Sometimes it seems as a submissive that we are supposed to feel guilty if we have desires of our own. The idea of us selflessly giving and serving is the ideal. If you wish for things beyond the privilege of being allowed to submit... it's often seen as bad. That makes you a "do me" sub. etc.
All in all that is part of the game. There are enough terrible sub-wannabes out there that make Dommes jaded and bring about this hard-line stance.
I'm not going to really debate the merits of the game. As I've stated in the past I believe that submission provides "something more" for a sub... usually some mix of emotional and sexual fulfillment that makes submission worth doing.
Fairy tales are full of sympathetic protagonists, living destitute lives of abuse and labor and carrying hopes and dreams of a better life. It is only the submissive that longs for the reverse... they are usually in a functional life with too much freedom. It is the submissive that longs to be taken from their free life and driven back to the beginning of the fairy tale.
Blurred lines upon lines... convoluted ideas... where does the boundary between submission and "do me" fall?
When you look at the sexuality of a submissive I think it is important to remember that subs tend to be heavily fueled by the psychological side of things. While they will surely respond to direct physical stimulation, they are also very likely to respond to dynamics and environment. If we consider an erection (or attempted erection) to be the most basic form of arousal, I believe the answer to the question may fall in with the depth of arousal.
To look at the extreme end first, I believe the tipping point for a sub happens when they reach the state you could describe as "horny." At this point they have been aroused to the point where they desire physical stimulus in order to ejaculate. Their brain no longer functions rationally as they seek physical gratification, despite their beliefs or best intentions. I classify this state as overstimulated.
It is in this overstimulated state where a sub can become "do me."
I tend to strongly equate the depth of my own subspace with my level of arousal. I must be aroused to reach subspace, and "sufficiently" aroused to reach deep subspace. This becomes a bit trickier as it relies heavily on the idea of sexual frustration. The sweet spot is then to be stimulated enough to where the chemicals and hormones allow for my psychological submission but not stimulated enough to where I become horny.
Thus it becomes a game of tease & denial, keeping a sub aroused enough to feel submissive but never permitting enough stimulation to push them into their base mental state.
I do have to say that a Domme that is able to keep their sub off-balance and wanting in such a way truly has a fearsome skill.
I am glad to see you mention there is a difference in how a Mistress pushes a horny sub to keep him in a good mindset opposed to most vanilla relationships where a lady would be more inclined to allow him to cum when horny.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Miss Lily.
DeleteIf I'm reading you correctly, you're saying that a male sub's base mental state is another term for being horny (and vice versa), and that by either name this implies that a sub is in the "do me" phase instead of the service stage, thus implying that being horny results in a lessening of a sub's service behavior as he desperately seeks to have an orgasm. If I'm mis-reading you, just ignore the rest of this comment.
ReplyDeleteWell, I see nothing wrong with a sub being horny, and I don't feel that this necessarily implies that he's no longer properly engaging in his service to his Dom as a primary goal because he's now so desperate for orgasmic relief. Quite the contrary, in my experience, as a horny sub is often MORE desperate to please his Dom - in order that he might get relief - and thus is more than willing to do as his Dom wants in order to get said relief. I want a horny sub, as it makes the tease and denial even more entertaining for me and more frustrating for him. I would have to disagree with your next-to-last sentence, in that I find having my sub in his "base mental state" is desirable as opposed to undesirable.
Which brings me to your final sentence, and all I can say to that is "Thank you, very much, fur, for recognizing the most skilled among us".:)
Thank you, Lady Grey. My head has felt very "cloudy" lately and I'm having a bit of trouble conveying some of my thoughts adequately.
DeleteI will try to explain them a little better here. I think there is a point where a sub gets so stimulated that their brain shuts off and higher forms of rational thought get replaced by the over-riding desire to climax. This drive can be so strong that it trumps even the best of intentions. Eg I know that post O I will lose my submissive drive so I prefer not to climax at times, but in the heat of the moment (with sufficient physical stimulation) I am prone to wanting to cum regardless of how I will be after the fact.
I think this warped mental state is also what occurs when subs lose their common sense when contacting Dommes on networking sites, etc.
I definitely agree that keeping a sub aroused and motivated is optimal, just to be aware that there is a "point of no return" for a sub when it comes to their arousal.
I hope this clarifies some things.
Take care.
Thank you for the further explanation, fur. That "point of no return" can be a problem, but with a bit of creativity, a Dom can derive some benefits by having her sub reach that point. Especially if said Dom enjoys his struggle for control and the ensuing punishment when he finds he "just can't help himself". Sadistic? Perish the thought:)
DeleteThank you, Lady Grey.
DeleteThat "point of no return" can definitely be used as a tool, especially for providing "proof" that a sub lacks self-control.
I believe it is mostly a problem with newer subs (or wannabes) that wait until they are at this point to work up the courage to write to a Domme and hammer out some form of 1-handed typing fantasy or think that a cock shot is a good idea.