By Request: Chastity Spikes

As per Lady Grey's request via comments, here are the spike option for the CB's that I recently purchased.  I read one review saying they don't leave enough space to actually use them and my one feeble attempt at using them made me gun shy.  These are capable of fitting all three devices that I purchased.

Thoughs on a Friday

For the first half of my life I was not a good person.  I was selfish and sarcastic bordering on hostile.  While I was able to force myself to change when I was around 16, the first 15 years aren't something I am very proud of.  This past year I have started to connect all the dots that led me through that process.  I can pinpoint the moments when I hardened my heart.  I can remember the exact trigger that got me to stop giving a damn about other people.  I also remember the series of events and unhappiness that led me to change.  I know the moment when I began to value others more than I valued myself. 

Being equal parts jock and scholar really put me into some odd positions socially.  In sports I was taught to value people for how good they were at sports.  In academia I was taught to value people for how good they were at academics.  Very few people were good at both.  Each group tended to be snobby in their own way.  I struggled to relate to others.  Being a brainwashed "do it because it's cool" lemming routine wasn't in my blood.  Being such an elitist that you don't even have a sense of humor also wasn't a path I cared to travel down.  Internally this was a complicated struggle. 

In sports I was always pushed and driven to be the best and achievement was pretty straight forward.  In academics I was always at or near the top but my adopted parents went out of their way to convince me that I was just a bit above average.  When I think about what in my upbringing messed me up the most socially, I would have to say it was the latter of those. In many ways I'm extremely glad that I wasn't raised to feel like I was overly special and to look down on the rest of the world.  There were plenty of kids in the gifted program or friends of friends that were home schooled that managed to carry themselves with that air of douchebaggery that tends to rub most of the world the wrong way. 

I never really understood why they acted so damn superior.  I honestly thought they were pretty stupid and if I was only just above average, then they definitely weren't anything special.  This probably comes through in my rants, but I have a guilty pleasure for knocking arrogant people down from their cloud.  It's not an attractive trait of mine but I struggle to resist its calling.  I clearly remember an example from a friend's birthday party in elementary school (9-10 years old I think).  He invited a home schooled friend over and that kid basically treated us all like we were idiots because we went to public school and he was reading at a whatever grade level and blah blah blah.  He rubbed me the wrong way out of the gate and later that night I started messing with his head and made him cry by convincing him that vampires, werewolves, and other monsters were in fact real, and they were nearby and would probably kill/eat him at some point.  Yeah, I was a prick.  It was also extremely gratifying to teach someone that social skills mattered (he was much nicer to everyone the next day).  I continued this trend until my mid-20's before outgrowing it. 

Something I will note is that I didn't try and convince them that I was right, I would merely show them how narrow their view of the world was, how lacking they were in experiences, and that sort of thing. 

My rant posts exist because I do not wish to battle someone on the internet.  In my younger years I would have gladly gone to war on a message board for hours until a clear victor emerged.  As I've gotten older I've found that I just don't don't care to try to change someone's mind on something they are set upon.  I rant for those with open minds as they might find it amusing. 

I struggle to think of this as maturing, seeing as when I read something outrageous I still want to reach through the screen and choke the shit out of them.  Ah, good times.

Finally the right fit... well right enough

After more than a decade of searching and over a thousand dollars wasted I finally have found a chastity device or two that isn't horrifically painful and may be suitable for longer term wear.  As much as I didn't want to purchase a third steel device in under a month, I figured it was worth another $26 to see if this would be the magical fit (I am not using it with the catheter tube as that freaks me out).

Almost perfect.  One downside is that my foreskin gets irritated by the "spokes" at the end (another downfall of being uncircumcised).  The other issue is that after repeated arousal attempts, part of my scrotum can also get irritated on the spokes.  It is definitely more comfortable and a bit longer than the other short tube steel device I ordered.  I am not sure if this is the best route for long-term use or if I simply need to add some lube.

This device came with a spiked anti-pullout ring add on but before I was able to even get it on it immediately felt like this is a tetanus risk waiting to happen.  It should fit on all 3 devices.

The alternative is to go with the longer tube version of this device that I received last week.

