Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Sissies in Chastity

My ex was a very firm believer that all submissive males (and actually all men in general) should be kept locked in chastity.  Her belief was that it kept them focused, well-behaved, obedient, and desperate.  When we had planned on moving in together with her wanting me dressed full time when home and after some of her Domme friends showed pictures she had her heart set on a "she-male" styled chastity belt offered by some of the belt manufacturers such as Locked in Steel.

I wasn't really big on the idea, but that was a bit selfish of me.  Over the years chastity has puzzled me a bit and I've thought about it a lot.  While I enjoy the idea of being controlled like that, having experienced it, there are some new depths of sub-space that are reached, but as a whole, the actuality of it can suck and be quite unpleasant over time. 

What I have found most odd are the men who are chastity fetishists.  Something has always seemed incredibly ironic to me about "getting off" at the idea of not being able to get off.  I think this is one of those examples that make me think men are quite silly a lot of the time and it's no wonder they can be so easily controlled. 

Chastity is an odd experience to have as it affects you on multiple levels.  The basic premise is simple: prevent the penis from achieving an erection and reaching climax (although there are devices that prevent any form of contact/stimulation as well as those designed to inflict pain upon attempted erection).  However, unlike erectile dysfunction/castration, most chastity devices allow for the wearer to ATTEMPT to get an erection but preventing the erect state from ever being reached.  The result is a state of extreme sexual frustration, and in some cases heightened sensitivity in other parts of the body.

This in between state of "I'm trying to get hard but I can't and I really want to" creates a rather unique flavor of sub-space that contains its own emotional process: frustration, desperation, depression, acceptance. 

A few things have struck me as interesting over the years observing relationships and from my own experiences.  The primary observation I have made over time is that: most Dominant Women tend to relish the idea of sexual control and the intensity of this idea grows stronger over time.

At any given time, the majority of Dommes will fall into one of the following categories:
1. She wishes for complete sexual control but shuns chastity devices in favor of honesty, trust, and self-control. 
2. She exerts complete sexual control and desires the use of a chastity device sporadically or when the sub is unsupervised.
3. She exerts complete sexual control and regularly uses chastity as a form of enforcement for punishment or training.
4. She exerts complete sexual control through the use of chastity and grants release only as a reward or not at all.

What really stands out to me is the natural tendency for Dommes within the lifestyle to naturally move down the list over time.  While chastity (or the thought of chastity) might start out as a reaction to a sub's misbehavior gradually develops into a form of pleasure for Her.  For a time she may derive pleasure from chastity but eventually she considers chastity a natural and everyday part of the D/s dynamic.

I know that not all Dommes will necessarily move down this path but i've seen it develop this way quite frequently over time in D/s relationships.  I consider this progression as the reason that most belt/device makers have kits/mods available to make their belts permanent. 

From the submissive point of view it's a bit more varied.  Most subs will dislike it (even if it's masked under the description of "I like it because Mistress likes it").  Some subs enjoy the idea of it but would hate the actual practice of it.  Those who are happy to wear chastity devices are much less common, but there's definitely hot beds of them around the net. 

I guess this is one of those topics on which I am split.  If I was giving advice to a Domme, I'd tell her to lock up your sub and make it incredibly difficult for him to earn a release.  Looking at myself, it's not something I really want to experience for great lengths ever again.

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