Saturday, May 6, 2017

SPH: Tee Ball for Humiliation

Small Penis Humiliation (SPH) is a fascinating topic to me because of how blown out of proportion penis insecurity is. 

At its core fall two basic principles:
  1. Your penis size is inadequate to the point for you to exercise sexual proficiency.
  2. Other people will shame you if they see it.
I tend to ignore #2 because people that look at your genitals are creepy.  I say this having been shamed in my youth due to being uncircumcised.  If a dude is looking at my junk, that's on them.  If they try to make a comment to bring attention to it, they are fucking disturbed. 

With that in mind, really the great fear becomes sexual proficiency.

This is where it really gets weird.  I'm not big, but I have endurance for days and excellent G-spot aim.  One hour?  No problem.  Two hours?  No problem.  Making her cum?  No problem.  I also have a talented mouth/tongue, dexterous fingers, and I pay attention to every response from her body, paying special attention to certain muscles, the depth and pace of her breathing, and so on.  I'm quite confident in my level of sexual proficiency.

With that in mind, any mention (or implied comment) of its size and I'm immediately sent spiraling into the subspace abyss.  Wave after wave of shame crashes down, pummeling my ego into nothingness.  Within seconds I'm in that deep space where I'm driven to try my hardest... to prove that I'm good enough by any means necessary. 

It's so easy... it's like tee ball.  The fact that I know all of this and that it still works is sort of silly.  It's even more screwed up that it gives me an erection.

I did actually find a new small penis name today that gave me a good chuckle: Penisn't

Domestic Service: Adulting for Two

Yesterday's post on An Expectation of Service was inspired by a conversation with a Domme friend and it got a bit twisted up as I ended up covering why I recommend every single sub to be willing to perform domestic service as well as the way that I fetishize it in my own head.  I went ahead and hit publish even though I wasn't particularly happy with how it turned out because I figured it was better to hit publish than delete the draft.

After mulling over what I wrote I realize that I missed probably the most important point.  That is, if anything, for this reason alone, all subs should be willing to perform domestic service on at least a basic to moderate level. 

Domestic service is just adulting. 

If you have lived alone you have had to take care of your own laundry, cleaning, cooking, and chores.  It goes with the territory known as "survival" and "not being a disgusting slob."  Assuming you are single and wish to eventually not be single, having these skills go a long ways in attracting a life partner.

The crucial differences between living alone and domestic service are:
  1. You are now doing those things for two people.
  2. The frequency and thoroughness with which you perform said chores are no longer up to you.  If she holds a higher standard than you do, it's probably closer to the way things "should" be.
I know this isn't romantic or kinky in any way, but it's just sort of how things are.

Honestly, I suck at writing about this topic so I will likely try to avoid it in the future.

An Expectation of Service

I have been thinking a lot about the D/s lifestyle lately and after giving a couple of subs some advice on how to attract a Dominant woman for a long-term relationship and I realize just how far removed I am in my mind from the realm of BDSM relationships where kink is defined and the idea of consensual mutual pleasure is a defining factor.

Namely, I do not picture a lifestyle that doesn't involve domestic service.  While there are service submissives out there that get their kink from doing chores (often thanklessly), I unfortunately am not wired that way.  I don't mind cooking but cleaning/housekeeping, landscaping, and the like are not my cup of tea.  There are also times where I don't even feel like cooking and would rather get take-out, delivery, or eat at a restaurant.  While I do not want to do those things, I am willing to do those things.  They can even be somewhat enjoyable if the right factors are in place to make them fuel my subspace, but truthfully I see service as part of the role of being a lifestyle submissive.

There are a lot of subs out there that enjoy sexual service, pampering, and body worship.  While that is closer to being service-oriented than someone that just wants to be tied down and whipped, the idea of service becomes a bit of a gray area. 

True service-oriented subs that also are "life partner" material are sort of a rarity out there.  Requiring someone to be of this type also limits the potential of many subs, never giving them the chance to rise to the occasion.  The BDSM ideal of kink-overlap also sort of undermines the idea of a sub that is willing but doesn't desire it.  It is kind of strange in that way as it's so damn hard to find a compatible partner, I don't feel it has to be made even harder by unicorn hunting.  A difference between the willing sub and the sub with true service desires is whether or not any amount of external motivation is needed. 

It's true that not every Domme expects a sub to provide domestic service.  It's also true that a lot of them do.  I think this is why when I advise single subs that they should be willing or it reduces potential interest without it. 

In my own twisted brain I have found a way to fetishize it.  It drives my subspace to have the decision of domestic chores made for me regardless of how I feel about them.  It drives my subspace to have consequences for not fulfilling my duties within the allotted time and/or up to quality standards.  It drives my subspace to have my service be a basic expectation, without the need for please or thank you, merely the constant knowledge that failing will disappoint her and disappointing her is bad.  While in said subspace, the thought of her having to perform those same tasks pains me and I can only envision a life where they are part of my duty. 

