Saturday, January 15, 2011

Contract enforcement, renewal, and retraining

Queen Goddess at the blog "I am Her Maine sub" recently made a post about annual retraining with her sub.   It's an interesting lifestyle post that covers some of the aspects of keeping a D/s relationship on course and ever-evolving. 

As described in the blog posting there's often a bit of lull that sets in after a while where both the submissive's level of service eventually begins to wain and the Domme's enforcement of rules can also similarly lose its edge.  The end result of this usually happens rather abruptly, where things decline until Domme decides drastic change must happen and tightens the reins until proper submissive behavior resumes.  Other times things don't go quite as smoothly and there can be significant consequences to the relationship in the long run.

Queen Goddess's approach to rectifying this situation is every year to re-evaluate what is expected of the sub and make any changes to routines, rules, etc.  Contracts are renewed and during the first month of the year the sub starts from "rock bottom" for lack of a better term, and must slowly earn back his privileges. 

I think this is a very good method but it also got me thinking about my own behaviors and tendencies and where I find myself slipping up and what ways could be used to counteract those without having my behavior or my relationship deteriorate.  In all honesty, it takes me roughly 6-8 weeks for strict adherence to standards begins to falter unless constant motivation is applied (usually right around the time she feels she doesn't have to tell me, I start fouling up).  I feel bad and inadequate sometimes about this but I acknowledge it as my own current reality.  While my service might be satisfactory after that time, satisfactory and exemplary service (what I would like to expect from myself) are definitely on different levels.

I do enjoy contracts and I don't mind having my routines/expectations laid out for me, so I thought a bit about how to integrate that into the cycle of a relationship.  I also realize that the more back-end work a Domme has to do, the more of a headache being dominant can be for her, so keeping that within reason here's some ideas I was able to come up with that would probably help ease my chronic problems.

The contract would remain annual for our joint renewal, but include stipulations for quarterly reviews.  Each year would be broken up in to three month stretches.  Each quarter would have behavioral evaluations made and at the end of the of the quarter the Domme may make revisions to the contract/rules/regulations and sign them into effect for the next quarter (the sub still only renews yearly).  At the end of the year there should be enough behavioral feedback to know what changes need to be made and with what emphasis/priority they should be given.

Each Quarter in Detail:
-A sub report card is a good way to record sub performance.  These can have as many or few categories as seen fit and will be used at various times during the quarter.
A sample might include:
Behavioral Grades
-Chore duties
-Sexual performance
-Sexual control

-Attention to detail

Attitude Grades
-Politeness and respect
-Willingness to participate and serve
-Anticipating needs

If your sub is a sissy, it might include a section for appearance with grading on clothing, makeup, hair, grooming/shaving, etc. 

-The Domme will randomly select a day during the quarter (she doesn't have to tell the sub in advance) and use this as sort of a pop quiz midterm and evaluate his performance and record it to a report card.  This report card may count towards half (or something slightly less than half) of his quarter grade.  It's up to the Domme's discretion if she wishes to choose a good day, average day, or bad day, but on a bad day it might be a good way to blow off steam.  This could be done more than once but should be done at least once.

-The final week (or few days) of the quarter will be finals week.  The sub will be graded with great scrutiny each day until the end of the quarter.  These grades for the week will be averaged and count for the other half of his quarter grade. 

When the quarterly grades are in, the sub's strengths and weaknesses both under knowing observation and at random can be determined and quantified and appropriate revisions can be made to the contract for the next quarter.

This leaves three quarter revisions and four quarters' worth of grades.  At the end of the fourth quarter the yearly grades can be determined and should be fairly representative of the sub's strengths and weaknesses for the entire year.  The contract is then revised again and both parties will renew. 

Quarterly and year end grades can also serve another purpose as requiring a certain GPA can be used for granting rewards or punishments and give the sub something to aspire for (or try his best to avoid).

Just some ideas...

