Saturday, May 22, 2010

Tactile Pleasure and Discomfort

I know many Dommes out there would describe themselves as sensualists.  Something that I have experienced over the years is the use tactile pleasure and discomfort on a fairly regular basis.  On the pleasure side it's often been used as part of my humiliation, tease & denial, or even as a reward.  On the discomfort side it's been more... hrm... pure suffering?

Materials that come to mind that I think feel really good:
-Fur (big shock here)

Materials that I don't think feel quite as good but are interesting nonetheless:
-Certain soft Leathers (kidskin, lambskin, calfskin, etc.)

It puzzles me a bit that most of these materials only exist in women's clothing, but that's something I wrote about back in March.  What makes sense is that many of the Dommes I have met seem to harbor a lot of preference towards materials that feel good on the skin.  In play, when attempting to tease me, these similar materials have been used to evoke a positive result.

They make items for women like fur bra liners/nipple warmers and plenty of pleasing undergarments.  I'm curious if any Dommes out there have ever used pleasurable materials in clothing as a reward for their sub or to keep their sub in a state of arousal?

e.g. undershirts or underwear of a particular material or having some of a pleasurable material attached inside their undergarments over the nipples or genitals with hemming tape, etc.

On the flip-side of this are materials that are rough and irritating to the skin.  Certain wools and felts can be quite scratchy and rough but going even farther, what about materials like burlap and sand paper?  I've experienced some of these as some rather torturous play before but it's never gone beyond that.  I have read of cases of Dommes gluing/taping/stitching some of the unpleasant materials over the nipples inside of undershirts so that their subs would have constantly aroused and raw, tender nipples but these cases have been few and far between. 

I can only imagine spending a day at work with burlap squares constantly rubbing my nipples and/or genitals.  That would be quite unpleasant.  I also have seen certain sissy maid outfits that are made out of stiff, rough, and scratchy materials to be used as punishment (these will usually lock on). 

I'm curious if anyone else out there has integrated these types of things into every-day use or if they think that either of these cases would be a good idea?

Revisiting Fetish and Obsession

Many male subs out there get a bit obsessed about their fetishes.  I have done some writing before on how fetishes develop, etc. but something I hadn't really thought about is whether obsessions happen because of fetishes, or do fetishes happen because of obsession?

I'm guessing this is basically a chicken or the egg debate that has no real answer, but it makes me curious anyways.  My previous post on fetishes is located here

I've never been a big fan of the clinical definition of fetish as I think it tends to lump things together that are quite different.  Generally the psychological community is trained to think that fetishes are a sexual attraction to a non-sexual body part or object.  While this describes many types of fetishes that are in fact out there, it tends to either eliminate or include things that fall into the gray area in between.  In the clinical approach, a high heeled shoe fetish means a guy who wants to have sex with or jerk off into a high-heeled shoe.  What about the guy who doesn't want to have sex with a shoe but gets an almost uncontrollable sexual urge when that shoe is being worn by a woman? 

I guess it is all just semantics but I figured I should cover my definition of fetish before getting too deep into this.  For the hell of it I did a dictionary search for fetish and found an entry that is a lot closer to my working definition.

Here is what was written there:
Fetish - an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression.

I like this definition a lot better.

My own definition:  An object, body part, or event that is not part of generally accepted sexual activities that elicits a sexual response greater to or equal than generally accepted sexual activities.
e.g. Something other than breasts, legs, genitalia, sexual intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, etc. that gets you off just as hard or harder than those things.

I realize my definition probably blurs the lines between "strong turn on" and fetish, but if you have ever visited a true fetish site, men have this eerie way of turning a strong turn on into a fetish over a few short years. 

I do agree with the dictionary definition of obsession and will work with that definition:
Obsession - a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling.

Strictly from a definition standpoint it might seem that obsession and fetish are almost the same thing (all fetishes are obsessions, not all obsessions are fetishes) but my experiences with most men that are involved on fetish sites I have come to view them a bit differently.  Having a fetish is one thing... being unable to talk about anything but that fetish is an obsession. 

