Saturday, July 31, 2010

The Lesbian Fantasy

I've always found the male fantasy involving Lesbians to be a bit odd.  I think it gets even more odd when it involves a Dominant Lesbian(s).  I was thinking about this a bit and just what it is about it that gives such a deep draw to this fantasy.

On the outset I feel that women are inherently beautiful creatures and the merging of sensuous forms is aesthetically pleasing.  On another basic level, women are poly-orgasmic and a pair in the throngs of pleasure are definitely arousing.

These explain the typical male Lesbian fantasy but don't cover the submissive aspects of it.  This is what I find more interesting and it again falls into a "bitten off more than he could chew" type of a fantasy.  So why exactly does the Dominant Lesbian idea provide arousal for so many?

In my own case, the root of it lies in the fact that Lesbians don't need anything a man has to offer (except maybe sperm if they want a child, at least until they perfect egg fusion).  A Lesbi-Domme with a male sub doesn't need him to for love, sexual fulfillment, or happiness.  She can simply take on a female submissive, switch, or another Lesbi-Domme as a lover, life partner, playmate (tag-teaming if they are both Dommes), friend, and confidante.  A male in this case offers nothing that she needs to live a happy life.  Basically, as a person, he is useless to her.

His ideal role in the Lesbian fantasy is that of less than a person.  Even though his presence is extraneous, he can be useful.  He serves no significant emotional role, he is merely there to be used.  He can provide tedious and strenuous labor.  He can perform menial and boring tasks.  He isn't required to think, only serve and obey.  In the winter, he shovels the driveway.  In the summer, he mows the lawn.  Day in and day out he provides cooks, cleans, and runs errands in a thankless environment.  It could be him or any other willing male, she doesn't care, so long as he gets things done that she doesn't feel like doing.  He should be thankful she allows him to serve her at all.  She might even charge him rent.  The play he gets isn't very welcome.  Denial without the teasing.  Chastity play with no incentive for release (she doesn't care about his pleasure).  Pain inflicted on a level that satiates her but goes beyond what she is willing to do to another woman. 

My dreams tend to take me to a place where things get even more extreme.  I've dreamed of households where a Lesbian Domme and her Lesbian female sub also have a male sub.  The male ranks below the female, so she is sort of a switch, submissive to the Mistress but dominant to the male.  The Mistress is strict but doesn't want to be bothered by a lot of tedious activities so she has her subs take care of the majority of the daily activities.  The female sub is a bit threatened by the presence of the male sub so she goes out of her way to make his life hell and sabotage his standing with the Mistress.  This rivalry leads to interesting situations on many fronts.  The cruelty is great since her dominance isn't motivated sexually, but purely out of jealousy and hatred.  He is usually in chastity since he isn't supposed to think of them in a sexual way and he has no hope for release except scheduled times that were negotiated in advance.  He has no sexual interaction, just laboring away to the women he serves and surrendering to their whims.

What exactly is it that has me wake up in a cold sweat, panting, and a raging erection when I have dreams of this nature?  I'm not really sure.  Somewhere in my submissive ideals I adhere to the idea of being expendable.  It makes me try harder and appreciate everything.  This doesn't explain the sexual arousal aspect but I guess that's what makes the kinky sides of us unique.

Overall I doubt I would thrive in such a situation, but I would probably perform fairly well.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


While digging up pictures for the last post I stumbled across this one that I had found a while back.

I don't know exactly why but this picture always "does it" for me.  When I first saw it I found myself oddly drawn to it.  It gives me that feeling of a young woman (probably a bit drunk) following her sexual instincts and for the first time giving into primal dominance and having her way with someone else. While I know these types of situations often lead to a guilty conscience early in experimentation, I also think it captures that naughty and wicked streak that young women have but manage to deny under normal circumstances.

I can picture the other, their arms pinned above their head, their head rushing with anticipation and nervousness, feeling like this is wrong but not wanting to get away.  They struggle lightly, hands twisting from side to side in the woman's grip, heels lightly bouncing off the floor, aroused but wanting to end the uncomfortable awkwardness.  They look into the woman's eyes and see her stone-fixed gaze, intent on getting what she wants.  They can feel her heat against their waist, they look up, pleading, trying to speak with their eyes, saying "this doesn't feel right."  She notices and reacts, squeezing her thighs more tightly together and tightening her grip around their wrists, pressing them firmly to the floor.

