Thursday, September 30, 2010

Revisiting sissy types and the conditioning of the male

As I was writing my last post I had a few additional thoughts that I wanted to mull over.

I've found it odd that my time here in the blog world has mainly had me reading and commenting on Femdom and FLR themed blogs but very little on sissification/feminization themed blogs.  At the same time, more than half of my readers are those whose primary interests are on sissification/feminization.  I guess this just strikes me as a bit odd, but I think it happens due to the variety of styles and motivations there are with forced feminization out there.  Basically, this post will be exploring why only certain things appeal to me.

If you look at sissies, there are basically two primary categories:
1.  "forced" sissies
2.  "willing" sissies

In my years on the internet trying to figure out my own role in this complicated mess of things, I've found that "willing" sissies tend to make up a much larger vocal internet demographic.  While much of this may be due to the lack of available Dommes, if he dresses without being told, I consider that willing even if his fantasy is to be forced.

Willing sissies can be further categorized:
A. Gender confused.  These are men that may more closely identify with femininity.  They may or may not wish to be girls, but they are definitely seeking something beyond their current masculine identity.  In these cases feminization may provide them with feelings of fulfillment they don't get with their normal male identity.

B. Heterosexual/bisexual crossdressers.  They may be straight or bi, but these men enjoy wearing women's clothes.  Their motivations may vary greatly, but the general outcome is the same:  they aren't homosexual but they dress willingly.

C. Closet homosexuals.  These are men who are gay but haven't accepted their own homosexuality.  As I've written in the past, it is sometimes easier to be "forced" to dress or fantasize about being feminine without openly being gay.

D. Out-of-the-closet homosexuals/transgendered.  These are men (or women that were formerly men) that simply wish to take on the feminine role in a homosexual relationship.

E. Fetishists.  Fetishists are a bit different because they are usually strongly drawn towards one or more particular feminine clothing items.  They might not get off dressing as a woman but they might get off wearing women's boots.

Men that desire to be cuckolded often (but not always) fall into one of these categories as well.

Forced sissies have much fewer flavors but there is some variety (assuming the choice isn't theirs and there are severe repercussions for refusal):

AA. Turned on when dressed
            1.  because of humiliation
            2.  because of a clothing fetish
            3.  because of subspace
BB.  Not turned on when dressed

So where do I fit into all this?

AA is an interesting group since it opens doors to conditioning a transition from forced to willing.  I believe I can trace my own route through this lifestyle by starting there.  My first few months in the lifestyle had me starting as an AA2 but quickly adding AA1 and AA3 into the mix.  Basically, after a few months I fit all three types of AA. 

After a few years in the lifestyle and sexual relief granted only under extreme humiliation and feminization my body developed a sexual association with feminization, humiliation, and sexual climax.  As time passed, at some point it turned me on more to be feminized and dominated than to just be dominated.  This was a strange time and it led to a bit of an identity crisis.  Over the past year I have started to associate myself as being as sissy.  When I correspond with others in the lifestyle it doesn't take long before I admit to it and I even created my persona here in the blog world as a sissy. 

I'm not sure this makes me "willing."  I don't ever dress up on my own, I only dress when ordered to do so.  At the same time, I know that any relationship I have in the D/s lifestyle will require feminization in order to give me maximum pleasure and fulfillment.  Does this make me a willing type B or E?  Or am I still an AA? 

I know it doesn't really matter, but I guess the best way to describe it is I am B or E if humiliation, deep subspace, and fur are involved.  So, a conditional willing or an enthusiastic forced?  Oh well, there's no point in debating semantics, but I think this might have something to do with the struggle to connect with others in this aspect.  I do not consider myself feminine nor do I have any desire for homosexual activities (in fact, this is one of my absolute hard limits).

I think I really like it for the mind fuck potential.

rfoj74's comments on my "Putting the Forced in Forced Feminization" post probably clicked with me most in regards to this subject. 

Returning to conditioning, it doesn't seem to take all that long to develop certain associations that will trigger the male sexual response.  If something is consistently present and focused upon during sexual pleasure/climax, it will slowly integrate itself into the male psyche and become a part of sexual arousal.  Basically, you can force a man to develop a fetish without his knowledge.  This leads to an even greater power play as he will likely struggle with this new identity (as I know I have) and also carry the stigma of being a sissy.  Overall this can lead to even greater control over him in a D/s relationship and reinforce feelings that you are the only one that could ever understand him.


  1. Hi Fur Sissy,

    I totally agree and in my experience a person’s sexuality and sexual trigger are completely re-programmable using the right stimuli, re-enforcement and time.

    I will have to think about what category my sissy Martina falls into as she is not an immediate fit for any of the categories you specified.

    Great Blog!

