Monday, January 31, 2011


Something I've noticed is that my fantasies tend to gravitate between two primarily different scenarios or something that starts as one and oscillates between the two.

The two primary scenarios being:
A) a situation where the Domme is controlling and strict but at the same time very loving and cherishes her sub.
B) a situation where the Domme is overtly cruel to the sub and treats him with disdain but keeps him around because she knows that he would be difficult to replace with another sub and still receive the same level of service.

I've never quite understood why my mind tends to swing to both.  It seems like when I am feeling down, situation A gives the warm and fuzzy feelings while still meeting the criteria that cater to my submission.  I think situation B is more a response because my deepest submission and cravings generally occur in situations that are better described in that way.

I think my ideal fantasy seems to happen when both sides of the coin face up at the same time.  That is, the Domme knows deep down that she cherishes the sub and will do whatever is necessary to keep him and keep him well-behaved but the sub is kept in an off-balance state of mixed signals and emotional confusion.  He has equal fear of being cast out and her wrath, yet carries tremendous love for her at all times.  The end result is one of desperation to please her while suffering at her mercy as he gives her a piece of his soul.

The details surrounding each fantasy have changed for me over the years but it seems like the basic themes have stayed the same.  When I first entered the lifestyle forced fem was the last thing I would ever think would turn me on.  My earliest visions were of being kept in a collar and cuffs while serving a woman dressed in leather and fur.  It's strange how much my experiences and conditioning have changed the details of those fantasies.

A few weeks ago I wrote a post revisiting the lesbian fantasy that has followed me over the years.

My sexual responses to this idea haven't changed over the years and it's this fantasy that often serves as the gateway in my current fantasies to shift between situations A and B.  e.g. man serves woman, they fall in love, woman adds another female lover into the mix, female lover displaces man and makes his life a living hell, woman's romantic love for man fades and cruelty increases.

I can feel things changing again lately.  Ever since I dropped my hard limit and let Mistress violate me anally that seems to be creeping into my fantasies with increasing frequency...

I guess these are just some random thoughts. 

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