This is my first post in a while.
I have explored hundreds of different aspects of submission. When I get to know a Domme I can usually anticipate some of her views and reactions to different subjects, but that’s only on a basic level. Being that I’m not dominant and I’m male, trying to understand a Domme requires a lot of extrapolation but I want to give it a try on a level beyond just the “advantages” of having a sub. This is sort of a response to my "Submissive Loop" blog entry from a while back.
My apologies if I go round about in this analysis… this is undiscovered territory for me and I’m not sure just how I’ll get to a conclusion or if I can.
I think the first thing to note is the difference in arousal between women and men. I’ve often heard it phrased that men are like a light switch: you can turn him on or off. Women are more like boiling a pot of water: they have to heat up before they reach a boil. I pretty much take this as a given.
Arousal in women tends to be more emotionally and environmentally driven than it is in men. I’ve thought a lot about the difference in subspace for male subs and femsubs and read a lot on the subject. The consensus is generally that men reach arousal and subspace simultaneously if a subspace trigger is applied. Women differ in that they need to first enter subspace and then they get aroused. Basically, an environment ripe with triggers is necessary to get them turned on. I have a feeling there is a similar process involving Domspace in that she probably has to feel dominant before she can get really turned on by it.
The closest I can relate to Domspace comes from my athletics background. I was pretty good at several sports and I know the huge rush that occurs when you drill a quarterback so hard he blows snot into his facemask or when you’re up to bat and the pitcher may as well put the ball on a tee for you. It’s a feeling of supreme control… and power… your thoughts are along the lines of “I own you, you’re my bitch.” I have a feeling that Domspace probably has a similar type of rush to it (but I could be wrong).
This leads me to believe that Domspace and its sexual connection probably happen in a similar manner for Dommes. A Domme has her Domspace triggers that bring about feelings of (or the desire for) power and control. As these triggers are applied and the environment continues to promote her Domspace, her dominant feelings will build until there is a link between her feelings of dominance and her arousal.
I believe many of these Domspace triggers can be found in ritual: a sub prostrating himself at her feet to greet her, placing a collar around the sub’s neck, inspecting his body to see he is properly groomed or dressed, teasing him and watching his cock rise, and so on. I can see many of these as providing “fuel for the fire” so to speak. These provide symbolism of power and control. They may also serve double purpose by initiating or continuing a sub’s descent into subspace.
When that link has been established, I believe her turn ons get a bit more personal. To put it bluntly, she has certain things that get her (more) wet. These are the things that she focuses on while masturbating or receiving sexual pleasure and are probably quite unique from woman to woman. These are her ideal fantasies.
Here I come to my first great hurdle. Are Domspace triggers separate from turn ons or are they one and the same? Do they start separately but then become almost the same thing once she reaches her “boiling point?”
My best guess is that before she is very aroused, Domspace triggers serve more as a “mood builder” than a turn on, but after reaching a high state of arousal, they act as more of a turn on while still increasing the heights of Domspace.
To make this more clear, I will list a couple of examples and separate them into their components.
To a Domme that enjoys chastity:
-A whimpering and denied boy desperate for release acts as a Domspace trigger in regards to her being the one in control of his release, while the begging and desperation acts as a turn on.
-Closing the lock on a device acts as a Domspace trigger in regards in terms of the power aspect and a turn on at the boy’s reaction and suffering.
-Teasing a locked sub probably acts as more of a turn on than trigger.
To a Domme that enjoys spanking:
-Having a sub tied up helpless in front of her acts as a Domspace trigger knowing that he is suffering for her and a turn on knowing that he is helpless.
-A sub’s cries of pain act as more of a turn on. Making him thank her for each hit acts as more of a Domspace trigger.
-Feeling like she is “correcting” his behavior is a Domspace trigger. Hitting him is the turn on.
When I think about this and try to empathize with these scenarios, I would have to continue along my earlier train of thought: before she reaches high arousal, Domspace triggers are most important. Once she reaches high arousal, Domspace triggers and turn ons feel almost the same.
