Saturday, October 2, 2010

Pleasure by Denial: Having fun by taking away his fun

He's laying spread eagle on the bed.  Arms and legs tied to each bed post, a blindfold over his eyes.  He's not allowed to talk.  She's kept him heavily teased and denied for days.  She reaches out and touches his penis and it immediately springs to attention.  Slowly she strokes it until it is rock hard.  He moans and presses his hips towards the sky.  She increases her pace, he begins to pant.  He is swollen and throbbing, aching with desperation.  He takes a deep breath and emits a low grown.  She stops.  He bucks his hips, fucking the air, whimpering, squealing, to no avail.  She is ready.  She smirks, climbs onto the bed, and straddles his face.  She cums to her heart's content.

Why is this situation so right?  Why is his pleasure merely a game of power and control that she always wins?  Why do we love it?

I've never met a woman that didn't enjoy this situation, vanilla or Domme.  It always seems to appeal to women.  However, many women, mostly vanilla but some Dommes (especially newer ones) wouldn't feel completely okay about this situation unless the story continued with a sexual reward for him.  Assuming he is a sub, here's why it shouldn't matter.

His primary pleasure is submission and that is being granted.  Everything that he needs to be happy is already there.  He's allowed to be with a woman.  She's dominating him.  He's given the pleasure of pleasuring her. 

Femdom Dream Scenario - Exposed Outing

To the new readers, my dream scenarios are situations that have occurred at some point in time during one of my twisted dreams.  Both situations and bondage devices tend to be a bit fantastic, but hey, they're dreams and in dreams anything can happen.  Most of these situations have shown up in dreams multiple times, so I will give a basic account and then cover a few of the variations that I found interesting.

In this scenario, a man is feminized and taken for an outing (usually shopping at a busy mall in my dreams).  He is dressed like a slut in a very short skirt and no underwear.  If his penis is flaccid, the skirt is just long enough to fully cover his penis and scrotum.  If he gets erect, his penis will lift the front of the skirt and expose his penis and testicles.  His Mistress accompanies him on the outing, but isn't "accompanying him," she is never far, observing him but never by his side so it appears that he is alone.  To make things more difficult he has been locked in chastity for several weeks/months and hasn't had an orgasm in a very long time so his sexual frustration is peaked.

His Mistress lets him know that if he can keep his arousal under control he will only be humiliated but if anything turns him on he will likely be arrested for indecent exposure.  He is then ordered to complete a shopping list of items that play into his fetish.

He is given a fur muff to use as a purse and he is allowed to cover himself with it.  This makes his outfit even more humiliating and if he tries to hide his erect penis he ends up rubbing his penis with the fur muff, making himself even more aroused.  It also makes it even more difficult to retrieve money from the inner pocket of the muff without exposing himself.

This situation was a bit on the evil side.

Revisiting The Domme's benefits of forced feminization

Recently there's been a large influx of both Dommes that have entered the blogging world and other Femdom (or FLR) relationships that have integrated forced feminization into their D/s relationships and reading these blogs have given me some things to think about.

Much of what gets written about are the back stories behind the forced femme and experiences that go on between both Domme and sub.  I know this is what many readers want to read but in many cases it doesn't shed a lot of light into just why she likes it and what she gains by doing so.  For those subs out there who don't serve a Domme, that is where the answers lie in terms of courting or "convincing" an otherwise unwilling participant to give things a try.

I would probably cite the number one reason that forced fem gets introduced into a relationship is probably love.  A man and woman who have been together for a long time and either he introduces D/s into their relationship or she discovers his obsession with it and things go on from there.  In most cases these start with baby steps and lots of stumbling along the way.  Forced fem seems to either be introduced out of anger (e.g. catching him cross-dressing and beginning a Femdom relationship rooted on that aspect) or something that is reached slowly after fully developing a D/s relationship.  In the latter, there was usually some hint (or discovery) that brought up the theme long before and at some point it was introduced into the relationship.  In both cases the relationship continues to work usually out of some form of love for the man that has become their sub (or longstanding grudge that never would have surfaced in the absence of love).

Assuming love was the root cause, there has to be something beyond that for the Domme to want to take the effort to formulate rules and keep things going.  At this point things are similar to a pre-negotiated relationship that includes forced fem.  That is, we finally get down to the reason of what it does for her to make her want to do it.

