Saturday, May 8, 2010

Some random parting thoughts

I've grown a bit reluctant to end my writing session with a forced feminization/sissy-oriented post, especially when I'm not sure of the next time I will get a chance to write.  While it's something that defines me a bit (hence the blog title and username) at the same time these things are often at the back of my mind when I sit down to write and I end up tossing them up as an afterthought.

So far my interactions with people in the blog community have been very positive.  While I didn't start this blog to connect with others I feel that connecting with others through comments has made the blogging experience meaningful to me.  I worry a bit that leaving the most recent post with that type of subject matter (in addition to the blog title and username) is probably pigeon-holing me a bit and preventing some potential connections since they see the top post and skip right over the rest of the blog even if I have written about something relevant to them in an earlier post.

I know I probably am coming off as self-conscious and insecure with this post, but those negative qualities are a part of me as well and I've kind of accepted them rather than trying to hide from them or deny them.

Actually, now that I have written this out I don't feel self-conscious about anything I'm writing on here and if people wish to avoid my blog because of some of my posts (or the blog title or username), that's fine too.  I should probably delete this but I'm going to post it anyways seeing as it was an accurate representation of my thoughts and feelings over the past 15 minutes or so.

I will add, a big Thank You to everyone who has interacted with me so far through comments or messages.

Humiliating Sissy Fashion

Ugh.  How big of a beating would I be willing to take to avoid having to wear this?  I can't say for sure but it would be pretty hefty.

The natural slave Personality

My first Mistress once described me as having a natural slave personality.

I was a bit puzzled at the term and asked her to elaborate a bit on it.  The way she explained it to me it seemed it had both positive and negative characteristics (and a few neutral ones).  It wasn't the easiest thing in the world to put into words so she tried to come up with characteristics and examples.

Her view of why I was a natural slave:
-My emotions were tied to hers.  If she was sad, I felt sad.  If she was mad, I felt sad.  If she was happy, I felt happy.  I would instinctively try to make her happy.
-My morality would adjust to her feelings.  Right = made her happy.  Wrong = displeased her.  I would instinctively try to act in the right way.
-Pleasing her gave me a greater sense of accomplishment and joy than winning any award or recognition from outside sources.
-When faced with hardship I would surrender to it and accept it rather than try to escape it.
-Worrying about her personal needs would free me from stresses in the external world.

I'm not really sure if I truly am a natural slave or not, although I definitely associate myself with the above characteristics.  I don't even really think it matters if I am or not, but I can say it would be convenient to be able to summarize my personality with a simple term.

From what I've heard from Dommes over the years there aren't many men out there that fall into the category of natural slave.  I tend not to think of myself as being special or unique so I tend not to think of myself in this way.

I did a bit of digging and found this definition on a website:
"A Natural Slave is a person for whom slavery can be better than freedom, since they have the capacity to experience less reactance when living in that condition, without the depression normally associated with psychological Helplessness. Thus they are suited to slavery by their nature - by some inherent quality of their psychological makeup." 

If that is the case than maybe I am that way. 

Labor Contract - Fantasy vs. Reality

My previous post on D/s contracts was mainly to provide some background for this post.

In one of my scenarios that was brought up in my dreams I wrote about the Inescapable Contract (and another version of this in Legal Femdom) forcing a sub into a life of servitude.  While this may be more of a fantasy situation than reality, I've always wondered just how real could one get through a contract?

I touched on one possible scenario a while ago in my post Femdom House, located here:

However, Femdom House was more of a completely consensual lifestyle.

Building off some of those posts, what about a labor contract?

For all intents and purposes we will assume that there is a sub that wishes to be a 24-7 live-in submissive to a Domme in exchange for strict rules and domination. Let's breakdown the numbers (ignoring taxes).

Since male subs are a dime a dozen, we'll value his offerings at minimum wage, which currently stands at $7.25 an hour and he will be paid at a full-time salaried position.  This boils down to $290 a week, $1160 a month, $13,920 per year. 

If a male sub cannot, his alternative is to pay for a professional Dominatrix, with average rates of approximately $200 an hour.  The Domme's services in exchange could then be valued at that rate.  Two approaches can be taken to this, if her services were exchanged on a salaried full-time basis, it would be valued at $8,000 per week, $32,000 per month, $384,000 per year.  If treating her services as a salaried position seems unfair to her, let's say she performs her domination services for 16 hours a day, 7 days a week, that leads to 40 hours a week at $200 an hour and 72 hours a week at time and a half $300 an hour.  This leads to the following values:  $29,600 per week, $118,400 per month, $1,420,800 per year.

I have a feeling that things will turn out lopsided enough with the salaried wages for both parties, so I will work from those numbers since it is easier to balance (and it would be more applicable if they both worked full-time jobs).

This may get a bit complicated so I will try to go through it step by step.

She agrees to employ him as a full-time maid.  They sign a 5-year contract and perform this with a full paper-trail.  Each month she writes him a pay check (that he will ultimately give back to her), files his with-holdings for his state and federal income taxes, and files actual written documentation of service/behavior infractions (which would negate chances at filing for unemployment).

