Thursday, March 2, 2017

These Days...

I know that if I go without posting the time in between will just keep getting longer...

Lately I've been going through a mix of good and bad.  On the one hand, work and home life have me stressed and I'm having a severe lack of motivation to really... want to do anything.  There are no movies I'm really excited for, no shows out there that are really holding my attention except the new season of Billions which manages to occupy one hour a week... there just isn't a lot of things right now that make me excited and give me something to look forward to.

Most of the time I'm able to manage this on my own... which says that depression is playing more of a factor than I care to acknowledge.  I've mostly been reading as I purchased a few books a couple of weeks ago.

A friend has recently helped me get into subspace... and I miss it dearly.  In those moments all of the bad within me just sort of buries itself.  While my emotions are anything but calm, there is an underlying sense of peace and a sense of being alive.  Without these feelings I would probably feel a bit dead inside.  I am incredibly grateful for these times.

I try not to let myself feel overly guilty about this.  If anything truly haunts me it is the realization as to just how badly I ache in its absence and how long it takes me to return to a sense of "normal".

I know that the emptiness will retreat at some point... I just hope that it happens sooner rather than later.


  1. It's so nice to see a post from you. :)

    Depression is such a pain in the ass, isn't it? I know it has cycles, it's bound to turn around at some point just sucks.

    I personally think it's good to seek out things that make you feel good. Of course there's limits, but you are important too.


    1. Thank you, Misty.

      I'm trying and hoping it will come around soon.

  2. I hope you hit subspace soon.

  3. If something that you love, need and desire becomes absent in your life, it's no wonder that you're listless and down in general. You're certainly not alone in such feelings, and I wish I could wave a magic wand to get you what you need. I think writing would really help you, fur. When you get into it, it's all-consuming and that's probably what you need right now. Perhaps not a long term solution, but as the saying goes "whatever gets you through the night" is much better than nothing. Summon the muse! Sometimes she'll come if you just put that first word on the paper. Be well, fur. I'm thinking of you.

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey.

      I have a slew of interests that I can generally use to fill in the holes but they just aren't working right now for me either. I definitely prefer immersing in writing, that path has just felt a bit blocked lately. I've been attempting to keep the writing up regularly, even if it's just some blurbs here and there.

      I will keep doing my best.