Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Health Concerns in a D/s Dynamic

In my last request for topic ideas Lady Grey responded with an interesting topic suggestion.  Part of her comment has been posted below:

"The subject is, more or less, the health questions that arise when a sub is expected to follow orders. The two problems that come to mind are:
1. "Lick the bottoms of my shoes clean!" Does that really make any sense, assuming the shoes have left the house and have stepped who-knows-where?
2. "Lick my ass! Make sure your tongue goes deeply in and out as you fuck me with it." Even if the Mistress cleans herself well before issuing such an order, is it hygienically fair to have your sub obey you?"

Oddly enough, this topic is something I have thought about quite a bit over the years and it was especially active in my thoughts when I was first entering the lifestyle.  Upon my first Mistress's request to come up with a list of hard limits for the relationship several of them were related to personal health and hygiene. 

In my initial list of hard limits I had several stipulations regarding cleanliness and hygiene.  I can't recall exactly what I wrote at that time but they included:
-Must have access to regular bathing and other personal hygiene such as brushing teeth and flossing.

-Nothing involving scat.

In addition to the two Lady Grey listed above, a few other scenarios I have seen that come to mind are:
-Diaper training or punishment (forcing someone to urinate and defecate in a diaper and continuing to wear it).
-Anal tampons (sometimes used for a "virtual period").
-Long-term chastity and thorough cleaning of the penis (especially for those who aren't circumcised).
-Long-term chastity and orgasm denial (in relation to regular expulsion of the prostate to avoid toxin build up).

A safe, sane, and consensual me says a sub shouldn't agree to be in a situation that could lead to serious health risks and issues.  If that means rejecting a certain activity on the grounds of health risk, so be it.  If that means choosing only to serve women who will keep things healthy and sanitary, so be it.

A realistic, deep sub-space and low will-power me will follow orders as commanded (especially if the threat of punishment is involved) and it's up to the Mistress to determine which acts are healthy and sanitary and which ones are not as well as whether or not she will subject her sub to said acts.

I guess my feelings are that a sub that is completely immersed in sub-space cannot make decisions for himself that are the best for his own well-being and I believe it's up to the Domme to decide what she will subject him to.  The advice I've given to newer Dommes in regards to these things are:  treat him like a favorite toy.  You play with him often and you can play rough, but you are always careful not to break him.

Overall, if the Domme doesn't respect health concerns I do not think she should be angry if the sub declines on those grounds.   She does have a reason to punish him and he should willingly accept the punishment for disobedience.  On the other hand, if she doesn't respect health concerns and he ends up getting very sick or having permanent damage, she should feel guilty and responsible (while he should also feel responsible but not guilty).  The best Dommes always account for the well-being of their subs.