Thursday, March 17, 2011

Pegging picture

I don't know why a lot of my drawings have some form of strap-on play.  It's really not an activity that I enjoy that much aside from the sub-space depth that it pushes me to but it keeps popping up somehow.

Requests for picture ideas, inspiration, etc.

I had someone contact me for a portrait request of his Mistress last week for her birthday that is coming up.  That really made me feel good and I was a bit shocked as I'm still not confident in my abilities.  I won't be posting it until after the said birthday, but he was able to tell it was her and also that it was him kneeling beside her and that's about all I can really hope for at this point.

My drawing muse has started to dry up a bit.  I've gotten halfway through a couple of pictures and then just gotten tired of them before I was finished. 

If anyone has any ideas or requests I can see what I can do.  Either a verbal description or some pictures/photos to use as inspiration would be appreciated if anyone would like to share.

Redrawing an old drawing

I did a re-draw of my first drawing that I posted trying to integrate some of the techniques that I've developed since then.

I think it came out quite a bit better but also shows me just how much farther I have to go.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

CFNM drawing

Reactions and the Likeliness of Rejection

I was recently asked by someone Giles English over at Chastity Belt Erotica how vanilla women typically react to a man being a cross-dresser or sissy. 

After giving it some thought I realized that the spectrum of reactions are usually the same to pretty much all fetish activities that fall outside the realm of "standard" sexual practice.  Luckily I've never really been "discovered" by anyone vanilla.  All of my relationships since my first Mistress were basically founded upon shared kink.  I have shared some more intimate details of things with a couple of female friends over the years and luckily have never had a negative reaction, but I doubt they could be classified as the norm.

In the context of introducing your own fetish ideas to a woman that you are involved with, there's a few things to consider.

If you have a long-standing relationship, the longer you go without giving any indication about the fetish, the greater the chance that they will have feelings of betrayal and/or deceit that "color" their reactions.  These may magnify a reaction in a negative way or in rare cases it might be a "oh, that explains a lot" reaction in a good or at least neutral way.  As relationship length and intimacy grow longer, the strength of such feelings will likely increase.  Think: "I didn't know this is who I've been with for all this time..."

In a newer relationship the likeliness of them flat out rejecting you and/or betraying your confidence is higher since they aren't as emotionally invested and probably don't know you (or value you) as well as they would have if your relationship had gone on for years.  Think: "Get away from me, you pervert!"

While neither of these characteristics can guarantee an outcome, they just make certain outcomes more probable.

The three primary reactions that I would see as most common are:
A. Disgust. 
B. Curiosity. 
C. Playful amusement.

Disgust is most greatly influenced by feelings of betrayal/distrust/deceit.
Curiosity is more likely in newer relationships.
Playful amusement is equally likely in each case, but it's rare to come across a woman that is confident enough to take things in stride and be exhilarated more than freaked out.

In all cases there will likely be a period of anger/rejection on her part while she processes things but she will probably communicate about it before giving a final reaction.

Another major factor determining what her most likely reaction will be is the extremity of the fetish activity.

Everyone's scale of extremity probably looks different, but here's my own interpretation as to how I think "most people" might view things of a kinky nature with 1 being most mild and 10 being most extreme:
1.  Teasing, blindfolds, massage, body worship
2.  Light bondage, ice, mild nipple play
3.  Tease & denial, prolonged oral, mild spanking
4.  Moderate bondage, wax play, intense nipple play
5.  Humiliation, chastity, intense corporal punishment
6.  Forced feminization, face sitting, puppy/pony play
7.  Pegging, extreme bondage, blackmail (or at least the fantasy of)
8.  Cuckolding, forced bi, piercing, 24/7
9.  Branding, permanent chastity, scat play, water sports, knife/needle play
10. Heavy torture, maiming, castration, long-term imprisonment, forced transgender

The farther you go up the list the more likely you will be met with a negative reaction.  While there are cases where you might just luck out with her number one secret fantasy of all time, I wouldn't bank on it.  Basically, the more deviant the activity and its shock value, the greater risk you are taking when opening up about your secrets.

At the same time, the longer you spend keeping it a secret, the greater the chance that any negativity will be increased by feelings of betrayal and deceit. This is where it becomes a fine line.  Wait too long and you might floor her.  Do it too soon and she might drop you on the spot.

On the submissive side of things, the longer you put it off the greater chance you have of increasing fetish intensity or even advancing your fantasies to a more extreme level.  It also takes a lot of time being deceitful/ashamed and makes it even harder to share in the future.

While there's many men out there that tend to stick in this limbo between being forthcoming or keeping it completely secret, I believe they're almost better off to get it out of the way sooner rather than later.  If she processes things and accepts it, this will minimize the damage if the relationship can be salvaged.  On the chance that she may reject you for it, at least keeping secrets is over and you can start trying to find a relationship that will be fulfilling and secret-free from the start.