Thursday, January 13, 2011

subs: to congregate or segregate

Something that I've always noticed is the difference in how subs socialize in traditional BDSM communities vs. Femdom communities.  In the BDSM communities I have interacted in it was fairly common for subs to talk with each other at gatherings and they would often hang out together in their free time.

However, in Femdom communities it's usually quite the opposite.  In most cases there would never be subs from more than 1 or 2 of the Dommes present at any given time.  In the cases where there were subs from many women present, they might be permitted to talk about whatever their task at hand was but any communication about "what it is like to serve " was quickly squashed and usually punished pretty harshly.

I have read blogs from several Dommes that pretty much state that their subs aren't allowed any contact with other subs.  I understand why they would choose this and pretty much agree with the reasons behind it, both keeping subs from trying to exploit the situation, avoiding "but she lets him do " situations, and keeping him feeling a bit isolated so that his only BDSM-related communication must be with the Domme (although I'm sure there are even more reasons).  

I also understand scenes where subs are encouraged to communicate with each other, learn from each other, lean on each other, etc.

I'm curious if people had any views on this subject.

An observation and opening for further discussion

Based upon some of the comments that have happened on various older posts here, I posted the poll about relationships and orgasm frequency (if at all).  Now I will be the first to admit that you can't gather decisive information from a poll like that, nor how many people who voted have been in or are in D/s relationships (so some votes may be representative of a thought/feeling that would likely be drastically different if confronted for real). 

This is mainly in response to comments made towards rfoj74's comments on his experiences with his sub/sissy.  So far there have been 14 votes by subs.  5 said they would be willing to get into their ideal D/s relationship at the expensive of never orgasming again or having very very infrequent orgasms.  8 have said it would be a harder decision but if the situation was just right they probably couldn't keep themselves from going for it.  1 has said there's no way they would even consider it. 

Out of the two Dommes that have voted so far, 1 has voted they could see themselves demanding their sub to give up orgasms if the situation warranted it and 1 said they probably would never do that but can see where that would be useful.

I guess what I'm not sure of is... are those comments from a very vocal minority?  Or since few have talked at all in favor of any of the possible merits of that situation are they in fact a vocal majority? 

I guess I'm just curious.  I'm not really trying to say one side is right or wrong, I'm merely wondering where people are coming from on the subject and how their views on the BDSM and D/s lifestyle may affect those views. 

Femdom Dream Fantasy - Fur Internship

I had a dream that ended up inspiring a story idea that I never got around to writing.

The basic premise is that a man with a fur fetish answers an ad in the paper for a full time unpaid internship at a local fur & leather shop.  He answers the ad and gets semi-seduced by the owner who hires him and gets him to sign a contract.  The shop happens to specialize in a few things: women's fashions, fetish fashions, sissy fetish fashions, sexual items and BDSM related gear.  On the surface it's just a shop but when he starts working there he finds out they run a host of other mail order companies and strange walk-in clientele.  The company is very gynocentric and he is the low man on the totem pole. 

To make a long story short the internship causes him to get fired from his other job, he gets tricked into debt with the company, loses his car, and is forced to work there 50+ hours a week for free.  The company, called FurHerPleasure, exploits male fetishes in order to sell fur/leather/bdsm items to women for incredibly low prices. 

I don't have any stories written from it nor pictures depicting scenes from it.  What I did up tonight were some pages from a couple of their catalogs if said businesses actually existed.  I have done 3 pages from each catalog to show how each approach might be taken, including how to exploit men and reap the benefits onto women.  Their labor force is a sweat-shop/dungeon type environment where male subs are (at least initially) consensually forced to do the manufacturing.

I honestly have no idea if this is of any interest to anyone or not heh.  Please let me know if you would want more from this scenario.


