Saturday, December 2, 2017

At the end of 2017...

As of 2018 there is a very good chance I will no longer be posting on this blog and moving to Wordpress.  I do not plan to delete this blog but I do not plan to make future posts here either.  If/when the move happens I will share the links to the newer blogs.  I have found that keeping the Femdom and D/s talk separate from fur, forced feminization, my drawings, and erotica has worked quite a bit better.  


Now is one of those times where I am absolutely furious with my brain for not allowing me to drift into the places that I hold most dear to me.  This cycle is different in that I am actually getting 7-9 hours of sleep every night.  Usually when my depression kicks in I go down to 3-5 hours a night.  I feel like I’m getting old and am running out of things that I want to do (that are possible for me to do now).

UPS isn’t helping and for the second consecutive week my 2-Day Air shipping was delayed because it missed being loaded onto the delivery truck by an hour.  These delay  my feeble attempts to inject excitement into my life leave me feeling like I am drowning in lethargy.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Intro To F/m - Part 7

A continuation of the series, disclaimers etc., target audience people who are more familiar with M/f, etc. blah blah blah.  My apologies if any of this stuff are repeats, etc.

F/m does have a number of topics that are pretty much limited to an F/m (or M/m) context.  CBT is one of them for example, as cock and ball torture does in fact require someone to have the requisite anatomy.  Chastity tends to work differently with F/m as well, since while chastity devices exist for women, they can only prevent penetration and aren't designed to "block" arousal and cause a frustrated "tweener" state.

By and large, the remaining activities that exist in F/m with no M/f counterpart largely fall under the blanket of emasculation.

The word emasculate has two definitions:
  1. To deprive a man of his male role or identity.
  2. To make weaker or less effective.
As I have written before, there is no act of masculinization in M/f.  Being emasculated tends to affect men deeply because of how their masculinity tends to play such a strong part of their identity.  Domina Jen wrote an excellent piece about this a while ago that discusses things in detail.

The types of emasculation vary quite a bit in their intensity and purpose.  However, the majority of them fall into two primary categories:
  1. Feminization
  2. Sexual Inadequacy
Feminization is a broad subject in itself.  In its least intrusive form, it is pretty common for a Domme to make a sub wear panties.  This can be done for many reasons, often simply as a means of control and taking away a sub's right to wear men's underwear.  Panties tend to hit the male psyche much harder because it emasculates them and brings up fear of discovery/exposure.  Taking things further, a sub may be feminized further and dressed partially or fully in women's clothing.  Again, there may be varying reasons behind this that may include humiliation or simply leading the sub to more docile behavior.  Traditional English petticoating used to cure behavioral problems of unruly boys is sometimes at the root of it.

When taken to extremes (and this is rare), male subs may be completely feminized.  When this happens, things like extended chastity, orgasm only via prostate massage, etc. often accompany it. In the most extreme cases there may be estrogen, implants, and/or *period simulation.  In some cases and with a willing sub, Feminization may involve bisexual acts, where the feminized sub may engage in sexual contact with men (sometimes under the guise that this is "forced'). 

*Since period simulation is probably something many people have never heard of, I will give some examples of it.  I'm not questioning the hygiene of this, merely stating what I have encountered.  One method I have heard is for the male to wear an uncomfortable cock and ball strap so they can experience a constant discomfort like cramping.  A second method I have heard of is for the male to wear a maxipad on his chastity device and change it every few hours (this is more of an inconvenience).  Another I have heard of is a diaper period, where the sub must wear a diaper and wet themselves when they have to urinate and change it with a fresh diaper.  Lastly, I have heard of subs having to wear a tampon in their rectum and change it every few hours.  Any of these would continue for the duration that the woman is on her period so that he can share in her discomfort. 
Sexual inadequacy is the other main category.  The idea that a man is "enough" for a woman sexually often lies at the core of his masculinity.  The mild end of this spectrum includes SPH (small penis humiliation).  A man doesn't actually have to be small... the implication that the Domme wishes he was bigger is often enough.  This is especially motivating in training a sub's mouth/tongue.  SPH can also be used in conjunction with (extended) chastity, e.g. if it was bigger, he might be let out more.  The idea behind this is to diminish his masculinity. 

On the extreme end falls cuckolding.  That is, the Domme may find a more satisfying sexual partner.  You will find dynamics like this that are purely physical and in other cases, the bull will become a romantic personal companion as well.  Cuckolding is frequently used in conjunction with feminization.

While these topics might not appeal to everyone, they are some of the things that are exclusive to F/m.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Put on Display

I'm guessing most people have some experience before with being put on display.  This probably happened at least a few times for most people when they were young.  Your parents or relatives would yank you away from whatever you wanted to be doing so they could show off whatever pseudo-talent you might have to people you rarely see.  Resistance would get nowhere and for several minutes you would end up feeling like a circus performer as you played out some irritating routine in order to impress these people that you didn't really care about (unless you happen to be one of those people who wanted the spotlight so you could be doted on while blasting off-key renditions from Annie).

It wasn't until I experienced this in a D/s setting that I was able to understand the feelings that swirl around from being put on display and how they affect me.  I have experienced this in both a pure D/s setting (at a play party) as well as in a way where I was behaving like a submissive, but in the presence of vanilla company.

The process is strange because of the way it dehumanizes you.  You become a sideshow:  something for the entertainment of others and there to be talked about rather than a person to be talked to. 
D/s adds a wrinkle.  You want to make her proud.  You want to represent her as best as you can.  You want to show others what made her choose you... you want to show your worth.

What is strange is that it only takes one person to get the ball rolling.  A simple statement about you within your presence causes a cascade of comments that diminish you as a person.  You become the topic of conversation.  The entertainment.  The service.  Each exchange drives the message home.  The attention becomes discomfort and the discomfort signals that it is too late.  In most cases someone will patronize you in a tone that reeks of condescension.  It's fascinating how someone pretending that you are a person makes it abundantly clear that they don't truly see you as one.

These types of events send me spiraling deep in submissive mental space.  I just want to be something that she is proud of.  This is a special kind of anguish.  I feel myself slip away and endure as an object... that is what I am there for.

November Chastity Failings

So I gave the HT V2 knockoff another chance with the 50mm ring and paid specific attention to lubrication and equilibrium placement... and I ended up having a nut pull through.  This wouldn't be as big of an issue if "pulling through" meant it went through cleanly.  Unfortunately, for those who have had that happen, it means it got crushed and deformed and painfully yanked through an opening it wasn't meant to fit through.  High and tight strikes again.

I tried both that and another device I have with a 45mm ring.  I spent a lot of time attempting to fix the bunching issue again with more lubing.  I was able to last 12 hours before I woke up to searing pain and the next day was experiencing signs of slight bruising and early pressure sore formation.  So... I'm pretty convinced that ring is too small.

As there isn't a 47-48mm ring to try, I'm pretty much looking at pain and discomfort no matter what, it's just a choice of which type of pain.

Nothing I have is looking like a viable long-term option and I'm scared to invest more money down the chastity hole.  On the upside, at least this one was under $30.