environment fades (or at least decreases). A full Sadist is more likely to go the extra mile but when she leaves the room, the juices will continue to flow.
Is that all necessary? No. It's a locked cage, he's not going anywhere. His freedom is gone and she holds the key. She does it because she wants to do it and enjoys doing it. The sub's suffering continues her aroused mental environment while she is now a passive participant. It is knowledge that keeps her going and not just fantasy. This fuels her creation of factors that will sustain arousal even after direct interaction ceases.
Another major factor that defines a full Sadist is the constantly evolving "one step worse than last time" tendency. Dusting the shelves? Let's add wrist cuffs and a chain. Next time it's a shorter chain. Next time it's no chain and just a lock binding them together. Next time it's locked behind the back. Next time it's locked behind the back with nipple clamps. Next time it's behind the back, nipple clamps, and a spreader bar, ball parachute, butt plug, bells (while being told to remain quiet) and so on. Eventually, dusting is impossible... so add a creatively harsh punishment for doing a poor job in order to maintain a sub's desperation level.
A part Sadist seems to find a point where it's "cruel enough," and reaches a plateau. A full Sadist seems to keep going and going and going with evolutionary time and creativity being the only limits (a sub's physical/mental limits seem to be forced to expand at the same rate).
I hope these differences between a full Sadist and part Sadist make sense.
These factors seem to be one of the hardest things to explain to a part Sadist since they don't naturally relate to them. It seems Dommes are either wired this way or they aren't.
It's sort of funny that I have met vanilla women that seem to exude many characteristics of fledgling Sadists. From what I can tell they get some form of endorphin "rush," but I don't think they have reached the point of a sexual connection. If you know the types they tend to seem somewhat playful and enjoy pointing out observations that draw attention to and embarrass men with teasing or jokes that border on being cruel. It makes me think they may have the wiring for this, but the likelihood of them entering the D/s lifestyle is still very slim.
One of my ex's was a Sadist whose evolution had been severely limited by the willingness of subs to suffer for her. I was the first that was willing to endure and I encouraged her to grow in whatever ways "did it" for her. A while ago I spoke with her for the first time in a few years and was a bit startled by how far she had grown (although it did not surprise me). When we were together we dabbled in chastity. Now she believed a sub should be in chastity 24-7 and released up to twice a year for an orgasm if their behavior earned it. She believed subs should be kept in wrist and ankle chains all the time, the heavier the better, and that they should move without letting them drag or make noise. She required subs to be on their knees whenever they were in the same room that she was in. She did not permit subs to look at her above the ankles or make eye contact. In the past she had loved to wear fur and went to great lengths pushing my sissification. She still loved to wear fur but now believed all subs should be kept naked and shivering (e.g. keeping AC cranked in summer and windows cracked in winter while she stayed bundled up). As of speaking to her she was beginning to explore pegging. It was not something she had done yet and the idea of it didn't really do it for her (as it does for most women who are enthusiasts), but she was searching for something to further degrade a sub and give them a twisted version of sexual intercourse now that she no longer permitted it by traditional means. I'm curious as to where she is now on this. Our relationship ended due to her having to relocate due to family issues and the offer for me to relocate with her was never extended. I'm also curious as to where I would be now if things had continued.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Fantasy debate: the Cruel Sadist vs. Demanding and Indifferent
This is something that has been on my mind lately and I have attempted to write a couple of posts on it but have so far failed miserably at finishing them.
A quick definition to begin things: I will be working with the idea that a sadist derives sexual arousal from inflicting cruelty and suffering on others. While a non-sadist may experience some sexual arousal from similar activities, I will assume their arousal is due to other related factors (e.g. devotion, symbolism, a fetish, etc.) and not directly linked to their victim's physical/psychological/sexual discomfort.
In order to keep this interesting, the idea of the non-sadist Domme will be a rather extreme example: while she doesn't get turned on by cruelty, she is completely indifferent to whether or not the sub finds things cruel as long as it results in her desired outcome. In order for a sub to experience a similar level of (albeit different flavor of) suffering, this Domme would have to be extremely demanding, whether those demands are realistic or not.
The differences between a sadist and our non-sadist can yield some crucial differences in the sub's experiences even if the activities remain nearly identical.
Chore: a sub is ordered to clean a room.
Sadist (S): She will want to make this task more difficult and unpleasant. This might take the form of messing the room up more or using restraints to make the sub's job more difficult (e.g. wrists chained to his balls). She can experience arousal/pleasure by being present and tormenting the sub but will still experience arousal/pleasure without being present and simply thinking about how much the sub is struggling.
