Saturday, June 19, 2010

Analyzing the Fantasy: Cruelty and Torment

There's often a male submissive fantasy of serving a woman that is quite cruel, inflicting many forms of suffering, humiliation, and torment upon the sub.  In reality, this scenario rarely surfaces amongst Femdom couples (although it does happen, the percentage of written fantasies tends to be overshadowed by the percentage of couples actually doing this). 

For this topic, I will simply try to answer the question, why is it this way?

From a submissive perspective, while they may wish for this, it's unlikely that a submissive could truly handle it on a 24-7 scale.  A few hours?  Sure.  A weekend?  Definitely.  Every day for two years?  Not as easy to answer.  I give this one the mark of "fantasy and penis biting off more than they could chew."  While it's possible in small doses, 99% of males simply aren't emotionally prepared for something like this to actually happen.  Without pleasure, emotional and sexual gratification, and a worthwhile sense of self, the sub would likely either cease to exist as a person or become unhappy and rebel against his Domme.

The Domme side of things is a bit more complicated.

The first thing that comes to mind as to why there aren't a lot of Dommes out there that tend to carry this disposition full-time is that it just doesn't offer a lot to many women.  I can understand why a woman would want a sex slave for pleasure, I can understand why a woman would want a sub male for domestic chores, and I can understand why a woman would want a man who is completely devoted to her and responsive to her every whim.  These things provide tangible, pleasurable results, in addition to the knowledge that there is a man out there who exists merely to give her those pleasurable results.

The second thing I can think of is that there aren't many people out there with natural impulses to inflict suffering.  A weekend of teasing, humiliation, and suffering requires significant planning and the ability to make on the fly adjustments as needed that remain consistent with that theme.  Unless that really "does it" for her, there isn't a lot of motivation for a Domme to go to those lengths.  Similarly, if/when the unexpected occurs, will she be able to react quickly and naturally in a purely cruel way?  I believe it takes a certain personality type to really enjoy this and I don't think it's a very common one.

Delving into fetishes gets things a bit closer.  A Domme may have a fetish for spanking or inflicting pain in a sadistic way.  This I can understand a bit since it's a tangible activity yielding a specific result.  On the other hand, bondage is a little bit closer.  Having a sub bound and helpless does bring up feelings of power and control and it's also a matter of taking away his freedom to increase her pleasure.  I believe Dommes who really enjoy strict bondage are of the right nature to be cruel.

So what about this makes things appealing to these Dommes?  A few things I can come up with:
1. Knowledge that he willingly suffers for her pleasure - devotion.
2. Feelings of power and control.
3. Feeling playful and naughty.
4. It gets her off.

I have a feeling that number four is probably the great separating point between "these types" of Dommes and Dommes that don't have a lot of interest in cruelty.  I could be wrong, but that's about the only explanation I could find for a Domme dressing her sub up in a maid's outfit while locked in chastity and forced to humiliate himself in front of her.  Something about his suffering and discomfort has to make her tick on a deep level or she probably wouldn't do it.

I find this difference rather intriguing as certain scenarios will have one Domme hissing "YESSSSS, MOOOORE!" while the same scenario will leave many Dommes shaking their head saying "Nope, doesn't do it for me."

I know guilt probably plays a big part while a Domme is developing in terms of how cruel she can be while completely enjoying it.  As long as she truly values her pleasure over his comfort that avenue can be explored thoroughly without hesitation.  I believe it's probably more likely for a woman to enjoy being cruel if her early experiences with domination were with men that she didn't love nor seriously care about.

Any thoughts?

Views on Intimacy and Jealousy - Women vs. men

Recently, Lady Grey made a post on her blog recounting a story of her relationship and an early snag caused by jealousy.  The comments raised up a few interesting points on the situation and how differing views of intimacy helped contribute to the problem. 

The post is located here:

The Mistress at the Forever Hers blog also made a post regarding those ideas that is an interesting read and gives some things to ponder.

What I have come to believe is that men and women tend to have differing views of intimacy and this greatly affects what actions they view as being okay and what actions may lead to jealousy.  Keep in mind that these ideas I am presenting are general stereotypes that of course will not be true in every case but they do hold true for many cases.

The woman's view of intimacy:
Women tend to view an intimate act as one that carries a shared emotional bond by both parties.  During these times both individuals have a similar priority structure for the feelings and needs of the other and in turn, it gives them each a feeling of closeness and connection to the other.  Basically, it makes them feel more in love and devoted to one another. 

The male view of intimacy:
Men tend to view an intimate act as one that embodies a desire for physical contact with the other party.  These include most sexual acts such as kissing, groping, intercourse, oral sex, and the like.  Also included would be acts done with sexual intent.  e.g. a back massage done for therapeutic reasons would not be intimate, but a back massage done to turn the woman on and touch her body would be intimate.

