November Chastity Failings

So I gave the HT V2 knockoff another chance with the 50mm ring and paid specific attention to lubrication and equilibrium placement... and I ended up having a nut pull through.  This wouldn't be as big of an issue if "pulling through" meant it went through cleanly.  Unfortunately, for those who have had that happen, it means it got crushed and deformed and painfully yanked through an opening it wasn't meant to fit through.  High and tight strikes again.

I tried both that and another device I have with a 45mm ring.  I spent a lot of time attempting to fix the bunching issue again with more lubing.  I was able to last 12 hours before I woke up to searing pain and the next day was experiencing signs of slight bruising and early pressure sore formation.  So... I'm pretty convinced that ring is too small.

As there isn't a 47-48mm ring to try, I'm pretty much looking at pain and discomfort no matter what, it's just a choice of which type of pain.

Nothing I have is looking like a viable long-term option and I'm scared to invest more money down the chastity hole.  On the upside, at least this one was under $30.

Fiction: fs01 - Cassandra's Blog Bonus Chapter: Chastity

Author’s Note: This bonus chapter is a mock Question and Answer session done by Cassandra on her blog. It could take place at any time after Arc 1.

---------------

Cassandra's Blog Bonus Chapter - Q & A: Chastity

Dear Ms. C.

You write about keeping your sub chaste on an almost permanent basis. I’m new to the lifestyle and just don’t understand what the appeal of chastity is for both Domme and sub. Would you please share your thoughts on what you like about it so that I can try to understand?

-ShyMiss

Thank you for the wonderful question, ShyMiss. I remember a time when chastity didn’t make sense to me either. I enjoy sex and the thought of removing that from the equation felt like I would be losing an intimate act that brings me pleasure. While I took control of my sub’s orgasms at the beginning of the relationship, it took several years before I put him in a chastity device. This was done at the behest of my former sub K, but somewhere down the road something changed.

I realized that I love control more than I love intercourse. I love that his pleasure and relief are kept under my lock and key. I love that his sexual frustration makes him ache for me. I love how every time he attempts an erection it reminds him of being owned. I love the way that prolonged chastity has changed how he thinks and has made him more submissive. His orgasms happen so infrequently that his entire focus is on my pleasure.

I still get a bit giddy when I think about it. I completely own his cock and I love it.

If I want to be completely honest, I have to say that there is a darker side at work here as well. My sub enjoys erections (he is a horny little slut). In our earlier days I used to love how perky it was when I would keep him naked and send him scurrying around the house, his penis bouncing around, all eager to please me. Now, I listen to the voice of my inner-sadist a little more. He loves his erections and that makes me want to take them away. Denying him such a simple pleasure mmm… I love it. That metal belt around his waist is truly unnecessary, I just can’t resist keeping him in it, knowing that it takes away something that he enjoys. The longer it stays this way the more I love it.

I still let him inside of me every so often, so it’s not like I do without it completely. I just make sure to wait until my desire to feel him outweighs my darker desires.

END

Fiction: fs01 - Part 66

Author’s Note: This takes place a few days after Part 65.

------------------

LXVI

The next few days with Lisa turned into an extended “practice session” for her newfound Domme persona. Her instincts are sharp, she just needs to learn to trust them and gradually get over the guilt hurdle. I remain present as Lisa recounts the experiences of the week to Mistress upon her return.

I feel a bit uneasy as things go, constantly worried that something I did will appear as disloyal to Mistress. I know I should have more faith in her and trust that she is rational enough to appreciate that she gave orders to obey, no matter what that might entail. She seems more focused on Lisa’s progress and applauds her masterful handling of me.

Mistress brings Lisa up to speed on how things are going with Brittany. They moved a large amount of items from her home with them and managed to hit every fetish hot spot along the way. It sounds almost like the tales of some college students and a crazy spring break road trip.

I would be lying if I said that I haven’t been curious about where the Brittany situation will finally end up. They are growing inseparable, but unlike in the case of Tristan, Brittany is an active participant in regards to me as well. I get no indication she would want to take Mistress away from me and if anything, it feels more likely that she will insert herself into our lives even more.

As Lisa departs I wish her farewell with a modified ritual of her own creation. She displays it for Mistress to see. After I complete the kisses upon her feet, she lifts her foot and places it on the back of my head, while I kiss the ground where her foot stood, a proper way to “worship the ground she walks on.” It also serves to remind me to keep the entryway floor spotless as allowing any sort of slush buildup from tracked in snow leads to a rather unpleasant experience during this ritual.

Mistress startles me as I rise from my knees. She leans into me, pressing my back flat against the wall, her hand clasping my wrist and pinning it back. Her breathing is heavy as her nostrils flare each time she inhales. Her eyes pierce mine as she stares in silence, her red lips pursed in such a way that I am unable to read her expression. I tilt my head back as my eyes open wide, surprised and a little bit afraid of her demeanor.

“Are you happy to see me, pet?”

I nod slowly, without breaking eye contact. She presses in closer and I feel her ribs expand and contract as her breathing remains heavy. Her other hand lifts the front of my dress as she glides her hand down my naval and onto the front plate of my chastity belt. I feel her nails tapping on the tube.

I’m completely entranced by Mistress. I dare not look away but her gaze makes my heart quiver and my hairs stand on end. She touches her forehead against mine, the angle of her head looking down upon me makes me feel tiny in her presence.

“What do you want to do today, pet?”

My breath shudders as I’m unable to respond. My mind falls blank. I can’t remember the last time she asked me this, probably years. I’ve disciplined myself not to want anything for myself. I answer the first thing that comes from my heart.

“Something that you will enjoy, Mistress.”

Her lips part into a wide grin as she leans her lips close to my cheek. The smell of her perfume makes me dizzy.

“I want to make you ache for me.” My heart flutters as warmth rushes through me. It has been a while since I felt like she longed for me as much as I do for her.

She releases her grip on my wrist and calmly grabs hold of the leather strap on the front of my uniform. With slow steps she heads up the stairs and I follow behind her. I am hers…

Before long I find myself in the bedroom, free of the confines of my uniform. I breathe heavily as she buckles a leather collar around my neck. Wrist and ankle cuffs follow. Mistress motions with her head. I climb onto the bed and turn onto my back. She secures me spread eagle with locks to the bedposts. I tilt my head back and wait. I know better than to get overly anxious.

Moments later she climbs into the bed and kneels beside me. She shifts her weight and adjusts her legs, the black leather knee high boots press against the sheets. A fur stroller hangs open, displaying her naked body as her hair drops down around the collar. She cups her breasts in her hands, the black finger-less gloves on her hands… her favorites… the ones with fur on the palms. She takes a deep breath and shudders as she exhales. My sex strains against the belt.

My Goddess sits before me. She leans down and kisses me on the mouth. My eyes close. Hers remain open. That glare… predatory… piercing. I open my eyes and her gaze locks upon me. Her tongue violently enters my mouth. I feel my lungs fill with her air. I heave through my nose, drunk on the scent of her perfume and sex. As she pulls away she bites my lip and giggles.

She quickly shifts and straddles my naked thighs. I feel my skin scorched by her heat. She again cups and caresses her breast. Mistress arches her back and lets out a deep moan. I tug against the chains. I want to touch her… feel her… taste her. Her eyes lock onto mine again. Her lips part with a sly grin, her white teeth flashing from behind her red-painted flesh. She gyrates her hips, grinding in the air, stopping an inch above the metal plate imprisoning my crotch. I look down my body. My penis presses itself firmly against the shiny metal. Mistress, I want you.

She lurches forward, continuing to gyrate. She extends her hands, parking them and supporting her weight on my chest. It is hard to breathe. I don’t care. Her fingers find my nipples and they pinch, tease, and twist. They harden in her fingers. I tilt my head back and moan. Please, Mistress, free me from this belt.

She alternates between the fur palms and the sharp bite of her nails against my pointed flesh. She knows what this does to me. She continues to hover over my pelvis, gyrating and grinding… taunting me with what I want so badly. She retracts her left hand, leaving the right in place gripping my nipple. I watch as she cups her breast, rubs it in a spiral, and then slides the palm down her body. Across her ribs, past her navel, it continues to creep as it sinks below her waist.