Non-Sadist (NS): She will expect this task to be performed quickly and thoroughly. Her pleasure comes from having a cleaned room without any wasted time, so it is unlikely she will do anything to inflict direct suffering. However, she may order the sub to perform this task in an unrealistic amount of time, e.g. it should take 2.5 hours, but he is expected to finish in 1 hour with no decrease in performance quality. Failure to complete in time or to her standards will result in severe punishment.
Uniform: a sub is dressed as a maid.
S: She will want the uniform to humiliate and embarrass the sub, ideally inflict discomfort. This can double as an actual or hypothetical threat in regards to further humiliation, blackmail, etc. She is more likely to go with over the top styles, painful and uncomfortable heels, wrist & ankle restraints, posture collars, gags, etc.
NS: She will want his uniform to represent his submissive role as well as his competence in fulfilling it. Being properly maintained and tidy are paramount. It will likely be something she finds aesthetically pleasing and suitable for his role.
Chastity
S: She enjoys his sexual frustration and the constant mental suffering of earning release. Even if she doesn't plan to allow him release, she will keep the idea of release alive in his mind simply to witness his disappointment when she takes it away. If she keeps him contained for a long enough time, she might even make him beg to be milked.
NS: She is indifferent to his sexual needs. Chastity turns him into a non-sexual entity. Release isn't spoken of or even implied with the possible exception of maintenance milking.
Punishment
S:She punishes him regularly to make him suffer, even if he is constantly suffering. Punishment can be used to inflict more exquisite forms of suffering than are present in normal day to day activities.
NS: For her, punishment serves a purpose: break any resistance and instill enough fear to keep him motivated. To achieve these ends, punishments have be very severe.
By now, you probably have some idea of which type of Domme you would rather fantasize about. While both may "do it" for a sub on some level, I have a feeling which one "does it more" is strongly linked to a submissive's self-worth and confidence in their abilities to serve/please the Domme. I could be wrong, but it seems like a sub who is fully confident in their abilities would be less fearful of a non-sadist that may make things difficult, but rarely impossible. If a sub is constantly afraid that they cannot perform adequately, the non-sadist probably provides a sink or swim environment conducive to their subspace. An abusive sadist can find creative ways to screw up a sub's performance no matter how competent they are. A sub that is fully confident but still craves fear most likely connects more strongly with the sadistic type.
If I'm wrong here, please let me know.
On another note, it's interesting when you look at how these types are portrayed in other fictional works. The non-sadist is almost always in some form of upper management position while the sadist is usually an underling who terrorizes someone even lower on the totem pole. e.g. CEO vs. Middle management, Warden vs. Guard, Super Villain vs. Top Henchman, etc. Apparently stereotypical representations seem to believe sadists aren't as ambitious or as capable of climbing the ladder as their non-sadistic counterparts.
A quick definition to begin things: I will be working with the idea that a sadist derives sexual arousal from inflicting cruelty and suffering on others. While a non-sadist may experience some sexual arousal from similar activities, I will assume their arousal is due to other related factors (e.g. devotion, symbolism, a fetish, etc.) and not directly linked to their victim's physical/psychological/sexual discomfort.
In order to keep this interesting, the idea of the non-sadist Domme will be a rather extreme example: while she doesn't get turned on by cruelty, she is completely indifferent to whether or not the sub finds things cruel as long as it results in her desired outcome. In order for a sub to experience a similar level of (albeit different flavor of) suffering, this Domme would have to be extremely demanding, whether those demands are realistic or not.
The differences between a sadist and our non-sadist can yield some crucial differences in the sub's experiences even if the activities remain nearly identical.
Chore: a sub is ordered to clean a room.
Sadist (S): She will want to make this task more difficult and unpleasant. This might take the form of messing the room up more or using restraints to make the sub's job more difficult (e.g. wrists chained to his balls). She can experience arousal/pleasure by being present and tormenting the sub but will still experience arousal/pleasure without being present and simply thinking about how much the sub is struggling.
Non-Sadist (NS): She will expect this task to be performed quickly and thoroughly. Her pleasure comes from having a cleaned room without any wasted time, so it is unlikely she will do anything to inflict direct suffering. However, she may order the sub to perform this task in an unrealistic amount of time, e.g. it should take 2.5 hours, but he is expected to finish in 1 hour with no decrease in performance quality. Failure to complete in time or to her standards will result in severe punishment.
Uniform: a sub is dressed as a maid.
S: She will want the uniform to humiliate and embarrass the sub, ideally inflict discomfort. This can double as an actual or hypothetical threat in regards to further humiliation, blackmail, etc. She is more likely to go with over the top styles, painful and uncomfortable heels, wrist & ankle restraints, posture collars, gags, etc.
