Thursday, September 8, 2016

Is submission a gift?

I am writing to try and break myself out of this rut...

A couple of weeks ago Misty was kind enough to share with me some ideas for blog topics when I had asked for ideas on a post.  I can't seem to come up with any other ideas that motivate me to write so here goes. 

One potential topic that was brought up is:  Is submission a gift?

When I first read this topic idea my initial reaction was, "holy shit this is a huge can of worms."  There are so many ways to approach this, so many points of view that come into play, and also the great gap between what I actually feel vs. how I would want others to see it.

If I look at this with my "truest voice," I do not view my submission as a gift.  A gift can be given lightly.  A gift can be presented to someone that doesn't wish to receive it.  A gift feels like an exchange between equals.  People often use the term charity to describe a gift from the affluent to the poor.  Can the inferior give a gift to a superior?

If I had to choose a term to describe my submission, I would say it as an offering.  She does not need it.  She chooses to lay claim to it.  Part of it involves what I give.  The other part involves what she takes.

She does not claim my submission as a rigid form.  She shapes it and molds its form.  She may take more from it than originally offered.  I see this as being far more interactive than the idea of a gift may imply. 

Offering submission is a choice performed out of our free will.  That choice carries with it the idea of willingly giving up that freedom. 

I think my view is heavily shaped in that I feel so grateful that she claims my offering.  I see that act as being far more important than presenting my offering in the first place.  The glorious feeling of being chosen... I can't imagine that my offering of submission could make her feel as wonderful as that. 

I am very aware that my own views on this are biased.  I could easily be mistaken and it is likely that a Domme may see submission as a gift.  I tend to skew my own views to always feel like the lucky one; it tends to keep me more focused when I feel like what I offer is less important than what she chooses to provide.


  1. I agree that "offering" is the proper word here, as opposed to "gift", but as to which party is the lucky one, or whether the offering is more valuable to the offerer than the offeree, well that's questionable, to say the least. Since the relationship is - or should be - consensual for both parties, I can't see where one can generalize as to the relative "importance" to either party. It may make you feel that she's giving you the greater gift ("offering") by accepting your submission, but just the opposite could be true depending on individual perception.

    However, I must admit that once the offering is accepted, the future of the relationship depends in a greater part on the Domme. The submissive has done his part by offering his submission, and by accepting such the domme has tacitly agreed to lead the entire dynamic. She accepts the power, and at the same time, the responsibility, which lends credence to your assertion that, as you say "what I offer is less important than what she chooses to provide". Let the argument begin! Good topic, and a can of worms indeed. Thank you Misty.

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey.

      It is definitely interesting to think about. I tend to view the Domme's role as being responsible for the big picture while the sub is responsible for individual actions. While the sub's role may involve more physical labor, it is more straight forward and easier to navigate.

      I do view the Domme's role as being more pivotal and carring greater weight. When things are flowing well I doubt it seems like a bad kind of work for a Domme.

      I think a lot of my view is based upon the idea that it is easier to learn to do a chore, cook a meal, or perfect an act of worship than it is to control dynamics. For some Dommes this flows naturally and brings a great deal of joy. For others... they see it as work.

      Interesting stuff.

  2. I'm glad to see you are writing again fur.

    I too would go with the concept of "offering", but as Lady Gray says, the Domme accepts the "gift" or not, and then makes use of her gift as she chooses.

  3. You're welcome, Lady Grey.

    Interesting that you picked the can of worms, fur. :)

    I think it is fair to say, submission should be cherished, but seen as a gift? It just doesn't feel right to me. How could I see it as a gift when I get so much out of it? This is what I want, this is what makes me feel alive, it is not a gift to him. It is like you say...

    "The glorious feeling of being chosen... I can't imagine that my offering of submission could make her feel as wonderful as that."

    And besides, gifts don't usually come with baggage, so if I thought of my submission as a gift, it would be a pretty crummy gift.

    1. Thank you, Misty. The idea that it is conditional definitely takes it out of "gift" realm. I do agree that submission should (ideally) be seen as special.

  4. ... very thought provoking. My first thought was a comparison to the Gift of Life. I always love when one of my subs becomes sure that they would like to dedicate himself to me in this way. There is certsinly a debate over who is more lucky. Very thought provoking...
    Thank you