I finally got around to commenting on Lady Grey's post of The Appeal of Disinterest (that also featured one of my drawings as an example) and I had a few thoughts come together that I was able to connect to many aspects of my kink.
I know I've probably written something almost identical to this in the past but if I did, it's not something fresh in my memory so please forgive me if this seems redundant.
I've spent a lot of time over the years trying to figure out why certain fantasies "do it" for me sexually when I damn well know that I wouldn't want a lifestyle like that. I'd also wondered why I rarely connect with others that seem to share the same fetishes that I do. I titled this post as the "abused slave" fantasy since that was the first thing that came to mind but I will cover a few others in this regards.
Picture this fantasy that can be found in thousands of Femdom fetish fiction stories around the internet:
A man is kidnapped and kept against his will by a beautiful, cruel, rich Mistress that takes him as her live in slave and forces him to do whatever she wants while she beats him unmercifully and he's never allowed an ounce of joy or freedom.
If a random assortment of 100 male subs read this story and got turned on, there is likely a major difference between why they got turned on. There are extreme slaves out there but they are usually quite rare, so I would assume that out of those 100, 4 of them were subs that were truly cut out for the lifestyle depicted in the fantasy. The remaining 96 probably wouldn't be, so why are all 100 of them masturbating to the same story?
I think the root of this divide is the act vs. the environment. For everyone that gets turned on by a scenario, a handful have a fetish for the activity and the majority have a fetish for the situation surrounding the activity. I think that many subs may feel like they have a larger kink-interest base than they really do because of this. I think this is one of the reasons that many subs end up appearing "fake" when confronted with a real situation: they want the woman capable of doing such things but not the things that she actually does.
In many ways I think I have been uncertain as to why particular activities have turned me on. I know with a post during my last pegging picture I had wondered why I drew it (and why it turned me on drawing it). I hate the activity of being pegged. I enjoy the humiliation and submission it brings on and the idea of a woman willing to strip me of my dignity. Forced feminization has a similar role within me. The act of crossdressing does nothing for me, the humiliation of a woman making me dress that way is a huge turn on. Chastity is something I hate but the idea of a woman forcing it upon me is a turn on.
I guess when I really break it down I don't have that many "true" fetishes. I know I was able to realize these characteristics about individual activities but I don't think I ever connected it as a whole.
If I'm reading you correctly, you're saying that having a Mistress who will do certain things to you is more important than actually having those things done to you?
ReplyDeleteSo let's say that your Mistress pegs you for the first time ever (for you) and you hate the act, but love how it makes you feel in that you've been humiliated and violently abused by this woman, and you now know that she's capable of this act. So my question to you would be whether you now look forward to being pegged in order to reach that space, or having experienced it once, do you then understand the feeling it gives you, but really don't need to have it done to you again? Are you satisfied that she's shown herself to be the type of Mistress who would do it, or do you need her to keep doing it?
And further along with your examples, would being forcibly crossdressed actually be in the same category since it doesn't involve the physical pain that there is in pegging? Chastity would be in in the same category as crossdressing, lack of physical painwise, and both would probably qualify as mental abuse, whereas pegging would be physical and mental abuse.
I'm not sure you're giving enough weight to the form of the abuse, and the act of having it done may be more of a need - or fetish - than you're giving it credit for. Don't they both - the act and the resulting feelings - play relatively equal parts in your ultimate satisfaction?
Lady Grey,
ReplyDeletethank you for the comments. I will try to answer each of your questions as well as convey my overall thoughts better than I did in the original post.
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"So my question to you would be whether you now look forward to being pegged in order to reach that space, or having experienced it once, do you then understand the feeling it gives you, but really don't need to have it done to you again? Are you satisfied that she's shown herself to be the type of Mistress who would do it, or do you need her to keep doing it?"
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I don't think I would ever need to be pegged again (as I really didn't enjoy it or its physical after-effects) but I need to be with a woman who could/would do something even though (or even because) I dislike it. So... I feel satisfied by knowing that I will probably be pegged again regardless of how I feel about it and that when and how often it happens is completely out of my control.
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"And further along with your examples, would being forcibly crossdressed actually be in the same category since it doesn't involve the physical pain that there is in pegging? Chastity would be in in the same category as crossdressing, lack of physical painwise, and both would probably qualify as mental abuse, whereas pegging would be physical and mental abuse."
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I have similar feelings about these activities because I also don't enjoy crossdressing or prolonged chastity in their own right.
I get turned on by the fantasy of them since it involves a woman willing to something "cruel."
I get turned on by some of the humiliation aspects of them, but not by the act itself.
I don't see a pair of panties and immediately think about wearing them and get turned on by that. It requires the addition of a woman threatening or teasing about the panties for it to "do it" for me.
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"I'm not sure you're giving enough weight to the form of the abuse, and the act of having it done may be more of a need - or fetish - than you're giving it credit for. Don't they both - the act and the resulting feelings - play relatively equal parts in your ultimate satisfaction?"
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You may very well be correct that I'm not giving them proper weight, but this is turning over a new stone for me so I figured I would explore it and see how my thoughts develop upon it.
I think what I really crave is the "threat" that anything might happen more than most individual acts as this adds to the feelings that result from a particular act... that off-balance feeling is huge.
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If I'm reading you correctly, you're saying that having a Mistress who will do certain things to you is more important than actually having those things done to you?
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In this case I was more thinking about what is a true fetish for a sub (something that turns them on automatically) vs. subs that might think they have a fetish for something but it's more about the situation than the act.
I am going to write a post about this to try and elaborate...