I crave a free mind.
No distractions.
Pure focus.
Absolute passion.
Absolute devotion.
Absolute adoration.
Absolute love.
I ache to touch, to feel, and to be close.
I ache to be the one in your eyes.
This is my free mind.
It isn't free at all, it's just as I want it to be.
Possess me like a cherished keepsake.
Be my everything.
This is how I feel when I say, "I love you."
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
Monday, May 8, 2017
Why isn't there more writing about the mental aspects of D/s?
Why isn't there more writing about the mental aspects of D/s?
I find this completely puzzling as there are often carefully crafted relationship dynamics in place with the goal of keeping a sub twisting in deep subspace and a Domme maintaining a heightened Domspace. I find it fascinating how people manage to keep a sub enduring through hardships that seem better suited for an abused step-child in a fairy tale yet they are in love, emotionally fulfilled, and happy. I find it fascinating how Dommes turn themselves on and increase their dominant desires by keeping a man under her thumb and finding new ways to suppress, crush, and exploit his ego.
I only know a handful of bloggers that confront these topics head on. I wish this weren't the case but I also wonder why.
A theory I received recently in response to some comments left on a blog was that understanding the mental aspects requires thought and that "most" people don't put the thought in.
Another theory I've read is that unless someone is a switch, it's just too hard for someone to understand what is going on in the other role.
I don't think this is an easy topic. I think that a lot of people have trouble sifting through confusing and often conflicting emotions and that articulating it can be a challenge. Difficult doesn't mean impossible. If someone isn't interested enough to take on the challenge, that I can understand completely.
The "accepting" ideal from BDSM communities tends to stifle this as well. "Your kink is not my kink" or "I like what I like" actually discourages conversation and attempts at understanding. I can understand this as an idea for people trying to grow comfortable with deviant interests, but don't more people get curious as to why they like what they like? Or also, why they don't like something else?
I've also found people that follow a train of thought that everything we experience is unique so it doesn't do much good to talk about it. While it is true that people have specific triggers that act as turn ons or turn offs, think people are more similar than they are different when you get to the core of it. Pretty much every written account of slavespace I have ever read was pretty damn similar. When sadistic and controlling Dommes start talking about the symbolism behind an act that turns them on, the way they describe it is pretty damn similar (even when the acts differ completely).
Do people struggle to see beyond the specific act and find the nature of D/s? Or are people just so bad at separating themselves from a specific kink to where they are unable to describe it adequately? I don't know.
As for being unable to understand the opposing role, do we actually have to completely get it in order to find it interesting? On its most basic levels, triggers are just cause and effect and repeated use of certain activities eventually breeds trends and consistent behaviors. It is probably a bit easier to read submissive males because well, it's pretty obvious when something affects them. If an act fuels their subspace, they get an erection. If an act deepens their subspace, they will get more shy, docile, and obedient. Sorting out activities that garner reactions by their "essences" should give a pretty easy road map on how to control a sub's mental state.
Reading Dommes are a bit more difficult. Based upon her choices of activities you can see what appeals to her. Finding the essences of those activities should give a good idea of what D/s concepts/principles/ideals speak to her. The reason why this read is harder is that there are fewer obvious cues to look for. I can tell when a Domme is thriving in Domspace by her eyes (they look "predatory") but beyond that, it's all a crapshoot because the more intense she gets, the better she is at masking her aura and intent. That is, in many cases the more aroused, empowered, and in control she feels, the more she is able to hide and/or deceive a sub while keeping true intentions hidden.
I do believe that a good number of people within the lifestyle understand the symbolism and ways that it fuels their own space. I really wish they would talk about it more as I really do enjoy reading and conversing about it.
I find this completely puzzling as there are often carefully crafted relationship dynamics in place with the goal of keeping a sub twisting in deep subspace and a Domme maintaining a heightened Domspace. I find it fascinating how people manage to keep a sub enduring through hardships that seem better suited for an abused step-child in a fairy tale yet they are in love, emotionally fulfilled, and happy. I find it fascinating how Dommes turn themselves on and increase their dominant desires by keeping a man under her thumb and finding new ways to suppress, crush, and exploit his ego.
I only know a handful of bloggers that confront these topics head on. I wish this weren't the case but I also wonder why.
A theory I received recently in response to some comments left on a blog was that understanding the mental aspects requires thought and that "most" people don't put the thought in.
Another theory I've read is that unless someone is a switch, it's just too hard for someone to understand what is going on in the other role.
I don't think this is an easy topic. I think that a lot of people have trouble sifting through confusing and often conflicting emotions and that articulating it can be a challenge. Difficult doesn't mean impossible. If someone isn't interested enough to take on the challenge, that I can understand completely.
The "accepting" ideal from BDSM communities tends to stifle this as well. "Your kink is not my kink" or "I like what I like" actually discourages conversation and attempts at understanding. I can understand this as an idea for people trying to grow comfortable with deviant interests, but don't more people get curious as to why they like what they like? Or also, why they don't like something else?
I've also found people that follow a train of thought that everything we experience is unique so it doesn't do much good to talk about it. While it is true that people have specific triggers that act as turn ons or turn offs, think people are more similar than they are different when you get to the core of it. Pretty much every written account of slavespace I have ever read was pretty damn similar. When sadistic and controlling Dommes start talking about the symbolism behind an act that turns them on, the way they describe it is pretty damn similar (even when the acts differ completely).