I realize I am dealing with only a small sub-set of the population with this but at the same time I am also writing with only that small sub-set in mind and writing to a slightly larger sub-set of the population.  As I've been writing this I think I have come to an answer to my initial question: 

Strong turn on and repeated fantasizing/masturbation to that turn on leads to a fetish.  Continued fantasizing/masturbation to that fetish leads to an obsession. 

I've seen/heard/read many Dommes complain about the one-track minds of many male subs out there, especially when it comes to obsessions over fetishes.  The easiest example is probably something that exists but is commonly looked at with an "ew, gross" attitude even in a community full of fetishes... so... how about scat fetish. 

I have known several Dommes that used to get contacted heavily by a few subs with a scat fetish even though they had scat play clearly listed in their lists of things they wouldn't do and had no interest in.  On occasion they would speak with the sub and in most cases he would jump right into a fantasy cyber session trying to get her to play along with taking a shit on his chest.  While sometimes they were able to find them interesting as a person, before long it usually gravitated towards the same experience. 

While I feel a bit for the subs out there that let themselves get pulled too deep into obsession at the same time I sometimes think they need a good smack to the head.   If you find yourself falling into this trap make sure you can get control of your obsession to the extent that it doesn't cause you to be alone forever.  The alternative is to only seek out those Dommes that directly share your fetish and obsession.

Is there anything useful that can be learned from this?

To the subs out there, chill out when you approach a Domme.  Be a human first before you bring up your fetish (better yet, wait for her to ask).  Coming off as being obsessed can be rather off-putting and make you seem like you have a one-track mind and would make neither a good submissive nor lover.

To the Dommes out there, if in his first contact with you he immediately starts bombarding you with his obvious fetishes... actually, I probably don't have to say anything here except maybe that taking pity on him will only encourage him.

Rules for a Fur sissy

It's been a while since I posted any of the lists I was ordered to come up with several years ago.  In the spirit of my last post, I figured this might work as a follow-up.

I wasn't able to dig up actual lists of many of them but one that I remember was a set of rules for fur in sissy apparel in forced feminization.  Mistress (who also had a fur fetish) has a great deal of fun making me write this one since she knew I would have to go against everything that I enjoyed in order to please her (by stripping away things that I enjoyed).

For more details on what these lists entailed, my original post on them is here:

I've tried my best to recreate that list here:

-A sissy should obtain no pleasure from wearing fur.  Fur should never contact their skin in a pleasurable way nor should it feel luxurious in any way.  Fur for sissies should only be used as an adornment, accenting the frills of the ensemble in a manner that contributes towards their humiliation.  Pleasure from fur is a privilege reserved only for women.

-A sissy's fur should never exceed the caliber of his Mistresses'.  A sissy's fur should display the status difference between himself and his Mistress and his fur should always be of noticeably diminished quality in comparison to her's.

-A sissy should never depend on fur for warmth.  Basic layering techniques should be employed first with fur being used as a finishing touch to complete the ensemble as instructed by the Mistress. 

-A sissy's fur should be well-kept and  immaculate at all times.  Soiled furs will not be tolerated and failure to maintain this requirement will be severely punished. 

-A sissy's furs should not be fashionable or chic by the standards of contemporary women's fashions.  Sissy furs should emphasize extreme femininity and girlishness.

-A sissy in fur should be locked in chastity to avoid any potential temptation for unsupervised, non-permitted masturbation. 

-A sissy should be grateful for the privilege of wearing fur.  Improper attitudes will be immediately adjusted by the will of the Mistress.

Mistress had me kneel in front of her while naked and read her the list.  She was somewhat pleased with my list, especially since she knew coming up with a few of these rules stripped away any form of pleasure I could have received from the way she would dress me.

She did add a few additions since she didn't feel like the list was complete enough. 

-A sissy's fur should never be able to pass as masculine or unisex in its style and color.

-A sissy should get excited about wearing fur and display the appropriate attitude towards his Mistress.

-A sissy should dread the thought of wearing fur since it will always be an unpleasant experience.

Those last two can pretty much sum up the type of personality she had. 