I have no idea if thoughts like these are good or bad but even that really isn't up to me. 

Friday, May 5, 2017

My Current State of Mind

I haven't really felt like blogging lately and it's kind of disappointing.  So much of what I write about is fueled by interaction, discussion, and trying to share a perspective or figure out how someone sees things and that just hasn't happened as much lately.  To me, blogging is about the exchange of ideas and the rapport built between reader and author (or two authors).  It's a strange form of personal interaction because it also invites others to join in.  I find this incredibly inspiring when it happens. 

I miss it in its absence.

Over the past few weeks I've had a few contacts go dark and a few others stop responding to comments and emails although they are still posting on their blog or fetlife, making it obvious they just aren't responding to me.  I'm also finding a slew of newer bloggers that don't seem to care about those making comments, which is rather disappointing when what they write is decently interesting.  At some points in time this would have brought my mood down but this time around it just sucks some of the fun out of blogging.

Basically, there's not enough input coming back in to fuel the stream of words and that is a bit of a bummer.

I know people blog for different reasons but my own reason is social.  If I wanted to keep it all inside I would have a diary.  To share it, meet, and learn from others is why I have a blog.  I've been part of the "internet scene" since the mid 90's and over the course of my life it has been quite common for me to end up with strong friendships from those I met online, often leading to phone calls or offline meetings and the like.  This has happened over the course of my blog as well. 

Lately one of my blogging friends has become very close and some of that private correspondence has replaced some of my blogging.  I do still wish to blog but I have a feeling that this friendship has kept me from feeling down about the current state of the blogosphere for me. 

As for an update on the fiction front, I have been brainstorming ideas for how to finish Arc 9 of fs01 as well as a couple of bonus chapters.  This is the last arc I plan for the story unless I (or someone else) come up with a really great idea for a 10th arc. 

I am finding ways to reach the mindspace I require for writing fiction, it's just not as easy as before.  Worst case, I will force myself to write the last half of Arc 9 and "fake it" but I would like to keep the quality as consistent as possible.

More Chastity 2017: The Good, The Bad, and The Meh

I'll start with the bad.  After the Holy Trainer proved problematic I got a deal on a Strict Gate, hoping the soft back "tab" would alleviate the issues that I have with the Holy Trainer.  Due to my high and tight scrotum, previous generations of silicon devices just didn't look promising.  If you struggle to stretch it across a 10mm wide ring, what are the chances of it working with a 35mm wide ring?  I had very high hopes for the Strict Gate as a hybrid device, solid ring with silicon cage.

First off, the tab is even longer on the Strict Gate.  Its soft and flexible nature alleviated one problem but created a new one.  The Strict Gate is marketed for being able to switch out four different "pledge rings" that are a solid plastic ring that sit inside the cage.  They make standard, glow in the dark, spiked, and smaller inner diameter pledge rings to suit this purpose.  This ring serves as the "pinch point" for the trapped ball design of this device. 

Due to the shape of my parts, it made it impossible to close the device without having the back tab flex, bend, and twist while working it on.  Unfortunately, if you bend, flex, or twist the top part of the tube it pops the pledge ring out of place and it is pretty much impossible to secure it back into position after it is attached.  "Use it without the pledge ring" was a hope, but without the ring in place and with the help of the "cord" on the bottom applying pressure, the testicles just pull out of the ring. 

I spent two and a half hours struggling with this thing.  I was not able to get it closed a single time with the pledge ring in place.  It was slightly maddening to say the least.  I did manage to get it to hold on for a few minutes without the ring in there.  The end result was an extremely comfortable device that barely felt like anything except for the large ring holding my scrotum forward.  I could see this as being a good thing if you have standard parts but this was a complete and utter failure for me.

Which brings me to the good.  Over the years I have purchased most of my chastity items from Kept for Her or Locked Up Love.  These are US-based retailers that specialize in chastity-related items and stock devices, parts, extra security measures, and the like.  I have had positive experiences with both companies but today I want to talk about Locked Up Love.  My first experiences with them were years ago when trying to track down replacement posts for my CB-2000.  If you are familiar with the CB-2000/3000/Curve, you are aware that once you have the device fitted you have to trim the plastic posts that guide the cage to the ring or they would gouge into your skin.  I thought I had found the magical combination of ring/spacer and trimmed the posts only to find out later that this was not a good fit and I could not return to a wider spacer with the shortened posts.  Locked Up Love was the only place I could find that sold those parts and they were inexpensive and with very cheap shipping. 

