Saturday, February 26, 2011

An Uphill Battle

Well... I tried my best to stave off the wave of depression that I could feel coming on for the past month or so but tonight it really set in.  I usually do a pretty good job of managing it but every so often things flare up in a bad way and now is one of those times.  It's kind of stupid actually, sitting here with all these terrible and negative thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head and I am fully aware that they are just my brain malfunctioning on a chemical level, but that doesn't make them go away nor keep them from stealing the joy from my day to day life.

I'm trying to pinpoint a root cause for why this is setting in now seeing as Mistress and I are doing decently well right now.  We aren't fighting, but we aren't really doing much either.  I think it's coming from gradually wearing down over the past couple of months with difficulties between Mistress and I, lots of problems with her son, my job undergoing "restructuring" that has made my work seem unappreciated and unnoticed, predominantly terrible weather, a couple of big problems going in in my extended family, and some car problems.  Now that I think about it, it might have been the flat tire I had today that was the straw that broke the camel's back.


I'm going to take a break from the blog-o-sphere for a while I try to get my head sorted out.  Hopefully it'll only take a few days but it may be a bit longer.  Spending too much time on the internet when I'm in this kind of mood tends to make it harder to work through it.  I do plan to draw as that has been bringing me pleasure and I will be posting drawings as I finish them.  I will check in now and then to reply to comments and emails.

I finished a drawing this evening and was in the process of writing a caption for it when everything sort of hit me.

Here it is (minus the caption which I may finish at a later date):

Thursday, February 24, 2011

And yet yet more practice

And yet more practice

For as long as I can remember I've always wished I was better at drawing so that I could draw sexy women.  I wish it wasn't so hard to get good at it.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Some more drawing practice

The facial features on my last drawing didn't turn out as well as I wanted them to so I did some more practice today and I'm fairly happy with how it turned out.

The nose isn't perfect but it's better than I've done in the past and I'm fairly happy with the lips.  The iris and pupils aren't quite what I was going for but the overall eye shape turned out quite well.

Conditioned Sexual Response and Forced Fetish Development

One of my former Mistresses had some pretty extensive experiences with extreme sexual conditioning and control.  She was very active in the lifestyle and attended many group functions and encountered many couples where the Dom had developed such a high level of control over the sub's sexual response that they could basically get turned on or off upon command.  In the most extreme cases the sub could either orgasm almost immediately in response to a particular command or couldn't orgasm without a command.


This was fairly early in my entry into the lifestyle and I found (and still find) this idea to be very intriguing and quite a turn on.  e.g. If she said "get hard" you'd automatically have an erection.  If she said "go limp" you'd lose an erection.  If she said "cum" you wouldn't be able to hold back an ejaculation even if only minimal stimulus was applied.  If she didn't say "cum" you couldn't ejaculate.

Unfortunately things didn't last long enough to ever go down this path but the idea has always remained in the back of my mind.  Over the years I've found there's a few ways that are able to manipulate the male sexual response, some of which are physical and others are more emotional/mental.  I find some of these options to be appealing while others are not.  I don't consider chastity to be a direct part of this (although it can be used to assist in conditioning) since it only controls the ability to get an erection, not the attempt at getting an erection.

The easiest method is through the use of a device.  A KTB comes to mind as probably the most prominent device of this type to condition a male to not get hard.  While effective it's probably best used in situations where the Domme doesn't want the sub to think of her in a sexual way.  Even if he is interacting with her sexually, he's not supposed to respond with any type of arousal.  A KTB definitely falls into the realm of negative reinforcement.


More intricate conditioning methods often take a lot of time to establish but at the same time, if they happen regularly over a long enough period of time the conditioning can firmly become a part of the sub's sexuality.  Consistent (or even ritualized) negative reinforcement can breed a subconscious association with the action leading to the negative treatment.  I believe the key here is that the negative reinforcement has to go beyond what will yield any enjoyment for the sub.  This may be difficult in some cases, especially subs that are intense masochists or crave complete degradation.  With some experimentation a Domme can probably find some negative act (or intensity of a negative act) that doesn't elicit a sexual response from the sub.  With enough time and negative conditioning a sub may stop responding sexually to something that once turned them on or find it much more difficult to get aroused by something in particular or in the most extreme cases find it difficult to get an erection without permission.

Using positive reinforcement to condition a positive sexual association is a bit more straight forward but it can be quite a bit more interesting depending upon how it is used.  In its easiest practical use, ordering a sub to partake in an activity the Domme enjoys but he dislikes and granting him a sexual reward afterward will eventually develop a positive sexual response in the sub towards that activity.  But what if this is taken to the extreme? 


Allowing a sub to ejaculate only under particular circumstances or during a specific act, in a certain environment, or under certain types of stimuli can, in essence, develop a fetish in the sub.  Since fetishes are believed to be developed through excessive masturbation while fantasizing about a specific object/situation, limiting a sub's ejaculation only when certain criteria are present (and possibly emphasized) is pretty much the same thing. 

With a bit of imagination it seems like a rather devious tool to be able to cause a sub to get off over something they initially had no sexual interest in. 

Any thoughts?

A new drawing

I feel like I regressed a bit on this one but it was more difficult than I thought it would be.

This used another picture from Mr Mockle as a model.