He agrees to contract her as a full-time Dominatrix.  They sign a 5-year contract and she grants him a line of credit.  Each month she issues him an invoice for his new balance for her services (interest for unpaid previous months is optional) minus any payments he makes of his standing balance.  She declares this money as income and pays state/federal taxes. 

-Since he is living with her, she may want to charge him rent and act as his landlord.  They sign a 5-year lease agreement for say, $1000 a month for room, board, and utilities.  Official documents are filed and each year he receives a certificate of rent paid, etc.

-Other stipulations may be made to the employment contract (especially towards him).  She may require him to wear a certain uniform during service and maintain a particular level of appearance, failing to meet those requirements may lead to docking his pay.  Behavioral and attitude problems may lead to his pay being docked, etc.  If they were located in a state where corporal punishment is still legal there may be a stipulation that "any corrective measures deemed necessary by the employer may be instituted." 

For a given year with no penalty fees, he runs a (pre-tax) deficit of $370,080 ($382,080 if rent is charged) and over the course of a 5-year contract, his net debt is $1,850,0400 ($1,910,400 with rent). 

Let's say that each contract included terms that upon successful fulfillment of the contract on his part (or breech of contract on her part) would negate his debt and that he was only responsible for repayment if he was found in breech of contract.  This could feasibly "trap him" into the role of servitude for the duration of the contract with severe financial repercussions if he tried to escape the situation.

What I've been curious of is just how much of this could be enforced by law?   Would this really be possible?

I know it's a fantasy subject but just how real could it be?

Assuming there was an adequate paper trail documenting all of it, it seems this could almost be pulled off for a few thousand a year in taxes. 

Any thoughts?

Friday, May 7, 2010

D/s Contracts

Contracts for the D/s lifestyle are fairly common in the BDSM community.  For those who aren't familiar with D/s contracts, they are basically a symbolic formality where both the Domme and sub agree to the terms and expectations of the relationship.  While these don't hold any legal weight, they symbolize commitment and dedication to the lifestyle and there are many who hold their contracts quite dear to their hearts because of that.

Basically, contracts cover what the Domme expects of her sub as well as additional measures to cover misbehavior, punishments, under what grounds can the sub leave or be dismissed, etc.  On the sub's side, he agrees to conduct himself by the terms of the contract in exchange for certain behaviors from his Domme.  Contracts will often include hard-limits (things that either party will not do under any circumstance).

Contracts may range from very simple to very intricate and in some cases will be so thorough that they will include the set of rules and applicable punishments. 

Other common inclusions are renewal dates, how the contract may be revised/negotiated upon in the future, and special circumstances allowing one or both parties additional freedoms if necessary.

I have written several contracts over the years and have been asked to write contracts for others (usually I would compose a rough draft that they would fine tune).  For some reason the idea of committing things to print and signing my pledge of allegiance to the relationship turns me on quite a bit.

The contracts I have written have usually been very much in favor of the Domme (and I think this is why they have enjoyed my writing of these quite a bit). 

A few examples of Domme-favoring characteristics:

-Provisional rule changes.  If the Domme finds it necessary to enact additional rules, regulations, or restrictions she may do so at any time (with or without the sub's approval) but she must state it officially and commit it to writing.  Upon completing the statement and written terms these rules will be considered in effect from that point on and may be added to the contract at the next renewal date.

-Asymmetrical renewal periods.  Rather than having both parties renew at the same interval, the Domme will renew more frequently than the sub.  e.g. She will review the contract and make any necessary changes and renew every 2 months while the sub will only be allowed to evaluate the contract and renew every 6 months. 

-The sub may not leave the relationship unless he is dismissed by the Domme.  If he is dismissed due to misconduct there may be additional penalties involved. 

Dream Bondage Device - The Punishment Box

Lady Grey left some interesting comments on my post about the Human Footrest restraints:

These comments jogged my memory a bit and reminded me a device that showed up in my dreams very early on in the lifestyle.  It scared me a bit then since it was quite extreme.  This device was the Punishment Box.

I can draw some sketches if people request that but at the same time I tend to enjoy the exercise of visualizing something based upon a textual description.  Everyone seems to come up with their own unique interpretation and that is often way more fun than spoiling it with a drawing.

The Punishment Box is a modular device meant to inflict punishment on a sub through bondage, isolation, discomfort, and sensory deprivation.  It is a rectangular box that consists of three pieces that are attached and locked together to completely enclose the sub.  The pieces are the base, and the top which is split into halves. 

In my dreams the box was usually used in addition to a gag, blindfold/hood, earplugs, and hands chained behind the back.

The base of the box is a rectangular wooden board.  The sub kneels on the wooden rectangle with small stocks built in the "foot end" that locks their ankles in place, holding them kneeling on the board.  At the "head end" of the board is an O ring that is locked to the collar, keeping them bent over with their head ~10" above the board. 

Their overall position is similar to someone being hog tied while on their knees and their upper body bent over forwards.

