As I was writing my last post I had a few additional thoughts that I wanted to mull over.
I've found it odd that my time here in the blog world has mainly had me reading and commenting on Femdom and FLR themed blogs but very little on sissification/feminization themed blogs. At the same time, more than half of my readers are those whose primary interests are on sissification/feminization. I guess this just strikes me as a bit odd, but I think it happens due to the variety of styles and motivations there are with forced feminization out there. Basically, this post will be exploring why only certain things appeal to me.
If you look at sissies, there are basically two primary categories:
1. "forced" sissies
2. "willing" sissies
In my years on the internet trying to figure out my own role in this complicated mess of things, I've found that "willing" sissies tend to make up a much larger vocal internet demographic. While much of this may be due to the lack of available Dommes, if he dresses without being told, I consider that willing even if his fantasy is to be forced.
Willing sissies can be further categorized:
A. Gender confused. These are men that may more closely identify with femininity. They may or may not wish to be girls, but they are definitely seeking something beyond their current masculine identity. In these cases feminization may provide them with feelings of fulfillment they don't get with their normal male identity.
B. Heterosexual/bisexual crossdressers. They may be straight or bi, but these men enjoy wearing women's clothes. Their motivations may vary greatly, but the general outcome is the same: they aren't homosexual but they dress willingly.
C. Closet homosexuals. These are men who are gay but haven't accepted their own homosexuality. As I've written in the past, it is sometimes easier to be "forced" to dress or fantasize about being feminine without openly being gay.
D. Out-of-the-closet homosexuals/transgendered. These are men (or women that were formerly men) that simply wish to take on the feminine role in a homosexual relationship.
E. Fetishists. Fetishists are a bit different because they are usually strongly drawn towards one or more particular feminine clothing items. They might not get off dressing as a woman but they might get off wearing women's boots.
Men that desire to be cuckolded often (but not always) fall into one of these categories as well.
Forced sissies have much fewer flavors but there is some variety (assuming the choice isn't theirs and there are severe repercussions for refusal):
AA. Turned on when dressed
1. because of humiliation
2. because of a clothing fetish
3. because of subspace
BB. Not turned on when dressed
So where do I fit into all this?
AA is an interesting group since it opens doors to conditioning a transition from forced to willing. I believe I can trace my own route through this lifestyle by starting there. My first few months in the lifestyle had me starting as an AA2 but quickly adding AA1 and AA3 into the mix. Basically, after a few months I fit all three types of AA.
After a few years in the lifestyle and sexual relief granted only under extreme humiliation and feminization my body developed a sexual association with feminization, humiliation, and sexual climax. As time passed, at some point it turned me on more to be feminized and dominated than to just be dominated. This was a strange time and it led to a bit of an identity crisis. Over the past year I have started to associate myself as being as sissy. When I correspond with others in the lifestyle it doesn't take long before I admit to it and I even created my persona here in the blog world as a sissy.
I'm not sure this makes me "willing." I don't ever dress up on my own, I only dress when ordered to do so. At the same time, I know that any relationship I have in the D/s lifestyle will require feminization in order to give me maximum pleasure and fulfillment. Does this make me a willing type B or E? Or am I still an AA?
I know it doesn't really matter, but I guess the best way to describe it is I am B or E if humiliation, deep subspace, and fur are involved. So, a conditional willing or an enthusiastic forced? Oh well, there's no point in debating semantics, but I think this might have something to do with the struggle to connect with others in this aspect. I do not consider myself feminine nor do I have any desire for homosexual activities (in fact, this is one of my absolute hard limits).
I think I really like it for the mind fuck potential.
rfoj74's comments on my "Putting the Forced in Forced Feminization" post probably clicked with me most in regards to this subject.
Returning to conditioning, it doesn't seem to take all that long to develop certain associations that will trigger the male sexual response. If something is consistently present and focused upon during sexual pleasure/climax, it will slowly integrate itself into the male psyche and become a part of sexual arousal. Basically, you can force a man to develop a fetish without his knowledge. This leads to an even greater power play as he will likely struggle with this new identity (as I know I have) and also carry the stigma of being a sissy. Overall this can lead to even greater control over him in a D/s relationship and reinforce feelings that you are the only one that could ever understand him.