Wednesday, February 9, 2011

On the Home front

Mistress has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder which gives us a face to the enemy that has been at the root of our troubles over the past year or so.  This is the kind of thing that makes the lifestyle very difficult and I hope that she (and we) are able to make some progress towards repairing our relationship. 

It's good to finally know what we're really up against but this has been a very difficult process leading up to where we are now. 


  1. thoughts are with you - depression is difficult for both the person experiencing it and those close ...but treatment works and it WILL get better .

  2. How did the diagnosis come about? Was she in treatment at the time, or did some event happen to cause the diagnosis to occur? Is she accepting the diagnosis, or fighting it? Is her behavior of a nature that would make you less prone to feel safe while being at her mercy, so to speak, in your submission?

  3. Thank you, mittens. I have struggled a lot over the years to overcome fairly crippling depression but I have managed to develop a system that keeps things in check and allows me to function "normally" about 98% of the time.

    Lady Grey, she has been in and out of therapy over the years with varied diagnoses (the PMSDD and ADHD were thought recently by her previous therapist) and after we saw some characters with BPD in some movies and television programs we talked about it a bit. She purchased a few BPD-related books and did some reading and basically found it described much of how she feels. She just started therapy with a BPD-specializing psychiatrist that confirmed that is what she has going on.

    Over the past 8 months or so we have fought a lot and the relationship seemed to be nearing its end. She is accepting the diagnosis but it's a struggle for her... e.g. she accepts it and then wallows in it, which causes a cycle of self-destructive behavior and aggressive altercations... in ways that indicate BPD symptoms... which she then accepts and begins the cycle all over again. Our goal is for her to be able to break the cycle and work towards overcoming it.

    When in that mode she isn't dominant. She might be angry and aggressive, but it's not in a confident and self-assured manner. In those cases there isn't a D/s dynamic. Those are the times when a lot of emotional abuse occurs, so I would say that when things flare up I don't feel safe, but there's no fear of pushing things too far in a D/s sense. In fact, when she's exhibiting BPD symptoms, there's no D/s or intimate dynamic at all (which is why we haven't had any play in months).

  4. An awkward situation, Fur. I think you are to be praised for sticking with her through all of this, and I hope it works out well for both of you.

  5. Thank you, Lady Grey. It is indeed awkward but hopefully things will turn out for the best.