What really makes the Punishment Box uncomfortable is that the board isn't smooth.  It's covered in wooden knobs/rods coming out of the wood of varying thicknesses and length ranging from 1" to 12" long.  The ends of the rods are rounded points.  The majority of the rods are strategically placed for maximum discomfort, some in positions where the sub must kneel on the points, others that are meant to poke and prod various sensitive body parts, and a few others to force them to maintain an uncomfortable position (such as a rods directly below the scrotum and anus so any relaxing/sagging will gouge them). The remaining rods are meant to jab and prod if the sub tries to struggle or move about.

The top of the box is split into two halves.  Each half is symmetrical, encompassing one side wall, half of each end wall, and half of the top.  When placed together they can be locked to each other and to the base, forming a closed box.  Inside each half of the box top there are similar rods/knobs jutting out from the sides, front, back, and top performing the same function as the rods located on the base.  The reason the top is in two-halves is so that they can be placed on the base from the side (rather than coming from above) in order to get the rods into specific positions that would have stuck on body parts if it was a single piece.

Each half of the top has some extra features.  Some smaller doors on the sides and top can be opened to inflict additional punishment with pokes and prods from outside the box or for tickling, etc.  Similar doors exist on the front and back for access to the head, genitals, and buttocks. 

In the dreams I have had involving the Punishment Box, the sub was locked inside for up to 24 hours for disciplinary reasons, often with several keepers there to keep him awake and uncomfortable.  They would jab him in the ribs, scratch, sodomize, etc.  By the end of the punishment the sub was completely broken and obedient.

A few variants:
-O-Rings for attachment of the wrists in the upper back corners.
-An O-Ring for ankle/wrist attachment instead of the stocks at the foot end.
-Varying degrees of sharpness of the rods ranging from completely smooth/blunt to fairly sharp.
-Rods that were removable to give the discomfort possibilities a larger range (mild to extreme).
-A softer interior material to give some padding.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Milking and Ruined Orgasms

Milking is a topic that frequently comes up with D/s relationships when enforced chastity or orgasm denial is in play but special attention is paid to prostate health.  As the prostate fills with semen continuously over a period of time without being emptied there are a few things to keep in mind.

If it stays in this full state for too long there can be a toxin buildup that contributes to prostate cancer.  An overly full prostate can also cause swelling and some mild bladder control issues.  It's also believed that prostate issues can lead to urinary tract issues as well.  Basically, it's wise to regularly flush out the prostate in the spirit of good health.

The downside of this is that most subs (myself included) tend to turn into un-affectionate logs immediately following orgasm and proceed into period of lost focus and inconsiderate behavior over the next day or two.  The solutions to this conundrum are milking or ruined orgasms.

To adequately explain these techniques it's important to first understand what constitutes a male orgasm vs. ejaculation.

Ejaculation is the expulsion of semen from the prostate.
The male orgasm occurs due to intense muscle contractions follow by a rapid expulsion of semen from the prostate.

The keys to both techniques is to induce ejaculation without allowing for an orgasm.  Men who have experienced milking or ruined orgasms generally revert immediately back to a sexually frustrated and attentive state almost immediately after ejaculation.  In some cases I have known that some men can even become more affectionate and emotional than normal in its aftermath.

Milking can take a variety of forms.  The most commonly used technique involves stimulation of the prostate through the anus.  There are prostate massagers sold specifically for the purpose of prostate stimulation.  If this massage is done gently and slowly the prostate should drain itself in a way that more closely resembles a weak urine stream than an explosive shot.  Icing down the genitals during milking can further reduce the chance of any pleasure on his part during the milking process.

There is a second method of milking that I will not go into detail about since it has the potential to ruin the male body's ability to orgasm.  My first Mistress and I experimented with this technique trying it once a day for a week.  By the end of the week my ejaculations were like a weak urine stream, dribbling out without any force behind them.  The problem is, when she tried to have me orgasm for real, it also ended up dribbling out without an orgasm.  It took three weeks of trying to retrain my body to orgasm to cum with any amount of force behind it and for a while we were both terrified that I would never be able to orgasm again.  If there is enough demand I will post the technique but not as a milking technique, more as a means to ruining a sub's ability to have an orgasm.

Ruined orgasms seem to have become a bit more popular these days.  When I first entered the lifestyle there was very little information out there about these but over the past few years there's been a spike in popularity in the Femdom community when it comes to these.  The most common technique used to ruin an orgasm works a bit different than milking by allowing the prostate to have its muscle contractions but preventing the rapid expulsion of semen.  This can be done by slowly teasing the sub's penis repeatedly bringing him to the point of climax before stopping.  Eventually his plumbing will get so backed up that he can't control it and have him announce that he can't hold it back any longer.  When that happens you can firmly press a thumb on the underside of the penis at its base near where the scrotum meets the shaft.  You will likely feel some convulsions going on that start rapid and strong and eventually slow down and get weaker.  When they have noticeably weakened, start alternating between pressing and releasing for very quick intervals (holding pressure for longer periods than you let up for).  This may take some experimentation to get it just right.  If done correctly the semen will dribble out in weak spurts and he will not have any of the pleasurable feelings of orgasm.  Afterward, his genitals will probably be very sensitive and he should be in a state closer to his frustrated, denied, and focused state than his normal post-orgasmic obedience crash.