NS: She will want his uniform to represent his submissive role as well as his competence in fulfilling it. Being properly maintained and tidy are paramount. It will likely be something she finds aesthetically pleasing and suitable for his role.
Chastity
S: She enjoys his sexual frustration and the constant mental suffering of earning release. Even if she doesn't plan to allow him release, she will keep the idea of release alive in his mind simply to witness his disappointment when she takes it away. If she keeps him contained for a long enough time, she might even make him beg to be milked.
NS: She is indifferent to his sexual needs. Chastity turns him into a non-sexual entity. Release isn't spoken of or even implied with the possible exception of maintenance milking.
Punishment
S:She punishes him regularly to make him suffer, even if he is constantly suffering. Punishment can be used to inflict more exquisite forms of suffering than are present in normal day to day activities.
NS: For her, punishment serves a purpose: break any resistance and instill enough fear to keep him motivated. To achieve these ends, punishments have be very severe.
By now, you probably have some idea of which type of Domme you would rather fantasize about. While both may "do it" for a sub on some level, I have a feeling which one "does it more" is strongly linked to a submissive's self-worth and confidence in their abilities to serve/please the Domme. I could be wrong, but it seems like a sub who is fully confident in their abilities would be less fearful of a non-sadist that may make things difficult, but rarely impossible. If a sub is constantly afraid that they cannot perform adequately, the non-sadist probably provides a sink or swim environment conducive to their subspace. An abusive sadist can find creative ways to screw up a sub's performance no matter how competent they are. A sub that is fully confident but still craves fear most likely connects more strongly with the sadistic type.
If I'm wrong here, please let me know.
On another note, it's interesting when you look at how these types are portrayed in other fictional works. The non-sadist is almost always in some form of upper management position while the sadist is usually an underling who terrorizes someone even lower on the totem pole. e.g. CEO vs. Middle management, Warden vs. Guard, Super Villain vs. Top Henchman, etc. Apparently stereotypical representations seem to believe sadists aren't as ambitious or as capable of climbing the ladder as their non-sadistic counterparts.
Monday, September 7, 2015
It's been a while
I see that it has been almost a year since my last post. Life has been busy lately and I just haven't been spending much time online nor in the mind-space in which I do most of my work on here.
I first wanted to thank the readers that have checked in or contacted me over the past year. Unfortunately I haven't completed a new drawing in ages. I was working on revising the way in which I do my drawings but This was very time consuming and I didn't really get anywhere with it either. I have had plenty of ideas, most of which are beyond what I am capable of performing. I do plan on drawing again at some point in the future. If anyone has any ideas for what they would like to see please let me know.
I also spent some time dabbling with making a Femdom computer game but found the available options to be either too lacking and simple or far too complicated to adequately perform without a significant amount of work/training. This is something I had done in the past with some basic text-based versions as well as a few flash-based ones, but I have never really been able to execute my vision.
I did some web searches out of curiosity and found a handful of my drawings have circulated a bit around the web. This made me fairly happy. Oddly enough my post on awakening the male nipples ended up being cited as a top answer on one of the Q&A sites (I think yahoo) about male nipple manipulation. I think my KTB post probably got the most exposure out of everything though. I can say I was fairly proud to find my Tips for courting a Domme post linked on a few Domme sites/blogs.
I will try to make another post tonight.
I hope everyone is doing well.
I first wanted to thank the readers that have checked in or contacted me over the past year. Unfortunately I haven't completed a new drawing in ages. I was working on revising the way in which I do my drawings but This was very time consuming and I didn't really get anywhere with it either. I have had plenty of ideas, most of which are beyond what I am capable of performing. I do plan on drawing again at some point in the future. If anyone has any ideas for what they would like to see please let me know.
I also spent some time dabbling with making a Femdom computer game but found the available options to be either too lacking and simple or far too complicated to adequately perform without a significant amount of work/training. This is something I had done in the past with some basic text-based versions as well as a few flash-based ones, but I have never really been able to execute my vision.
I did some web searches out of curiosity and found a handful of my drawings have circulated a bit around the web. This made me fairly happy. Oddly enough my post on awakening the male nipples ended up being cited as a top answer on one of the Q&A sites (I think yahoo) about male nipple manipulation. I think my KTB post probably got the most exposure out of everything though. I can say I was fairly proud to find my Tips for courting a Domme post linked on a few Domme sites/blogs.
I will try to make another post tonight.
I hope everyone is doing well.
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