She bites her lip and moans as her palm rubs over her clitoris and the opening of her sex. I feel her thighs flex against mine. Her grip tightens and pulls on me until I squeal. Mistress exhales hard out her nose, her nostrils flaring as her eyes stare through me. They regain their focus and she quickly leans in and rubs her left palm upon my nose.

“I’m so wet.” Her words pulse out unevenly, matching the awkward rhythm of her breathing.

It’s warm… moist… fragrant. I inhale deeply and savor the smell of her sex. She smears the glove on my face, leaving a streak of moisture on my upper lip, filling me with her scent. She retracts her hands and leans back. I open my eyes and watch her grip the shiny metal around her neck. She yanks on the thin chain, tearing it from her as her hands work rapidly, inserting the key into the front of my belt.

My ecstasy is interrupted by a quick return of my wits… knowledge… awareness… the front plate of my belt moves up, sliding my sex from its metal tube. I feel my cock pulse and twitch as it attempts to thicken itself and rise. She cups it with her palms and gently assists in its awakening. I let out a gasp as it returns to form. Mistress’s hands quickly leave my flesh. I raise my hips, begging for attention. She leans back, continuing to grind over me.

“How badly do you want me, pet?”

“Mistress… I love you.”

“I know you love me. Do you lust for me?”

“Yes, Mistress… I want to touch you… feel you… I long for you.”

Her hands return to my swollen member as she resumes the rubbing and teasing. Her left hand cups the base, moving in small motions. I watch as she inserts the index finger of her right hand into her mouth and pulls it out with a slurp. I feel her fingertip gently swirl the base of the frenulum.

I let out a cry as I raise my hips and attempt to fuck her hand. She makes a gentle circle with her finger and rolls it with her thumb.

“I actually love to watch you cum, pet. I want to hear you whimper.”

I relax my throat and mouth and allow the air to pass normally. I soon erupt with a series of moans and squeals as she continues her work. Her sex hovers above my thighs, I can feel her intense heat and moisture.

“How much do I mean to you, pet?”

“Mistress, you are my entire world.”

“Will you cum for me, pet?”

“Yes, Mistress.”

She builds up her speed and rhythm, both hands tightening their grip. My dribbling sex lubricates her hand as she continues the stimulation. I feel my brain slipping away. I want her. I want to cum for her. Soon it is blank except for the primal instinct to keep going. I bounce my hips, increasing the speed of progress within her grip. My breathing becomes staccato and my moans pulse violently.

“Cum for me now, pet.”

My head tilts back. My back arches. My toes point straight down. I feel it build and I force it to erupt. I can barely remember these feelings.

A final deep breath. I feel her hands around me. She presses her thumb firmly against its base.

I let out a panged cry. The muscles contract and pulse and pulse and pulse. Mistress begins to laugh. I continue to buck my hips but she lowers herself onto me, pinning me to the bed. Pulse, pulse, no relief. Finally the muscles stop their seizures. She releases her grip. I feel the fluid slowly dribble out. This awful feeling. I ache. I whimper. I cry out. I become very aware of my sex… it throbs. I am still erect. I can feel the slow leak dribbling down my scrotum and onto the bed sheet. I let out a small sob as I attempt to hump the air in vain. The ache remains.

Mistress’s laugh rings out loudly throughout the room. I open my eyes and watch as she holds her sides and howls. She regains her composure and quietly wipes my genitals dry with the sheet. A quick grip and slap of my cock renders it flaccid. The cool touch of steel returns as the lock clicks, securing the plate in place. I close my eyes and sob quietly.

“Oh my poor little pet. If you keep making that face I’ll have to beat you for being selfish. Would you really have taken an orgasm and deprived me of this much fun?”

A small tear runs down my cheek as her words settle into my heart. She’s right. I restore a poker face but I feel like an empty shell. With a few motions she releases my wrists from the chains and rolls over to do the same to my ankles.

“Hurry and get up.” She shoos me with her hands.

I rise and lower my head. She clears her throat.

“Thank you Mistress for such personalized sexual attention.”

I kneel and kiss her feet. First the right foot, then the left.

Moments later she locks me in the bedroom cage. My hands secured behind me. A gag secured tightly in my mouth.

She carries her toy bag from the dresser to the bed and sits. I gaze upon her with longing.

“Stay awake, pet. I expect you to count how many orgasms I have. There will be a quiz later.”

I slump down in the cage, thoroughly defeated. The hum of the toy reaches my ears. Her moans follow.

END ACT

Fiction: fs01 - Part 45

XLV

We spend the next day and a half together.  We barely speak but this is not a bad thing.  We are simply close to each other; I feel her love and I share my love with her.  I have never seen Mistress this clingy but I can say that I do not mind it at all.  We never leave each other’s sight.  Although she brought home several gallons of my prison food she tried one sip and decided to order in for our meals. 

We lay together in bed in the afternoon, our bodies pressed tightly together in her favorite spooning position. 

“pet, are you okay?”

“Yes, Mistress, your pet loves you.” 

“Are you really okay?

“Yes, Mistress, your pet understands.”

“Just what do you understand, pet?”

“Mistress has been exploring… feeling her way… through the darkness.”

She pauses.  I feel her breathing shift as she processes and gathers her words. 

“I’ve been worried, pet.  Have I been pushing you too far?”

“Your pet suffers for you, Mistress.  It makes your pet happy to serve you.”

“Answer the question, pet.”

Her fingers find my nipples and squeeze.  I let out a small gasp and feel my sex strain against the belt.  My senses awaken and her scent intoxicates me; my head spins.  I take a deep breath and release the feelings of my heart.

“Mistress, some things have hurt and scared your pet a lot.  They made your pet’s heart hurt.  Your pet felt broken.”

I hear her sniffle as she places her lips on the back of my neck and plants a kiss.  Her arms tighten around me.  I place my hands on hers; she is so warm.

“I’m so sorry, pet.  I feel this wickedness inside of me and it scares me.  It wants to hurt you… it wants to see you suffer.”

“Does it feel good, Mistress?”

She pauses.  I can feel her heart beat through her chest. 

“Yes, pet.  It feels good… it makes me feel… alive.  I get so wet just thinking about it.  I feel so guilty about it later.”

I smile but our positions hide my face from hers.  She shares with me more than normal.  She is conflicted.  It shakes her confidence.  I smile because she is open with me.  I love her.

“Can you find a balance, Mistress?”

“A balance of what, pet?”

“A balance of the wickedness and love, Mistress.”

“I don’t know, pet.”

I think of the promises in my heart.  I feel uneasy… like this time is critical… what I say next is important… and what it will mean to the both of us.  I squeeze her hands. 

“What does the wicked voice say, Mistress?”

She takes a deep breath.  Her body shifts as she leans her head back.  She presses her hips against me and I feel her heat build.

“pet… it wants to string you up and bite you with my whip and hear you scream.  It wants to lock you down and violate you until you whimper and sob.  It wants to brand you and mark you as mine.”

She grinds her crotch against me and squeezes me tighter.  My brain twitches with fear but my heart remains hers.

“It wants to keep you locked in chains just to see you struggle.  Oh, God, pet.  It wants to seal your chastity belt just to watch the anguish on your face as it happens.”

Her skin burns like fire.  I cannot deny that she scares me right now.  My love for her is stronger.  I steel my resolve.

“Mistress, what if your pet would love you more if you did any of those things?  What if your pet would love you more for having trust and faith… strong enough to be who you are?”

Her lips touch the back of my neck again.  Her grinding stops.  She cries softly against me. 

“Mistress, your pet loves you no matter who you are.  Your pet is here for you no matter what.  Your pet will always love you… will always be here for you… your pet believes in you.”

She hugs me without speaking, the silence interrupted only by the sounds of her gentle cries.  I feel her tears on my back.  I sense her battle… her conflict that rages within her.

“Mistress, your pet has felt your whip and endured.  Your pet has been violated by you and endured.  Your pet has felt your chains and endured.  Your pet would wear your mark with pride.  Your pet would let you seal him and show you his anguish.  Your pet would still love you.  Your pet loves to see you grow.  Your pet grows with you.”

Her tears slow; she sniffles as her breathing gradually calms. 

“I love you, my pet.”

“Your pet loves you, Mistress.”

