I changed to a slight recoloring on the woman in black as her flesh-tone was a bit off compared to the rest of them.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Some differences in D/s relationships
Some comments on the blog From Vanilla To Kinky - Our FLR Journey led to a few lengthy responses on my part when there seemed to be a fundamental difference in points of view between the blog authors and some readers.
The text that I wrote about this and was quoted on in their most recent post is:
"In this realm of D/s you'll find two different types of relationships. The first is one rooted in BDSM protocols. In these types of relationships they are generally established on a mutual grounds of consent and the rules primarily apply during periods of play (although they often bleed over into more aspects of life). In this situation, hard limits are often seen as an absolute law that aren't to be broken without prior consent from both parties. Many of the established rules were designed to protect female submissives from maleDoms that might otherwise cause significant damage to them.
The second type is one that exists outside of these rules (you can call them what you will, Femdom, 24-7, FLR, etc.). In these types of relationships, the consent is to submit and you are at the mercy of whatever that submission may entail. Things like safe words and hard limits are more like a suggestion (than a boundary) to the Domme, one that she may consider but will ultimately have the final decision on.
I have been in both styles of relationship and they are quite different. I am guessing that you probably viewed your relaxing of a hard limit as a meaningful gift, a symbol of trust catering towards something she was wanting to try out.
In a BDSM-rooted relationship, you are correct and there are probably many Dommes that have come up through the BDSM community ranks that would find that gesture endearing.
In a 24-7 sense, it was overstepping bounds. You cannot gift what is theirs to take. Taking pride in giving such a gift is something that would probably get smacked down... hard."
I wanted to elaborate a bit on that and I figured it would be better to post that here rather than hijack their comments for me to drone on about something that is no longer related to the post.
I was re-reading the quoted text tonight and while I know I generalized (there's way more flavors of relationships than just those two, but those two illustrated what needed to be conveyed), I feel I can strip it down another level.
The first type of relationship can probably be better described as:
A D/s relationship based upon mutual consent towards mutual pleasure. Both parties agree to the terms of the relationship and both parties seek to create pleasure for each other.
The second type of relationship can probably be summarized as:
A D/s relationship based primarily upon her pleasure. The sub's pleasure is either coincidental (kink overlap), incidental (situational fetish), or granted by the Domme (usually out of love/consideration) but it should not be expected nor be a focal point.
The second type might seem rather harsh, but it seems to be special types of relationships that make it there. Some are relationships that evolve to that over a long period of time where the Domme gradually becomes more dominant and the sub gradually becomes more submissive. Others often involve VERY dominant women that have a great deal of experience within the lifestyle. Their subs know what they are in for and can usually only hack it if they have a deep submissive nature and a lot of kink overlap.
The text that I wrote about this and was quoted on in their most recent post is:
"In this realm of D/s you'll find two different types of relationships. The first is one rooted in BDSM protocols. In these types of relationships they are generally established on a mutual grounds of consent and the rules primarily apply during periods of play (although they often bleed over into more aspects of life). In this situation, hard limits are often seen as an absolute law that aren't to be broken without prior consent from both parties. Many of the established rules were designed to protect female submissives from maleDoms that might otherwise cause significant damage to them.
The second type is one that exists outside of these rules (you can call them what you will, Femdom, 24-7, FLR, etc.). In these types of relationships, the consent is to submit and you are at the mercy of whatever that submission may entail. Things like safe words and hard limits are more like a suggestion (than a boundary) to the Domme, one that she may consider but will ultimately have the final decision on.
I have been in both styles of relationship and they are quite different. I am guessing that you probably viewed your relaxing of a hard limit as a meaningful gift, a symbol of trust catering towards something she was wanting to try out.
In a BDSM-rooted relationship, you are correct and there are probably many Dommes that have come up through the BDSM community ranks that would find that gesture endearing.
In a 24-7 sense, it was overstepping bounds. You cannot gift what is theirs to take. Taking pride in giving such a gift is something that would probably get smacked down... hard."
I wanted to elaborate a bit on that and I figured it would be better to post that here rather than hijack their comments for me to drone on about something that is no longer related to the post.
I was re-reading the quoted text tonight and while I know I generalized (there's way more flavors of relationships than just those two, but those two illustrated what needed to be conveyed), I feel I can strip it down another level.
The first type of relationship can probably be better described as:
A D/s relationship based upon mutual consent towards mutual pleasure. Both parties agree to the terms of the relationship and both parties seek to create pleasure for each other.
The second type of relationship can probably be summarized as:
A D/s relationship based primarily upon her pleasure. The sub's pleasure is either coincidental (kink overlap), incidental (situational fetish), or granted by the Domme (usually out of love/consideration) but it should not be expected nor be a focal point.
The second type might seem rather harsh, but it seems to be special types of relationships that make it there. Some are relationships that evolve to that over a long period of time where the Domme gradually becomes more dominant and the sub gradually becomes more submissive. Others often involve VERY dominant women that have a great deal of experience within the lifestyle. Their subs know what they are in for and can usually only hack it if they have a deep submissive nature and a lot of kink overlap.
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