Words of Caution

I've seen a good number of negative comments in the past month on a few blogs I follow and to anyone reading this I encourage you to avoid negativity towards the relationships of others without consideration for their relationship's frame of reference.

I think that most D/s relationships stem from 1 of 3 sources:
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1.  The BDSM/Kink scene.  If you live in a metropolitan area, it's likely there exists one or more groups that provide regular meetings of a kink-themed nature.  These groups often serve as social networks for those with D/s interests with the common understanding of tolerance and discreetness.  Most BDSM groups have a fairly rigid set of rules about conduct, usually in place to protect subs from potential abuse. e.g. pre-negotiated activities, safe words, hard limits, etc. are expected to be obeyed or individuals may be ostracized from the community. 

Relationships that form in this environment generally promote mutual pleasure from shared/overlapping kinks. The rules of the community are generally represented and respected and are often considered the "right way of doing things."

2.  Discovered D/s. Discovered D/s happens when a relationship is formed on vanilla terms and at some point evolves into a D/s relationship.  This can happen in a variety of ways.

Discovered D/s is an interesting one because in most (but not all cases), one member's fantasies are often fairly extreme while the other is a novice just beginning to scrape the surface.  The way in which both parties educate themselves upon the lifestyle will often lead to the style and intensity of the relationship.  This often includes a mix and match of BDSM community morality and more intense activity, frequently in a "learn as we go" environment.

The trends in these relationships are for the Dommes to get more dominant and the subs to get more submissive as time goes on.  That being said, you will encounter couples in various stages of D/s ranging from mild to moderate to intense.

3. Negotiated Lifestyle D/s.  Negotiated D/s relationships are formed more similarly to BDSM scene relationships in that both parties enter into the relationship with roles and expectations in mind but differ in that the scene norms often will not apply to them in any way.  One party (generally the Domme) will have an idea of the intensity and activities they want and attempt to locate subs another who wishes for a similar arrangement. 

These relationships often evolve similarly to Discovered D/s relationships in the tendencies for Dommes to grow more dominant and subs to get more submissive, leading to changes in intensity levels over time.
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Which type your relationship originated from will heavily influence your views on what is "right" and "wrong" in D/s relationships.  The "when" matters just as much.  I guess I just get a little bothered when people try to ignore these factors and judge.  There are ways to give constructive input, such as "I can see how you got there but you may want to consider...," but too often negative comments simply show just how different a place someone is coming from.

/end rant.