Any of these are useful techniques for keeping the male plumbing in good health while avoiding the usual BS that men put forth after an orgasm.

Semen Production and Orgasm Denial

I was reading a blog located at that talked a bit about prolonged orgasm denial and in the comments a post was made citing the difficulties with prolonged denial.  This is a fairly interesting subject to me so I figured I would write a bit about it.

Something I have learned from chatting with some Dommes and subs that were chastity enthusiasts is that the male body tends to adjust its regular semen production based upon the frequency of its orgasms.  If you were to compare semen production in a sub that orgasms 10 times a day every day for 7 days straight to a sub that has no genital stimulation at all for 6 days and then orgasms once on the 7th day, when you reach day 8, the sub accustomed to many orgasms will naturally produce a much greater amount of semen than the sub that had 1 orgasm.

Whether this can be proven by scientific evidence can be up for debate, the premise itself sounds rather reasonable and makes sense.  I knew a D/s couple that were chastity enthusiasts and she would usually have him orgasming his brains out for a week or two before a very extended period of chastity was to start (at least 3+ months, sometimes 12+ months).  She seemed to enjoy the first few days the most since his body was producing very large amounts of semen and all of a sudden it had nowhere to go as this would drive him crazy. 

I guess if you wanted to garner anything from this if you are a sub and want it to be easier to experience prolonged orgasm denial you are best off having fairly infrequent orgasms.  If you are a Domme and want your sub to ache incredibly hard with sexual frustration, you may want to order him to orgasm several times a day for a week or so before cutting him off cold turkey.  While you might hesitate granting him that much sexual pleasure since he's going to lose focus for a few days after an orgasm, allowing him 5 orgasms in one day won't increase that time of lost focus by more than a day or so.  If you condition him a bit you might find he hits the same level of sexual frustration on day 2 of his orgasm denial period that usually takes him 2-3 weeks to build up to.

I can't say for certain if it works the same way for everyone but it might be an interesting experiment.

Awakening the male Nipples

There's a common belief out there that male nipples aren't as sensitive as female nipples.  I'm not really sure where this started or how this came into being but I've met many people who have held this belief.

I seem to remember reading a little article in a fairly serious publication about 12 years ago that men actually have a higher concentration of nerve endings in the nipples than women since women are designed to breast feed and their nipples are meant to take a bit more "abuse" without experiencing.  It could very well be wrong information.  I tried to do a bit of research on this subject but wasn't able to dig up any scientific evidence in support of either gender having a greater concentration of nerve endings, so for the purpose of this post I will be working under the assumption that male and female nipples can be equally sensitive.

I use the phrase "can be" since many men seem to be a lot less nipple sensitive than women.  Also about 12 years ago (during my piercing phase) I read on a non-scientific website that men's nipples could be as sensitive (if not more sensitive) than women's, but since men have tougher/thicker skin (and often excess chest hair), it can take some work to build the same kind of sensitivity.  Basically they said that male nipples had to be "activated."

As of that time I didn't have very sensitive nipples and I explored some of the methods listed on the site for making them more sensitive.  Some of the methods described were to gently rub the rough skin around the nipples until they are erect and then holding them firmly and gently twisting them from side to side, rubbing them back and forth/up and down through a shirt/sheet/layer of fabric, etc.  It took a couple of months of doing this while I fell asleep at night but very soon after I found nipple stimulation causing intense arousal and after a while my nipples became incredibly sensitive and able to trigger erections if they were teased.

Since then I have become a fairly firm believer in the idea of awakening male nipples through regular contact and nipple stimulation has become one of the more pleasurable aspects of erotic play.

If you are a sub that doesn't have very sensitive nipples (or a Domme whose sub doesn't have very sensitive nipples) this may be a tactic you could try in order to increase arousal and sexual intensity.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Femdom Dream Scenario - Legal Femdom

While my dreams can be quite crazy and out there, there's usually a semblance of realism involved.  While I occasionally will dream about some fantasy land or fantasy planet that doesn't resemble anyplace that currently exists on Earth, the majority of my dreams happen in a situation that closely resembles the real world, or at least would be possible with the right political machinations.

So how would legal Femdom exist?  In most of the countries where enforced slavery could still exist power is usually either militant or patriarchal.  I never picture a Femdom nation as one ruled by guns nor under the premise of religious law.  In my dreams Femdom tends to exist because it's the natural order of things with powerful women able to exploit inferior men.

Here are a few ways that Femdom has found legal backing in my dreams.  Some of them are a bit of a stretch, but at the same time, it could happen.

-An isolated small town.   A small town in the mountains well off the beaten path were the wealth and power are held by women in FLR/WLM's.  Corruption and "good old gal" politics in full effect.  Poor employment opportunities and gender bias prevent men from gaining any kind of power or upward mobility and no one to bail them out.  What if the mayor, city council, sheriff, deputies, judges, and lawyers in town were all women with a chip on their shoulder? 