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Revisiting the Lesbian Fantasy

Ms Marie's recent post Sapphic Tendencies got me thinking again about my post from July on the Lesbian Fantasy.  It's kind of eerie how some of the same details are in both of our posts.  I don't really know why but whenever this type of fantasy trickles its way into my brain I tend to feel a twinge of guilt, followed by a sigh and a mumble of "typical male fantasy."

After reading her post I did some thinking on it and tonight I re-read my post and found a few areas that I didn't cover during my exploration of it the last time around.  In my earlier post I focused mainly upon the role change and diminished personal relationship between the Domme and male sub.

Isolating the case of a FemDom, a Fem sub, and a male sub, where the Fem sub receives preference/status over the male, I noticed a few new areas to think about.  How does this differ from say, a FemDom and two male subs?  What does this say if a Fem sub was added to an existing FemDom/male sub relationship (or vice versa)?

A case with two male subs is a pretty easy read assuming that both subs probably have similar types of requirements and may possibly serve similar roles in the relationship.  One may receive preference (usually whichever one was there first), but both are male subs and they probably know what to expect from the relationship.

Adding a male sub to a Lesbian D/s couple is fairly straight forward.  The male would be brought in to do the grunt work and to be dumped on when it's convenient.  This makes sense.  So why is the reverse case so intriguing? 
This is where my typical male fantasy probably takes over.  I know there are Dommes out there that would probably treat a male sub and female sub equally, but in my own mind and as painted out by Ms. Marie, what about that scenario makes it so difficult to shake?

This time around I was able to see some new insights into this and the male ego crushing effects of it.

-The Fem sub is a sub that exists solely for pleasure.  The male sub never had that role.  Even when he was used for pleasure he was still there for pain.  He might wish that it was him in her role and there was someone else lower down to take the brute force and tedious duties.  The Fem sub gets to experience his fantasy and that's something he has never, nor will ever taste.  This can be easily rubbed in his face for shame/jealousy.

-She hops into her role but his role is changed.  It's sort of like taking a pay cut... it hurts because you once got more for the same thing.  Now that she's here he just lost his status, pleasure, and attention.  All of the grunt work with less (if any) reward.  Every time the Fem sub is called to bed and he must sleep elsewhere would have to sting.

-Since they are both women and both are given power over the male sub, it's almost like the Lesbian D/s dynamic is pretend or momentary... a means for mutual pleasure and enjoyment.  The Femdom D/s dynamic must feel like a harsh slap in the face in that light. 

-Forbidden fruit.  He now has another set of curves to fantasize over.  I don't see much in terms of sexual interaction between the two subs being permitted here except maybe some extreme teasing or assistance during play.

-Women are territorial.  I don't know a single Female sub or switch that placed in this situation, that wouldn't go out of their way to monopolize the Domme's attention.  I know there are Fem subs that exist that would not, but I don't personally know any of them as they often wish to be invisible around anyone other than their Dom.  With this in mind, the odds that the male sub would receive any positive attention is rather small.

This seems to clear some things up but geez... this still manages to turn me on something fierce every time I think about it.

Femdom Philosophies: The One Line Phrase

I've noticed that whenever I hear a Domme make a general one line statement communicating her philosophies on Femdom, D/s, BDSM, etc. my mind tends to race and I'm often guilty of getting a hard-on as my mind races to process the implications.

I think that's what makes a one-line phrase so powerful, that it give implications but keeps them open-ended so that almost any situation not directly covered by the phrase is put in its place.  I've heard many of these phrases over the years and it would probably take me several hours to record all of them but they never cease to strike a chord in my submissive soul.  Even ones I don't agree with will often linger with me for years, slowly changing my views until I find myself responding to that philosophy.

I'll try to list off some examples here...

"All boys should be kept in chastity."
Implications:  males can't control themselves (nor be trusted to do so), aroused males behave poorly, a woman should dictate when and how a male can have sexual pleasure, etc.

"Only dominants should be allowed to wear black."
Implications:  black is a powerful color and any submissive being should have to wear something less powerful.  Less powerful being...

