Monday, December 26, 2011

Revisiting Chastity

I know I have posted about chastity in the past and it seems to surface every so often.  I had a chat the other day with an ex-Mistress.  We parted on okay terms so it's nice every now and then to chat.  It's also interesting to note how we have both changed over the years.  She has remained extremely dominant for many many years but something that she has developed more recently (since our relationship ended) is mandatory chastity.  We toyed with it a bit when we were together but due to significant discomfort we reserved the chastity device for play and I was on the honor system when she wasn't present.

We only talk every few months or so but she has gotten more and more hard line on this topic as time has progressed.  Her stance is that an erect penis makes all boys naughty. A good sub isn't naughty.  Sexual frustration and desperation increase obedience.  To have a well-behaved and extremely obedient sub he should be kept locked in chastity.

To be honest, when she first started gravitating this way she started to scare the shit out of me... the strength of her belief had become unshakable and enforced chastity became a major turn on for her.  I honestly think that if her (now an adult) son were 13 years old again in the present tense, she would probably have locked him up and waited until he had a girlfriend to whom she would have given the key under the direction that he should only unlock him if he's been obedient.

She is not someone that believes in permanent chastity.  She enjoys watching a penis throb in anticipation. She enjoys watching a male orgasm.  She enjoys intercourse with a live human cock that is still attached to a man's body.  She's not anti-cock. She's not the type that would make a device permanent with welding or epoxy.  She just thinks a cock should be locked up, but that it should also be released (when it deserves to be).   If you talk to her about chastity she talks like it should be as natural as eating, breathing, and regular personal hygiene. 

I can see how I have changed because she's no longer scary.  Chastity plays heavily into my subspace triggers and some of my more major turn-ons (e.g. humiliation via teasing and taunting).  That being said, I generally love to orgasm, which turns me into an oxy-moron and I would not classify myself as a chastity enthusiast.

A few things are standing out to me now that didn't before.  I believe that the reason chastity turns her on is because she would only deal with subs that want to get erect and want to orgasm.  It gets her off to take that away, especially if he hates it.  Yes, she is of the "loves it because he hates it" disposition.  Coincidentally, my own submission is strongly drawn to the "she loves it because he hates it" style of dominance and I feel like this is starting to create an erotic chastity association with me. 

The other thing is that I haven't been in true subspace very often over the past two years.  I have been able to self-induce it through fantasy but the lack of a D/s dynamic in our current relationship has made these deep, rewarding experiences few and far between.  What I have found lately is that if I finally reach a deep level of subspace when it gets time to cum, I almost beg not to as I am hit in the face by the realization that this feeling will crash and it will be an indefinite amount of time before it happens again.  All of a sudden long-term orgasm denial has become appealing since I can keep my submissive feelings and obedience for a longer period of time. 

It kind of makes me feel fucked up when I think about it.


  1. Very interesting. I've always felt that orgasm control was essential for my form of domination, and I've always used it religiously, but once I married Karl I became convinced that the honor system was acceptable. I was certain that he could be trusted and equally certain that I would know if and when he was trying to hide the fact that he had orgasmed without permission.

    Now I find myself coming around to your former Dom's way of thinking, and the locked-up aspect of control feels better to me. This is not to say that I no longer trust Karl. No, it's more a matter of taking a level of control that didn't previously exist, and creating a mind-set in Karl that I believe would keep him in subspace more often.

    "LOCKED" - the very word has implications that give me a tingle more than the concept of "HONOR SYSTEM" implies. When Karl and I have discussed this, he admits that when he is locked up he has a more fatalistic feeling inside him (that tends more toward subspace) than when he is on his honor. He's forced to think about his locked-upedness much more often than when he isn't physically prevented from orgasm.

    Would you agree?

  2. Thank you, Lady Grey.

    I agree with what you have written. I have been able to exist under the honor system although prolonged arousal does bring about thoughts of cheating. That doesn't mean that I do cheat, it just means that I am tempted to cheat. I think this is probably a common feeling but submissive mindsets in well-disciplined subs tend to defeat the desire to cum. I also cannot lie about it, especially when in subspace.

    In the past I have been very fearful of the discomfort of long-term wear of less expensive chastity devices, but the "tough shit, deal with it," approach tickles my submissive side. The constant reminder of being locked up magnifies sexual frustration by about 10 times and it also increases the sensitivity of other body parts.

    I am glad to know that "LOCKED" makes you tingle. I feel better about my situation knowing that my submissive feelings have a mirror image (similar but reversed) of a Domme's feelings on the subject.

    As for subspace from chastity... utter helplessness and doing everything within one's power to find a way to get it removed... it's a wonderfully desperate state. I believe that being locked up not only gives a sub a tendency to lean towards subspace, but keeps him in at least mild states of it for at least 50% of the day (if not more). It also increases the depth potential of subspace vs. not wearing a device.

    I know you've mentioned in the past that you have rituals and activities that help a sub return to subspace following ejaculation, but I've never experienced anything that brought that on. In my deepest states of subspace I feel a lot better about myself as a man and I hesitate to lose those feelings for a day or two and have to rebuild from scratch.

    I've never been permitted to cum during sex (by any of the Mistresses I have served). We just go until she is satisfied with my performance and then stop. At that time I usually need to be "finished off" as my arousal and sexual frustration are ready to burst and this drive to cum starts to overpower my obedience and focus. When I picture that situation with a pat on the head and a "good job, now it's time to lock you back up," my head just starts spinning like mad.

    I think one of the biggest hurdles to chastity for me before was the thought of anal milking. For a while the threat of anything up my butt would bring on some PTSD-like symptoms and to be safe, we avoided those things. Since I have surrendered myself to her strap-on I am a lot more comfortable with the idea of being milked.

    My brain says I'll always want to orgasm.
    My inner sub says that it would prefer not to.

    I hope this makes sense.