Also, the lower on the scale of intensities that you are when you choose to communicate, the better.  If you are riding at say a level 4 and keep it a secret from your lover, time, fantasy, and masturbating to it in secret has a nasty habit of turning a 4 into a 5, 6, 7, or 8 over a few years, which will make it even harder to communicate about openly.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I stayed up way too late finishing this one...

So... I should have gone to bed several hours ago but I wanted to finish this one.  I think I wrote in one of my dream bondage posts about a punishment box.  This is one form that has shown up in my dreams.

As for the drawing, I have one that isn't cropped at the legs... but I added the legs as an afterthought at the last minute (I had planned to have it cut off there) and didn't like how they turned out.  I can post the "with legs" version if people want to see it.  This version feels better focused.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Thoughts on drawing...

I was doing some thinking lately about how to improve my drawings.

Most illustrations and artwork have different body proportions than "actual" life.  A lot of this dates back to the ancient Greeks and their contributions through sculpture.  For example, if you scale the head size down to 7/8ths of actual but leave the body scale at 1:1, the form looks more impressive.

Something I've also noticed through my previous forays into drawing are that most illustrated works have limbs that are more slender than they appear in a photograph (to compensate for the "TV adds 20 lbs" syndrome that happens when a 3D object is flattened out to 2D). 

Since most of my drawing so far has been based heavily upon models/photographs or in some cases, I've just flat out traced for practice, it has me asking myself (and others) a few questions.

Should I aspire for realism or shoot for the idealized/romanticized a la Sardax or Alberto Vargas' pinup art?

Should I simply let my own style "develop" as I keep going or try to change it now to make my works more attractive?

FInished another drawing yesterday

Sunday, March 13, 2011

More drawing fun

Cuckold and multi-sub scenarios

Recently, on Domina and anthony's blog The Path Least Chosen they have been discussing the idea of introducing an additional sub into the mix.  This got me thinking a bit about my own D/s relationship both in the past and in the future.

Early on in our relationship when I knew that Mistress had a few kinks that fell into my list of hard limits I had given consent for her to play with other subs as long as it was merely as a Domme playing with a sub and not any romantic or emotional involvement.  She has played with at least four other subs in the 5 years we've been together and in most cases I didn't mind.  The most recent (about 18 months ago) did end up bothering me.  She had changed jobs and our schedules didn't line up very well, so we didn't have much quality time available to us.  Someone on a fur fetish forum contacted me and after some discussion we negotiated a trade.  She would peg him and he would give her a fur coat.  It started out as a casual friendship with some planned out play days but eventually Mistress started spending almost all of her free time with him and I would end up babysitting her son.  This started to hurt my feelings after a while and I voiced that opinion to her.  The idea was that I was to remain her number one and instead we ended up having no play together over the course of a couple of months and she played a couple of times a week with the new guy.  Eventually he found a vanilla girlfriend and that pretty much ended that.  This freedom for her to play eventually led to her drunken attempt to peg one of our vanilla friends while we had a group of friends over last October that I wrote about.  I'm not quite sure my feelings upon having any type of outside relationship with another male sub at this point.

However, as is probably visible in my drawings, my mind has been delving into the realm of adding a female sub into the mix.

A couple of years ago she posted a profile on collarme seeking a female sub to add into the mix but we had little luck.  She would get about 25 male subs a day asking if they could do it and a total of one female sub replied, who happened to be a woman that we had already met with before and rejected us because she didn't find me attractive (even though what we were working towards wasn't any type of involvement with me).  Mistress is bi and has had sexual and kinky experiences with other women in the past.

I guess what I've realized is that I would like to work towards a scenario similar to what I have written about in my "lesbian fantasy" posts.  It is actually something I would like to have happen pretty badly and I would be willing to relinquish my role as number one sub if this were to come about.

A femsub to serve Mistress and outrank me, one that is rather mean in her attempt to dominate Mistress's attention.  Of course, there would have to be fur involved :)

Mistress and I haven't quite healed our relationship fully yet but I think this is something I would like to speak about more seriously in the future.  I should add that I do know that the thought of this type of situation does turn her on quite a bit.

Reflections on fur

Mistress ended up having to work tonight when she thought she had it off.  It gets lonely, especially on weekends.  In case anyone has ever wondered, this is why I am usually only available to blog three to four nights a week, as I don't blog when she is home.

Something else has caught my memory from my chat with Miss Lilly the other night.  I was speaking a bit about the forced feminization in my relationship and reflecting upon it I stated something along the lines of:  if I had known that it would become such a large part of my sexuality I may have refused it from the start.

I was thinking again tonight about how this came into being and I wondered how different things would have been if I had done that.

My primary fetish involving fur always has been for women wearing it.  How different would I be now if I simply served a Venus in furs and the humiliation aspects of forced crossdressing hadn't been involved?

Honestly, I think I would be okay with it but I don't think my level of submission would be as deep as it is now nor the breadth of activities that I arouse me.

Considering that each of the Dommes I have served have seemingly "kept going where the other left off" in terms of using my fur fetish in a twisted way to turn me into a sissy, I have to wonder if others would have kept the same path or not.