Aside from access to parts, if you aren't picky on what generation device you get or are looking to experiment with something else, they often have some very good clearance deals on previous generation models.  One of the big differences separating them from other companies is that they have a return policy on most items, even if they are opened.  There is a restocking fee on unopened items as well as a percentage deduction on opened items.  Yes, you can return a chastity device that you purchased but doesn't fit for a 50% refund or 75% store credit towards a different device.  This might seem like a lot, but seriously, if you just spent $150+ on a device and 5 minutes out of the package you realize it just won't work, being able to get anything back on it is a good feeling. 

The other byproduct of having a return policy is that they sanitize and resell the returned items at a significant discount (~40-50%) and these items are also covered under their return policy for a full refund minus shipping.  While I'm sure someone is thinking this sounds gross, it's not very difficult to sanitize plastic and if you aren't sure how a device will work and don't feel like throwing away money, this is a great option.  You can also buy returned parts, such as a Holy Trainer base ring for a significant discount.  The Strict Gate I purchased was through this method and thankfully I will be getting a refund on it rather than wanting to curse and punch someone in the face.

Now for the meh.  I've decided to give the Holy Trainer another shot.  I'm trying to think back to how the other devices felt when I used them and I realize that the way the HT sits is just so different that it actually feels different in the way that it blocks an erection.  It is still frustrating but also a little bit painful (not in an excruciating way), so being teased while in it is a bit less "fun."  I have been able to pinpoint that the skin pain issues are caused by the fact that my left nut is larger and shaped differently than the right.  I will be experimenting quite a bit over the next few weeks trying to see how to get the bits and pieces properly seated to minimize the problems as well as working on stretching things out.  This won't be a lot of fun as much of it will involve figuring out what parts need lube and which ones should not have it.

At some point I may look into a different size ring for the HT, but at $57+ per ring and no clue if it will actually help, I'm not really excited to go down this path, especially considering I have no idea if a larger or smaller ring will help as each solves one problem but causes another. 

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Open-Mindedness and Understanding

Recently I've read a slew of blog posts about people encouraging open-mindedness when it comes to kink-related topics because of the ongoing trend of closed-mindedness that frequently plagues BDSM communities.  This post isn't targeted at any one of those bloggers, mostly just some thoughts in general that have been inspired by thinking about this topic.

I'm never a fan of closed-mindedness but in many ways it is consistent and predictable.  You expect it.  You choose what to show and what to hide.  You monitor your words so as to keep it from rearing its ugly head.  It forces you to hide.

Open-mindedness can be a much scarier beast because of what it implies but rarely means. 

Quickie copy/pasted definitions of open-minded:
  • willing to consider new ideas; unprejudiced.
  • having or showing a mind receptive to new ideas or arguments.
  • willing to consider different ideas or opinions.
  • willing to consider ideas and opinions that are new or different to your own
From my experiences when I encounter someone that is openly open-minded, what they actually are is tolerant.  A lot of people are along the lines of: "I do not reject you because your _______ are different from mine."  Far fewer people follow: "I accept you even though your ______ are different from mine."

At some point people began using open-mindedness as a synonym for tolerant of, indifferent to, or accepting of.  I find this to be strange because that isn't really the meaning.  I would never define open-minded as "not intolerant."  The problem I have with this working definition is that it loses its actual meaning when you remove the part about "considering ideas".  

I believe that open-mindedness happens when you delve deep enough into the topic at hand to discover its strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and how it reflects in different points of view.  "I can understand how someone would like ______."  "I can see how _______ appeals to some people."  

I believe it is the understanding of ideas that is what makes people venture into communities.  They want to find people who can relate to and understand them.  They aren't looking for someone to tolerate them.  They aren't looking for people to accept them with no intention of understanding them.  They are seeking the end-result of open-mindedness.  If someone is unfamiliar with it, you can talk to them and they will understand you.  They want people they can talk to about fears and concerns that will understand their frame of reference.  They want someone to genuinely be interested in them as a person.  They want people to relate to that can relate to them.

Many kink-communities will meet that sort of approach with a slap in the face.  Shit always rolls downhill.  There's always someone more despicable to look down on.  There's always someone more fucked up to treat like the next pariah. 

That being said, is anyone perfectly open-minded?  Of course not.  We all have some biases and some prejudices.  The biggest thing is when we actually listen and see how someone views a specific topic.  Often it only takes a bit of passion and eloquence for someone to break down the barrier and allow you to see daylight where there previously was none.  To hear how someone describes their feelings and how it touches their soul can make something seem beautiful.  

Will this always happen?  Of course not.  Just because you understand someone doesn't mean you have to agree/like/enjoy the same things that they do.  However, if you don't make the effort, there is zero chance that something unexpected might find its way into your life or your heart. 

I don't really have a point to all this, just some food for thought as I write way too late at night.