"A sub should be punished regularly to keep them in their place."
Implications:  a sub that isn't punished regularly will be belligerent, a Domme doesn't need a reason other than this to punish their sub, a sub that carries some fear will be better behaved.

"Sissies should be kept (butt) plugged to remind them of their status."
Implications:  a sissy is of lower status, discomfort and anal penetration is suitable for low status, sissies should never forget their are of lower status.

"A good sissy maid is seen but not heard."
Implications:  a sissy maid should not be permitted to speak (or should be kept gagged), good service doesn't require talking.

There's hundreds more that I can't seem to remember right now.

Does anyone else have any of these lines that really stayed with them?  Or for Dommes, are there any of these philosophies that you like to use/share with others?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Drawing, tribute, shading practice

A recent post by Ms. Marie inspired this drawing but I also kept it non-sissy to see how I would do (at Giles' request in a previous comment.

I did a lot of shading work on this one... trying to figure out and improve at shading/detailing but it's still a work in progress.  To make things easier I pretty much traced this one for the contours/shading.

I did make a few variants of this one as well.   One with caption for those who like captions and another with a slight modification of what the woman is wearing.  A turtleneck seems more believable given the environment.

A Domme's Role in Consent

Giles English brought up some interesting points in comments to my last post on consent.  It made me realize that I had written that post with the assumption that the sub would resist leaving unless things were simply terrible for them.

Any Domme that has been through several D/s relationships probably knows this usually isn't how things really work and that not all compromises are made by the sub.

In reality, unless you have a very extreme D/s relationship, you have to be able to connect on a personal level and the Domme must make sure things are good enough to keep him from leaving.  This can be done in a variety of ways.  Each way has sort of its own "face value" as well as a means to exploit it.  I don't feel that a little bit of exploitation is that bad, especially if the foundation is in fact a loving, caring relationship. 

-Incorporating enough of his kink/fetish/fantasies to keep his needs met. If it floats his fetish boat, he will have no reason to look elsewhere to fill those needs.  This can be exploited in a few ways, mildly by making his fetishes a reward, or more overtly by making him feel sexually awkward or inadequate because of his fetishes but roping him in by telling him that you understand him and that you're okay with the way he is (even when no other woman would be).  Occasionally you may want to act out one of his fantasies to keep him salivating at the thought of having it happen again.

-Ensuring the day by day relationship is loving and fulfilling.  Even if there is no sexual contact simply reminding him that you enjoy your relationship, you love him, and value him in your life.  This can be exploited rather severely.  Words are cheap but adequate to reference to a sub if he starts feeling otherwise.  e.g. Punishing him as "a sign of your love for him," or saying he "is the most important person in my life" while ignoring his needs.  Taken a step further logic can be twisted:  "I'm denying you orgasms because it brings me so much pleasure to see you squirm in frustration and don't you want to see me happy?  I know it makes you happy for me to be dominant."  It is much easier to exploit if the stakes are high e.g. marriage, common friends, etc. as he will have no where to turn to.

-Stretching his boundaries slowly.  While some might believe this shouldn't happen, many subs crave the submission of having their limits pressed.  This is a process that should happen over time and in the right settings.  Exploiting these cases really shows the weakness of the male.  Sexual conditioning (positive sexual reinforcement) can slowly turn a Domme's fetish into a sub's fetish.  Extended tease & denial can make a sub highly susceptible to "suggestion" and if he is horny enough and being brought to a climax he can be made to promise almost anything.  When he reaches that point you can either allow him release and expect it in the future or deny his orgasm and tell him he will be allowed release after he makes good on the promise.   