As you can see, these views don't entirely overlap and in some cases, they can flat out clash with each other.  In my opinion, its when one party performs an action that conflicts with the other's view of intimacy that jealousy is born.

When a woman gets jealous:
A woman usually gets jealous when she feels the man has breached his loyalty either in regards to desire or on an emotional level.  If a man is overly friendly with another woman, she feels he is attempting to form a bond with someone else and she will become jealous. In the D/s realm, if a man wishes to serve another woman in a non-sexual and simply doing something like cleaning her house, she may believe that he wishes to devote himself to someone else and she will become jealous.  This jealousy is, in many cases, quite justified. 

When a man gets jealous:
A man usually gets jealous when she feels the woman is engaging in activities he considers of an unfaithful or sexual nature.  In many cases it's something she considers completely harmless since her devotion to him never wanes nor does she view it as intimate but he may become jealous whether or not the other party involved has an innocent or ulterior motive.  Basically, if he is not the only man that can monopolize her attention, he may get jealous.

In some cases, this jealousy is justified.  In other cases, it can be way off base.  If she goes to a male massage therapist for a therapeutic back massage, he shouldn't be jealous.  If she gets a back massage from that guy at her work that flirts with her all the time, being jealous is quite reasonable... but...
he should consider whether or not she deems it intimate before he acts upon his feelings.

Why the man is usually wrong to feel jealous:
In many cases the man will get jealous because he feels she is being unfaithful if she engages in any act that he would deem (even potentially) sexual and intimate.  However, while she may partake in said act, if her devotion to him never wanes, she retains her full commitment to him in her heart.  While she might accept the back massage from her flirty co-worker, she merely wants the back massage (even if the co-worker is trying to seduce her).  In the D/s realm, if she chooses to spank another male sub, in most cases she doesn't wish to actually love the sub, nor take him into the household.  There may be other times where she simply pretends to flirt just to get her way or make a man do something for her without her actually wanting anything to do with him.  In these times if the man is jealous it is usually a sign of his ego and pride, and feelings that he should be the only man that can have her attention.

Why the woman is usually right to feel jealous:
Women tend to get jealous when they feel a man's devotion to her waning.  He leaves her in his heart, if even for a brief moment.  When he flirts he is envisioning himself being intimate with the woman he is flirting with.  If he wishes to serve another woman he is envisioning himself being intimate with the other woman.  His loss of devotion and heart are genuine causes for concern and jealousy is justified.

Overall, I'm just not a big supporter of male jealousy.  If you are a man and able to know and trust how your woman truly feels there is no need to have any fear or resentment when she interacts with other men.  If she has to turn elsewhere to get her needs completely met, you should step up and try to fill those needs yourself.

A little peek into my world

I was a bit reluctant to post a picture of some things before.  I figured I would try once more and see what kind of response I get and it may be something I will continue with in the future.

I am calling this post a little peek into my world since it probably illustrates quite well just how my initial fetishes got twisted into what things are now.  In hindsight, it was actually quite skillful how my sexual responses were manipulated over the years and a deep attraction to women in fur and an enjoyment for the touch of fur eventually forced me down this road to sissyhood and humiliation.
These pictures represent only a small subset of items and combinations that I have been forced to wear over the years.
Keep in mind that these don't just come into play during the winter, they happen year round while serving and during play.
A serious threat of being taken out while dressed in these is usually enough to almost bring me to tears.  Shopping for items like these ends up being a bit exhilarating but quite humiliating if I am forced to try any of them on in the store.
It brings me great shame and embarrassment that being forced to dress up turns me on and I doubt that will ever go away.
The completed outfits are usually quite "whore-like" with short skirts, tight fitting tops, stockings and garters, etc.  Even when dressed in male clothing, being forced to wear hats, earmuffs, and gloves like those pictured above is enough to bring on severe humiliation.

 Any comments?

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A Quick Blurb

I realize I haven't posted a whole lot lately.  I've been quite busy and haven't had much time to think about things nor have I lingered much in the submissive mindset.

I seem to have picked up a few new readers who are leaving comments.  That makes me very happy.  Thank you for posting here and letting me know that I'm writing to someone :)

The picture below is a photo from several years ago of some of the items that have been part of my forced sissy experiences.  As you can see, my fur fetish was really turned against me and strongly contributed to the sissy state I find myself in now.  For 5+ years my only permitted orgasms happened when dressed in items like those below (and usually with an entire matching outfit) and it really did one hell of a job conditioning my sexual responses into the twisted mess they are now.

Things have gotten even more humiliating since then.