“pet, I think it’s cute the way you talk now.  I will have to thank Amanda.”

I blush briefly, realizing that my speech patterns have changed unconsciously. I smile again, knowing her heart is calm. 

"pet, I want you to keep talking that way when in slave mode.  When we are intimate like this I want you to speak normally."

"Yes, Mistress.  Your... I understand."

“You know, pet, I would never seal your chastity belt.  I still like to feel you inside me, I just make myself wait for it… it is special.”

My heart calms as well.  I squeeze her hands tightly.  We lay together in silence, I can tell from her breathing that she is thinking… processing… coming to terms.  I hear her lips, her tongue clicks lightly against her teeth as she finds the words.

"If you want to see your new Mistress I will show her to you when she is ready."

I lift her hand to my mouth and place a kiss on it.

"I might make some mistakes, pet.  Are you okay with that?"

"Yes, Mistress."

"I will do my best to find a balance."

"Yes, Mistress, I will do my best for you as well.

She shoves me away and wiggles her way to the other side of the bed.

“Fetch your cuffs and collar, pet.”

“Yes, Mistress.” 

I roll off the bed and move across the room to retrieve them.  She stands on the far side of the bed, straightening her robe.  She is beautiful.  My Queen.  My Goddess.  My Mistress. 

She makes her way casually to the dresser, retrieving her hat and placing it on her head.  The remote beeps and the cold air begins to flow.  I kneel before her and lift my hands, presenting the leather restraints.  She takes the collar in her hands and I lower my head.  I feel the cool leather close around my neck.  I feel it tighten, the buckle closes and the click of the lock securing it in place.  The wrist restraints follow, she tugs at each hand; I can smell her.  My cock reacts but its metal prison swiftly blocks its advance.     

I lie on my back and hold my feet up while Mistress attaches the ankle cuffs.  This position leaves me feeling very exposed.  The brim of her hat casts a shadow that hides her eyes from me.  The smirk of her lips is all I have to go on.  The last lock clicks and I relax my legs and shift to my knees. 

“slave, get on the bed, face down.  I think your hole could use some stretching.  The girls told me they thought you were a little too tight.”

I try to fight back the groan without success. 

“I’m joking, pet.  That look on your face is priceless.  I want you face up.”

I lower my head and feel my face burn.  Mistress loves to push my buttons.  I make my way to the bed and slide onto my back.  I spread my arms and legs as close to the corner restraints as I can.  She follows and locks my ankles in place and attaches my collar to the headboard. 

“I want to feel your hands, pet.”

She surprises me with her next act, her hands fumble through the keys as she locates the one for my belt.  The lock opens and the front plate slides off.  My penis twitches in the open air.  The belt loosens.  She taps my hip with her hand, I raise my torso and she slides the belt out from under me.  She taps the shaft of my sex with her fingers and it springs to life at her command. 

The bed shifts as she crawls on.  Her aura has changed in an instant.  She is a predator and I am her prey.  Mistress parts the bottom of her robe and straddles my thighs; I feel her heat.  She runs her hands over her breasts, massaging them with the fur lining of her robe.  Her chest expands with a deep breath.  The intensity of my erection builds. 

She takes it in her hands.

“Is this the best you can do, pet?  I thought you would be more excited.” 

I shut my eyes tight and my face flushes red with shame.  It grows within her grip.

“Good boy.  The last thing I wanted to hear is ‘it’s because of the chastity belt, Mistress.’”  She smirks and mocks me.  It forces itself to grow larger.

“My, my, pet.  I think we found something new, haven’t we?”

My reply is meek and timid.  My body’s reactions tell her all. 

“Yes, Mistress.”

She slides upward over my body and guides herself onto my engorged penis.  She exhales deeply as I fill her insides.  Her heat surrounds me as her muscles flex, tightly gripping the shaft.  I let out a small moan of pleasure.  This is a privilege. 

“Don’t cum, pet.  If you lose control I swear that I will have your testicles removed, bronzed, and turned into earrings.”  My eyes open wide.  Her words have a sobering effect.  She lets out a giggle, disarming me and I again lose myself in her presence. 

Her hands grasp my wrist and pull them to her hips.  She moves them in place before I take over.  I glide my palms over her body through the robe, up and down, tracing the contours of her hips… her waist… her ribs.  She grinds upon me.  I feel her chest expand with each breath.  She tilts her head back, her face finally leaves the shadow of her hat’s brim.

My Mistress is beautiful.  Her hands glide over her breasts.  Her mouth opens and her eyes stare off into nothing.  I forget everything, mesmerized by her form and the power of her sex.  I love her.  I tilt my hips and direct my cock at her G-spot.  She continues to grind, sliding up and down, its tip finds her front wall and her breath shudders as it leaves. 

Mistress bobs and grinds upon me, each cycle plunging deeper.  I thrust my hips to meet her, eliciting low moans from her diaphragm.  I zone in on her pleasure, my thoughts focus, occasionally interrupted by simple impulses… lucky… love… special… Goddess.

Our rhythm finds its sync, I force myself against her G-spot with every motion.  In and out, up and down, she pulls my hands up and I cup her breasts.  I gently massage and knead her body through the robe.  Her fingers find my nipples, teasing, twisting, and pinching until my sex grows again inside of her. 

I’m lost in a wave of love and lust, the scents of her perfume and sex fill the air around me.  Her muscles grip me tighter as she forces my hips against the bed.  She silences her moan by plunging her tongue deep into my mouth.  Her hunger burns… and feasts upon my soul.  She bites my lip and I whimper; she responds with a violent hiss. 

Her body bounces upon me, faster, harder, her ferocity builds.  I focus my motions and key in on her pleasure zones.  She digs her nails into my tender flesh and rips her hands away, grabbing my wrists and pinning them to the bed on either side of my shoulders.  Her face hovers over mine, her mouth his open, her eyes are lost, she arches her back. 

Our thrusts meet with an impact, the slap of flesh on flesh blends into the sounds of our sex.  The jingling of chains, the creak of the bed, her pleasure cries build and fill the room.  Her muscles crush me and rip at my sex.  She is close. 

Deeper, harder, faster, keep going deeper.  Her thighs pinch my body as her hips continue to slam against mine.  Her nails dig into the skin of my wrists and my hands begin to tingle.  She thrashes about, up and down, in and out, I keep pumping to meet her.  My beautiful Mistress… my Queen… my Goddess… I long for her pleasure.  I feel her muscles twitch around me, she tilts her head back and wails. 

I feel my head drift toward ecstasy.  The pleasure consumes me.  I continue my motions… trained… habit… my body continues to please her.  I feel her insides contract and spasm, they shake around me, she calls out.  Pump… pump… pump… her body tightens and shakes; I feel her juices upon my skin.  She quickly slides off and slumps against my hips. 

My brain continues to seep with desire.  I hump the air and whimper.  She cups my scrotum in her hand and delivers a firm slap to my cock.  I screech as it falls limp between my legs.  My hips cease and my breathing slows, sanity slowly returns to my head. 

She sprawls out next to me, her arm sprawled over my chest.  I close my eyes and inhale the scent of her perfume.  I love her.  She nuzzles her face against my shoulder. 

“I love you, my pet.”

“I love you with all of my being, Mistress.” 

We lie motionless together.  The rise and fall of her body with each breath entrances me.  I am happy.  Minutes pass.  She rolls onto her stomach, her body half over mine, and our eyes meet.  She regains her composure more quickly than I do.  Her lips part with a grin.

“I miss you as my sissy, pet.  I want you to change into your old uniform.  That will have to do until the shop can get version 3.0 ready.  Version 2.0 isn’t cutting it, the collar affects your ability to pleasure me and I want access to your nipples.  It makes me so wet to see you in your uniform.”

I furrow my brow without making a sound. 

“I think the slave has forgotten his place.”  My eyes open wide and I squeal as she gives my nipple a hard twist.  She changes gears at will.  I feel my sex twitch and it soon stands on end. 

“I don’t remember your contract giving you any vacation days.  How many days are you behind on your chores, slave?  I will have to think of a suitable punishment.”

Mistress slides away from me and pushes me forward with her hands.  She releases the locks binding me in place. 

“After we put your belt back on, get dressed and wait for me in your cage in the dungeon until I summon you.”