Unlikely?  Sure.  Possible?  Definitely.

-A sovereign nation.  Where could this and would this be tolerated?  What about a Matriarchal Native American tribe granting a group of Female Supremacists a piece of land on their reservation in exchange for money and/or male labor?  What if in the inescapable contract scenario I wrote about before one of the papers signed by the man was a renouncing of US citizenship and becoming a member of that tribe?

A bit of a stretch?  Sure.  Possible?  Yes.

-An unstable foreign country.  What about a poor, corrupt, and semi-unstable country, such as one of the former Soviet republics?  With enough money wetting the beaks of corrupt politicians and law enforcement officials wouldn't it be possible to get away with just about anything?  Suppose a man gets duped into traveling there for a Femdom experience...

Likely?  Probably not.  Possible?  Sure.

-The unfavorable pre-nup.  Some states have some pretty wacky laws still on the books after 100+ years.  Suppose a woman had in-depth knowledge of nearly every loophole and legal twist that could be enforceable by law?  A man marries that woman but she requires him to sign a pre-nup.  He is a bit too trusting and finds himself in a situation where she pretty much owns his life, has a right to beat him and hold him captive under the terms of the pre-nup.  If he escapes she can legally have him returned by force by either the police or bounty hunters. 

Realistic?  Not really.  Possible?  Yes.

An ultra-conservative government.  An ultra-conservative government begins persecuting those they see as sexual deviants.  Men are the primary targets since they are responsible for the majority of violent and sexual crimes.  Laws are passed biased against men and focusing on homosexuals and those involved with fetish-lifestyles.  Men are tried under un-winnable circumstances and sent to labor camps for rehabilitation with female overseers/guards.

Realistic?  Probably not anytime soon.  Possible?  Definitely... seeing as how something similar has happened over the past hundred years in the first world minus the all female guards.

An ultra-liberal government.  I will admit that I read about this in a piece of Femdom fiction and after that it began to show up every so often in dreams.  Homosexuality becomes accepted nationwide and becomes a legally-protected union by the government.  It is later argued that submission/consensual slavery is a sexual preference and it too wins acceptance on legal grounds.  Hoards of submissive men (and a much smaller number of submissive women) soon volunteer to lose their Constitutional rights and choose to live as slaves. 

Realistic?  Not particularly.  Possible?  Maybe. 

I know these might not be as fun as some elaborate medieval fantasy castle but in some ways they're a bit more interesting when looking at what could be out there in the future.

Clothing Locks - Discrete vs. Obvious

In my "what is it about bondage?" post I had touched on my growing bondage desires and wishing to have locks integrated into most situations.  Something that has been on my mind for a while is the use of clothing locks, that is, using locks to prevent the removal of certain articles of clothing.

While locks are locks, it seems there's potentially different experiences depending upon if the locks are obvious and apparent versus being discrete and unseen.

If you have ever experienced either of these in a public setting, please let me know as I am curious about your experiences.

It seems to me that flagrantly obvious locks would be the most outwardly humiliating since they would be easily noticed.  Having cuffs and a collar locked on over a shirt or jacket.  A belt locked on over your pants or jacket.  Locks on a pair of high heels, etc.  It shouts out "hey, somebody made me do this and I couldn't take them off even if I wanted to!"  At the same time it also conveys the message of "I went along with this," since no article of clothing is indestructible.  The cheers and jeers would probably show up in spades.

So what about hidden locks?  Thinking about these make me believe that the humiliation would be quite a bit different and much more internal.  While it would probably draw less attention, when you did draw attention I think this could be potentially more humiliating.  A thin wire run through the belt loops and locked together underneath a normal belt.  A wire locked snugly around the wrists over the sleeves with the cuffs turned back to hide the locks.  A wire locked snugly around the neck underneath a collar.  What does this say about the wearer? 

Instead of being forced, it looks like you are doing it by choice.  Forced feminization now looks like voluntary cross-dressing.  Reactions you get from people will be different.  They'll think you're a transvestite or gay instead of a sub/slave. 

I can only imagine having a pair of my thick pink mittens secretly locked around my wrists and having to pay for an item while out shopping, fumbling to get my wallet and do anything coordinated.  Even if she doesn't ask the salesgirl will be wondering why I don't just take the mittens off and if she does ask, what do I say?  Because I can't?

Discrete public bondage also can serve a very humiliating purpose.  Imagine the ankles being tethered together with some very fine clear fishing line forcing you to take very small steps.  You would probably stick out something awful but no one would know why you were walking that way unless they inspected you closely.  What if your wrist on your dominant hand was tethered just above the waist line to your genitals by a similar fishing line forcing you to perform all actions with your off-hand? 

I have a feeling that observers would probably believe the visible locks to be more humiliating whereas the actual wearer might feel it's the other way around.

Sissy Fashion - The Muff

An item that I have always dreaded being used on me for humiliating purposes is the muff. 