I feel a bit like Goldilocks... one is a bit too short, the other a bit too long, but there isn't one that is just right.  The longer tube definitely doesn't have the same irritation concerns and it seems to control urine a bit better.  Its downside is its weight.  This device feels significantly heavier (even though it might only be a couple of ounces).

The big positive is that between these two devices, I'm fairly certain that I will be able to find something that will work.

I wouldn't have learned enough if not for the struggles with the Holy Trainer V2 that I went through earlier this year.  I am glad that I was willing to give these cheapo devices from Amazon a chance.  All three locks are keyed alike, so I basically have 3 locks and 6 keys in case any of them break.  I also have 2 rings that are good fits and 1 ring that is a bit snug but could possibly be moved to if anything changes over time.  All of the cages will fit on all of the rings although a couple of them take a bit of jockeying to get locked.  The regions meant for the lock aren't exactly machined to exacting standards... I'm guessing they had to bend some things on every single device to make sure it would take a lock.  I'm out about $80 on the three and I'm feeling pretty good about that considering I have some extra hardware and have spent about half of what most devices cost.  I also have a reference point for if I want to go with something higher quality in the future.

And now... my OCD can rest.

Spiraling in my mind

I've been trying to force myself to write but haven't really had anything on my mind that I think is worth talking about.  Depression has definitely set in but I'm only feeling "dead most of the time" instead of completely wrecked, so that is a good thing.

It seems when I have been trying to write that I'm mostly finding myself frustrated and very, very tired.  This summer the blogosphere has trailed off by such an extreme amount... way more than ever before.  I know that things cycle, but when you follow 100 blogs it is sort of scary to refresh the reader and find that you still see posts that are more than 24 hours old without scrolling.

I generally try to keep commenting but right now that is very hit or miss.  Blog posts either speak to me and inspire me to whip up some comments that exceed the original post length... or I find myself with nothing to say.  I should probably try harder but that's the problem with depression.

I will say that this year that I'm finding a handful of things interesting when it comes to kink/BDSM blogging and the like.  I'm not sure if I'm just at a different point in my life or what, but I'm finding that I enjoy acting as a "translator" when it comes to differing views on the lifestyle.  So frequently I come across posts and comments and damn, they feel like the people are speaking different languages.  Where I come in is piecing together each person's frame of reference and then communicating how those fundamental differences cause communication to collapse.  I am selective when I do this, as I find in a lot of cases people do not want to understand, hear anything different, or care.  When I do find someone that is genuinely curious and wants to understand, I really enjoy helping that along.

e.g. When one person sees D/s as a full time monogamous lifestyle endeavor while another person sees D/s as a temporary arrangement to be engaged in during a scene or bedroom play with partners they may or may not be in a relationship with.

One thing I will add is that I'm not a fan of disclaimers.  It's one thing when people give a warning like "spoiler alert" or "trigger alert, this contains talk about rape and suicide" and so on.  These types of disclaimers are courteous.  The disclaimers that bother the living hell out of me are when people use them as a bail out to go on some stereotype-laden tirade and then lean on the disclaimer as a replacement for tact.  I value careful word choices since they require thoughtfulness and an idea of how your words might be perceived by others. 

When I write a post that is supposed to be informative, I use a lot of weakass statements like: "in many cases," "it is common to find," "a good number of," and the like.  The reason I do this is because I really don't want to come off like I am saying "ALL." 

"It is common to find yellow bananas."  This statement is pretty much true in most cases (see what I did there?).  "All bananas are yellow."  Bzzzt.  Oh, but don't worry, I put a disclaimer at the top that says "half of what I write might be bullshit." 

It makes me wonder why people make statements that sound rigid and absolute.  Do they think it makes their writing seem more legitimate, powerful, or truthful?  I just think it makes them sound like an ignorant jackass... even if they have a disclaimer at the top.  I don't know, I guess, but if you are wishing to manipulate readers with words then at least mask it creatively like, "a statement is either always true, sometimes true, or never true.  That is absolute." 

Truly persuasive words are the ones that are strong enough to change someone's mind, force them to revisit their own beliefs, or to think outside of the immediate bubble that encompasses their life.  Just sayin'. 