“Yes, Mistress.”

END ACT

Fiction: fs01 - Part 10

Authors Notes:
This takes place a short while following Part 9.

-------------------------------------------------
X

I wake early.  Mistress still sleeps.  I watch her on the bed from between the bars.  Her chest slowly moving up and down.  She is beautiful.  She stores my cage in her bedroom now.  It's a vast improvement from the basement and it made me very happy.  I still long to share her bed, but she saves that for special occasions.

It's Sunday.  Mistress has the day off.  She enjoys sleeping in.  I wait patiently.  It's hard to contain my excitement.  It's the anniversary of our collaring ceremony.  It's a special day.  It also means I get released for my orgasm.  My sex strains against the belt.  My thoughts are dirty.  They're the one day they can be.

Mistress wakes.  I watch her slowly clear the cobwebs.  She stretches.  The grace of her form entrances me.  I love her.  I turn in my cage in anticipation, like a dog excited for their owner's return.  She smiles.  She walks past me and retreats for the bathroom without looking.  My Mistress.

I hear the shower.  She's teasing me.  I twist and turn.  Mistress.

She takes her time.  I hear the hairdryer.  I hear her tooth brush.  I want to touch her.

She returns to the room.  Her nude form stands before me.  I can smell her body wash.  The belt prevents my arousal.  She approaches the cage and stands above me looking down.  Her hand touches my head through the bars.  I press against it.  Our eyes meet.  She smiles.  Her eyes are warm with love.  My eyes scream.  Let me out.

She wiggles her fingers.  No keys.  Tease.  She takes her time and walks slowly towards the dresser.  Her hips sway more than usual.  I lust for her.  She retrieves the keys and walks towards me.  She takes the lock in her left hand.  I watch the key move closer to the lock.  I tense in anticipation.

Mistress flips her hand over and drops the keys to the floor.  She makes a funny face at me.

"Oh, pet, I dropped the keys and I can't reach them, whatever shall I do?"  She feigns disappointment.  Mistress is cute.

I turn myself.  My face presses against the bars.  I stretch my hand out.  The chains work as advertised.  I lean my whole body against the side.  The bars dig into my ribs.  I glance out of the corner of my eye.  My fingers reach.  I flip my index finger.  A small clink.  Stretch.  Reach.  Damn small hands.  My middle finger catches the edge of the key ring.  I lunge into the side  The cage leans for a second.  My hand closes around them.  I catch my breath and turn inside the cage.  I rise on my knees, digging my back and arms into the top bars and slowly inch my way backwards.  My butt presses against the bars closest to Mistress.  She smacks the left cheek.  Then the right.

I feel her pry the keys from my hands.  The lock clicks and the door creaks.  I shuffle backwards out the cage, turn myself, bend down and kiss her feet.  First the right foot, then the left.  I make myself as tall as possible.  Mistress undoes the wrist chains.  I tip onto my back and raise my legs.  She pulls up on the chain and smacks my butt again before releasing me from my bonds.  She tosses the keys towards the dresser.  They land with a clank and a jingle.

Mistress turns away from me and extends her arm.  I scurry to retrieve her things.  I slide the rob onto her arm and gently pull it around her body.  I straighten the collar and cinch the belt around her waist.  I'm tempted to sneak a feel of her breasts but I know better.  She does it for me, caressing them with her hands accompanied by a light moan.  I stand on my toes and place her hat on her head.  She lifts her foot.  I kneel and ease it into her slipper.  We repeat this with the other.  I bow my head and kiss her feet again.  First the right foot, then the left.

"Prepare my breakfast, slave.  While I'm eating I want you to get ready for the day.  Full grooming."

Shortly after I serve her.  She sits and eats.  I stand at attention.  She takes her time, savoring every bite.  I love her.  My Mistress.

Mistress finishes eating.  She motions to me.  I approach and present my hands.  Mistress turns up the  fur cuffs and removes the locks.  I turn and kneel.  She repeats with the collar and headharness. I move onto my back and raise my legs.  She releases the locks on the boots.

She shoos me away with her hand.  I bow and depart to the bathroom for my rituals.  Hot water.  I will never take it for granted ever again.  I shower and shave my entire body.  I wash my hair, another thing I will never take for granted again.  I exit the bathroom and my uniform is nowhere to be found.

I report to Mistress in the living room.  3 boxes accompany her on the couch.  She passes me the first box.  I open it.  It's a replica of my maid's uniform, this time in pure white on white with white fur.  I dress for her, carefully, ensuring everything is in place and "proper."  Our locking ritual follows.

"Take a few steps back and model for me, slave."
I do as she commands.  Her lips part into a smile.  Her eyes are alive, but in a different way.
"It's our collaring anniversary, slave.  Your uniform is the symbolize purity.  For a slave, this means your thoughts should remain pure, they should remain focused upon me instead of your orgasm."

My face turns red and I close my eyes.  Mistress picks up her phone.
"Smile for the camera."  Click.

I hear her phone click and clack.  A ding.  Another ding.
"I just sent this picture to Dom."  My body tenses.
"I told her this was your 'purity' outfit.  She replied with "give him to me for a few hours and he'll never feel 'pure' ever again."  Mistress laughs.  Involuntary fear creeps into my body.

"Oh, look, she sent a video of her new hobby."  Mistress turns her phone toward me.  The video plays back on the screen.

It's Sammy in a humbler.  He's on his knees, his face is on the floor.  His hands are chained behind him and suspended midway up by a chain to his collar.  His ankles are chained together as well.  He shuffles around the floor on his knees and face, moving as fast as he can.  Dominique sits on the couch firing an air soft gun at his naked buttocks.  She laughs with every shot.  Plunk, plunk, plunk.  Sammy grunts loudly with each impact on his tender skin.  Another shot.  Sammy shrieks and falls to the ground on his side.  Dominique shouts "BULLSEYE!" and throws her arms up with a maniacal cackle.  The video replays the last shot with a slow motion zoom in, showing the plastic pellet striking his scrotum.  The flesh ripples as he topples to the floor.  The final scene is Dominique in a pair of sunglasses.  "I'll be back," doing her best Ahnold.  I don't know if I should laugh or be terrified.

Mistress chooses to laugh.  She's beautiful.  I smile at the relief that it is him and not me.  It's not often that I am glad to be in a nearly impenetrable steel chastity belt.  The rest of the afternoon passes quickly.  I perform my daily chores.  Mistress relaxes and enjoys her day off.

On the anniversary of our collaring ceremony we replay the events of that fateful day when Mistress made me hers.

I prepare her an elaborate dinner.  Wine.  Appetizers, and salad.  A main course of sauteed shrimp, roasted asparagus, garlic potatoes.  A small lava fudge cake for desert.  I make them all from scratch.  I cook with love.

I serve her each course one by one.  As she starts the next course she places her leftovers from the previous course on the floor next to her.  I kneel and am permitted to eat while she eats.  This makes me happy.  I smile.  I love her.  My Mistress.

She leaves me a little bit from each course.  When I serve the cake, she eats it all.  She is beautiful.

We retreat to the living room.  She sits on the couch.  I kneel before her.  I bow and kiss her feet.  First the right foot, then the left.  She extends her right leg.  I take it gently in my hands and support her leg with my thigh.  I caress it.  I rub it.  She moans.  My fingers gently and firmly work along her foot.  The sole, the arch, the heel, the top.  I am well-practiced.  No tickling.  No discomfort.  Finger tips.  The pads of my thumb.  She moans and squirms in the chair.  She is beautiful.  My Mistress.

I gently work each toe.  Her head tilts back.  When I finish, I place her pinkey toe in my mouth.  I gently suck and caress it with my tongue.  She moans louder and grabs the side of the couch.  I move to the next, careful not to overstimulate the nerves.  Suction.  I press my tongue and swirl.  She rubs herself through her robe.  I strain against my belt.  I lust for her.

I work my way down her foot.  Our eyes meet.  She's in "pleasure mode."  She rubs faster.  I tease her on the last toe, mixing up the pressure.  She glares but is too worked up to be angry.  I did this our first night as well.  Old habits die hard.

We change feet and continue.  Mistress continues to touch herself.  I can tell from her pace, she's stoking the flames without boiling over.  I follow the same pattern on this foot.  The sole, the arch, the heel.  I gently work the top.  I admire her control.  She's pacing herself.