There is another wildcard that should definitely be mentioned but I can’t relate to at all, but women don’t “crash” after a single orgasm. I am extremely curious as to the effects of an orgasm on this, e.g. does it heighten the intensity of both Domspace and arousal? Is there a point where so many orgasms have taken place that it eventually causes a crash? I do know for certain that women do reach a point of exhaustion, does that signify the crash point?
That is a fascinating topic in its own right.
Here is a simple summary that I have come to as a hypothesis:
-A Domme experiences Domspace triggers and gradually increases her feelings of dominance. Erotic rituals contribute heavily to this process.
-When her dominant feelings build to a sufficient degree within a positive environment, her Domspace will form a link between her dominant feelings and arousal.
-The dominant feelings continue to build until her arousal reaches a “boiling point.”
-When that point has been reached, Domspace triggers will contribute mainly to her arousal and turn ons will have a significant effect on her arousal.
-Pre-exhaustion orgasms will continue to heighten Domspace and increase arousal.
I wonder if this is correct at all in the slightest. Any feedback is welcome. I’m sorry this was such a mess, this really was new ground for me to try and tread in.
I have explored hundreds of different aspects of submission. When I get to know a Domme I can usually anticipate some of her views and reactions to different subjects, but that’s only on a basic level. Being that I’m not dominant and I’m male, trying to understand a Domme requires a lot of extrapolation but I want to give it a try on a level beyond just the “advantages” of having a sub. This is sort of a response to my "Submissive Loop" blog entry from a while back.
My apologies if I go round about in this analysis… this is undiscovered territory for me and I’m not sure just how I’ll get to a conclusion or if I can.
I think the first thing to note is the difference in arousal between women and men. I’ve often heard it phrased that men are like a light switch: you can turn him on or off. Women are more like boiling a pot of water: they have to heat up before they reach a boil. I pretty much take this as a given.
Arousal in women tends to be more emotionally and environmentally driven than it is in men. I’ve thought a lot about the difference in subspace for male subs and femsubs and read a lot on the subject. The consensus is generally that men reach arousal and subspace simultaneously if a subspace trigger is applied. Women differ in that they need to first enter subspace and then they get aroused. Basically, an environment ripe with triggers is necessary to get them turned on. I have a feeling there is a similar process involving Domspace in that she probably has to feel dominant before she can get really turned on by it.
The closest I can relate to Domspace comes from my athletics background. I was pretty good at several sports and I know the huge rush that occurs when you drill a quarterback so hard he blows snot into his facemask or when you’re up to bat and the pitcher may as well put the ball on a tee for you. It’s a feeling of supreme control… and power… your thoughts are along the lines of “I own you, you’re my bitch.” I have a feeling that Domspace probably has a similar type of rush to it (but I could be wrong).
This leads me to believe that Domspace and its sexual connection probably happen in a similar manner for Dommes. A Domme has her Domspace triggers that bring about feelings of (or the desire for) power and control. As these triggers are applied and the environment continues to promote her Domspace, her dominant feelings will build until there is a link between her feelings of dominance and her arousal.
I believe many of these Domspace triggers can be found in ritual: a sub prostrating himself at her feet to greet her, placing a collar around the sub’s neck, inspecting his body to see he is properly groomed or dressed, teasing him and watching his cock rise, and so on. I can see many of these as providing “fuel for the fire” so to speak. These provide symbolism of power and control. They may also serve double purpose by initiating or continuing a sub’s descent into subspace.
When that link has been established, I believe her turn ons get a bit more personal. To put it bluntly, she has certain things that get her (more) wet. These are the things that she focuses on while masturbating or receiving sexual pleasure and are probably quite unique from woman to woman. These are her ideal fantasies.
Here I come to my first great hurdle. Are Domspace triggers separate from turn ons or are they one and the same? Do they start separately but then become almost the same thing once she reaches her “boiling point?”
My best guess is that before she is very aroused, Domspace triggers serve more as a “mood builder” than a turn on, but after reaching a high state of arousal, they act as more of a turn on while still increasing the heights of Domspace.
To make this more clear, I will list a couple of examples and separate them into their components.
To a Domme that enjoys chastity:
-A whimpering and denied boy desperate for release acts as a Domspace trigger in regards to her being the one in control of his release, while the begging and desperation acts as a turn on.
