Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Expanding on Humiliation

In the past I wrote that I believe that subs who crave humiliation do so because it "safely" exploits upon their deep fears and insecurities in a controlled way.  That is, it proves their fears to be true without the pain of rejection.  e.g. with SPH, a sub has the insecurity/worry that their penis is too small.  When they are humiliated about it, their fear becomes reality but it isn't something so bad that they will be discarded.  This can actually be a bit peaceful on some level, even if the feelings themselves are shameful since it avoids the worst case scenario, she leaves you for someone else because of it.

While working on fs01 I started thinking about a certain notion, namely, why is it that I keep introducing new characters every arc?  The best answer I could come up with is related to this topic.

When it comes to humiliation, a logical view is that at some point being humiliated in the same way repeatedly should eventually "get old."  Once that emotional pain is driven home enough times, their beliefs should adjust and accept things.  If they truly believe it is the way that they are, there is no reason to be embarrassed anymore, right? 

For some reason that doesn't seem to happen that way.  For example, if a Domme makes her sub wear pink panties every day and calls him a sissy.  Under that theory, there should be a time where it feels completely natural to him to exist in this state, so if she were to tell someone in his presence that he wears pretty pink panties, that shouldn't humiliate him much... but in most cases it still does.

I have two ideas in regard to this.  The first is that in D/s couples where humiliation plays a large part of their dynamics, the Domme usually enjoys keeping the sub in a state of self-consciousness.  Something you will find that is fairly common among Dommes that enjoy mind-fucking is that they often take a good deal of enjoyment in making a sub squirm due to emotional discomfort.  Through this method, the sub is never truly permitted "comfort" from accepting their new truth: while they see it as true, it is also associated with shame. 

The other idea flows from a bit of a different place, namely, the male ego.  While humiliation has the power to crush the male ego, the ego never really dies... it only goes away for a little while.  In this case the psyche continues to rebuild itself even after being broken down repeatedly and continues to battle against accepting the new "truth."  It loses the battle every time but always rises to fight another day... only to be humiliated and crushed in its next defeat. 

I'm not sure if either of these are wholly accurate, but they seem reasonable. 


  1. This entire "humiliation" thing assumes that one is exposing one's sub to people unfamiliar with the particular dynamic that is taking place. Preferably so-called vanilla people who would be shocked to hear about the pink panties and thus would cause the sub to be humiliated as his proclivities (even forced proclivities - actually ESPECIALLY forced proclivities) are revealed.

    If, however, if privacy is vital to the particular D/s dynamic, the whole question of potential humiliation becomes moot. It's simply not going to happen if privacy is paramount. That makes humiliation much more tricky to achieve, and in my case (and my sub husband's) at least, it doesn't play a big part in our lives.

    If a Femdom only reveals the pink panty thing to fellow Femdoms, humiliation isn't really a factor, is it? The lack of shock value tends to equal "no humiliation" if the sub is exposed only to ladies who accept the entire D/s dynamic.

    I force my husband to wear ladies panties all the time. Is that to humiliate him? No, it's to remind him constantly just who has the power in our relationship. If I forced him to drop his pants and reveal himself to his fellow workers, now that would be humiliation. The fact that we regard our privacy as primary simply prevents that from happening. Thus, my husband is controlled constantly in what you refer to as a "state of self-consciousness", but never humiliated or shamed in front of those who would be shocked at our way of life. I guess he gets off easy, huh?

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey.

      I probably should have put a precursor that this is mostly applicable to humiliation fetishists/enthusiasts.

      I do believe that the kink-aware crowd can keep things fairly humiliating if they choose to play off of it. Teasing and comments go a long ways to mess with a sub's head.

      Exposure to outsiders always runs a large risk and can be unwelcome. The shocked reaction can also be negative in a bad way. A sub can take a lot of teasing but a reaction of disgust hits a lot harder and can move into rejection territory.

      I have to believe that Karl likely has greater worries in many cases. At times the self-consciousness probably does compound things but I have never gotten the impression that humiliation was a focal point in your lifestyle. I would have to believe that Patsy seems like the most likely candidate to play along on that front.

  2. Miss Lily was here. Enjoyed the read. Thank you for writing fur.

    1. Thank you, Miss Lily. I always love to hear from you.