A recent posting at the blog Forever Hers got me thinking a bit about some experiences I had with my first Mistress.
Since our relationships suffered from the same ups and downs that any relationship goes through, we weren't always in the right mood to keep the D/s dynamic going all the time, but she had a method of keeping track of my behavior when things were both "on" and "off."
Early on she had instituted a punishment log, which was a journal she used to record my infractions in, especially during the early periods of my training. In its original form each time I broke a rule it would earn a check-mark in the book along with a date/time and what I did to earn it. At some point in time she would decide to punish me and each check mark was "worth" two spankings with a paddle (e.g. 20 strokes would cross out 10 check marks).
At first she used this for several reasons:
-To make sure no infraction went unpunished.
-To weed out bad habits on my part.
-To avoid feeling guilty when she wanted to hit me.
Some early reasons for a check mark were things like not addressing her as Mistress or forgetting to ask permission to go to the bathroom.
As our relationship progressed and the "new car smell" faded away our moods began to vary across a more normal spectrum and the amount of time she wasn't in Domme mode began to increase. Some very stressful things also happened that ended up causing a great deal of strain on our relationship. Around this time the punishment log began to evolve a bit.
While it still encompassed the normal rules during our D/s times she began to incorporate it into the more vanilla times as well, basically citing any time she felt my attitude drift away from the priority structure of our relationship (which is a fancy way of saying that she started recording the times that I was acting selfish). Also, instead of simply using a single check mark she began to write out values for things she felt were worse offenses. e.g. if we got into an argument and I pissed her off she might value that at 50 spankings. I had to be really careful at times like these since she tended to get a bit trigger happy with the log book when she was angry.
Overall I think it was a pretty good idea to use the log. It was quite cathartic to her and allowed her to let go of her anger when she knew that I would be punished for it later. At other times she would let me know I had earned a mark and it would be enough for me to realize my attitude was poor and turn things around before it got worse.
When you say "At some point in time she would decide to punish me..", just how much time would she let pass before the actual punishment?
ReplyDeleteI've used variations of this theme, but I always tried to have the punishment occur as soon as possible after the "infraction". Usually the next day to allow at least some time for multiple offenses to register. I realize that there's something to be said for the build up aspects of waiting longer periods and having more and more punishments on the docket, but I liked the more immediate effect of having both the crime and the punishment fairly close together. How about you?
The length of time would vary depending upon what was going on in our lives. She had a health problem and a young son. Sometimes it would be a day or two, sometimes it would be a week or two. It never really went longer than two and a half weeks without some punishment being inflicted. Other times it might be three days in a row while I "worked off" a number of past infractions. I was still a newbie to the lifestyle and she didn't want to mark me too badly early on.
ReplyDeleteWhen she would inflict punishments it was sometimes out of the blue and other times she would let me know in the morning that "something unpleasant" was going to happen that day or within the next couple of days. Watching me stress out in anticipation turned her on quite a bit.
She would also carry some crash guilt if she hit me for no reason so she would almost always keep at least a few marks "on ice" so that she would feel justified in hitting me if she got the urge.
As for myself... when I am in subspace I live and die with pleasing her. During periods where I am constantly in subspace I definitely prefer a quick punishment since I tend to beat myself up emotionally until it happens.
At other times, especially when I am stressed out by unavoidable life issues, having looming punishments as a symbol of my submissive failings can somewhat alleviate that burden by getting me to focus on her instead of on things that are beyond my control. This is even more effective if I'm constantly guilt-tripped about it.
The submissive in me (that craves deep subspace) actually prefers having it kept completely random so that I never know what to expect and with constant feelings of uneasiness.
I have considered to use a 'punishment log', but then I discarded this idea for the reason Lady Grey stated: I think it's better when a punishments follows an infraction without too much time in between. IMO, there should be a (emotional) connection between the infraction and the punishment - and the more time passes the weaker this connection gets.
ReplyDelete~ Deborah ~
Having been on the receiving end of this, I can see cases where it would be useful and cases where an immediate (or soon to follow) response is warranted.
ReplyDeleteIf a Domme walks in on her sub masturbating without permission, I think this should probably be dealt with on the spot. In the cases where I stood up without permission on a day where she was feeling extra "micro-manager" that probably didn't warrant anything except a verbal reminder/warning or a single swat on the butt, she preferred to add it to the log she liked to have things add up to something more memorable.