The muff has been around for hundreds of years.  It's one of those things that started out practical, became fashionable, and now is neither fashionable nor practical.  I'm guessing that 500 years ago that people still wished to keep their hands warm and it was probably easier to make a muff than it was a glove.  During the 18th, 19th, and early 20th century the muff was fashionable for women but at the same time, expectations and views of women were vastly different than they are today.

A muff is sort of a version of extreme femininity with a subservient undertone.  Much like how the parasol has gone nearly extinct in favor of hats, sunscreen, and wearing less clothing, the muff only tends to surface when people (often children) are "dressing up" for church, a night at the theater, etc. or in weddings.  In most portrayals of muffs (or parasols) the general idea is for a woman to be comfortable but at the same time it occupies her hands and limits what she can do.  It wreaks of "your job is to be here and look pretty, but remember you're a woman, you're not supposed to do anything else."  While a woman with her hands occupied is a gateway to chivalrous actions by men, I don't know many women who would be happy relegated to the background as an ornament.

In today's society women are independent go-getters.  They want to be in the thick of it, acting as part of the story rather than watching it.  They do what they want to do.  It's hard to picture a woman going from store to store in a mall shopping with both hands buried in a muff or trying to wear one while club-hopping downtown.  A muff is awkward, lacks sufficient storage space (even the ones with pockets), and even if it has a shoulder or neck strap a muff gets dirty/ruined easily.  It isn't hard to see why the muff was supplanted by the glove and purse combo in cold weather.

One time my first Mistress and I were at a fur and leather shop and the salesman showed her a muff hoping she would buy it.  I think her thoughts on it are probably similar to those of most women.
Her: "Wow, this is warm.  But what do I do with it when I need to do something?"
Him: "It has a wrist strap for those times."
She puts it on her wrist and starts moving her hands, watching it pendulum around awkwardly she is unconvinced.  She nudges me and whispers "Or you could hold it for me."
I blush and remain silent.
Her: "So would I wear this and carry a purse?  That's kind of a pain in the ass."
Him: "That doubles as a purse.  There's a zippered pocket inside to hold your personal items."
He turns it inside out and shows her the pocket.
Her: "So I could carry my cel phone or my keys or half of my wallet in there..."
Him: "Umm, it's not the biggest pocket..."
Her: "I don't get it."
Him: "What don't you get?"
Her: "I don't understand why a woman would want one of these."

What about for a sissy?  The muff occupies his hands, keeping them out of trouble.  Muffs are uber-feminine and stand out heavily in contemporary society, making them prime for humiliation.  With those factors in mind, the muff sets up nicely for a well-behaved sissy who is so self-conscious that he wouldn't think of misbehaving and even if he wanted to, there isn't much that he could do.  To me, a sissy in a muff says "I'm a naughty sissy with wandering hands."

Muffs also work well for discrete bondage in public.  Chain his wrists together inside the muff to take away any use of his hands.  Run a belt through it and suspend it at his waist height with the buckle at his back.  There's many possibilities. 

Long ago I once read a sub's story about being humiliated with a muff.  His Wife/Mistress started making him wear one in public when they would go shopping and one time she caught him trying to hide it under his coat.  After that she started painting his fingernails, so if he took the muff off everyone would see his painted fingernails.

Femdom Dream Scenario - The Inescapable Contract

In addition to bondage, a variety of scenarios have shown up with frequency in my dreams.  Many of them answer the "so how did he get into that situation?" question.

One common scenario is the inescapable contract.  This usually manifests itself in one of a few ways but I will describe one that has been particularly common.

A man with submissive fantasies is reading the newspaper or browsing the internet when he stumbles across a vague job listing that advertises live-in employment opportunities for submissive men or sissies.  e.g. "GET PAID FOR LIVING OUT YOUR FEMDOM FANTASY."  The man calls the number where he informed of a very brief job description and requirements and schedules an interview. 

He arrives at the office to find the waiting room jammed full of other applicants.  At the interview he is greeted by an attractive woman who uses seductive Femdom powers to get him aroused.  She grills him quite heavily with personal questions about himself and his fantasies and he manages to be "submissive enough" to pass the screening process.  She gives him a very brief chance to ask some basic questions before offering him the job.  When he hesitates she tells him he must decide immediately and sign the labor contract or she will force him to leave and he will never again be considered for the job. 

He throws caution to the wind and agrees to sign, figuring it's the opportunity of a lifetime:  getting paid to be dominated rather than having to pay to be dominated by a pro Dominatrix.  She sets down an incredibly thick contract and begins quickly paging through to where he must sign without giving him a chance to read it.  He reluctantly signs at each page where she stops.  There are a few more documents that have cover sheets with boxes cut out for him to sign the page underneath but the rest of the page is not visible to him.  Still in his aroused state, he signs all of the required documents.

In every case he has signed a water-tight legally binding contract that covers every possible contingency and he is not granted any opportunity to opt-out of the contract.   

This is where things diverge in my dreams.  In some cases he is immediately escorted to a processing area by a few security guards.  In other cases he is given 24 hours to get his personal details into order and sent on his way.  Upon starting the job his ID, SS card, birth certificate, phone, wallet, etc. are all confiscated and locked away.

