I think that the root of submission goes beyond a sexual need or a preference. The shared kink/sexual desires between a couple are what makes D/s consensual, but by itself, the kink can lend itself simply to the realm of being a top or a bottom. Something else is required to reach a “submissive mindset.” That is, something special is required for someone to be prepared for lifestyle submission.
First and foremost, I believe the greatest quality that caters to a submissive nature is the ability to love someone more than we love ourselves. Sometimes we have to take a minute to think about the magnitude of what this means. To love someone more than we love our selves… Can we picture a life “worth living” without her? Can we imagine being happy without her? When we embrace her with the entirety of our hearts… the thought of losing her… having that “piece” of our hearts ripped out and away… is unbearable. If you have felt this loss, it is as if the best parts of you have left and only a shell of a person remains.
It is scary to love her this much. Life is not permanent. Nothing is permanent. The future cannot be predicted. While this knowledge is scary, it’s also exactly why it is worth loving her that much. Because life is not permanent and the future cannot be predicted, throwing our selves “all in” seems like the best way to get the most out of our life and our love. This means appreciating the moment, appreciating the little things, and loving her like today is our last day together on Earth, and living a life without regret that we didn’t do “enough” to make the most out of our time with her.
This requires tremendous courage. If you have embraced this mindset you are not timid and weak, but incredibly brave and strong. This is an area where few dare to tread. If you can feel this way then your heart is capable of submitting with the entirety of your being.
Lifestyle submission requires something else that many may see as another “leap of faith.” To submit as a lifestyle requires us to trust her more than we trust ourselves. This is a tall order, but if you grew up with a decent parent(s), it’s something you have probably done at some time in your life. If you learned to share, eat your vegetables, keep yourself clean and groomed, keep your living areas (passably) tidy, and be a responsible with your job, bills, and living situation, there’s a very good chance you trusted a parent (or parental figure) as they knew what was best for you. You may not have liked doing what you had to do when you did it, but you now know how to live because of it. They saved you from being a child forever.
In lifestyle D/s we trust her to make many decisions that are in our best interests, even if it is unpleasant at the time. She makes rules regarding our behavior and conduct and we trust that they are in our best interest. Just as strangers offering candy appeal to the base natures of a child, the temptation to masturbate when horny and unsupervised appeals to our base natures as an adult. Those base natures may lead us to violate her trust and make an act meaningless that could have been something shared and special. Often we fall victim to what we want in our primal, animalistic state that is not what we really want as a rational being. We must trust that she has the best interests of the relationship in mind and that she can protect us from ourselves.
Above all, the most important reason to empower her with that much trust is that it keeps her happy and present in our world so that we may share our love with her. Following this path may not be the most pleasant road. There will be hardships, struggles, and pain as she corrects our wrongs and molds us into her ideal companion. We must embrace this about her. This is a very generous undertaking that places a lot of responsibility upon her. We must love her for this. We must trust that she will make our lives more rewarding, exciting, and meaningful than if we were left to our own devices.
It takes a lot of courage and strength to make these choices but this is what submission means to me.