Saturday, August 27, 2011


I've been doing some posting again finally (of things other than drawings).

I know there's a lot of other bloggers out there where I used to read and leave comments and it's been months since I really kept up and engaged in discussions.  I will try and start doing that again but I'm not sure when just yet.  I just haven't felt up to it still but hopefully soon.

Large group drawing

Well, this is the multi-character one I had mentioned in an earlier post.

I did ones both with and without captions.

Frustration/Desperation drawing

I meant to post this one last night but didn't get around to doing the finishing touches on it.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Dominating the loser vs. Conquering the winner

It's well-documented that one of the great male flaws (possibly due to biological programming) is a common male-tendency to "the chase" part of the relationship and then the hunter loses interest and falls into lazy bad habits after winning over the woman he sought.

While I understand that during the courting process everyone wants to show up with their "A game" and wow the other with a glimpse of their dream guy/girl, it got me thinking about a few different scenarios and I'm sort of curious as how the dominant mind works in this regards.  I have this nagging feeling that Dommes are a bit more rational when it comes to courting and living with their desired mate.

A couple of scenarios that often pop up in Femdom fiction and fantasy (and that somewhat mirror the possibilities vanilla men have when dating) are:
1.  Dominating the submissive loser.
2.  Breaking the "winner" and making him submit.

For the intents and purposes of this discussion I will look at these situations under the assumptions that the woman intends to dominate her partner without being forthcoming about it and the male entered into this situation under vanilla pretenses with no BDSM undertones.

The first situation is a bit easier to analyze.  "Alpha" female finds shy, semi-reclusive male with limited personality and a weak backbone and quickly wins him over, only to gradually escalate her power over him until he's a blubbering coward, emasculated at every turn and unable to stand up to her.  She stays in this because it is easy, she can be is as selfish as she wants to be, and she knows he will remain faithful no matter what. 

The second situation is a very common theme for aggressive "chaser" men that see women as a conquest, the harder she is to get, the more he wants her.  How would this relate to this premise?  Strong, intelligent woman finds a confident and self-assured male that she wants to take down a peg.  She's possibly attracted to him physically but finds his personality in strong need of modification.  She seduces him, traps him, and through some means (probably blackmail) he finds himself unable to leave and at her mercy.  He is her trophy. 

While both of these situations might be good masturbation fodder and easy foundations to build a story upon, they just don't sit quite right with me.  With the Dommes I've known over the years, here's my thoughts on them.

The loser male doesn't hold a lot of appeal.  If he doesn't offer anything meaningful to the relationship and isn't truly submissive out of love, she probably won't want to be with him for a long period of time. A man that lacks personality, generally isn't very interesting.  He's not really worth "knocking him down a peg" because he really doesn't have anywhere lower he can go.  There's no emotional charge in subduing him nor is he someone to be proud of subduing.  I just don't see this as the most realistic outcome. 

If he is intelligent and kind, thoughtful and courteous, loving, and submissive, is he really a loser?  I don't think most Dommes would consider him to be one at that point, and thus he breaks the stereotype set out by the first scenario.

On a side note, I'm sure there are Dommes out there that have taken this approach and have been completely happy with it.  I'm not bad-mouthing the idea of it, I'm mainly just criticizing the male fantasy ideal of that situation.  Out of the two scenarios, I do think this is the more realistic one since men of this nature are generally willing to change themselves and most Dommes who want quality service would rather dominate someone who is naturally submissive rather than naturally dominant.

The winner male situation may hold some allure, but it's probably an awful lot of work to pull it off.  If she's able to find him so despicable as a human being that this is her motivation for doing so, I doubt she would choose him as a life partner.  That isn't to say that a long-time Domme wouldn't love the chance to do this, but I have the feeling that a male sub of this nature would probably be difficult to train.

So what is more realistic? 

