A sub's Consent: Sacrifice and Trade-offs

This is probably similar to a post I've made in the past, but these ideas seem to be brought up repeatedly over the course of the comments I read on other blogs as well as my own.

Often some questions/comments are raised about experiences or ideas along these lines:
"Is it right to subject the sub to that without his consent?"
"It can't be emotionally health if..."
"I don't understand how any sub could be happy if..."

I think the answers lie in each sub's priority of needs and being able to separate what constitutes a need vs. a preference.

Referring to my previous post, Styles and Intensities of Femdom Relationships, subs that have a true desire for each intensity level tend to be fairly representative of the frequency in which those relationships exist (I do think there are more subs that believe they wish for greater intensity but then would reject it if it developed).

They way I see it is that there's very few subs out there that really want to be submissive.  At some point in time submission became part of their inherent sexual drive and it became inseparable.  I believe this is what separates a submissive from a bottom.  A bottom can turn the need for domination off.  A submissive cannot.  One could argue against this but I don't know many who would willingly choose to have D/s become integrated into their sexuality.  Similarly, I don't know any men that would choose to be gay and live a difficult life of public ridicule and threat on a daily basis.  Because of this, I consider submission to be a need as by quenching that need we accept the potential labels of pervert, sexual deviant, freak, etc. and find the number of women he is attractive to (and attracted to) to be greatly diminished.

In essence, the primary need of any submissive is the need to submit to someone that dominates.  As a submissive, your greatest need is to relinquish power and control to someone who will exert power and control over you.  How far does this go? 

A submissive must believe in his needs.  He must also believe that the Dominant is the greater power. "How submissive" a person is can be reflected in the sacrifices they are willing to make to meet those needs and submit to her power.

In a perfect world he could meet a woman who shared the exact same kinks/desires and they would simply mesh together in perfect harmony.  While this happens on occasion, in most cases it does not and in some cases, where an individual craves deep submission/domination, it is the lack of harmony that can take them to that next level.


Referring back to my previous post, a submissive that craves relationships of type 1 and 2 likely will not sacrifice (nor be willing to sacrifice) much to enter into that relationship.  This is just fine and in most cases it's the realistic and responsible decision to make.  Some kinky sex and some outward displays of devotion and affection are often all that is needed for both parties to be happy.

For subs that need a deeper level of submission and greater level of strictness from the Domme the lines get a bit blurred.  I think the idea of forced feminization is a good example of this.  A sub with a fetish for being forced to cross dress requires a Dominant that wishes to force that upon him.  This situation requires him to relinquish his right to choose what he wears.  She is given the power to choose what he wears and when, regardless of his wishes at the time.

Basically, to meet his submissive needs he consents to having his personal wishes ignored and her decisions forced upon him.  He consents to her forcing her will upon him non-consensually and/or by the threat of punishment/dismissal.  By doing so, he meets his greater need by giving up his momentary rights.  This may seem quite dysfunctional to some but at the same time, it's the only route for him to get what he wants.

This situation could be planned out when and where this will happen beforehand and have a healthier core.  At the same time there are aspects of the sub's desires that may or may not be met with this.  If he has an out and a choice, is it really forced?  Is he okay with role play or does it have to be full on?

This is the case for nearly every intense D/s activity.  There is an ideal relationship where both parties are on exactly the same page and all actions and activities are mutually pleasurable.  As the intensity grows it becomes more difficult for the Dominant to "turn off" those behaviors.  There-in lies the compromise.  A sub that needs very intense dominance must be prepared to deal with very dominant women.

Is it bad to accept the ramifications of extreme dominance in order to meet the need for extreme submission?

I can't answer that for certain but I can say that it's not always bad and not always good.

All I can say is that if he entered the situation with both eyes open and aware of the potential, I don't think it's fair to judge the outcome beyond his level of happiness and fulfillment.