After she made the additions she picked out clothes for me to wear, handcuffed my hands behind my back, and took me over her knee where I had to recite the rules back to her from memory while she spanked me until I cried.

Conflicted about the weather

Now that the weather has basically made a turn-for-the-better it has me both happy and sad at the same time.

I'll admit I'm a whiner.  I hate it when it's cold but I hate it when it's hot and muggy.  Unfortunately where I live it's really cold in the winter and really hot in the summer, a far cry from my ideal of 35 when cold and 75 when warm.  Something that I've noticed when traveling to more mild (or even warmer climates) is that women tend to grow accustomed to the weather and bundle up when it drops below 50 in those areas almost to the same extent that women do here when it's 10, so I don't really miss out on my fetish for women in fur.

I think the biggest downer for me about this time of year is that it will be months before my Mistress and I can go shopping for the fur and leather outerwear she enjoys wearing so much.  I know she misses it as well in addition to shopping for things that will be used to humiliate me.

Yes, I'm a whiner, but my heart longs for cooler weather.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Thoughts on Public Humiliation

A recent post over at got me thinking a bit about public humiliation.  Thinking in the way that I do when I decide to write about something to explore it and clarify some thoughts and feelings on it.  Many subs (especially sissies) desire or at least fantasize about public humiliation but it's usually within a set of boundaries in order to yield certain reactions and moving outside the boundaries will probably generate negative reactions from the sub.

Before I go too far into it, I should probably look at what types of public humiliation there are.  The way I see it, public humiliation basically has two primary outcomes:
1.  Humiliation that yields arousal, exhilaration, and emotional vulnerability in a sub.  I would call these good/bad feelings since they are in fact, being humiliated.
2.  Humiliation that yields bad feelings, self-disgust, and emotional vulnerability in a sub.  I would call these bad/bad feelings since there is no pleasure for the sub within the experience.

Public humiliation meant as punishment is probably most effective when the desired outcome is a bad/bad experience.  Public humiliation meant to inflict both agitation and arousal in a sub are probably best reserved for good/bad experiences.  Each sub is different in what will yield each type of results but there are some common themes.  

A few common scenarios:
-Being humiliated in front of women who are strangers.
-Being humiliated in front of women who are known.
-Being humiliated in front of men who are strangers.
-Being humiliated in front of men who are known.
-Being humiliated in front of both men and women.
-Being humiliated in front of a family member (or multiple members).
When dealing with good/bad humiliation, I think a lot of insight into the submissive psyche can be derived from what type of public humiliation a sub desires. 

I could be wrong, but I would guess that a sub who wants to be humiliated in front of people they know, deep down desires to have their submissiveness acknowledged by those people they know.  By having that happen they will be forced to continuously deal with those people with them knowing their big secret.  If they can treat them normally that is fine, but in some cases they probably desire to be teased about it. 

A sub that wishes to be humiliated in front of strangers may have dual desires.  On one hand they don't want any repercussions from the experience.  If they will never see that person again that is fine.  However, I think there is some latent desire to have one of the strangers play along and get to know them.  In this way they can save the difficult step of having to explain their desires for humiliation and this person will go along with the fantasy accepting them for who they are.

Based upon my experiences interacting with sissies, most of them that I have come into contact with that desire humiliation in front of men are either gay or bisexual (even if they haven't admitted that to themselves).  Often the humiliation provides a buffer for those desires and allows them to take part in activities they normally would avoid without guilt or shame beyond the humiliation itself.

A man who wishes to be humiliated in front of women will often seek some feelings of inferiority or inadequacy.  Many humiliation fantasies involving women also tend to hope for active sexual interaction by the women.  If that were to happen I think part of the desire roots in a longing to interact sexually with said women who will accept him as he is.  It's a win-win situation in the mind.  If she laughs and rejects you that is fine since it reaffirms your feelings of inadequacy, but if she accepts you and has you service her that's even better. 

Overall, it seems much of the public humiliation can serve validate a sub's desires and beliefs about himself.