I think the sub that would attract the most Dommes probably falls somewhere in between but leaning more towards the loser (without actually being a loser).  A man who will let her lead from the get go, but is also able to enrich her life and provide interesting interactions outside of the dungeon or bedroom.  He doesn't have to be hunted/chased, but he also doesn't bend over for anyone/everyone.  Basically, he's a well-rounded human being with a submissive nature. 

I could be way off base on this, but I'm curious overall what people think of this. 

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Exploring Fantasy: The Girly Girl Domme, the Power Domme, and The Lipstick Lesbian

A current drawing I am working on got me thinking a little bit about things lately, especially in terms of what things have turned me on while working on them.

The Cheerleader drawing brought forth something I haven't done much of in drawings, that being the "Girly Girl" in a dominant role.  I don't have anything against this fantasy, but I guess it's something that just doesn't come to mind automatically for me.  I will admit, the idea does give me a hard-on.  From my experiences this fantasy is very common for sissies.  Dreaming about the "popular girl with her friends" type of dominant: she's a bit spoiled, a bit selfish, cute, bubbly, playful and probably with a nasty wicked streak.  I can understand the allure here as those characteristics often lead to mild dominance even in vanilla settings.  I do think these types of fantasies tend to revolve more around humiliation (and possibly blackmail) fantasies and less about pure D/s types of fantasies.  e.g. the sorority girl tricks the loser guy into being her slave, forcing him to wear panties and give her oral sex.  While this does arouse me, I think I'm a little too seasoned within the lifestyle to really see this as something realistic.

In contrast, I think I tend to over-represent the Power Domme in my drawings.  She's cool, capable, confident, and demanding.  If she works, she's successful.  If she doesn't work, she rules with an iron fist.  She dresses sleek and a sophisticated sexy and dominance is just a way of life.  This too wreaks of idealized fantasy. 

I think it's easier to polarize in fantasy and drawings than to try and capture a realistic Domme.  The woman that's a little bit girly and a little bit cool.  One that carries girly feminine charms along with a serious mean streak.  I think most women fall comfortably in between the girly girl and power Domme.  They don't need our approval, it's the subs that need their approval.  While my visual stimulation might be peaked by unrealistic fantasy idealizations, my mental stimulation definitely flows with my last statement.  You accept her as she is but she only accepts you as what she wants you to be. I think that thought arouses me to my core.

Moving on a bit...

Every time I do a lesbian drawing I feel a bit like a jackass.  I've had quite a few lesbian friends over the years and I do have to say that my masturbation fantasy lesbians aren't really anything like actual lesbians.  I know this, but I'm still drawn to this ideal.  If you aren't familiar with the lesbian lifestyle, you might not be aware that most lesbian relationships involve something resembling gender roles.  You have the butch (masculine lesbian) and the femme (feminine lesbian).  While many lesbians aren't overtly one or the other, if you happen to befriend them it shouldn't take too long to figure out if they're the pitcher or catcher. 

It's hard to make any generalizations about lesbians since you'll find as many variations as there are stars in the sky, but I'm about to make a couple of them.  Femme lesbians tend to be slightly less feminine than most straight women and butch lesbians tend to be significantly less feminine than most straight women (one of my lesbian friends once told me the joke: Q: What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails?  A: single).  You can read this as my admission that any lesbian-esque portrayals I might draw are more likely bisexual women at best as they're way too feminine to be realistic.  Most lesbian couples I have met tend to be much more emotionally and personality balanced than most gay male or straight couples.  That is, while the femme isn't necessarily submissive, she's rarely dominant unless that's her natural personality (and a dominant femme often matches up better with a dominant butch).  While there might be more butches that are a bit more dominant, I tend to think of them more as tops than dominants, and in any case, it would be a rare case for a butch to involve a male in any type of activity that might be deemed even the slightest bit sexual.  With more masculine and aggressive butches, it's probably more likely that they would kick the shit out of a sissy for being an insult to women than force them into any type of submission.
So... I guess I'm wondering that even though I know how the world works and some of the people in it, why my fantasies still delve so far into the realm of imaginary beings.