Feminizing a male and enacting rules and punishments in relation to it means a lot of additional work for a Domme.  Not only are there the everyday rules, rituals, and punishments that must be upheld and the need for constantly creative machinations to prevent breakdown of the relationship, but now there's another party that has to be dressed and primped and an entirely new set of behaviors and mannerisms to oversee.  It's a high level of responsibility.

I believe there has to be something beyond that in order for the Domme to be willing to do this.  While each Domme differs, there are probably some common responses among them as to why they keep this going.

Here are a few reasons I can extrapolate from my years in the lifestyle:

-Increased obedience and submission.  Forced fem drops him into a deeper level of subspace improving his behavior and making him even more loving, attentive, and submissive.

-Attitude adjustment.  Forced fem strips him of his masculinity and dignity.  When he is dressed he is a different person.  This might seem similar to the first answer but it is performed to crush defiance rather than increase obedience.

-Overt Cruelty: "He hates it so I love it."  In these cases forced fem is usually implemented as a punishment.  If it turns her on to see him whimper and cry, this reason is fairly common.

-For his pleasure.  This is sort of an extension of love.  If he needs this in the long run, she makes it happen to ensure they are both happy.

-It keeps him off balance.  This serves no true purpose for her except to rattle his cage every so often and put him through the ringer.

-"I no longer see him as a suitable lover."  In cases where women seek strong masculine men, she likely lost her sexual attraction to him when he was outed as a submissive and this is used to remove any trace of sexual appeal.

-It makes him more attractive.  She might find him more attractive either dressed in a feminine way or she might find his personality more attractive when he is dressed.

-It is steering him towards his true sexuality.  In cases where he is closet gay/bi, she may wish to get him to fully open up and admit/experience his hidden desires. 

-A servant should have a uniform, so why not this?  For Dommes that prefer a stricter environment or a more formal Mistress/servant relationship.

I'm sure there are many more reasons but these are just a few I could come up with over the past half hour or so.  Please chime in if you agree/disagree with any of these reasons or you wish to add your own reason.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Revisiting sissy types and the conditioning of the male

As I was writing my last post I had a few additional thoughts that I wanted to mull over.

I've found it odd that my time here in the blog world has mainly had me reading and commenting on Femdom and FLR themed blogs but very little on sissification/feminization themed blogs.  At the same time, more than half of my readers are those whose primary interests are on sissification/feminization.  I guess this just strikes me as a bit odd, but I think it happens due to the variety of styles and motivations there are with forced feminization out there.  Basically, this post will be exploring why only certain things appeal to me.

If you look at sissies, there are basically two primary categories:
1.  "forced" sissies
2.  "willing" sissies

In my years on the internet trying to figure out my own role in this complicated mess of things, I've found that "willing" sissies tend to make up a much larger vocal internet demographic.  While much of this may be due to the lack of available Dommes, if he dresses without being told, I consider that willing even if his fantasy is to be forced.

Willing sissies can be further categorized:
A. Gender confused.  These are men that may more closely identify with femininity.  They may or may not wish to be girls, but they are definitely seeking something beyond their current masculine identity.  In these cases feminization may provide them with feelings of fulfillment they don't get with their normal male identity.

B. Heterosexual/bisexual crossdressers.  They may be straight or bi, but these men enjoy wearing women's clothes.  Their motivations may vary greatly, but the general outcome is the same:  they aren't homosexual but they dress willingly.

C. Closet homosexuals.  These are men who are gay but haven't accepted their own homosexuality.  As I've written in the past, it is sometimes easier to be "forced" to dress or fantasize about being feminine without openly being gay.

D. Out-of-the-closet homosexuals/transgendered.  These are men (or women that were formerly men) that simply wish to take on the feminine role in a homosexual relationship.

E. Fetishists.  Fetishists are a bit different because they are usually strongly drawn towards one or more particular feminine clothing items.  They might not get off dressing as a woman but they might get off wearing women's boots.

Men that desire to be cuckolded often (but not always) fall into one of these categories as well.

