I know I just made a post about the dangers of unrealistic fantasizing, but if you've read my blog for a long time you have probably seen that I do enjoy analyzing and trying to get to the root of particular fantasies and how/why they get to us.
I probably seem like a broken record with this... but this is further exploring the Lesbian Fantasy.... which I realize I have done several times already here:
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/07/lesbian-fantasy.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2011/01/revisiting-lesbian-fantasy.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2011/03/cuckold-and-multi-sub-scenarios.html
I know there are a number of women out there who were the last woman their ex-boyfriend dated before coming out of the closet. I'm sure they are cases (although much less documented) of men being the last man their ex-girlfriend dated before becoming a Lesbian.
I'm not one to consider being a cuckold... with another man. Maybe it's my inherent distrust of men, but the thought of Mistress having sex with another man repulses me and it's something that in all likelihood would cause me to leave the relationship. I don't mind her playing with other subs, especially those that have a fetish for doing things that I'm not a fan of (e.g. cleaning, being beaten until the skin breaks and bleeds, or having their rectum ravaged by a giant strap on).
I have thought about what kind of psychological impact there would be if Mistress were to go full-on Lesbian (and not just bi) and cite a reason along the lines of me being inadequate as a lover or her being so fed up with men because of me that she went to play for the other team. Of course, in this romanticized fantasy version I would be kept on as a submissive but replaced as a lover.
I think I kind of view this as being beyond emasculation and is probably the death of the male ego.
I think the appeal on some level is that you are kept at arm's length from what you want but can never have again. The suffering and distress of that position is one that appeals greatly to my subspace. You can keep tacking on extras that push it deeper and deeper: chastity with no hope of release, no underlying love/care to serve as protection from real damage, forced fem as a caricature of femininity, having your income confiscated so that you have no independence or freedom, etc. The other big (fantasy) kicker is, of course, that her Lesbian lover will harbor disdain towards me and be as cruel, if not more cruel than Mistress.
Could I be happy in this situation? I guess it depends upon the other factors. Happy probably isn't the right word since I would surely be unhappy, but at the same time if the situation was as perfect as a fantasy it would probably be a tough situation to ever leave even if I was unhappy.
I am well-aware that this situation is just a fantasy. If a sub was that inferior as a lover and person, she would almost certainly give him the boot as soon as she found a new lover (nor would her lover likely be okay with her keeping a male ex around). I do find it particularly arousing though.
We did attempt to role-play this scenario in the past but had trouble finding a compatible femsub.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Romanticizing Fetishes in Fantasy
While I don't get a lot of people contacting me, I find a large number of the ones that do are seeking a Domme and ask me about how to find one.
There are a couple of common characteristics I have found with these subs:
1. They have little to no real life D/s experience (that they haven't paid money for).
2. They have allowed their fantasies and fetishes to become over-developed before pursuing the lifestyle.
#1 is no big deal to me, everyone has to start somewhere, but #2 is crawling with problems.
As subs, especially before we have taken the plunge into the lifestyle there's usually a fairly long transitional process as we develop into submissives. It usually follows some sort of cycle of being very turned on by a non-traditional means and fantasizing about it, feeling fucked up about it and trying to make it go away, and after several iterations of the first two, finally coming to acceptance that this is something we don't want to live without.
If this process takes too long and is too intense (often assisted by fantasy-based fetish fiction) there's a tendency to develop a romanticized view of the D/s lifestyle and what their role will be within it, complete with theatrics and their perfect fantasy Domme. I generally try to steer them towards my tips for courting a Domme but this often falls on deaf ears (or blind eyes).
All subs would love to have this fantasy life. Those of us within the lifestyle have usually developed more reasonable expectations of it or managed to learn to crave what She enjoys. In this way subs that have a fetish for domestic servitude and performing unsupervised chores have a leg up on the competition (a whip-cracking task-Mistress standing over you while you clean the toilet isn't a reasonable expectation). Subs that have a thing for suffering on any level (mental, physical, emotional, sexual) are also pretty well-suited for the lifestyle although it can be difficult to find a demanding/cruel enough Domme to be a good fit.