I get to the toes and I take my time.  The sound of her fingers on the fabric.  Fwap fwap fwap fwap.  She grows impatient.  I take my time.  I'm a tease, too.  She moves faster.  Her moans grow deeper.  By the time I finish I can smell her.  The blaze has become an inferno.

She stands towering over me.  Our eyes meet.  I am meat.  I fell in love with these eyes the moment I saw them.  They are daggers.  Carnivorous.  Primal.  Passionate.  My Mistress and her beautiful eyes.  I love her as they stab into my soul and begin to tear.  Without a word she turns and marches.  I follow her.  To the bedroom.

She stands at the foot of the bed.  Switch in hand, tapping against her other.  I kneel before her and place my hands behind my head.  Her fingers touch my chin.  Her eyes change.  Fire mixes with ice.

"Face down on the bed."

I bend at the waist and comply.  I feel her leg step between mine.  She shoves it out wide.  Her other leg repeats the process.  They strain under the discomfort.  Her crotch presses against my ass.  I can feel her heat through the robe.

I feel her hand grasp my wrist.  She is purposefully rough.  She forces it behind my back and presses upward.  I whine in pain.  I hear a click.  Mistress grabs the other wrist and pulls my arm back.  Her sex grows hotter.  She twists her wrist and it hurts.  Another click.  She yanks on the chain and pulls my arms back.  I groan.

I feel her step back.
"I will ask you questions, slave, and you will answer them."  She hisses her words.

"Are you worthy of serving me?"
"No, Mistress, no one is worthy of serving you.  Serving you is a privilege you place upon the unworthy."
"Good answer, slave."

Smack smack smack.  The switch lands and bites over and over.  I cry out.

"How much do you love me, slave?"
"I love you more than life itself, Mistress.  I love you more than anything in the world.  You are the love of my life, the reason I live."
"Good answer, slave."

Smack Smack Smack.  I scream.

She's panting.  I hear the fwaps.  She's enjoying this.

"What will you do to serve me, slave?"
"I will do anything, Mistress.  I will move heaven and earth for you if you command it.  I will give you my all, my soul."
"Good answer."

Smack smack smack.  I wail and tears fill my eyes.
"If I wanted to beat you for my own pleasure, slave, what would you do?"
"I would accept it happily, Mistress, and I would be happy to serve for your pleasure."
"Good answer, slave.  But I don't need permission."

Smack Smack Smack.  I cry.  Smack Smack Smack.  I struggle.  Smack Smack Smack.  I writhe and sob.  Smack Smack Smack.  I fall limp and sob.  Smack Smack Smack.  Smack Smack Smack.

The blows stop.  I can hear her breathing.  I picture her nostrils flaring as she exhales.

"You've served me well today, slave.  This is the 5th anniversary of your collaring.  While circumstances have changed, our traditions will continue.  The first year we traded 1 for 1.  The second year it was 2 for 1.  This year will be 5 for 1."

I hear the switch hit the floor.  Her footsteps.

"Get up, slave."

I slide off the bed and return to my knees.  She attaches a leash to my neck ring.  Mistress opens her robe and sits on the bed, sliding the leash behind her.  She lays back and pulls it over her shoulder.  It tugs me to her.  Her legs part.  I love her smell.  She's beautiful.  She tugs down on the leash.  I scurry forward on my knees and find my face parked right before her sex.  She inserts a vibrator into her.  Ever since she experienced my "inside/outside" experiment in the shower, she prefers to have something inside her while I go down.

The vibrator buzzes.  She squirms and moans.  She pulls the leash.  My face is drawn into her sex.  Her thighs sandwich my head.  She rubs her legs back and forth, feeling the fur of the earmuffs against her tender skin.  I gently kiss her clit.  A few licks. I place my lips over it and gently suck.  She pulls again and my face presses firmly against her crotch.

Desire consumes her.  She grinds, keeping the leash taut.  I press my tongue and follow her, jerked around by the movements of her body.  She arches her back and cries out.  Her juices flow.  Her first orgasm.

I lock down and press.  Flick and rub, back and forth.  She moans and squirms.  Her thighs toss my body around like a rag doll.  I flatten my tongue.  Her breath heaves.  I can barely see her naval.  Her flesh blocks me, pinned in hard by the leash.  Her moans fill the room.

She thrashes.  My neck strains.  I want to try something.  I hook my upper lip over her clit.  My tongue shifts upward, continuing to work.  I jut my chin forward and feel the end of the vibrator.  I press it forward.  It leans into the flat base.  I slump my upper body forward, forcing it deeper inside her.  She inhales deeply.

My tongue keeps going, pressing it against my lip.  Flatter, faster, more pressure.  Back and forth.  Her moans change to cries.  I shift my jaw and catch the upper corner.  I press down, forcing the vibrator against her front wall.  Find the G.  Keep licking.  Flatter, faster, more pressure.  She thrashes.  Concentrate.  Her thighs attempt to crush my head.  It's working.

I bob my head in a circular motion, changing the angle of the vibe.  Its head shift and circles inside her, rubbing side to side along the front wall.  My head begins to nod in a pattern.  G-spot, clit, G-spot, clit.  She squeals and bucks me back.  Her body convulses.  Pulse.   Pulse, pulse.  Pulse.  She cums in a stream.  Her body twitches and writhes.  I love her.

The pace of her breathing increases.  Her thighs again lock onto my head.  The leash pulls tight.  My head continues to dance.  Tongue, chin, tongue, chin.  I reshape my tongue to act as a massager.  She's panting heavily.  More cries.  She grinds.  Moments later she erupts again.  Her back arches, her pelvis juts.  Her arms and hips slither along the bed.

No reload.  The leash stays tight, her thighs firm.  Her grinding intensifies.  Moans.  Faster, more pressure.  Faster.  She sits up on her elbows and throws her head back.  A primal howl.  Juices flow.

I've never seen her this intense.  No down time.  Hunger.  My Mistress.  She's beautiful.

This time she changes pace.  Her hips move her in a slow spiral grind.  Her breathing returns to normal.  Constant moans.  She pulls tighter.  My cheeks are pressed against her skin.  I continue my circular bob.  G-spot, clit, G-spot, clit.  Faster, harder.  She follows me.  She grinds.  Her ribs rise and fall in large motions.  I press my chin, forcing it deeper.  She arches her back.  A low call reverberates from within her.

I press harder.  It feels like my jaw will break.  I bob.  Discomfort.  She slams on the leash.  Panting.  The pressure forces the vibrator deeper,  holding it in.  Rhythmic cries.  over and over.  The pitch rises.

"FUCK!"

She sprays all over my face.  I'm coated in her scent.  Her hands move frantically.  She's overstimulated.  They yank out the vibrator and toss it to the floor.  Her body is pulsing and convulsing.  She pushes me away with her knee.  A final cry.

She falls to her back.  Deep breaths.  A light cooing ebbs and flows.  I give a slight pull on the leash.  It doesn't move.  It's under her.  Her legs lay limp at the base of the bed.  Her nose whistles lightly.  She's sleeping.

I readjust my knees, her juices still dripping from my face.  The leash grants me about 14 inches of freedom.  I watch her chest rise and fall.  I lust for her breasts.  She's beautiful.  My penis holds firmly against the front wall of the belt.  Anticipation.

I love to watch her sleep.  She's my Queen, my Goddess.  My Mistress.  My love.  I patiently await her.

Time passes.  My knees hurt.  My neck hurts.  My jaw aches.  Mistress, I love you.  I look at the clock.  It reads 11:48pm.  My sleeping beauty.  Your humble servant awaits you.

1:57am.  Her snores are cute.  I love everything about her.  She makes some mumbles.  Her hand slides across her breast.  Her scent dominates my nose.  I love her.  My Mistress.  I am here for you.  I don't make a sound.

2:41am.  I hear a change in her breathing.  Her head rises.  Her eyes bat in the light.  She's groggy.  I perk up.  I want to be perfect for her.  I love you, Mistress.

"pet?  What time is it?"
"2:41, Mistress."
"Did I fall asleep?"
"Yes, Mistress.  You looked very peaceful."  She smiles at me.  Her body glows.
"pet... that thing you did... I liked it."  I smile and blush.