Usually, the terms of the contract are fairly consistent.

He has committed his labor services either in exchange for room & board or for salaried minimum wage not knowing that he will be worked 70+ hours a week.  Application fees, processing fees, uniform costs, training costs, additional restraints/devices, health care, room & board (in cases where it was not in exchange for this), electricity and water usage, etc. are all charged to him.  On day one of the job he finds himself hopelessly in debt and a significant deficit every week adding onto that total.  Even if he could escape (he would usually be restrained) he has already signed away his power of attorney and would be unable to buy himself out of the contract. 

Overall, I think there would be a good number of men who could be duped into such a situation.  I guess this is why I tend to pity the male for his genitalia-led thinking patterns.  

Dream Bondage Device - Nipple Cuffs

Another fictitious bondage device that has shown up in my dreams are called Nipple Cuffs.  Nipple cuffs are sort of a glorified nipple clamp meant to act as both a source of discomfort as well as restraint.

I can draw some sketches if people request that but at the same time I tend to enjoy the exercise of visualizing something based upon a textual description.  Everyone seems to come up with their own unique interpretation and that is often way more fun than spoiling it with a drawing.

In my dreams there have been several variations of nipple cuffs but the basic design has remained the same.  There have also been both male and female versions of nipple cuffs, the latter having shown up both in dreams involving female subs or as a nipple stimulant.

The basic design of the nipple cuff is a small dome-shaped device.  At the fat end, there is a set of jaws that resemble a drill chuck.  The fat end is pressed against the chest over the nipple and tightened with a key similar to how you would tighten a drill bit into a drill chuck.  When the jaws are tightened to an appropriate amount (when the device won't fall off), a key locks that tension in, keeping the nipple cuff attached to the nipple.

On the domed end of the nipple cuff there is an O-ring or eye-bolt.  Pulling or twisting on the O causes the jaws to tighten even more.  In most cases, the pair of nipple cuffs are attached together by a chain connected to the O-rings. 

The male version of nipple cuffs have their own distinguishing characteristics.  The jaws are coated in a very high friction rubber with tiny studs, ensuring a firm grip on the nipple.  Each pair of nipple cuffs is fairly heavy and acts as a pair of weighted nipple clamps.  A firm tug on the connecting chain can deliver some serious pain.  Releasing the chain would cause the jaws to return to their original locked tension.  The male version is contoured to fit only flat chests.

-A bra-like harness used to assist holding them in place (necessary in cases of extreme nipple torture).
-Embellishments such as frilly/furry covers or bells to increase humiliation.
-Uniforms with holes to expose the nipples and attach the nipple cuffs over the clothes.

The female version of nipple cuffs are similar to male nipple cuffs but with a few key differences.  The female version's jaws are made of a semi-flexible material and often featuring a cover that is more pleasing to the touch, such as fur, silk, angora, etc.  These are designed to stimulate and pleasure the nipples rather than inflict pain and don't include the locking features.  While pulling on the chain will cause the jaws to tighten, it is by a significantly lesser margin than the male version.  A firm tug on the chain would only increase the pressure on the nipples by a slight margin and might be quite stimulating (where it might crush the nipples in the male version).  The female version is contoured to only fit on breasts.

Dream Bondage Device - Human Footrest Restraints

Another device (well, a particular combination of devices) that has shown up in my dreams is a restraint system used to hold a sub in an uncomfortable position that is prime for use as an ottoman/footrest. 

I can draw some sketches if people request that but at the same time I tend to enjoy the exercise of visualizing something based upon a textual description.  Everyone seems to come up with their own unique interpretation and that is often way more fun than spoiling it with a drawing.

The basic premise is a T-shaped metal frame that lays on the ground.  The single leg of the T locks directly to the front ring of a collar.  The cross of the T acts as a spreader bar and the ankles are locked to each end.  To complete the restraint the hands are pulled down between the legs and each wrist is locked to the frame near the intersection of the single leg and cross of the T. 

In this position the sub would be on his knees with his legs forcibly spread, butt up in the air, his hands pulled down even with his ankles, and his face pressed against the ground.

The sub could either have his head or rear facing the chair, depending upon the Domme's preferences. 

Dream Bondage Device - The Venus Ball Trap

In my earlier post about dreams I briefly mentioned some of my "dream world" bondage devices and I figured I would write about one here.  I can draw some sketches if people request that but at the same time I tend to enjoy the exercise of visualizing something based upon a textual description.  Everyone seems to come up with their own unique interpretation and that is often way more fun than spoiling it with a drawing.

Akasha has always seemed to get my mind racing with some of her descriptions in her stories.  If you aren't familiar with her writings, her website is

Anyways, onto the description. 

One item that has shown up a few times in my dreams was a device that I ended up naming the Venus Ball Trap (I named it after I had the dream as it was not named within the dream).  The Venus Ball Trap is a hinged metal device, shaped a lot like a clam.  The hinge is spring loaded with variable tension: it's "jaws" could be fairly loose or clench together very tightly, depending upon how this was adjusted, similar to some of the alligator style nipple clamps on the market. 