There are also some ways that aren't as emotionally healthy.  While they might be viewed with disgust or disdain by some, long-standing relationships that have grown a bit stale on the D/s front and where a Domme wishes to make major changes to the relationship may find these as being some of the only ways to get an honest behavioral change out of her sub.  Subs that have grown bored/complacent with a relationship can be incredibly moody/stubborn/resistant to adopting a more ideal submissive attitude.  Sometimes they need a kick in the butt to get back on track.  In many ways I consider these options to be healthier/easier than having a Domme terminate the relationship without communicating the seriousness of the situation to her sub.

-The threat of rejection.  He can have it her way or get out.  If she has exploited his fetishes at all (or decides to start now) he will know that his needs aren't "normal" and he will have a tough chance finding another woman willing to accept him as he is. 

-He is replaceable.  This is the other side of his threat of rejection.  While he will have a difficult time finding another Domme, she will have an incredibly easy time finding a dozen subs to take his place, so if he won't perform, she'll find a sub who can.  While it may very well take weeks/months to find another sub that she will mesh with on a deep level, he doesn't have to know that, and the thought of having a dozen applicants lined up at her door the next day will probably shake him up a bit.  The odds are in her favor. 

-Blackmail.  In most cases, the male sub fantasy can go into very deep, dark places.  I've also found that Dommes are more likely to demand a sub to share his deepest fantasies and quite unlikely to share her deepest fantasies with him.  While he could try to out her, it usually ends up sort of like this:
sub: "she got off by wearing a corset and thigh high boots, tying me up and spanking me and then making me give her oral."
Domme: "he wanted me to tie him up, spank him, fuck him up the ass with a dildo, and then make him serve me and my friends while dressed as a maid."

When it comes to who is at risk to lose the most face, advantage: Domme. A few timely pictures here and there when he is in the throws of a BDSM activity can reinforce this even more.

These situations aren't fair, but neither is the outcome of power exchange except that we acknowledge the risks and consent to the relationship as a whole.  I've always felt these were sort of bi-products of the situation and always felt they were part of the risk to consider before starting the relationship.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Overall Consent vs. Situational Consent vs. Covert Conversion

I am building off of my previous post and comments on my recent posts Styles and Intensities of Femdom Relationships and A sub's Consent: Sacrifice and Trade-offs

If you scour the internet for intro to BDSM type material you'll find it ripe with warnings and cautions and the term "consensual" tossed around a lot.  Most BDSM material was written with active BDSM communities in mind and mostly to protect vulnerable women from potentially dangerous and abusive men.  In these cases it is usually a wise system to follow but it doesn't seem to translate as well towards the variety of Femdom relationships you'll find both in reality and what people are seeking when you isolate activities within Femdom relationships.

I could rattle off a few clich├ęs here about men being physically stronger than women so there's less risk, etc. but it doesn't really get to where I'm going.  No one seems to have a problem with a Domme inflicting physical punishments on a male sub or ordering him to pleasure her for hours with no sexual pleasure for him.  Those topics are treated as fairly ordinary and the types of things that people get into D/s relationships for.

The debates about consent really stem from the emotional health of the sub in light of the Dommes requirements of him.  I've seen a lot of Dominants take heat for their isolated actions towards subs and I don't really understand why unless a very narrow view of consent is project onto the situation.  Taking away a sub's favorite leisure activity, prohibiting orgasms, or inflicting public humiliation are a few activities that come to mind.

Now yes, it is unlikely that the average sub enters into a D/s relationship readily admitting that he okay with the prospect of having zero fun in life, is willing to be locked in chastity for a year at a time, and taken out in public and made to cry whenever she feels like it.  Since he hasn't agreed to that activity, if it pops up, does that make it non-consensual?  In some ways yes, in others no.  Situationally, it may appear non-consensual.  Overall, he may very well have agreed to let her punish him as she sees fit.

If he shirks his chore duties, she might take away his privilege to watch football or play softball with his buddies.  Is this any different from being grounded as a child/teen when you misbehaved?   If you agreed to let her decide how to punish you and agreed to abide by such a ruling, then on a greater level it is consensual.