  2. Thank you, rfoj.

    Based upon your initial descriptions of Martina, I have a feeling you have kept him/her in a state that constantly rides between states. Forced with its beginnings but probably requiring "willing" attitudes and a mix of situations that share both arousing and non-arousing activities.

    Basically, its initiation wasn't his choice but refusal isn't an option and the associated turn ons are for reasons other than the dressing and the very unpleasant situations always mix in some form of turn on making him very conflicted inside.

    Overall, he hates it but needs the relationship enough to keep doing it and he's never able to take pleasure in it and the unpleasantness reinforces some form of submission that makes him tick. He's never granted inner peace with the situation: he can't accept himself as a sissy nor are the bad parts bad enough to make him refuse/leave.

    Please correct me if I'm wrong.

  3. Another quick note, rfoj, but I wanted to also comment on your agreements about sexual reprogramming. I find it fairly fascinating the ease in which it can be done to men. If sexual pleasure is completely with-held through traditional means and only granted under very specific circumstances or environments it can only take a couple of months for the sexual response to change with greater intensity of response to the new circumstances.

    While I do feel it should be used carefully, it is a bit wild to know that a man can be conditioned away from traditional sex/breasts/etc. and towards almost anything the dominant chooses.

  4. Hi Fur,
    I was thinking about what category my Sissy Martina would belong in and at first she would have been in AA3. Martina's feminization was forced and this was possible as she is what some people would call a nurtured submissive. This is due to many reasons but mainly the environment she grew up in now when i say this i don’t mean an abusive environment it was a normal loving one but ruled by a very strict mother and father and a very dominant older brother. So submission became the norm for her to get through the day without conflict.
    Now after just over 2 years there are many areas of her feminization where she is willing and is in fact addicted to even though it is humiliating and sends her deeper into subspace but she herself gets into these confused states and this sometimes throws me a curveball which is why I read blogs like yours and other resources.
    As for sexual re-programming you could say Martina has went through this and you are correct this is something where care should be taken it is as very fine line as there has to be forced connotations but not forced enough to be non consensual (unlawful). Martina would say to you she was a totally straight guy when we met this in itself probably pushes some sub button in her. I would say although outwardly straight but having never been in any long term straight relationship or being sexually experienced in straight sex other than a couple of drunken fumbles by the age of 23 she was probably closet bi-curious but would probably never have followed through on these urges.
    Now some may say how I can say she was re-programmed but I can say this as her sexual trigger is not what it used to be.
    So getting back to her category she is an AA3 but also has encompasses some parts of willing Sissy A as she does get feelings of fulfilment without the subspace.

  5. Thank you, Rfoj74, I appreciate the follow-up.

    That's quite interesting about her background, but I can see how that could have been developed over time. I had a bit of a different upbringing and by my early teens I was pretty much fending for myself and had to make many of my own decisions independently. Needless to say I made a lot of mistakes and have grown to dislike carrying the full burden of making important decisions that will have sweeping ramifications over my life and those who are important to me. It requires me to be in an alpha mindset and I don't like who I am when that overtakes me.

    It is interesting that you mention "addicted," as that is how I have often felt about many D/s activities, many of which I would have never dreamed of enjoying when things first got started. Well... "needing" is probably a better word choice than "enjoying."

    As for throwing curveballs, I would have to wager that I have probably done that a good number of times over the years I have been in the lifestyle. Emotional confusion, especially when the envelope is being pushed, is quite common and it's happened on many occasions for me. It's good that she has someone that is trying to find good ways to cope/work with that confusion.

    To Quote:
    "Now some may say how I can say she was re-programmed but I can say this as her sexual trigger is not what it used to be."

    From a submissive perspective, I'm not even sure exactly how it happens, but I've written a lot while trying to understand the why's and how's. It's a scary day when you realize that your biggest turn on is something you used to think was fucked up.

    Thank you again for the comments.

  6. "Overall, he hates it but needs the relationship enough to keep doing it and he's never able to take pleasure in it and the unpleasantness reinforces some form of submission that makes him tick. He's never granted inner peace with the situation: he can't accept himself as a sissy nor are the bad parts bad enough to make him refuse/leave."

    This description reminds me of the story one of my female bdsm-friends told me. She served a Mistress who had a 2nd submissive: a male sissi-sub. According to Rfoj74 response there are willing elements in Martina's case, it apparently fulfills a need in him/her (at least partly), but the sissi I am talking about was in exactly the situation you described.

    It is IMO sad to see a submissive who is so dependant on the relationship, that he would rather endure auch a difficult situation than leave. If someone can never enjoy inner peace, if someone struggles with self-acceptance, if someone does not enjoy his/her role in a relationship at all, but is too weak to go away... and the Domme is happy about this problems instead of helping him through... well, I wouldn't call this a beneficial relationship. It's nearly abusive, IMO.

    - Deborah -