She adjusts her body, letting the leash go free.  I straighten my back.  It's sore from the positioning.

"Are you okay, pet?"
"My knees hurt a little, Mistress, and I'm a bit stiff."

She sits up.  I turn away and rise.  She unlocks my wrists.  Blood rushes back into my shoulders.  They tingle.  I remain silent.  I kneel again and turn to face her.  She takes the leash in her hand and pulls me close.  She plunges her tongue deep into my mouth.  The kiss is wonderful.  I love her.  I lust for her.  I long to touch her.

She can see it in my eyes.  She knows I will never ask.  Her lips release mine.

"You know, pet, with those dirty thoughts you don't deserve to wear white."
I hang my head and blush.

"I know you were expecting me to let you out, but it's not our collaring day anniversary anymore so there's no reason to let you out."
Despair.  This makes my sex strain harder.  I frown.

"Don't you dare pout, pet, or I'll get the strap."  I shift into a poker face.
"I'm at a loss for what to do, pet.  It's not the right day anymore, and you already got your orgasm for the year the night you proposed."  I can't look her in the eye.

"Do you think you deserve to cum, pet?"  I freeze.  The trap is set.
"Answer me, pet."   I shake my head 'no.'
"Good answer, pet.  Even you're smart enough to know that slaves don't have any rights at all.  You know, you really should have asked for an addendum promising the orgasm when you signed the 50-year contract extension.  T did a great job distracting you again by turning you on with all that legal talk."

I feel stupid.

"Besides, does the Mistress of your dreams give in to the desires of a horny slave?   I.  Dont.  Think.  So."   She taps my nose in rhythm with the last few words.

"I am a fair, Mistress, though, pet.  I'll let fate decide."  She reaches and pulls a coin from the night stand.
"Heads means cum.  Tails means wait for next year."

The coin dings against her thumbnail as she flips it.  She catches it and slaps it to the back of her hand.  She reveals it slowly...  My heart races.

"Tails!"  She giggles.  "Poor, poor, pet."  Her mocking tone is still cute, but my heart sinks anyways.

"You're too talented pet.  You wore me out.  You only have yourself to blame.  Besides, you only made me cum 4 times and the deal was for 5."  I blush.

She takes my leash and leads me to the side of the bed.  She points to the bearskin rug on the floor.  I lay down.  Mistress climbs into bed with the leash in her hand.

"Goodnight, pet."
"Goodnight, Mistress, I love you."

My eyes grow heavy.  I'm exhausted.  My last thoughts are only of her.  I love you.  My Queen.  My Goddess.  You are my everything, Mistress.

END ACT

Random Post-O Thoughts

After taking care of some backed up plumbing in the shower following working out, I've come to realize that I just don't like myself very much afterwards.  I change and the change is obvious.  My thought patterns, my mannerisms, even my posture change.  I become a lot more serious and I feel a limiter put on my feelings.

While in subspace I show myself freely.  My impulses are never about me.  It's easy to give a compliment or simply "notice" a quality I like about someone and I have no problem voicing it.  I often share those thoughts with others because I want them to feel good about themselves.  A nice gesture can mean a lot more to the recipient than the effort it takes to make that gesture.

I think for men, most of us develop an alpha personality at some point in order to "blend in" with others and protect ourselves from emotional and physical harm.  To be blunt, a whole lot of men are total pricks and we need a way to combat those pricks.  It seems silly and a little outrageous to have to waste such a large portion of ourselves hiding away in plain sight just to avoid being devoured by people who are driven by insecurity.  If I don't play this game I am vulnerable.

Post-orgasm I feel this alpha persona naturally creep its way back into my skin.  It makes me angry that my own sexual fulfillment forces me to cycle through the worst parts of myself before I can return to who I want to be.  My submissive self is the best that I have to offer.  To be sensitive and nurture others rather than whip it out in a quest for dominance in a herd I loathe to be a part of... I want to be the truest form of me.  The me I am proud of being.  The me I am happy being.

Thankfully the poison only affects me for a few hours, but it's not a straight purge.  It's not an on/off switch.  It's like someone filled up the tank with garbage and I have to slowly burn it off for my true self to return.  I think it is the hardest for me to deal with when the orgasm is part of intimacy.  When I want to feel close, it creates distance.

My baser male desires do not always agree with the logic I hold in my head and the feelings that go along with it in my heart.  I can't help but wonder if a way to bridge that gap is possible for me.

The Components of Punishment

There's something else I've never quite understood about chosen methods of punishment.  Thinking about this makes me realized that I've just taken on something very complicated.

When you look at the ways Dommes choose to punish subs, I had originally thought there were a handful of levels that could be approached:
1. Physical
2. Emotional
3. Sexual

I'm now realizing this is an inappropriate breakdown  My mind is going about 100mph right now but I feel like I've noticed something new.  Maybe the best way to view a punishment isn't so much rooted in its action, symbolism, or process, but the desired end result of the punishment.

After a bit of thought, I've come to two desirable end results of punishment:
1. Remorse - Deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed.
2. Atonement - Reparation for a wrong or injury.

Let's use an example of an over the knee spanking.  On its surface level, I see two basic components:
pain and humiliation.  The next process is to trace in what ways these components trace their way to an end result.

Pain leads to physical suffering.  Suffering is necessary for atonement.

Humiliation has two parts, embarrassment and shame.  I consider these different in that embarrassment is the emotional pain felt during the experience and shame is the emotional pain felt after the experience.  e.g. If a woman humiliates you, the embarrassment is the pain of hurt feelings and shame is the after feeling like you are weak, inferior, etc.

Embarrassment -> Emotional Suffering -> Atonement.
Shame -> Remorse.

Reaching these end results would then make an over the knee spanking being "suitable" as a punishment activity.

I'll use corner time as another example.  This one is a bit more complicated since it doesn't affect the sub equally in all cases.
If the sub feels he did a wrong and feels bad for it, corner time includes the components of humiliation and loss (of time).
Loss of Time -> Something being taken away -> Atonement
Humiliation -> Embarrassment/Shame -> Atonement/Remorse

What if the sub doesn't feel like he did something wrong?  Instead of spending the time reflecting upon his error, he simply stews and bides his time.  In this case, corner time leads to atonement but no remorse.

With these results, corner time is "often" suitable for punishment, but the punishment isn't always as "complete" as other options.  

Another interesting notion is that the relationship between the punishment and crime can change the way it is processed.

For this example I'll look at chastity as a punishment.
If this is the choice of punishment for a sub who masturbates without permission, this brings on humiliation, physical suffering, and loss (of freedom).

Loss of Freedom -> Atonement
Humiliation -> Atonement/Remorse
Physical Suffering -> Atonement

Now if we look at chastity as a punishment for forgetting to take out the garbage, this most likely changes.  In this cases it's a safe assumption that the sub experiences this punishment frequently, so humiliation is far less likely to be felt.  What we have left:

Loss of Freedom -> Atonement
Physical Suffering -> Atonement

So when using chastity as a punishment, it's more complete if used to combat sexual offenses, less complete if used to combat non-sexual offenses.

I'm trying to write less clinically and more personal, so let's go with forced feminization as a punishment.  This brings on Humiliation -> Atonement/Remorse, so it covers the two end results we are looking for.  It also has no "conditional" basis:  it's humiliating regardless of what the sub feels about his wrong or what type of wrong was committed.  The only time this doesn't work as a punishment is when a sub prefers to be feminized.

Any thought on any of this?

Reflections part 4e: Chastity and Orgasm Denial

For the most part, I was able to roll with pretty much anything that F could throw at me.  As her hunger for increased dominance grew, F became very interested in chastity, orgasm denial, ruined orgasms, and milking.  Her take on it seemed a bit different than most chastity enthusiasts.  F was slightly interested in the control aspects, especially since she began to feel that all males should be controlled in such a manner or they will only get themselves in trouble.  This view meshed with who she was.

Her deeper interest revolved around removing any and all forms of sexual pleasure from a sub.
-Only the Domme deserves that type of pleasure, so the sub should be content if her needs are met.
-If the Domme gets another type of pleasure from denying her sub any form of sexual pleasure, and since her pleasure is the only one that matters, the sub should gladly sacrifice his pleasure in favor of hers.