-Closing the lock on a device acts as a Domspace trigger in regards in terms of the power aspect and a turn on at the boy’s reaction and suffering.
-Teasing a locked sub probably acts as more of a turn on than trigger.
To a Domme that enjoys spanking:
-Having a sub tied up helpless in front of her acts as a Domspace trigger knowing that he is suffering for her and a turn on knowing that he is helpless.
-A sub’s cries of pain act as more of a turn on. Making him thank her for each hit acts as more of a Domspace trigger.
-Feeling like she is “correcting” his behavior is a Domspace trigger. Hitting him is the turn on.
When I think about this and try to empathize with these scenarios, I would have to continue along my earlier train of thought: before she reaches high arousal, Domspace triggers are most important. Once she reaches high arousal, Domspace triggers and turn ons feel almost the same.
There is another wildcard that should definitely be mentioned but I can’t relate to at all, but women don’t “crash” after a single orgasm. I am extremely curious as to the effects of an orgasm on this, e.g. does it heighten the intensity of both Domspace and arousal? Is there a point where so many orgasms have taken place that it eventually causes a crash? I do know for certain that women do reach a point of exhaustion, does that signify the crash point?
That is a fascinating topic in its own right.
Here is a simple summary that I have come to as a hypothesis:
-A Domme experiences Domspace triggers and gradually increases her feelings of dominance. Erotic rituals contribute heavily to this process.
-When her dominant feelings build to a sufficient degree within a positive environment, her Domspace will form a link between her dominant feelings and arousal.
-The dominant feelings continue to build until her arousal reaches a “boiling point.”
-When that point has been reached, Domspace triggers will contribute mainly to her arousal and turn ons will have a significant effect on her arousal.
-Pre-exhaustion orgasms will continue to heighten Domspace and increase arousal.
I wonder if this is correct at all in the slightest. Any feedback is welcome. I’m sorry this was such a mess, this really was new ground for me to try and tread in.
Hmmm. I shall watch this with interest.
ReplyDeleteI've been avoiding replying to this posting in hopes that some other Femdom would chime in, but I guess that's not going to happen. I think the lack of female response is a result of the fact that the issue of Femdomspace is not at all equatable to subspace, and your approach to it is therefore flawed. You've always loved to dissect and categorize issues, but Domspace simply does not respond to that approach.
ReplyDeleteIn your summary, you attempt to describe a "process" that leads to Domspace, describing each level and showing how it proceeds to the next. Uh, uh, Fur. That's not how it works. Women are different than men, period. I know that sounds simplistic, but it's a vital fact that determines so many aspects of Femdom that ignoring it is a big mistake.
Subspace is completely different than Domspace. The former comes as a result of being dominated, and the latter as a result of being the dominating one, so of course it has to be totally different. Domspace is not a series of triggers that lead to a specific conclusion. It's such an individual thing from Femdom to Femdom that trying to find a pattern is useless. I've explored this issue with many Femdoms, and each and every one has a different view of what it is and what brings it on. And, it's important to note that it's not always duplicatable, it's not scientific at all, and its arrival is not predictable. I can't speak for males, obviously, but it seems that most men describing subspace can easily point to a pattern of events that gets them "there" all the time. I don't know any Femdoms who can say the same. Sometime it's this, sometime it's that, and sometime what got you there before isn't getting you there now.
So your analytical, categorical approach is doomed to failure in this matter. Femdomspace is totally subjective, and you're attacking the issue as if it were objective. No disrespect intended, as I always enjoy your approach, but I think you're missing the mark on this one.
Thank you, Lady Grey.
DeleteThis was something I'd never really thought about, so this was sort of a stab in the dark attempting to understand something that I couldn't relate to. If it's completely wrong, it's completely wrong :)
I've noticed a common "look" that Dommes give when they are in Domspace. That is the most I had to go on really and I didn't know that it was so unique from person to person. I had posted this on another forum and had a few Dommes give feedback upon a few aspects they thought resembled themselves but it didn't solve the one thing that I haven't been able to figure out, namely, where the arousal comes in.
It is interesting that most subs do have a similar "path" to subspace and a few maleDoms I have known have had similar paths to Domspace, so the women being inherently different than men pretty much works for me in this case.