Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Cuckolding - A few thoughts

Cuckolding is something that has never really interested me except from an intellectual standpoint.  There are situations of knowing unfaithfulness that do "do it for me" but these generally aren't considered cuckolding and that strikes me a bit as odd.

Cuckolding rarely starts out at the forefront of a D/s relationship (unless it's already a well-developed fantasy of a submissive male).  The premise is that a woman (often married to her sub) demotes her sub from the role of a sexual partner and takes on another sexual partner in his place.  The sub is often kept in chastity and is sometimes forced to watch or take part in various aspects of the woman's intercourse with her new sexual partner.  This new role degrades and humiliates the sub and allows the woman to experience a "superior" lover in bed.  I'm not sure exactly why many men fantasize about this but that's a topic for another day.

The first thing that strikes me as odd about this scenario is that cuckolding really seems to be limited to a woman having sexual interactions with another man.  What about sexual interactions with another woman?  Is this no longer cuckolding?  It is technically equally unfaithful but it usually is kinder to the sub's male ego and often plays into a greater fantasy of his without threatening his role as her primary man.  In cases where this was instigated by the woman, cuckolding with another man can be devastating to the sub's psyche but cheating on him with another woman probably wouldn't bother him nearly as much. 

The second thing that I find odd is that cuckolding seems to only be classified as such when it's done with a man who is of equal or neutral standing to the woman.  Cuckolding with another submissive is usually just seen as "play," and in many BDSM circles this is fairly common without the emotional repercussions of it being with another dominant man or a standard vanilla man (often referred to as a bull). 

This leads to the idea that Female Supremacist Dommes really can't cuckold a male sub.   If she replaces him with a submissive or Dominant woman, it's no longer cuckolding.  If she replaces him with a male sub, it's just play and no longer cuckolding.  She can't replace him with a male of equal standing since she is a Female Supremacist and there are no males of equal or neutral standing. 

This implies that there are a few criteria that must be met for a cuckolding relationship to happen:
-She must be able to consider men as equals (or something similar).
-She should be at least primarily heterosexual.
-She should be okay with shattering her sub's male ego.

It's a fairly simple list but at the same time if an unclaimed sub is seeking a cuckolding Mistress this reduces the target demographic.


  1. There are many levels of humiliation, from the simple act of forcing your male sub to wear women's panties, to having him on display in women's clothing, to sissification in private or public venues, etc. But the absolute top of the humiliation ladder, as far as I'm concerned, is cuckolding, especially when it's done with the full knowledge of the sub. Add to this the actual involvement of the sub through such acts as "cleaning up the mess" and dealing with the man involved (including orally servicing said man), and you have a level of humiliation that I'm really unable to understand, especially from the male's point of view. However, judging from the number of blogs that are written by men who evidently love this level of degradation, I can only conclude with the trite phrase "to each their own" and just accept that it's something I'll have to add to my list of "things I don't understand". There's probably many acts that I involve myself with that are equally confusing to others, so I'll just let it go at that.

  2. Thank you for the comments, Lady Grey.

    I do agree that cuckolding and the sub's interaction in said activities probably do reach the top of the humiliation ladder.

    I too struggle with understanding this desire but I file it under "extreme degradation" which sometimes tickles my fancy (depending upon the them) but many times doesn't interest me in the slightest.

    Primarily I found it strange when I realized how many activities aren't considered cuckolding and the limitations that implies. Overall I think that cuckolding is a dangerous fantasy for a male sub to really delve into (especially if he's involved with a woman that doesn't know he is submissive) since an over-developed fantasy of this magnitude can lead to an unbridgeable gap between them since I doubt that she can understand this one in the slightest (as I'm sure she would be devastated if he was to cheat on her in that fashion).

  3. You are correct that cuckolding rarely starts out at the forefront of any D/s type relationship. There needs to be a solid relationship already in place for it to work. Beforehand, there also has to be a clear understanding of everyone's expectations and the new "lover" has to be the right person. Much of what is written, I would suspect, is more fantasy than reality. The "hotwife" scenario, where the woman takes on multiple lovers to humiliate her sub, seems quite extreme to me, not to mention a bit unsafe, but...to each their own!

  4. Thank you very much for the comments, Suzanne.

    I agree completely at the necessity for a strong relationship foundation and well-communicated expectations from all parties involved. As with anything written by a male sub, the fantasy vs. reality aspects definitely come into play. That being said, I do know there are a small percentage of Femdom cuckold relationships out there that are "non-consensual" on the sub's part, but I would also wager that in half of those the non-consensual aspect probably plays into the sub's fetish.