Originally Posted: 12/16/17
made a post the other day about being asked about her worth. Both her
and some comments made it seem that a lot of people struggle with this.
When K spotted the qualities of a submissive in me so many years ago,
it was the product of years of gradual change as I found ways to cope
with rejection and loneliness.
What is my worth?
It is easy for me to answer this question. I will make someone feel
more loved than they have ever felt before. I will make someone laugh.
There will never be a shortage of things to talk about. I always have
something special to share, whether it be a book, a movie, a song, a
restaurant, or anything else. I always seek out the best version of
something that I can find so that I can share the best version with the
one I love.
As a sub, I will endure. I am willing to be shaped, molded,
regulated, and controlled. Everything that I do and think about will
place her as the focus. I will be anything and everything that she asks
of me. I want to make her smile. I want to provide a life that she
thinks about and feels lucky to have. I do not mind feeling used,
because use has value.
My worth is that I am willing to exist for her.
This is the way that I see my place in the world. There is a catch
to it all. I require someone else to determine my worth. A good bit of
what makes me a semi-interesting person to interact with is the ways
that I find to kill time when I am alone. That being said, I find my
time alone to be bearable at best, and miserable at worst. At my core I
do not feel that I have worth unless it is defined by someone else.
I am okay with this. I do not feel that the type of “worth” that I
feel is lesser because it is defined externally. There are people who
will tell me that I am wrong. There are people who will look down upon
me for feeling this way. I am fine with this. I have met partners that
were okay with this too and loved to take advantage of my strengths in
The byproduct of this that people rarely understand is that I am okay
with only feeling as much worth as she allows. I am okay being treated
in a way that is consistent with the amount of worth she permits me in
that moment. It feels right.
This is my worth.