Thursday, June 22, 2017

June adventures with Chastity

So after my failed experiences with the Holy Trainer and Strict Gate earlier this year and doing some blog reading I was able to learn more about fit and lubrication than ever before.  My couple of weeks with the Holy Trainer was able to stretch me enough to fit back into the CB-6000S.  Unfortunately I found myself in a similar conundrum as before.  The ring/spacer combo that was comfortable allowed for horribly painful slip through of one nut.  Going to a smaller ring or shorter spacer led to circulation issues.  Fail by a matter of a millimeter or two no matter what I tried.

After doing some more blog browsing I decided to give things a look on Amazon.  Seems natural to order some Blurays, books, sex toys... all from the same place.  Amazon carries a slew of knock off CB's that are made in China but that are very inexpensive compared to the real versions.  We're talking like $20 vs. $160 cheap.  As much as I appreciate the R&D and quality control that goes into developing the devices in the first place, I really can't afford to spend hundreds on device after device that won't fit. 

So... I took a few chances.  The first item was a silicone CB-6000S in the $25 range.  I had read a blog giving a minor review of this and I figured I would give one a look.  I know that it wouldn't be secure, but I was curious if it would solve the pain/circulation issues and be "secure enough" for my current intents and purposes.  Basically, would be a realistic enough toy to mess around with for the time being.

The short answer, no.  The cage portion bends too easily due to my nonstandard anatomy.  Also, it has been hot/humid lately and any perspiration causes the silicone to chafe a lot and I don't have any silicone-safe lubricant that doesn't evaporate after like 15 minutes.  I have debated trying something along the lines of mix & matching the CB-6000's solid rings with the silicone cage or the solid cage with the silicone rings.  I may do that somewhere down the line.  The upside is that It only wasted $25 instead of $150.  This would, however, be a potential option for someone with more standard anatomy that is looking to mess around with it as a toy before taking the plunge into a more serious device. I have heard horror stories about knock off hard plastic CB's cracking and cutting people badly on their tender parts but I am not sure if these are true or urban legends spread by the manufacturers to convince you to spend $150 instead of $20.  I suppose if you are planning on wearing a cage for say, months at a time, it probably is worth the investment in the real deal, even if just for peace of mind.

I followed this up with attempt number two.  My first full metal device than a Houdini knock off I bought in like 2006 on ebay.  I believe this is a cheaply made Chinese device stolen from a design from a more reputable manufacturer.  I read a LOT of reviews on Amazon for the hundreds of options they have for steel devices.  Many of them were like "dude, the edges are sharp and will cut your dick."  Having spent time with the various generations of CB-X000's and some other devices I quickly zeroed in on the options that had what I was looking for.  1) I wanted a contoured ring.  2) I wanted a "closed" tube at the top as my anatomy and foreskin do some strange things as they shift around.  I was a bit wary of this device because many of the "magic lock" type devices had reviews about the locks breaking very easily, but having spent time with legit magic lock devices, the locks are somewhat questionable no matter what.  For $25, I figured I'd give it a go.

Lesson number one that I learned: Do not trust their ring measurements.  45mm in the CB-X000 line and on the Holy Trainer was fine for the ring size.  This one fit a lot smaller and probably is a bit too narrow.  Although there were some rough patches in the cage, they are not actually sharp.  Lesson number two that I learned: Do not trust their cage length measurements.  Either my perceptions of length are off or this cage is just shorter than it stated.  On the upside, the anatomical weirdness actually keeps the top of the ring from being flush with my pelvis so with that space the cage ended up being a length that just barely works in my flaccid state. 

This was my first experience with a cage that was short enough to block ANY attempt at erection.  As a grower that expands roughly 4X, in most cases the cages would allow for partial expansion, and if sufficiently lubed, the tube itself would provide some frustrating stimulation.  This device blocks it immediately as there is no room for any growth and the moderately enjoyable glory of frustration is instead replaced with a "WTF this is terrible!" sensation and emotion set.  You could argue for this being good or bad.

The downside is that the ring started causing pain.

This is on the way and should be here in a couple of days:

I have no intention of using the catheter tube but I ordered the larger ring size.  I am hoping that the ring/cage/lock are interchangeable between the two.  This photo makes it appear that the lock enters on the opposing side but the other two photos have it matching. I guess I will know in a few days.

In any case, at least with these three endeavors I have spent roughly half of what it costs for a "real" device. 

A Dilemma

With the help of a friend I was finally able to channel a deep subspace the other day.  It was the good kind of space... the kind that I write my fiction from and have been struggling to find for a few months now.  Something jumped out at me from the experience and I have stumbled upon a dilemma.  Well, I'm not even sure it is a dilemma for me, but I do believe it might be for others.  It also causes a bit of conflict between what is "probably best" for me vs. what I believe would make me happy.

It feels incredibly strange to write this, but following the return of my traumatic memories, the people in the community that are closest to me have actually been too supportive and understanding as I have dealt with it all.  I have come to understand that my anxiety is what is capable of trapping me in very deep deep subspace (the state I originally interpreted a few years ago as slavespace).  When people build up the damaged parts of me, the anxiety subsides and limits the effectiveness of my previously existing triggers into subspace.

Basically, the more normal I feel, the harder it is for me to achieve the mental state I crave the most.

This became abundantly clear when I wrote a fantasy fiction piece based upon a picture.  When you interact enough with people that are kink-friendly it is easy to forget how the "rest of the world" feels about things.  Imagining the thoughts of strangers reminded me.  When I write fiction I completely immerse myself mentally in the scene.  Writing this scene brought back was the intense anxiety that used to be common to me whenever I spoke about my kinks and the like.