If he is repeatedly caught masturbating without permission after consenting to give her full control over his orgasms, isn't it consensual to allow her to lock him in a chastity belt until she sees fit to release him?

If he consents to her full domination if she wishes to take him out and parade him around dressed as a French maid hasn't he really consented to that?

It's not that there's a clear cut answer here but I think the problem is that a lot of people look for the easy and straight forward answers while ignoring the circumstances of the situation and relationship.  If he can opt out at any time, where is the power exchange?  Also, if it's too much for him he can always walk away (she won't be strong enough to physically prevent him from doing so). 

I assume that subs that are faced with something they cannot or will not handle will walk and Dommes that have subs that will not do what they want them to will dismiss them.  Under this understanding I believe it's a safe assumption to say that long-standing relationships that engage in morally gray material (in BDSM morality) probably have the overall consent to do so or they wouldn't be together.  If his greater needs are met he will sacrifice his lesser needs and pride.

It becomes more difficult as relationships change over time.  If a Domme all of a sudden instigates a new rule or activity out of the blue that go beyond what he is comfortable with, he then must make a difficult decision to go along with her wishes or to walk away.  Walking away can be very difficult at this point but he can also choose to increase his submission and trust that she will keep him out of harm's way.

Basically, I think with most single activities that people interpret as non-consensual, they overlook the fact that the circumstances behind the activity are consensual.

To stir the pot a little more I'm bringing up the idea of something I call covert conversion (which is a term I made up tonight).  I view covert conversion as the gradual and non-consensual injection of the D/s dynamic into a vanilla relationship.  While this is often seen with closet-submissives trying to get their wives into domination, I will focus upon when things happen in the other direction with women attempting to subjugate their male lover. 

If you are familiar with the writings of Elise Sutton (loving female authority), Georgeann Cross (sexual power for women), or Lady Misato (real women don't do housework), I consider the methods and philosophies outlined in their works to be of this type.  While each of these methodologies are a bit different, the general idea is similar:  use sexuality and sexual conditioning of the male in order to transform a standard relationship into a female led relationship.  I discovered some of this material very early on in my trip towards submission and found it intriguing, although I hadn't yet identified with it.

When I first entered the lifestyle I discussed the ideas of these writings with my girlfriend/Mistress and she was quite against them (she came from a BDSM-community background) for their lack of consent. 

All in all, I guess I had never viewed some of those methods that differently from a wife or girlfriend with-holding sex or acting bitchy towards her significant other in order to get her way on something or to show displeasure with his behavior.  I guess that's why it struck/strikes me as odd that they elicit such a strong response from many in the BDSM community.

Game of Chance: The last 52 weeks of chastity

I had meant to include this with my Games of Chance post but it didn't really fit into the flow.

This game of chance is something I read somewhere years ago.  Keep in mind that I'm not a huge chastity enthusiast nor do I condone permanent chastity unless both parties are very strongly in favor of it, but for some reason when I read this game it got me really turned on due to its unfair nature and the potential for mental anguish.

The scenario:  A submissive has one year in chastity before the belt will be locked on permanently.  Their weekly service/behavior will be evaluated and if it receives a passing grade they will receive the chance to be released for a single orgasm.

The rules:
Take a chastity belt (preferably high security), 52 envelopes, 2 working keys to their belt, and 50 keys that won't open the belt (these can be blanks, dummies in the envelope, etc. but I think the effect is greater if the key is the right size/length and will fit into the lock).  Place one key in each envelope and seal it in a manner where any tampering will be evident (or find a way to keep the envelopes away from the sub). 

At the end of each week the envelopes will be placed into a bin.  If the sub receives a passing grade for the week, he must draw an envelope and try to unlock the belt with the key.  If the key unlocks the belt he may masturbate until he cums and the belt will be locked back on.  If the sub receives a failing grade for the week, he must draw an envelope and it will be thrown away without being opened.