Chastity Tips: When It Burns

This year's chastity experiments have taught me a lot about fit.  This is one of those frustrating topics because of the cost of devices and uncertainty about comfort for long-term wear. You'll hear a lot of people talk about fit and issues, but very rarely are things described well enough to figure out what is going on.  One-size fits most is only a good thing if you fall into "most" and especially frustrating if you aren't sure the appropriate response, e.g. spending $60 on an additional base ring but not knowing if going smaller or larger will yield more benefit.

I wanted to share a bit that I have learned through extensive and repeated failures with devices that others might find helpful. The topic in particular is about the "burning" feeling that some people develop with certain devices.  I have found there are approximately five reasons that lead to the feeling of scrotal burning from a device.  This feeling is very non-descriptive and deceptive since it might be caused by more than one reason. Eliminating them one by one should help.


1. Lack of Lubrication
This probably seems rather obvious, but how and where the friction is coming from isn't always obvious.  For your choice of lubrication I strongly recommend something long lasting.  Silicon-based lube and certain types of butters and oils tend to do rather well.  Lotion and water-based lubes will evaporate too quickly. 

In my own case I have found that I need to lubricate the inside of the ring all the way around and the front of the ring anywhere it will contact the scrotum.  I also lube the inside of the cage, especially along the top where you will come into contact with it when you attempt an erection.  In addition to that I lube the underside of the cage on the outside.  Depending upon how your anatomy is you may get a significant amount of rubbing/bunching there.

Ideally your skin will glide.  If it doesn't, the burn is likely caused by improper lubrication.

2. Skin Stretching
If you have a high and tight scrotum and are using a trapped ball device, there is a very good chance you will get some skin stretching.  This can range from mild to painful but its affects can be minimized, however there isn't a set way to do that.  Using lotion, butters , or oils on the scrotum will make this less unpleasant.  The same things that women use for stomach stretching when pregnant will work on your scrotum.

Ring size can be a major factor but it depends heavily on the design of the device and your anatomy.  With some devices, a larger ring will increase scrotal stretching by forcing it to bend out and around the ring.  With other devices, a smaller ring will increase stretching by decreasing the space between the cage and the ring, increasing the pull because it happens in a different spot.  A lot of this depends on how much space there is between the cage and ring when working from a starting size.  Generally speaking, increasing the gap will reduce stretching. 

This is very true for devices that have adjustable spacers (e.g. CB-6000).  A wider spacer will reduce stretching.

3. Skin Bunching
This is somewhat linked to lubrication but there are other factors involved.  Improper ring-sizing and spacing can also cause the skin to bunch in certain spots and cause additional unpleasant friction that can lead to a burning feeling over time. 

Making sure that you find an equilibrium with how much scrotum you pull through the ring before attaching the cage can help.  This is also the reason that I lube the underside of the cage.  Anything you can do to increase the space between the cage and the ring will often help.

4. Excess Hair
Many devices will encourage shaving.  Good luck trying to get a CB-6000 on without shaving first unless you really enjoy the feeling of hairs being ripped out.  This one gets deceptive because sometimes you might miss a few hairs in an awkward spot and while you might think, "it's only 3 hairs, no big deal," it can become a huge discomfort if they are near a contact point with the ring or cage.  If those hairs happen to get laid flat and trapped beneath a contact point, the constant slight tug that isn't enough to rip them out can give a burning feeling that is tough to differentiate from the others.

5. Pinching of Nerves/Circulation
Generally speaking, it's usually quite obvious within a minute or two if you managed to obstruct blood flow or have nerve irritation.  However, it is possible to have a fine fit in a flaccid state that is too tight when you attempt an erection. 

This is the most deceptive of all types of burns because you will feel fine until you experience intense attempted arousal or frequently linger in a slightly aroused state.  In these cases, the swollen state causes a pinched nerve or series of blood vessels that were originally fine and causes nerve irritation.  What makes this hard to spot is that the pain will generally be in a different spot from where the pinching is happening.  E.g. it will be due to excessive contact on the left side of the penis but the burn will be on the scrotal skin. 

Going larger on the ring or wider on the spacing is advisable.  In some cases the tube diameter might just be too small.

Hopefully at least one person will find this helpful.  The majority of my device failures have been caused by more than one factor at a time, which made it increasingly difficult to figure out the problems.  This is a tender area we are dealing with.