In reality, public humiliation raises some interesting moral dilemmas.  If you are humiliated in public in some way you are forcing any innocent bystanders to take part in the act of humiliation.  While many onlookers might get a good laugh and enjoy it there are others that may be completely offended by what is happening and wished that they hadn't been there. 

This can be a slippery slope and it tends to swivel upon a person's definition of consent in a BDSM scenario. 

Having experienced both good/bad and bad/bad types of humiliation I can say that a lot of the feelings brought on by the experience are dependent upon the reactions of those you are humiliated in front of.  Overall, when a reaction from a bystander is turning a blind eye and body language wishing they weren't there it seems to trigger a lot of negative feelings within me.  This type of reaction has turned situations that should have been good/bad into bad/bad experiences. 

I might just have too much of a stereotypical male fantasy when it comes to public humiliation.  I only desire to be humiliated in front of women who are either strangers or those that know me in the lifestyle and only if they are willing active participants.  The fact that this "gets me off" leads me to more questions about myself but I will have to tackle those another time.

Any comments?

Dream Bondage Device - Molded Metal Restraints

I had debated writing about these since they are complete sci-fi fantasy fiction that happened to jump into my dreams a while back and made several appearances when I dreamed about similar worlds.  But hey, someone might find them hot, so I figured what the hell.

I had a rather intense dream that happened in a country where men were enslaved, controlled, and monitored by women.  Each male wore a pair of metal cuffs on the wrists and ankles, a belt, and a collar.  They were solid metal without any seams or openings (read as: there was no way to remove them).  Inside each of the restraints were electronics for monitoring location/GPS and health status (pulse, blood pressure, arousal, etc.) as well as capable of delivering punishment jolts to various parts of the body. 

Each of the restraints had an electromagnetic locking feature.  On some flat spots on the collar, cuffs, and belt if the electromagnetic lock was activated, one item could be "locked" to another one via electromagnets.  Wrists or ankles together, wrists to the collar, wrists to the belt, etc.  Also, tethers could be inserted and locked to the flat spots forcing them to be connected by a chain or cable and secured to the item by the same magnets.  In the world where the dream occurred, there were areas like hitching posts as well as spots on walls where subs could be secured by the electromagnets to pads on the posts or walls.  The configuration of how they were to be secured was dictated by a woman via remote control.  The pull of the locks was so strong that activating them would actually pull the limbs to the desired locking position and these devices were worn below the clothes since clothing would not interfere with the pull of the magnets. 

Thankfully, one of my dreams actually involved the application and explanation of these so I have some idea of how these work.  Each of the items starts out as a set of electronics encased in a flexible and mold-able substance of a similar consistency to fresh clay.  The items would then be molded around the body for a snug fit.  Once fitted, the clay-like substance was treated with a liquid that would cause it to solidify into a hard metal alloy that wouldn't rust and was nearly unbreakable. 

There were a few variants including both a chastity device that was part of the belt as well as a head harness that included an in-mouth gag that had an on/off switch allowing or preventing free motion of the jaws as an eye shield that could be made clear or opaque via remote.

Plot holes in the dream:
-Constant exposure to strong electromagnets would likely cause cancer in the wearers.
-Since they were molded snug to the body it didn't allow much for that area of the body to get larger or smaller due to weight/muscle gain/loss, making them not quite so feasible.
-There wasn't ever a notion that they could be removed since they would be impossible to cut (this was alluded to) but this further conflicts with the 2nd point.  This could be rectified if there was a similar process for converting it back into the softer material but that was never brought up in the dream and this would dull some of the "extremeness" of the situation if there was a possibility of removal.

Yes, these are far fetched, but the idea of a permanent restraint device that could be worn under clothing while giving your Mistress full status of your location, physical status, and the ability to execute punishment or restraint at the touch of a button is kind of a fun thought. 

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Dream Bondage Device - In-Ear Monitors

Another device that has shown up in dreams uses a method of sensory deprivation.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with sensory deprivation, basically it's using some means to block a particular sense (or senses) with the end result being a sense of isolation in the sub as well as a heightened response from the other senses (in most cases for BDSM purposes, the heightened sense ends up being touch).  Common methods include using a blindfold to block sight and earplugs to prohibit hearing.  A sort of this can also be achieved by flooding a particular sense with a strong sensation that cannot be escaped, e.g. shoving wet panties in the sub's mouth or over his head with the crotch over his nose.  It acts as a form of deprivation since that will dominate their taste or smell.  Used in combination with one another can lead to a particularly intense experience for a sub.