F was starting to get a bit terrifying, but I continued to encourage her since I wanted her to keep growing as a Domme.  I was very resistant to the idea of losing sexual pleasure, but it always made her happy to take something by force and watch the look on my face as it happened.  Our journey down this path are the only times where I was unable to endure, but not for reasons other than the obvious ones.

I know that F was doing a lot of research on these topics both on the internet and by reaching out to local Femdom couples she knew that practiced it regularly.  She would often share her findings with me and I could tell when something got her juices flowing.  I was instructed to learn as much as I could as well.  F wasn't really interested in KTB's, thankfully, heavily because of the chance for serious injury but also because if a sub could learn to control his erections, that's one less thing for her to take away.

Short term chastity is something I had no problem with the concept of.  I thought it was hot and the fantasy turned me on to have Mistress literally holding the key to my sexual release.  F was on another level completely.

"I read something that I liked.  Most employees get 2 weeks of vacation a year.  Since it's a sub's job to please his Mistress and since following an orgasm a sub loses focus for about a week, doesn't that mean a sub only deserves 2 orgasms a year?"

"A male orgasm is like Santa Claus."
"If you're good he brings you whatever you want?"
"Hah, good one. He comes once a year if you've been nice and gives you a lump of coal if you've been naughty.  Have you been naughty or nice, slave?"

I received an email with a link that we would talk about later.  It was to Mistress Lori's Chastity Tubes.
"Apparently the only really secure tube type chastity device is to have a piercing."  I cringed.
"Really?" I feigned ignorance.
"Yes. These ones even have a break-off screw option where you can fill the hole with epoxy and the screws break off inside so they can't ever be removed.  Isn't that great?" 
"I don't know if I'd say, 'great.'"

Since F didn't have any experience with chastity, we decided to start small.  I purchased a Houdini style device at first since I thought it would entertain F to use it in conjunction with the real fur handcuff covers we had. 

Now for the TMI part of the post that is important for this segment:
1. I'm not circumcised.  I would have to get circumcised to get most of the piercings used in chastity.  This also requires more frequent device removal for cleaning and carries an increased risk of edema.
2. I'm a grower, not a shower.  Shower penises stay relatively the same size flaccid vs. erect, but they get hard.  Grower penises are small when flaccid and increase in both size and stiffness when erect, usually in the magnitude of 2-3x.  Mine is probably in the realm of 3-4x. 
3.  I have a "high and tight" scrotum, rendering almost every tube style device a poor fit.
4.  I have some baby fat on my upper crotch that just never went away.  It basically gives a small pad between the surface layer of flesh and the true base of my penis.
5.  My pubes grow at an angle. Keeping a cleanly shaved crotch inevitably leads to regular infected ingrown hairs.  If you are wondering why this matter, just try putting on the majority of sub-$500 devices with medium to long pubes and you'll understand immediately after the hinges and joints have yanked out a dozen hairs or so.  Having to stay cleanly shaven for a device and battling infected ingrown hairs was indeed a problem.

The Houdini was not a good choice as a first device.  It weighed a ton.  It was easy to pinch skin in the moving parts.  It would cut off circulation when closed as tight as it had to be to stay on.  The maximum amount of time I could wear it before I got some "there's something really wrong here" pain was about 20 minutes.  That was the first of many expensive mistakes in regards to chastity.

Next up was the CB-2000.  F had me order the pink one.  This model had the solid ring design.  If I went with a large ring, my scrotum wouldn't stretch far enough to avoid being pinched.  If I went with a small ring, it would take me 10 minutes just to get my junk through it and it was too snug.  We tried just about every combination of ring size, spacers, etc.  The end result was not great.  With a small ring and short spacer the friction would cause sores and pinching, even with lube involved.  With a longer spacer it would work fine until a testicle would decide to pull itself through... VERY painfully.  With a large ring and short spacer, it would crush a testicle.  With the longer spacer, it again would be fine until a testicle would pull through.  Our limit with this was approximately 2-4 hours depending upon the ring combo, number of arousal attempts, and the temperature. 

Shortly after, the CB-3000 was available as a "cage only" option and we gave that a try.  The base of the cage was a lot smaller, so it might work.  We used it with the existing rings from the 2000.  With this I could go 4-6 hours but then the cage would either rub open a sore at its base or a testicle would pull out.  I ordered up the hinged rings that were standard on the 3000 and while it was a lot easier to get on, the exact same thing happened. 

Thankfully, F was present when just about all of the failings happened, so she knew there wasn't any exaggeration on my part.  One of the testicle pull-throughs happened while she was playing with it.  She also saw the sores when she removed it once after I wore it on a 3 hours shopping trip.  Unfortunately my ability to endure this just wasn't there.

This got her thinking about a full metal belt, but after spending nearly $500 on devices, it was a large leap of faith to drop $1000ish on something. 

While all of this was happening she was aware that I would need to be milked for prostate health.  Since having anything in my anus was on my list of hard limits, she scoured resources for other means.  I found a method for a combination ruined orgasm/milking that expelled the prostate but didn't relieve any sexual frustration that was relatively simple.  With her permission I tested it twice daily for a week.  It was actually kind of amazing.  After 3 days of a repeated tease and denial procedure I was able to get semen to just leak out with a soft flow (like a weak urine stream).  I would drain everything and deflate my testicles but I would stay completely erect and just as frustrated.  This may have been the magic answer.

On day 5 I was going to give it another test.  As I worked my way up, all of a sudden my penis just started draining semen.  There was no build up, no "I'm close" feeling, I couldn't even control the stream.  It was like someone peeing with no bladder control.  The muscles had forgotten how to build up tension and release.  This scared the shit out of me.  I shared the results with F.
"Mistress, I think this method will make it so that I can never have another orgasm ever again.  Is that something you would want?"  My mind raced, "please say no, please say no, please say no."
"I don't think you should do it anymore then, slave.  If you can't have an orgasm, how is chastity supposed to scare you?  I will keep it in mind though, in case I ever feel you deserve that in the future."

Bullet dodged.  I received permission to try and "repair" what had been done.  I'm not 100% certain, but I believe the method I had been experimenting with had caused an over-stress of whatever controlled the release of semen from the prostate.  After repeating this several times over a short period of time, it responded by simply relaxing itself and allowed things to flow without requiring a pressure/force build up behind it.  It took me 5 days to get things working correctly again, and 20+ attempts to finally get back to something that would qualify as an orgasm. 

The next thing F tried was ice.  This would be the second time I couldn't meet her expectations.  I have a lot of muscle mass and the muscles are very tight. Couple that with a slew of injuries from sports, a car accident, etc. and my body just doesn't hold up very well.  Some of F's Domme friends used ice to yield a pleasureless ejaculation for their method of milking.  We tried this a few times, using ice to numb out the penis and testicles but continue to apply stimulation.  I was never able to ejaculate in this state, but I did manage to end up having back spasms, leg cramps, and other miscellaneous painful ailments that led to an immediate break in the play.

We didn't ever go further, around this time things started to get complicated. 

Drawing: Last Orgasm

I'm not super happy with how this one turned out (it never looked quite right) but I figured I may as well post it anyway.

Teaser

Requested Drawing

I received a request for a new drawing a few days ago from a Mistress.  All I was given to go on was that it should include cruelty, chastity, pain, ignorance, and despair, and she "trusted my creativity" to be able to come up with something.

I know it's a bit unrealistic... as a sub who would misbehave on that basic of a level would probably have never passed his trial period with a Domme of that cruelty... although when I come up with something like this, I kind of feel like I'm a twisted fuck :P

Chastity Device Reviews

I've been writing a lot about chastity lately but I realize I haven't done any writing upon actual chastity devices.

I have used four types of chastity over the years:  A Houdini knock-off, a CB-2000, a CB-3000, and a CB-6000. 

None of these have proven to be very successful for long-term use for me, but here goes some info.  If you want better in-depth reviews you are best off searching sites for chastity enthusiasts.

A quick note is that there are two kinds of penises:
-Type 1 Penis:  A penis that is nearly the same size (or only slightly larger) when erect vs. when flaccid.  For these types of penises an erection mostly makes the penis stand upright but the size increase is rarely more than 1.5x.
-Type 2 Penis: A penis that is much larger when erect vs. when flaccid.  People with these types of penises are usually below average (small) when flaccid but then have a 2-4x size increase when erect.

