Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Health Concerns in a D/s Dynamic

In my last request for topic ideas Lady Grey responded with an interesting topic suggestion.  Part of her comment has been posted below:

"The subject is, more or less, the health questions that arise when a sub is expected to follow orders. The two problems that come to mind are:
1. "Lick the bottoms of my shoes clean!" Does that really make any sense, assuming the shoes have left the house and have stepped who-knows-where?
2. "Lick my ass! Make sure your tongue goes deeply in and out as you fuck me with it." Even if the Mistress cleans herself well before issuing such an order, is it hygienically fair to have your sub obey you?"

Oddly enough, this topic is something I have thought about quite a bit over the years and it was especially active in my thoughts when I was first entering the lifestyle.  Upon my first Mistress's request to come up with a list of hard limits for the relationship several of them were related to personal health and hygiene. 

In my initial list of hard limits I had several stipulations regarding cleanliness and hygiene.  I can't recall exactly what I wrote at that time but they included:
-Must have access to regular bathing and other personal hygiene such as brushing teeth and flossing.

-Nothing involving scat.

In addition to the two Lady Grey listed above, a few other scenarios I have seen that come to mind are:
-Diaper training or punishment (forcing someone to urinate and defecate in a diaper and continuing to wear it).
-Anal tampons (sometimes used for a "virtual period").
-Long-term chastity and thorough cleaning of the penis (especially for those who aren't circumcised).
-Long-term chastity and orgasm denial (in relation to regular expulsion of the prostate to avoid toxin build up).

A safe, sane, and consensual me says a sub shouldn't agree to be in a situation that could lead to serious health risks and issues.  If that means rejecting a certain activity on the grounds of health risk, so be it.  If that means choosing only to serve women who will keep things healthy and sanitary, so be it.

A realistic, deep sub-space and low will-power me will follow orders as commanded (especially if the threat of punishment is involved) and it's up to the Mistress to determine which acts are healthy and sanitary and which ones are not as well as whether or not she will subject her sub to said acts.

I guess my feelings are that a sub that is completely immersed in sub-space cannot make decisions for himself that are the best for his own well-being and I believe it's up to the Domme to decide what she will subject him to.  The advice I've given to newer Dommes in regards to these things are:  treat him like a favorite toy.  You play with him often and you can play rough, but you are always careful not to break him.

Overall, if the Domme doesn't respect health concerns I do not think she should be angry if the sub declines on those grounds.   She does have a reason to punish him and he should willingly accept the punishment for disobedience.  On the other hand, if she doesn't respect health concerns and he ends up getting very sick or having permanent damage, she should feel guilty and responsible (while he should also feel responsible but not guilty).  The best Dommes always account for the well-being of their subs.


  1. I think what you're saying is exactly right. It is indeed the responsibility of the Dom to see to it that nothing she orders her sub to do would ultimately pose a serious risk to his health. And you're very correct in pointing out that when a sub is in the almost trancelike position of subspace, he cannot be trusted to make sane decisions about what's being done to him.

    Many of the websites devoted to Femdom are quite radical in their depiction of things that are done to male subs, and I think that's part of the problem when a couple wants to duplicate something they've seen on these sites. Professional models in contrived situations that are clearly dangerous have free reign to indulge the wildest sort of imaginings on each other, and it shouldn't take a rocket scientist to realize that brutally kicking a man in the balls, or crushing and stomping said balls, or forcing him to eat your "scat", just doesn't make any sense in the real world. A dom at a high level of sadism and a sub at a high level of masochism - well, they can do what they want, but I don't like the fact that it's so readily depicted on the internet, and can be used as a model of expectations in the real world. I could hardly be considered a prude, but there are - or should be - some limits.

  2. P.S. You might want to take a look at Mistress L's Servant blog (Total Obedience To My Wife). Said servant goes quite far in defending "bottom of the shoe licking".

  3. Thank you for the feedback, Lady Grey, it's always welcomed.

    I agree completely about many of the websites. Many of the extreme ones tend to serve as masturbation fodder for men and they aren't really the most realistic in terms of what could/should/will happen in a Femdom relationship.

    I will try to check out that blog when I get some free time (it's been sparse lately). Some contrived bottom of the shoe licking scenarios make sense, especially when they are shoes that have only been worn in controlled environments etc. but I've never understood the whole "she stepped in my food and I have to lick it off the bottom of her shoe" scenario and the like.

    Honestly, one thing that popped into my head was a "She accidentally stepped in cat crap and had me lick the bottoms of her shoes and now I have brain damage from the bacteria" scenario. I know that's a bit vulgar but it does sort of give a "Femdom gone awry" situation.

  4. Funny you should mention cat crap. If you get a chance to read the dialogue I've had with Servant rob on the aforementioned blog site (see the Foot Worship entry), I think you'll have a chuckle or two. Servant rob is pretty far out there.

  5. I read that blog you mentioned as well as your back and forth dialogue. I would have to go out on a limb there and assume that we have a heavy foot/shoe fetishist.

    Wishful thinking is a powerful thing. 99% of things will be killed by stomach acid and saliva so why worry about the 1% that won't be?

    I've often seemed some similar logic applied when people didn't want to wear a condom during sex. "Most people don't have AIDS/HIV so why should I wear a condom if I'm not having anal sex?" aka "I don't want to wear a condom."

    He may rue the day that his Mistress walks through some fertilizer or weed killer and he ends up going blind, but until then, to each his own.

    IMO, he should simply say "I like licking the bottoms of her shoes and will do it regardless of the risks involved," as that would be a more truthful and logical response.