The particular method of sensory deprivation that has shown up in my dreams is a spin on earplugs.  If you are familiar with performing musicians, you probably know that most performers use some form of monitor (usually a speaker on the floor in front of them, pointing at them) to hear themselves and make sure their playing or singing is correct/good.  With greater concern over hearing loss in recent years, a product known as an in-ear monitor has been developed to help prevent long-term ear damage.  An in ear monitor is basically a wireless set of headphones that transmits what would normally be played over a floor monitor (upward pointing speaker).  The key feature of in-ear monitors is that they also double as earplugs so that the volume that enters the ear can be controlled.  Most sound isolation in ear monitors block out ~90% of sounds that aren't coming through the monitor and if the monitor is turned up fairly loud, it pretty much blocks out all external sound.

The transmitter for an in-era monitor can basically be set to send out any sound source, microphone, stereo, etc. and has a range of upwards of 300'.  

Enough on of the background info and onto the meat...

In my dreams there have been repeated cases that involved some form of modified in-ear monitors.  In my dreams these are slightly different in several ways.   These block out 100% hearing when there is nothing being transmitted.  These are shaped a bit more like hearing aids than ear bud headphones and have the receiver on board without the need for an external receiving box and have an almost limitless range (exceeding that range hasn't been a factor).  The dream monitors can be locked onto the head via a simple harness so they cannot be removed and are fully waterproof.

In dreams involving these monitors they are locked onto a sub and the monitors receive broadcasts of the Mistress' voice when she speaks into a microphone (lapel, wrist-watch, etc.) and he can't hear anything except what she chooses.  In addition to her voice she could have music, white noise, looped messages, signal tones, punishment sounds, etc.

It would be kind of interesting if you could only hear what she wanted you to hear.

male Writer's Block

While typing some comments this evening I started thinking again about something I have termed "male writer's block."

Male writer's block is basically encompasses a couple of conditions that can pop up whenever most men write something of a fetish nature.  There are men who are proficient and prolific fetish writers, so not all men are affected by these, but a good number are, myself included.  Short stories are easier to write because of this, especially if you are able to enter into the scenario in full swing with an established premise.  I applaud those who can finish longer works without any story degradation

-The blown load.  You've seen this happen lots of times in fetish stories.  A guy is writing out a story and is able to include incredible detail of situations with interesting characters, an intriguing plot, and plenty of masturbatory goodness.  The story eventually leads to some point that you can tell must be his fetish of choice, a climactic event occurs, and the story pretty much abruptly ends usually trailing off into a mediocre brief blurb of a summary.  What happened to the details?  The story progression?  Well, the author blew his load while writing the climactic event and lost his muse and tied off the ends as quickly as possible.

-Getting to the "good part."  They have an event in mind that takes place at the two-thirds mark of the story.  They start writing things out from the beginning and eventually grow bored of this stage.  As they approach the "good part" they spent all of their writing time and energy without ever getting there and they leave the story unfinished.  You will find many of these half-finished stories out there that have tons of potential but he's never gotten around to finishing it.

-Can you guess my fetish?  I have no issues with a writer injecting their own personal fetishes heavily into the story.  I do have issues when their story sucks because it becomes so obvious what their primary fetish is that it's the only part of the story with any quality.  e.g. "He walked down the street.  It was night time.  He looked over and saw a gorgeous blonde with large breasts wearing a pair of black, knee-high patent leather stilletto boots that gleamed in the moonlight.  The boots had a pointed toe, 5" heels, and laced up the front with a zipper on the side.  He saw her in the boots and it turned him on.  He walked up and talked to her and she seemed attracted to him for no apparent reason." 

Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?  I think what bugs me the most is that my attempts at stories tend to suffer from all three of these conditions. 

I wonder if women writers suffer from similar problems?