Lady Grey's most recent posts at http://womanincontrol.blogspot.com/ have gotten me thinking a bit more about the progressive escalation of D/s over time (I have blogged on this a few times over the years). Something became readily apparent to me tonight in regards to my own submissive desires and how they have evolved over the years.
I train rather easily in the D/s lifestyle. I have a good memory, high attention to detail, and can be reasonably intelligent at times. This has been one of my submissive strengths over the years but it has also had major drawbacks. If you as a sub are able to follow rules and instructions to the T, you don't give a Domme a reason to punish you. If your D/s relationship is based around sensual interaction for good behavior and physical punishment for bad behavior, a Domme that enjoys inflicting pain upon the sub is faced with the choice of denying herself something that gives her pleasure or punishing and attempting to justify the choice. With newer Dommes, choosing the latter can lead to guilt and that guilt may reduce her pleasure in the moment or lead to negative feelings in its aftermath. Being that I am not a masochist, a Domme can struggle with the "because I can" or "as a reminder of your place" reasoning behind punishment.
As much as I dislike pain, as a submissive I crave the fear and exhilaration of intense D/s interaction, even if it involves pain. By being mistake free in service (or as close as possible to this), I inherently reduce the intensity level of the relationship (often hurting the desires of both Domme and sub). I frown upon subs that act out or misbehave merely to get attention. I think this type of behavior is childish, selfish, and out of focus. So where does a sub go from there?
I think the answer to that question can be seen in my own fantasies of deeply sadistic Dommes.
Some examples:
-A Domme that will enjoy punishing after perfect service because she enjoys the additional mental anguish a sub goes through when he doesn't deserve it.
-A Domme that will ensure a sub will make mistakes or cannot serve perfectly and punish him for failing while taking pleasure in his added suffering from knowing he cannot succeed, e.g. being ordered to dust on top of tall shelves with your hands locked behind your back.
-A Domme that believes perfect obedience is to be expected and should not be rewarded.
This type of situation is unpredictable and frightening. It can also lead to a deeper level of subspace where you surrender to the situation.
From a more realistic perspective, this most likely would be rather dangerous and fall into the "be careful what you wish for" category unless there is a strong and loving bond between Domme and sub. That being said, I'm not sure if this desires is a strength or a weakness: the willingness to lovingly submit and endure through it all vs. my D/s relationships will eventually evolve to where I crave this, regardless of her wishes.
The D/s has been absent for a while now in my relationship and I feel like it's driving me crazy.
Hi fur - From years of experience with a variety of subs, I can say that I've never yet come across a sub who doesn't desire some sort of physical punishment or discipline. As is the case with yourself, a sub who claims to not be a masochist and not desire pain will eventually be lost without some sort of physical abuse being bestowed upon him, And "bestowed" is used in the classic sense of "giving a gift". It's a gift that he may not know that he wanted or needed, but its absence leaves a void that can be quite confusing and leads to feelings of being unimportant to his Dom. In cases where I've been told that my sub does not desire physical punishment, I merely smile to myself and the phrase "methinks he doth protest too much" reverberates, and I knowingly wait for the day that my crop or paddle or whip sets him straight.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you're longing for a bit of that yourself? "It's driving me crazy" certainly gives a modicum of truth to what I'm saying. No?
Thank you, Lady Grey.
ReplyDeleteYou are very correct in your assessment of things. I think my true cravings are for the emotional and intimate vulnerability of disciplinary activities. Having suffered several serious non-D/s-related physical injuries over the years, a good portion of my days are spent with nagging pain of some sort. The thought of additional pain is not a desirable one, but pain tends to go hand in hand with many D/s activities so it becomes difficult to separate them. It probably does sound rather strange to hear someone say, "I dislike pain but crave to be disciplined."
Right now I strongly miss the intimate and vulnerable moments and I probably can't truly crave one without the other, although I feel I'm more strongly connected to the environmental and emotional factors.
Either that or I could just be in denial. Things are feeling a bit off and I can't even tell anymore.
Take care.