She will have the time of her life, drunk with power and pleasure.  The victim will end the night feeling uncomfortable and violated, confused at the balance of physical pleasure and emotional discomfort. 

What makes it even more intriguing is that you can't quite tell if she's mounting another woman or if it's a sissified, humiliated boy. 

Fashion, Femdom, and Attraction

I've always found fully-clothed women to be more attractive than naked women.  Part of this has revolved around my fetishes but I also feel that with the correct clothing, the female form can be embellished in certain ways to bring out certain features while covering others.  I'm not a snob or anything or feel that women should be held to a certain style or caliber of clothing, I just find that when women dress well, I find it extremely sexy.  It can be jeans and a t-shirt as long as jeans and said t-shirt fit correctly on her body and accentuate the curves and contours of her figure.

I've written a few times both here and on several forums about how clothing can help portray an attitude.  Of course the actual way a person carries themselves is mostly responsible for the actual attitude that shines through but I've always felt that there are styles and methods of dressing that assist in this a great deal.

The outfit above lends itself to a bit of mystery.  Both the angle of the hat and the fit of the pants provide a sense of separation and distance from her.  Even if you were "with her" I get the sense that she would be fairly aloof towards you, thinking more about herself and completely indifferent to your presence.  She'll decide when you matter.

Luckily most of my girlfriends and Mistresses over the years have enjoyed my taste in clothing. I have enjoyed shopping with them and usually just let them know when something turns me on or I think it's sexy and I can often spot items that will flatter their figure.  Often they would simply tell me what kind of look they were going for and I would help pick out a few things.

To me this look says, "it will be impossible to please me but I expect you to try."  A leather bustier and a riding crop seem to go hand in hand with this ensemble.

Not quite as menacing here but still very aggressive.  The loose fit of the turtleneck and thickness of the collar keep the breasts a mystery but the fitted waist and flared hem coupled with the fitted leggings and leather boots says, "I know I'm sexy and you find me attractive.  Everything will be on my terms or you can take a walk."

I'm not sure if others agree with me on these but those are the kind of reads I get when I see women's fashion.

For a bit of contrast...

This conjures up images of the bunny tail anal plug I wrote about in an earlier post.  Hard to take seriously and with those black boots it wreaks of fashion victim.

A small dialogue

The basis of this was from a blog I read several months ago.  I can't remember the blog but I remember an excerpt from it.  While I do some fetish fiction writing I am not what you would call a talented writer.  I tend to get an outline for a story done and start writing it only to get halfway and get distracted with life and I never go back and finish it.

Here is a little bit that showed up in a dream I had the other night (that I'm certain was inspired by that blog I read before).  It would be a dialogue between a novice man and an experienced woman who had recently entered into a D/s Femdom relationship (or it could be a woman deciding to become Dominant in an already established  marriage).

Woman (in a smug tone): Your orgasms will soon resemble Santa Claus.
man (candidly):  As in, he gives you exactly what you want if you are good?
Woman (smug): That's some wishful thinking.  Guess again.
man (uncertainly): As in he comes once a year?
Woman (with a sense of satisfaction): Exactly.
man (slightly fearful): You're joking, right?  Isn't that a little unfair?
Woman (scheming): You don't believe in that?
man (attempting to be forceful): No way.
Woman (smug): What happens when boys stop believing in Santa Claus?
man (afraid): He doesn't come at all?
Woman (satisfied): Correct.  Now do you believe?
man - nods silently.
Woman (smug): And naughty, defiant, little boys that disagree with their Mistresses?

(at this point I'm picturing her introducing a chastity device into their lifestyle).

Thoughts on dulling the post-orgasmic drop from subspace

Over the years I've read up on and experienced various attempts at hastening the return to subspace for a submissive male after he is permitted an orgasm.  The post-orgasmic loss of focus and attentiveness of a sub is quite well-documented and it can last upwards of a week.

I was curious if anyone had any ideas on how to accomplish this?