Overall, there's a word for subs that have to have things the way they are in their fantasies: single. If it doesn't do anything for her, she probably won't do it. If you are out seeking a D/s relationship the best advice I can give is to try to keep your fantasies in check and make an effort to steer them towards things that make sense for her:
She will probably enjoy hurting you physically (without causing permanent damage).
She will probably want you to worship her body.
She will probably want you to perform domestic tasks.
She will probably want to do some tease & denial but she will probably expect your penis to perform for intercourse as well.
Assuming you are seeking a loving relationship, the above characteristics are probably a fairly safe assumption to make. For most things beyond that (chastity, feminization, pegging, torture, branding, etc.) it really becomes hit or miss and that is more of a good fit/bad fit situation.
It's not sexy, but fantasizing about yourself as someone worth talking to and being with is far more beneficial to your cause than fantasizing about being a naked slave sleeping outdoors in chains in a pile of your own feces unless you end up finding a Domme that wants to have an unemployed slave that doesn't really contribute to her personal life.
There are a couple of common characteristics I have found with these subs:
1. They have little to no real life D/s experience (that they haven't paid money for).
2. They have allowed their fantasies and fetishes to become over-developed before pursuing the lifestyle.
#1 is no big deal to me, everyone has to start somewhere, but #2 is crawling with problems.
As subs, especially before we have taken the plunge into the lifestyle there's usually a fairly long transitional process as we develop into submissives. It usually follows some sort of cycle of being very turned on by a non-traditional means and fantasizing about it, feeling fucked up about it and trying to make it go away, and after several iterations of the first two, finally coming to acceptance that this is something we don't want to live without.
If this process takes too long and is too intense (often assisted by fantasy-based fetish fiction) there's a tendency to develop a romanticized view of the D/s lifestyle and what their role will be within it, complete with theatrics and their perfect fantasy Domme. I generally try to steer them towards my tips for courting a Domme but this often falls on deaf ears (or blind eyes).
All subs would love to have this fantasy life. Those of us within the lifestyle have usually developed more reasonable expectations of it or managed to learn to crave what She enjoys. In this way subs that have a fetish for domestic servitude and performing unsupervised chores have a leg up on the competition (a whip-cracking task-Mistress standing over you while you clean the toilet isn't a reasonable expectation). Subs that have a thing for suffering on any level (mental, physical, emotional, sexual) are also pretty well-suited for the lifestyle although it can be difficult to find a demanding/cruel enough Domme to be a good fit.
Overall, there's a word for subs that have to have things the way they are in their fantasies: single. If it doesn't do anything for her, she probably won't do it. If you are out seeking a D/s relationship the best advice I can give is to try to keep your fantasies in check and make an effort to steer them towards things that make sense for her:
She will probably enjoy hurting you physically (without causing permanent damage).
She will probably want you to worship her body.
She will probably want you to perform domestic tasks.
She will probably want to do some tease & denial but she will probably expect your penis to perform for intercourse as well.
Assuming you are seeking a loving relationship, the above characteristics are probably a fairly safe assumption to make. For most things beyond that (chastity, feminization, pegging, torture, branding, etc.) it really becomes hit or miss and that is more of a good fit/bad fit situation.
It's not sexy, but fantasizing about yourself as someone worth talking to and being with is far more beneficial to your cause than fantasizing about being a naked slave sleeping outdoors in chains in a pile of your own feces unless you end up finding a Domme that wants to have an unemployed slave that doesn't really contribute to her personal life.
I love this coat...
... and I think it would look great on a Domme except I would make a couple of changes.
The number of straps/buckles is a bit over the top. I like how they taper the fit but dropping the number down to 1-3 of them would give more of an hourglass shape definition. Also, the top strap is a bit on the high side, where instead of pushing up the bust it seems to hold it down and steals from its femininity.
Overall very nice though.
The number of straps/buckles is a bit over the top. I like how they taper the fit but dropping the number down to 1-3 of them would give more of an hourglass shape definition. Also, the top strap is a bit on the high side, where instead of pushing up the bust it seems to hold it down and steals from its femininity.
Overall very nice though.
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