The Houdini.  These are basically one handcuff and a with a metal penis tube welded on it.  The handcuff fits around the cock and balls, securing it in place and the tube prevents your dick from getting hard.

Price:  $100-300

Comfort:  C
These things are heavy.  I mean, heavy for something that is going to be carried by your genitals.  The handcuff proves an interesting challenge.  Go too loose and you can slip out.  Go too tight and you can cut off circulation.  If you aren't careful, you might pinch your scrotum in the hinge.  These are probably best used with a collar and a chain connecting to the cuff to help alleviate the weight burden.

Security: B
Not on par with a full metal waist belt or piercing required tube but this isn't something that could be easily cut off.

Sanitary:  B
You can't wash the part of your penis that's inside the tube without a great deal of effort but when you pee, your penis sticks out a little beyond the end of the tube so this is fairly easy.  Depending upon the tube curvature you may need to sit while urinating.

Durability: A
It's steel.  With semi-regular maintenance it should last a long time.

Miscellaneous: 
Not ideal for long-term wear since it can't pass a metal detector.  Shaved pubes recommended to avoid catching them in the latch.  This can be a pain to get on if you are battling an erection.

The CB-2000.  The CB-2000 was pretty much the first low-cost chastity device (under $200) and was even featured a little blurb on the Daily Show in the 90's.  It's pretty much made of plastic with a cock ring that links to a cage. 

Cost:  $100-150

Comfort: B+
The edges are rounded and smooth.  There's not a lot of pinch risk except occasionally the padlock can grab some skin if you are attempting an erection and skin goes through the bars of the cock cage.  The biggest problem with the 2000 is getting the right fit.  The plastic pins that link the ring to the cage point towards you.  This basically means when you put it on when brand new it's going to be uncomfortable as hell since the skin above your junk is getting gouged.  You have to trim and file the pins to the appropriate length but it's hard to know what length since experimenting with the various cock ring sizes and spacers will all lead to the same gouge problem.

Security: C
This doesn't come anywhere near a belt design or one of Mistress Lori's chastity tubes but it is simple and effective.  You could cut your way out rather easily.  Where this device fails is in cases of extremely tight or extremely loose scrotum.  A tight scrotum may actually pull a testicle back through the rings and is very painful but also gets you free.  With a loose scrotum the wearer to pull forward then down and they can actually get their penis all the way out and be able to put it back in undetected.  The points of intrigue and other add-ons were developed to prevent this.

Sanitary: C+
It is relatively easy to clean yourself with the use of swabs and you dry quickly but depending upon the size of your penis when flaccid and erect and whether or not you are circumcised, urination can be tricky to get your aim down.

Durability: C+
It's plastic but seemed to hold up better than the 3000/Curve/6000.

Miscellaneous:
Once you get it sized right it is fairly comfortable but it can be tricky to get both testicles and your cock through the solid ring.   One of the upsides is that the penis can still be teased through the bars.  This will work with both shaved and hairy genitals (although with a lot of hair you will probably lose 1-2 pubes each time you put it on).  The 2000's parts work interchangeably with the 3000 and the Curve.

Individually serial numbered single use plastic locks are included for passing metal detectors.

The CB-2000 is best suited for people with penises that are average to small when flaccid.  This model has now been discontinued but if you can still find one, it's probably on clearance for under $100.

The CB-3000.  The 3000 (and its immediate predecessor the Curve) fixed a lot of issues with the 2000 but created some new issues.  It works interchangeably with the parts for the 2000 but the cage and rings have been changed a bit.

Price $150-170

Comfort: C+
The 3000 is easier to put on than the 2000 since the rings are hinged and it reduces the struggle with getting your junk through.  The downside is that the back of the cage (that presses against the skin on the scrotum and crotch area) is not rounded, so it has much larger chafe potential.  Lube/lotion recommended.   The cage portion is now mostly closed off and shaped a bit more ergonomically like a penis.  You have almost no access to contact with the penis with this cage.  That being said, if your junk isn't sitting right when you lock it on, it won't be able to adjust itself unless you have lubed the inside of the tube.  The 3000 still had the same fitting issues as the 2000 since you had to trim the pins.

Security: C+
It's still plastic, but it was slightly more difficult for someone with a loose scrotum to pull out and go back in than the 2000.  There were additional after-market accessories sold to increase security.  The tight scrotum testicle pull through is significantly more painful with a 3000 than the 2000 and to eliminate that you are faced with the option of reducing the spacer size and chafing more or running the risk of it happening with a more comfortable fit.

Sanitary: C-
More difficult to clean than the 2000.  Drying is a lot harder as well and I remember reading people used a hair dryer.  If you have a type 2 penis or are uncircumcised and you have been alternating between attempting erections and flaccid, you may find it difficult to urinate without ending up with pee all over the end of your dick. 

Durability: C-
I'm sure the rivets on the cock rings will eventually fail but the main problem was having the cage split down the sonic weld line.  This didn't happen all that often but it was reported enough to note it.

Miscellaneous:
One of the big negatives of this design is that the air vents are located on top and on the bottom of the cage.  If you have a large type 1 penis there was a chance that the skin on the top of your penis might get pinched by the lock.  The CB-3000 includes the identical base parts to the Curve but has a different cage portion (and it is compatible with the CB-2000 as well).  The Curve was released first but that was meant for people that were 4" or longer when flaccid.  The 3000 was released as a follow up and is a better fit to those who are 2-3" in length when flaccid.

Pubic shaving/trimming is recommended as pubic hairs can get pinched in the ring when you close it in addition to the same minor pinch potential from the locking post.

Individually serial numbered single use plastic locks are included for passing metal detectors.

The CB-6000.  The CB-6000 is pretty much an upgrade to the 3000. 

Price: $150-200.

Comfort: B-
Fitting is much easier with the CB-6000 since the pins now point AWAY from the body.  Putting it on is a bit trickier in some ways but easier in the others.  The downside is that you really need to be shaved to put it on.  The way the the plates sandwich together will pinch and tear out long pubic hairs.  The cock rings are now rectangular on the edges which increases scrotum chafing but reduced tight scrotum testicular pull through.  The cage portion has the same chafe potential as the 3000 but due to the redesigned ring a longer spacer can usually be used.  The 6000 suffers from the same "junk adjustment" issues as the 3000.

Security: C++
It's not enough of a bump over the 3000 to give it a B-.  The new cock ring shape makes it SLIGHTLY harder to pull out and they have designed after-market accessories to make this more difficult.

Sanitary: C-
Identical to the 3000 in its cleaning/sanitation issues.

Durability: C
Similar reports of cage splitting as with the 3000 but it seems to be less frequent (although the 6000 hasn't been in production for as long as the 3000 has).

Miscellaneous:
The air vents have been moved to the sides to prevent the lock pinch.  The locking post is now oblong instead of round so the lock cannot rotate which reduces noise and prevents the lock being able to do undesirable things.  Pubic shaving is a must.  The 6000 is not compatible with previous versions, but there is a newer version of the cage, the 6000s which is shorter and a better fit for type 2 penises it should reduce the lubing and urine issues. 

Individually serial numbered single use plastic locks are included for passing metal detectors.

I doubt anyone really wants to know about my cock but since these reviews included a lot of special case scenarios I should probably mention a little bit.  I have a VERY tight scrotum, a type 2 penis, and I'm not circumcised. 

If I had to choose between all of these... it would be between the 2000 and the 6000.  The 2000 is comfortable except that Mistress doesn't want me to have "old man balls," and extensive use will cause significant stretching of my scrotum.  The testicular pull through I mentioned has happened several times, was never intentional and was horribly painful, and I'm not able to get an erection for almost a day after it happens. 

We have a 6000s cage on the way and I may give some follow-up review depending upon how that goes. 

I will note that I've had some pretty bad/good torment over the years with chastity (even though it hasn't been extensive use).  I have some rabbit fur handcuff covers that one Mistress put on the Houdini cuff.  One Mistress got some rabbit fur hair scrunchies and then would loop them on like a cock ring behind the balls while the CB's were on.