A few ideas I know of:
-Forcing the sub to lick up or drink their own cum after orgasm.
-Forcing the sub to orgasm in a humiliating manner such as shooting their load onto their own face or chest.
-A strict session of corporal punishment immediately following orgasm.
-Prolonged stimulation of the frenum post-orgasm, continuing until the pain has them begging you to stop.
-Time kneeling in the corner with the hands behind the head "reflecting" on the privilege of the male orgasm and how this will seem like a distant memory by the time the next one comes around.
-Immediate return to a chastity device.

I'm guessing there are at least a few of you out there that have experimented with this subject and have things that both have and haven't worked.  Please share them if you can.

Anal Plugs, Pegging, and Historical Connections

Several years ago, my Mistress sent me a link to a bunny tail anal plug and told me I would be getting one for Christmas.  At this point we hadn't quite reached a full understanding on a fetish level.  Well, to put it more bluntly, she didn't quite understand the fetishes that would push me into the deepest realms of subspace and to my own credit, I was unable to adequately communicate just how and why I would respond in certain ways, partly because of shame and partly because it's somewhat complicated if someone hasn't fully grasped the idea of the mindfuck.

She had thought the bunny tail butt plug would go perfectly with my other outfits but I told her not to spend the money on it since I wouldn't wear it and referenced one of my hard limits which was nothing up my butt.  I have a past history of abuse from my childhood and when anything gets near my rectum I go into a state of extreme panic and usually start crying.  Basically, that kind of thing was off-limits.

As things have moved on since then we went through a stage of problems and in order to help rectify them I waived my no anal hard limit.  This led to a rather intimate and heavy emotional experience that left me in tears but at the same time it has pushed me to an even deeper state of subspace that I had not experienced before.  I knew that I wouldn't be able to respond in a rational manner when the moment arrived so we planned beforehand and devised a method of restraint that would prevent me from blocking her (wrists chained to the ankles and a spreader bar chaining the ankles together, everything secured by locks) and included a blindfold and a gag.  This held me face down in the butt up position.  We had agreed beforehand that she didn't have to stop no matter what I did unless she wanted to stop.

I was breathing heavily and my pulse was racing.  Immediately upon contact I began to cry.  I was writhing around, tugging against the chains and sobbing into a pillow.  A few minutes into it something odd happened.  I felt like I "left myself" and my mind just surrendered to the situation.  I had a bit of a flashback to a Greek history class I took back in college.  One day we covered the portrayal of anal sex between men and women (if you aren't familiar, there are lots and lots of paintings and pottery portraying women being penetrated anally, sometimes while being forced to perform fellatio at the same time).  The professor explained how this exemplified the status difference in Greece between men and women and how anal sex portrayed symbols of one-sided pleasure.  Basically, if a man fucked a woman up the ass it was to ensure that he received pleasure and she received none.  Strangely enough, it was this lesson that ended up showing up in my brain and this set on a big feeling...

I was being used... this was one-sided pleasure pointed in her favor.  I was her fuck-hole.  I plunged deeper into subspace full of a new type of shame and humiliation I wasn't accustomed to.  A deeper shame and humiliation aided in the fact that she had dressed me up to the gills before we started.  Around this time she noticed that I had a raging hard-on (I hadn't even been aware of that).  It was a bit of a shock because it was more intense than my usual erections, I thought the skin around my penis was going to burst.  She started giving me a reach-around and commented on it, making it fully aware in my mind and adding another dimension to the subspace.  Not only was I being used but my submissive self was enjoying being used so unilaterally.  While I hated the penetration, the experience itself had every nerve in my body firing and my brain was spinning out of control.

This was about 8 months ago when all of this happened and we have had several more intense experiences of this nature since then.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I've started to reconsider the idea of an anal plug.  I know anal plugs are used frequently when it comes to sissification.  From what I've gathered it gives a feeling of being "filled in" and forces the hips to sway in a more feminine motion while walking.  I don't really have any draw to that but the symbol of it all does "get me" in that way.  That way meaning that it keys on the Dominant/submissive inequality to a rather hefty extent.  The plug gives no directly pleasure to the Domme.  For the sub it delivers quite a bit of discomfort and humiliation.  For the Domme, I can then see only two reasons for doing it both revolving around the same scenario.
1.  She has him wear an anal plug for discomfort and to serve as either a punishment, for training purposes, and/or reminder of his status. 
2.  She has him wear an anal plug for discomfort and she takes pleasure in his discomfort (that requires no effort on her part to inflict). 