Forced sissies have much fewer flavors but there is some variety (assuming the choice isn't theirs and there are severe repercussions for refusal):

AA. Turned on when dressed
            1.  because of humiliation
            2.  because of a clothing fetish
            3.  because of subspace
BB.  Not turned on when dressed

So where do I fit into all this?

AA is an interesting group since it opens doors to conditioning a transition from forced to willing.  I believe I can trace my own route through this lifestyle by starting there.  My first few months in the lifestyle had me starting as an AA2 but quickly adding AA1 and AA3 into the mix.  Basically, after a few months I fit all three types of AA. 

After a few years in the lifestyle and sexual relief granted only under extreme humiliation and feminization my body developed a sexual association with feminization, humiliation, and sexual climax.  As time passed, at some point it turned me on more to be feminized and dominated than to just be dominated.  This was a strange time and it led to a bit of an identity crisis.  Over the past year I have started to associate myself as being as sissy.  When I correspond with others in the lifestyle it doesn't take long before I admit to it and I even created my persona here in the blog world as a sissy. 

I'm not sure this makes me "willing."  I don't ever dress up on my own, I only dress when ordered to do so.  At the same time, I know that any relationship I have in the D/s lifestyle will require feminization in order to give me maximum pleasure and fulfillment.  Does this make me a willing type B or E?  Or am I still an AA? 

I know it doesn't really matter, but I guess the best way to describe it is I am B or E if humiliation, deep subspace, and fur are involved.  So, a conditional willing or an enthusiastic forced?  Oh well, there's no point in debating semantics, but I think this might have something to do with the struggle to connect with others in this aspect.  I do not consider myself feminine nor do I have any desire for homosexual activities (in fact, this is one of my absolute hard limits).

I think I really like it for the mind fuck potential.

rfoj74's comments on my "Putting the Forced in Forced Feminization" post probably clicked with me most in regards to this subject. 

Returning to conditioning, it doesn't seem to take all that long to develop certain associations that will trigger the male sexual response.  If something is consistently present and focused upon during sexual pleasure/climax, it will slowly integrate itself into the male psyche and become a part of sexual arousal.  Basically, you can force a man to develop a fetish without his knowledge.  This leads to an even greater power play as he will likely struggle with this new identity (as I know I have) and also carry the stigma of being a sissy.  Overall this can lead to even greater control over him in a D/s relationship and reinforce feelings that you are the only one that could ever understand him.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Women and the Gender Reversal of men

Lady Grey left some comments on my writer's block post and posed an interesting question.

Her question was as follows:
"Why is it that so many women enjoy seeing a man dressed up as a woman and doing "woman" type things? I'm especially intrigued by the number of "vanilla" women who react with such amusement when a TV show portrays that situaion - women who would never dream of being dominant. Any thoughts?"

This is something that has left me curious over the years, especially the mixed reaction that is quite common.  Basically, women are amused by this but the majority of these women would have no interest in a feminized man as a partner or lover.  I will get to that later in the post but I thought I would put it out to the forefront for the time being.

I believe the root of why women are amused stems greatly to the types of societal pressures they regularly feel in life.  Men also feel pressures but the great difference between the pressures felt by men and by women is pretty simple: the pressures felt by men are consistent in steering them towards one behavioral style.  For men, it has been a societal norm since the breakdown of the caste/feudal systems that men should aspire for greatness in whatever they do.  They should be strong, fast, smart, ambitious, creative, "manly," aggressive, assertive, and successful, all of which are typically alpha male characteristics.

Women, on the other hand, tend to feel pressures pulling them in opposite directions.  These pressures are constant and always present stemming from media, peers/co-workers, family/parents, societal norms spanning several very different generations, ideas of femininity, feminism, and so-forth.  This leads to a mixed bag of expectations that become incredibly difficult to fulfill unless they stretch themselves so thin that they lose focus on their own dreams and desires.