Do people struggle to see beyond the specific act and find the nature of D/s? Or are people just so bad at separating themselves from a specific kink to where they are unable to describe it adequately? I don't know.
As for being unable to understand the opposing role, do we actually have to completely get it in order to find it interesting? On its most basic levels, triggers are just cause and effect and repeated use of certain activities eventually breeds trends and consistent behaviors. It is probably a bit easier to read submissive males because well, it's pretty obvious when something affects them. If an act fuels their subspace, they get an erection. If an act deepens their subspace, they will get more shy, docile, and obedient. Sorting out activities that garner reactions by their "essences" should give a pretty easy road map on how to control a sub's mental state.
Reading Dommes are a bit more difficult. Based upon her choices of activities you can see what appeals to her. Finding the essences of those activities should give a good idea of what D/s concepts/principles/ideals speak to her. The reason why this read is harder is that there are fewer obvious cues to look for. I can tell when a Domme is thriving in Domspace by her eyes (they look "predatory") but beyond that, it's all a crapshoot because the more intense she gets, the better she is at masking her aura and intent. That is, in many cases the more aroused, empowered, and in control she feels, the more she is able to hide and/or deceive a sub while keeping true intentions hidden.
I do believe that a good number of people within the lifestyle understand the symbolism and ways that it fuels their own space. I really wish they would talk about it more as I really do enjoy reading and conversing about it.
Random Perversions: New (to me) Bondage Gear
I haven't purchased any new gear but after hunting for a link to the "How may I help you?" gag I ended up finding the primary site of the company that makes them, Scott Paul Designs.
I had remembered that the gag wasn't of the locking variety so it wasn't as interesting as it could have been but on the parent site there is a locking option for $5 more.
If you aren't familiar with the gag, it's actually called the Humiliator gag and it features a front attachment point that allows for a variety of different devices to be attached to the gag. The list includes: serving tray, toilet paper dispenser, toilet brush, feather duster, butt plug, nail brush, ash tray, document clip, eye ring, boot brush, vac-u-lock plug, dildo, dish brush, suction cup, snap hook, floor scrub brush, coat hook, and T-connector with optional wrist restraints. There is also a wall/floor plate that can be mounted so that you can restrain your sub by their face to wherever it is bolted.
They also offer it in a chest harness version:
Interesting and creative bondage devices tend to pique my interest quite a bit, especially things that get near the dark realm of my dream bondage devices and the like. While spending more time on the site I found a handful of things that were rather interesting, one of which was a wire mesh penis covering called the Cruel Condom intended to cause discomfort/pain to the wearer if friction is applied.
While browsing everything I found an item that is probably my favorite thing they offered. They call it the One-Way Magic Blindfold. Assuming it works as advertised, it is a pair of clear goggles that people on the outside can see the sub's eyes clearly to see what they are looking at or their expressions/reactions but the wearer has their vision severely blurred to where they can likely make out basic shapes and colors but see nothing clearly or in detail. This one makes my head spin as it is rather devious and clever. I can imagine being kept in these for an extended period would cause a lot of brain confusion. If you are blindfolded your other senses take over and you generally resign yourself mentally to not being able to see. I would have to wonder if the wearer would eventually just shut their eyes or if there would be a temptation to try to see and continuously struggling in their mind.
Interesting stuff.
I had remembered that the gag wasn't of the locking variety so it wasn't as interesting as it could have been but on the parent site there is a locking option for $5 more.
If you aren't familiar with the gag, it's actually called the Humiliator gag and it features a front attachment point that allows for a variety of different devices to be attached to the gag. The list includes: serving tray, toilet paper dispenser, toilet brush, feather duster, butt plug, nail brush, ash tray, document clip, eye ring, boot brush, vac-u-lock plug, dildo, dish brush, suction cup, snap hook, floor scrub brush, coat hook, and T-connector with optional wrist restraints. There is also a wall/floor plate that can be mounted so that you can restrain your sub by their face to wherever it is bolted.
They also offer it in a chest harness version:
Interesting and creative bondage devices tend to pique my interest quite a bit, especially things that get near the dark realm of my dream bondage devices and the like. While spending more time on the site I found a handful of things that were rather interesting, one of which was a wire mesh penis covering called the Cruel Condom intended to cause discomfort/pain to the wearer if friction is applied.
While browsing everything I found an item that is probably my favorite thing they offered. They call it the One-Way Magic Blindfold. Assuming it works as advertised, it is a pair of clear goggles that people on the outside can see the sub's eyes clearly to see what they are looking at or their expressions/reactions but the wearer has their vision severely blurred to where they can likely make out basic shapes and colors but see nothing clearly or in detail. This one makes my head spin as it is rather devious and clever. I can imagine being kept in these for an extended period would cause a lot of brain confusion. If you are blindfolded your other senses take over and you generally resign yourself mentally to not being able to see. I would have to wonder if the wearer would eventually just shut their eyes or if there would be a temptation to try to see and continuously struggling in their mind.
Interesting stuff.
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