The odd thing for me is that both of these things appeal to some level of subspace for me but each caters to a different type of subspace.  This is where things get blurred for me... I hate the experience of it but I like the feelings it brings.  Such is the craziness of being a submissive male.

Pegging is something that sort of makes sense to me and sort of doesn't.  My Mistress has a strong fetish for pegging (which sometimes makes/made me wonder why she chose me even though I was forthright with my "no anal" hard limit).  Standard strap-ons don't make a lot of sense to me both in Lesbian and heterosexual Femdom sex.  Feeldoes, double-ended strap-ons, etc. do make sense to me.  In Lesbian sex, both parties receive pleasure, in Femdom sex, only the woman receives pleasure.  With a single-ended strap-on, unless the Domme has a direct fetish for pegging (or the side-effects on the sub emotionally from being pegged) these just don't make much sense to me.  The one-sided pleasure idea behind pegging tickles my submissive fancy but the actual act of being pegged isn't something I'm fond of.  I guess I just don't quite connect with a pegging fetish on its standard levels as I've met several women and men who get completely aroused by strap-on play.  I have used male strap-ons before during sex with my Mistresses and those did "do it" for me because it was also one-sided pleasure in her favor.

I guess my thoughts are just all over the place on this one. 

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Duplicity of Being: submissive in private, ??? in public

I've read varying accounts on different blogs and websites about submissive men who hold very different public and private personas. A lot of the times submission provides a relief from the stress and pressure of everyday life, but at the same time, being a dominant with a submissive to serve you can also provide a relief from the same stress and pressure, just in a different way.

I don't ever think there's an absolute correlation between submissive men and their public personalities. I've met apparent alpha-males who are submissive in private and I have met meek and timid men who are also submissive.

I definitely fall into the type with multiple personas. In daily life I am a rather take-charge person often put into a position of multi-tasking with a great deal of responsibility. I also do a lot of teaching and training of others. Socially, if I am in a comfortable environment I am usually quite outgoing and often find myself in the position of the one telling the stories and jokes, choosing the movie to go to, etc.

Throughout most of my life, I would say that at any given time, roughly 70% of my closest friends were women. While that has changed lately, one thing remains the same. While I am 100% comfortable in a friendship with a woman, when it comes to a romantic relationship, I am very shy, subdued, and a bit insecure. I am afraid to instigate physical contact unless told to. I am timid about doing and saying the right things at the right time. Basically, I'm the polar opposite of my public persona and I flow naturally into a submissive role in relationships.

Oddly enough, it is my public persona that determines much of the effort and work ethic I adhere to in submission. It is my sense of pride in serving well, wishing to be the best, wanting to improve my being and better please her that has helped me over the years.

I think some of the strange balance probably shows up in my writing. I have a feeling that if you look at all of my blog entries it probably seems like there are two different people writing them. I have my set of tips, ideas, philosophical ramblings, analysis, etc. that very much reflects my public persona. On the other side of the fence are my posts that display my insecurities, my fetishes, my shame, my weaknesses, and my submission. I'm guessing it's probably quite a contrast to readers.

I didn't really have an overall point here, just that I find this duplicity of character to be interesting.

Tribute: Georgeann Cross

Several years ago I somehow stumbled across a site hosting an unpublished book by Georgann Cross. The book is titled Sexual Power for Women: A Real-World Guide to Sexually Enslaving Your Man.

I downloaded the book in PDF form that night and ended up... reading the entire thing straight through (which took several hours and I was up until the wee hours of the morning.

It is a very well-written book instructing techniques from a woman's point of view on how to take control in a relationship or marriage. There include several real-life stories that give examples of a woman taking control yielding great benefits for a relationship.

The site can be found here: Sexual Power for Women

If you are a woman just discovering this lifestyle or if you are a sub male trying to introduce his partner in a non-threatening manner, I would definitely recommend giving it a read.