-Be beautiful
-Be thin
-Be fashionable
-Be attractive
-Be sexy but not slutty

-Be intelligent
-Be ambitious
-Work hard
-Be content with lower pay for the same job
-Accept time-honored traditions of sexual harassment
-Be judged by appearance: too attractive loses credibility, too homely sets you back
-Pursue careers and fields "fit for a woman"

-Allow the man to be the breadwinner and head of the household
-Attend to "womanly" household duties and chores
-Fulfill your husband's sexual needs
-Take primary responsibility for raising children
-Look to the man for stability and a sense of direction
-Give up your maiden name

-Be strong and independent
-Never need anyone's approval
-Be equal to or better than men at what you do
-Be a role model for other women

Overall, the pressures lead to a giant garbled and mixed message:
You must be pretty, super pretty when you're "supposed" to be, but not too pretty the rest of the time or you won't be taken seriously.  Have lots of ambition and goals but you'll have to try twice as hard to get half as far and never expect to reach the top.  Be successful, but not more successful than your husband.  Be strong willed and driven but always submit to your husband's wishes.  Fulfill your career goals but also provide a perfect environment for your family.

So all women are supposed to be successful but not too successful transforming models that are strong yet always give in to men and attend to every household need.

The identity issues caused by such pressures on women contribute strongly towards things like self-esteem and loss of self.

While men might argue the pressures they feel on a daily basis since they are old enough to walk and talk are "equally strong," the great difference is that those pressures all point to a unified and consistent psyche, not one full to the brim with contradictions. 

Because of these norms, Femdom and male submission always seems to appear "more deviant" than male Dom and female submission.

Getting to the amusement aspects for women when viewing an emasculated male, I think there is a bit of a split here that leads to different reactions. 

A.  The alpha male that is a direct product of his societal pressures.
B.  The omega male that has buckled under the weight of the societal pressures.

Women love to watch the alpha male knocked off his high horse and have his ego trampled.  When the successful cut-throat jock shows up on TV (or wherever) feminized and humiliated, it tends to light a fire inside women, and all of the pent up emotional issues caused by years of conflicting societal pressures bursts to the forefront.  They see it not only as a man being cut down to size, but a symbol of all of the extra trials and bullshit expected of women immediately thrust upon a man.  This once proud symbol of masculinity has become a conflicted entity and he is unable to bear this pressure, so it shames and humiliates him.  He's not as strong as he wanted people to think.  He can't deal with the conflict.  This tends to provide great amusement for women.

There is a different reaction when an omega male is portrayed feminized.  He has already failed in life.  He is unattractive, unsuccessful, unable to overcome the pressures of the male world.  He is a loser.  When he is feminized it is "pathetic," and "disgusting" if it turns him on.  He doesn't fight and struggle to salvage his dignity, it was already gone.  He couldn't handle the more basic male pressures, so watching him crushed under the weight of a woman's pressures bears nothing to her.  She doesn't take pleasure in this and she is probably disgusted by him (yet oddly enough, this is often the basis of much of men's humiliation fantasies).

I believe these are the primary reasons feminization of men often appeals to women, but in most cases, the amusement is limited to men "that deserve it" and in cases where it happens to a successful yet unlikable male character. 

If you take things a bit further, to say, what types of women would enjoy doing this to their male partner/lover, there is another great divide.  There's plenty of women out there, both vanilla and Dommes, that would be put off if their men got turned on by being feminized (even if it was forced).  This tends to conflict with the type of man that they are "supposed" to be with and the role he is "supposed" to have in their relationship.  I think there is also some inherent fear that this means he is automatically gay and that he will leave her for a man.  Either way, if it does turn him on, it tends to shatter her notions of what he is supposed to be and she often rejects him after that.  Oddly enough, much of who he is was probably an act in the first place as he was adhering to societal pressures of what he as a man is supposed to be like.  If he sits around playing video games or obsessing over $1000 golf clubs instead of helping at all around the house, this isn't manly man behaviors nor is it submissive, it's probably just who he is.

This leaves the women who enjoy the idea of their partner/lover being feminized.  These women have often rejected much of the "expectations of women" that were placed on them by society.  She might enjoy it because it will bond them on another level or because it brings him intense humiliation or arousal, or just because it gives her a charge of power.  In any case, these women tend to be in the minority.

Any thoughts?

Monday, September 27, 2010

Writer's block

I'm not sure if it's stress or lack of action in my relationship but I'm having a severe case of writer's block.  I have a handful of half-finished posts that just don't seem to be going anywhere.

If anyone has any questions or ideas, please let me know as I'm in need of a bit of a jump-start right now.