Behind the joint lies an eye-bolt to be used as an attachment point.  The eye-bolt interacts a bit with the jaws of the trap, if there is tension pulling on the bolt it will cause the jaws to tighten together.  If the tension is released on the bolt, the jaws will loosen to their initial setting.

Inside the dream the Venus Ball Trap was placed over the scrotum and tightened down, holding the balls inside the clam.  A chain was then attached to the eye-bolt and used as a tether to another object (in my dreams this is usually a wall-ring).  If the sub attempts to move away from the wall-ring, the trap gets incredibly tight, pinching the balls and scrotum and he must move closer to the wall-ring in order to make the pinching stop.

I would also say it could be used in many other ways, including C&B torture, a leash attachment, connected to the wrists, etc.

There have been a few variants in my dreams.  Sometimes it is all metal, other times there is a rubber layer along the edge of the clam to cause my grip/friction, other times there is rubber layering the entirety of the inside to give more tug on the testicles.  It has shown up as a locking version but I'm not sure exactly how the lock worked (in the dream it just happened to lock).  More extreme variants have included dull spikes/teeth either inside the clam or along the edges, inducing additional pain and discomfort if the trap is tightened.  My Mistress that I first shared this device with loved the idea but wanted sharp metal spikes (yikes) instead of dull metal or rubber spikes/studs.

In reality I realize it would probably be unsafe to ever have it clamp down completely as it could cause loss of circulation to the testicles.
If you can imagine yourself (or your sub) with wrists chained behind the back and scrotum clamped down on by the Venus Ball Trap chained to the wall, struggling against the perimeter of the tether and unable to escape its discomfort, you probably get the jist of what I have dreamed about.

Please let me know what you think.

Dreams (the sleep kind, not the future aspiration kind)

Something that has puzzled me a bit over the years are my dreams.  Ever since I entered the Femdom lifestyle my dreams have grown incredibly vivid and intense.  Many of the scenarios and situations in my dreams go well beyond what I actually would wish for but at the same time they are often arousing to recall, especially during periods where I was ordered to keep a journal and write about what I dreamed about.

I've always wondered that if recurring themes show up in my dreams, are those really things that I secretly want?  Are they latent fantasies lying dormant in my subconscious?  Are they merely symbolic of some of the aspects I desire all the time? 

I guess I haven't done enough study on Freud or metaphysical studies to have gone really in depth on dream interpretation and maybe it's something I should read up on.

Does anyone else experience this?

What is scary is that the intensity of my dreams has seemed to increase at the same rate as my desired intensity in D/s situations, but the dreams always seem to be about 10 steps ahead of what I wish for in real life.  The dreams are most intense during periods of extended orgasm denial and/or around a full moon.  Maybe I'm just a little crazy. 

Something else that I've found a bit odd is that my dreams tend to really center around the process of power transfer and sometimes creative bondage devices that don't exist (yet) in the real world.

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Pillory

The pillory has always been an intrigued me as a bondage device.  It has a very simple yet effective design that dates back hundreds of years and keeps the victim in a completely helpless and exposed state in addition to its physical discomforts.  I think what I find most interesting about the pillory was the way it was implemented: to put criminals or wrong-doers on public display with an emphasis on humiliation.

While being immobilized in an uncomfortable position is very taxing on the body it was likely equally painful to experience the jeers and insults of onlookers, and in some cases, their physical attacks would contribute to the pain and feelings of helplessness.

The pillory is still commonly used in the BDSM community as a restraint device and in my opinion, it is probably the most versatile piece of dungeon furniture when it comes to various types of play, punishment, or inspection.  A sub in a pillory is totally exposed, leaving free access to his nipples, genitals, and ass.  They are in a position to be humiliated by observers, unable to escape their expressions, words, and invasive touches.  A Domme can also inflict punishment by simply walking away, leaving the sub to stew in his thoughts while helplessly immobilized and isolated. 

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Anticipating Needs or Waiting for Orders - the Judgment Call

As a sub, you may at some time find yourself confronted with situations regarding your actions, namely whether or not your actions should anticipate your Domme's needs or if you should wait to act until instructed to do so.

If your Domme fits a certain personality type you may find this judgment call doesn't happen often, if at all. 

In these scenarios it's a bit easier.  If she enjoys a lot of control and micro-management of your life, you will rarely face a judgment call or action that must respond quickly to given circumstances without instruction.  If she is enjoys a more passive and laid back style, you will probably grow accustomed to acting in anticipation of her needs, e.g. having her slippers and favorite beverage ready as soon as she walks in the door.

Things get a bit more difficult if your Domme tends to drift between these depending upon her mood. 

This is definitely something to watch out for and may take a long time to grow accustomed to.  Knowing on which days yes means no and no means yes, on which days she will expect total autonomy forcing you to act in anticipation of her needs, and which days she will exert strict authority and scorn any independent actions can be a tricky situation to overcome. 

Knowing what to expect from D/s life isn't always easy and the better you can read your Domme in order to perform accordingly the better.