This gives rise to some odd questions.  To be the submissive that I want to be, I have to feel broken.  I have to have given up on myself to such an extent that I can shed my own desires and focus upon her.  In turn, this means that my ideal fit is not a relationship that repairs me and makes me feel good about myself.  As a submissive I function better if I feel completely screwed up and afraid.

To outside eyes I can picture someone reading this and being like, "Dude, WTF."  I crave a state that is emotionally unhealthy but peaceful and fulfilling in other ways.  I would seek someone that would keep me weak, make me dependent upon her for my sense of worth, and be completely at her mercy.  All of this makes me love her more. I have lived this before and know that it is true.

I do not know how K or F came to terms with this.  They found a way to do this without doubts or regret.  I have to wonder how large of a mental hurdle that was to clear.  If she treats me this way because she loves me, but her love makes her want to treat me differently... I can see how this could be a trap.

I don't really know, I'm just letting my thoughts spin. 

Monday, June 19, 2017

Double Standards 2017 Part 2

Wow, I just realize how rant-like the last post felt.  It wasn't meant to be as it was actually supposed to be a contrast piece designed to inform someone about something I had talked about earlier.  I guess I should cut down on drinking Haterade. 

I did have something I wanted to follow up with.

In F/m D/s it is very possible for Dommes to wield those double standards as part of a humiliation and control dynamic.  People might have ethical objections to this but kink-shaming a male sub can serve to isolate him and make him feel like he has to try harder.  It makes the Domme seem more special because she is the one woman in the world that will tolerate/accept him while every other woman will think he is a disgusting pervert.  Conditioning this type of mindset has great potential to push a sub to being "all in" as the added pressure of keeping the only woman in the world who would accept him happy dis-empowers him quite a bit vs. if he feels like he has options, is desirable, etc. 

While this might seem unfair, it really isn't all that far off from the truth. 

Double Standards in Fantasy, Porn, and Kink - 2017 Edition

Yes, I'm revisiting a topic that I have written about before as it is fresh in my thoughts...

Today while leaving some comments on a blog entry I got to thinking about how there are societal double-standards when it comes to how men and women approach fantasy, porn, and kink.  This isn't something that gets talked about too often and I know that there will be people who have experienced the opposite of what I am about to write, but as a whole, I firmly believe that men and women are "taught" to behave and feel differently about these topics.

Men are expected to watch/look at porn.  This is generally unspoken outside of locker room talk, but part of being "one of the guys" is to like tits, want to fuck, and have a large stash of pornography that is called upon for masturbatory assistance.  For the most part, this isn't spoken about, it is merely assumed.  You are a man, you like porn. 

Women are not expected to watch/look at porn.  I know many women who do enjoy porn, but they stand out as anomalies because the acknowledgement if porn watching is generally reserved for men.  This rarely gets spoken about and it is generally assumed that if you are a proper lady, you do not watch porn.

While the view of porn tends to favor men, fantasy definitely favors women.  In place of porn, women are expected to read erotic novels, craft in-depth mental fantasies, and get turned on by symbols, environments, and situations.  This is frequently viewed as being more cultured than the stereotypical neanderthal "me see tits, me jerk off" masturbation habits of men.  Women with active imaginations and deep fantasies are considered experimental, sexually open/free/liberated, and in some cases, kinky.  It is acceptable to women to break out a pair of handcuffs, hint at an erotic spanking, and things of this nature.

In contrast, men who fantasize are perverse deviants.  Men are the wankers who jerk off to impossible ideals or porn stereotypes.  In their lowest form, they become fetishists.  As a fetishist, you are some evil soul that objectifies women and deserves to be portrayed as some degenerate pervert on CSI.  It doesn't matter what your fetish is, the fact that you have one basically turns you into a sex-offender.  You mean you're a guy and you don't just jerk off to tits and sex?  Disgusting pervert. 

When all is said and done we often turn to the kink communities in order to find open-minded people who are tolerant and will understand us.  This leads me to the next topic, kink shaming.  For those who aren't familiar with this term, it is basically what it sounds like, ridiculing someone because of their kinks.  For the most part, this happens asymmetrically in the BDSM community.  Men are kink-shamed.  Women are not. 

I'm not going to lie, men earn a lot of this.  The thousands of one-handed typers that harass and disgust women on a daily basis skew things badly.  That being said, there isn't a rush to separate the wankers from the people.  It is considered perfectly okay to treat a man who is respectful and articulate in the same way you would treat a man that messages you with a dick pic and the message "howru.  suck my cock." 

As this persists it can get really ugly.  There is never a shortage of men who make complete asses of themselves.  There is never a shortage of hate to be poured upon all men because of those other men.  Everyone gets jaded. 

It honestly gets a bit weird how this progresses.  It's sort of like... no matter what a woman likes and whatever her characteristics may be, that is okay.  A woman who is a little?  There are thousands of daddies out there.  A woman that is overweight?  There is an entire community set up around BBW worship.  A woman with a third leg?  There would be a line of men with foot or trampling fetishes several miles long wanting to be with her. 

But if you are a man and are into _______, holy shit you better watch out because you are a disgusting pervert that will have to pay $250 an hour to have your needs met.  You will read about how "all men are into _______ and it's impossible to find normal quality men."  You will be told "YKINMK" and then cut off.  You will be rejected without being given any form of chance whatsoever, because liking ______ makes you a pariah. 

This kind of sucks.  It's kind of unfair.  Lately I have noticed a lot more people noticing this and I consider that movement in the right direction.  It feels like there is a long ways to go.