Monday, February 6, 2017

Why submission fails

Recently I have been in contact with a handful of people that are of the "I have Femdom fantasies but they all fail when we try them in real life."

The reasons are always the same sorts of things.  "I like being in control."  "I just can't let go."  "It has to go my way or I'm not interested."  This never really makes sense to me if someone would have a fantasy then actually block the fantasy from happening when given the opportunity... that just seems counter-productive in a lot of ways.

These answers are, however, indicative of deeper issues that plague a very large percentage of men that associate themselves with being a submissive. This works on a handful of levels, each indicative of an underlying problem.

For many, truly letting go of the ego and allowing oneself to be vulnerable is the biggest issue.  This is scary.  You do have to actually give up control.  You can be hurt.  They see you for who you really are.  This in itself is something that people are rarely willing to do.  This is one of the key points that I argue whenever people call subs weak or cowardly.  Being vulnerable takes a hell of a lot of strength and courage.  If it was easy, more people would do it.

The bigger, underlying theme is that very few people have ever spent the time or effort required to understand just what makes someone else ticks... what would make them happy... what is their dream.  It is far too easy to be blind and selfish than it is to pay attention, understand, and give proper value to someone else and their feelings and ideas. 

If you truly focus upon her desires, then it is easy to give up control. 

When I come across people who say things like the phrases above I no longer try to educate them on how things can work... I just let it go and hope they stay out of it. 


  1. I agree. It takes a tremendous amount of courage for a man to reveal his sub needs, and even more courage to accept what comes after if he finds a willing Dom. Revealing one's inner self is never easy, and if that inner self is submissive in nature it can seem so "unmanly" when fantasy becomes reality that many men just run from it as fast as they can. Frustrating for sub and Dom alike when a man can't give up control and backs away from what he thought he needed. As you say: "If you truly focus on her desires, then it is easy to give up control". Sadly, few men can really do that when push comes to shove.

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey.

      I do find it ironic that people find "running away" to be less unmanly than sticking it out. It is definitely a strange ordeal and seems rather counter-productive even if it's rational on some level.