When all 52 envelopes have been opened or he has won two orgasms the belt will not be removed again.

I suppose this could be repeated on a yearly basis if the discarded keys were saved instead of destroyed/disposed of without having chastity shift to permanent, but permanence was how it was written out when I read about it.

I'm really not sure exactly why or how this turned me on, but I have a few guesses, most of which are rooted in my desires for deep submission and mind-fucking.

-The potential for only two orgasms per year (especially in the face of permanence) yields a particularly deep level of desperation, and as time passes he will likely reach a rather high strung and frantic state.

-The thought that the key that gets thrown away may have been one of the working keys ensures a strong level of obedience and any failing grade will feel absolutely crushing.  At the same time there's no chance to dwell on it since the next week's behavior cycle will have started and he has to bounce back in his behavior while carrying a pretty heavy mental burden.  This will happen every time he loses a key.

-"Winning" an orgasm is good but at the same time it means you will have one less chance at getting another orgasm in the future.  Winning the second orgasm is winning the last orgasm and is bitter-sweet, physical pleasure met with great mental anguish.

-She can be as strict as possible in her grading since she has nothing to lose but he has everything to lose.  He may have to push himself beyond what he ever thought possible.

The Domme can inflict extreme mental anguish with very little effort (it is all built up in his head).  The odds are so stacked against him (especially if she's very strict) that he'll be forced through the same turmoil on a weekly basis. 

It's interesting to contemplate "worst case" scenarios.  Not getting a single release in 52 weeks vs. getting both keys within the first few weeks.  The former provides the thrill of the gamble.  The latter yields no future hope. 

After giving it some more thought I think this would probably be more fun to do on an annual basis.  Not just because it's not permanent, but after the first 52 weeks the fun would be gone.

Sissies on the net

This is a bit of a rant... it's not targeted at anyone in particular but it may offend some...

I've written before about the sissy stigma and lately the reasons that I believe it exists have pretty much held true.  While there are a few parts of the stigma that affect my own blog, e.g. exchanging very good comments with readers/authors on other blogs but them taking no interest in my blog due to its title and/or my username, the bulk of them seem to stem back to community support and the success and failure of various sites and forums.

I get a little frustrated sometimes when I take part in a forced fem internet community via e-group or forum only to watch it slowly dwindle away due to lack of participation of its members.  It often seems to follow a familiar cycle:  if there isn't enough masturbation material, it fails.

On those sites, the active posters (that post at least once a week) is usually around 20 to 100 sissies for every 1 Dominant.  When a new Dom shows up (they are often pros seeking to recruit new clients) they may start off interacting but are soon flooded with requests for assignments and when they seek feedback from the sissies they are lucky to get much response at all.  Basically, there isn't a lot of motivation for them to keep on going.  In other cases they may be harassed via private message/email until they leave.

In other cases, a small core keeps the wheels turning but as any long-running kink-oriented internet group knows, eventually you can't just rehash the same fantasies over and over again and keep the older members interested.  In these cases the community is usually carried by personal interactions and members getting to know one another along with discussions on relevant topics of interest and/or just shooting the shit.  The problem is that very few sissies can just converse.  It's like they only went there to whack-off and if it doesn't lead to that they want no part of it.  I can understand that to some extent but at the same time they can't be disappointed at the lack of interaction or new content when people get bored.

I guess it's just frustrating to me that this cycle persists.  On this blog it's tough for me to keep up with ideas for new topics of discussion, especially when there is minimal feedback.  At least 50% of my posts have nothing to do with forced fem but the 50% that do keep away many.  The odd result is that the bulk of the comments I receive have nothing to do with sissies or forced fem yet the vast majority of my blog followers are here for sissy/forced fem material.

My advice to the sissies out there is to interact on the places you visit, balancing masturbation material and normal interactions.  Keeping the wheels turning is a group effort and it often seems like the few are carrying the many.