Saturday, November 17, 2012

The Comfort of Humiliation

A lot of subs enjoy the fantasy of humiliation.  Some subs enjoy actually being humiliated.  I was doing some thinking on humiliation today and found a few of my thoughts on it had become a little clearer.  I have written before about how humiliation can be either enjoyable or devastating depending upon the environment.  This is working from the perspective of a controlled environment (where there is no potential “life ruining” danger of humiliation, nor risk of serious physical harm). 

I think that in many cases, humiliation can be very comforting. 

It’s easy for men, especially submissive men, to carry insecurities and fears that they have buried deep within themselves since a relatively young age.  These can include a wide range of subject matter ranging from physical build, success, kinks and fetishes, etc.  These types of deep fears tend to be fairly deeply rooted in our psyche and no matter what anyone tells us, we seem to still fear the worst: that every insecurity-based worry we have is true.

Therein lies the comfort of humiliation.  Think your penis is small?  It is, but she doesn’t reject you for it.  Think your kink or fetish makes you a freak?  It does, but she doesn’t reject you for it.  With one act, all of your fears and doubts about yourself are completely justified and true.  We believe it, know that it is true, and are grateful that she keeps us around even though she feels that way too. 

I think that’s why humiliation is such a common fantasy.  All-too-often our fears are deepest because we believe they have the potential to “make-or-break” a relationship (or potential relationship).  In this scenario she doesn’t reject us, but actually pays more attention to us for that reason. 

It might seem more emotionally healthy to try to encourage a man so that he doesn’t have these fears but in most cases, it is burned so deeply into his psyche that saying otherwise won’t seem honest since we are firmly convinced of the opposite.  “It’s huge!” or “It’s perfectly normal to have desires like that” just won’t sound like the truth.  If it isn’t used to humiliate, then an underhanded compliment at least feels more honest.  “It’s big enough” or “I like you the way you are,” does enough to make us feel safe and it will still feel like the truth.  They also keep the door open wide enough to be humiliated for those reasons at a later date. 

In any case, knowing she keeps us around even though we are inadequate is a very comforting feeling. 


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