Monday, August 8, 2016

The ___________ submissive version 1.0

I had been waiting to hear back from someone before posting this, but they seem to be dealing with their own things so what the hell, I'll just put it out there and see what happens.

Labels can be both good and bad, I guess mostly in ways that they are used.  

I've recently discovered another "one of us."  By that I mean the submissive type that I seem to be.  I have now met three others that I think are similar.  We all have a lot of things in common from a history standpoint.

As much as I don't always agree with labels, I think we need one, even if there are so very few of us.  The "I most closely associate with" thing only goes so far in feeling like there are other people like us... feeling like we aren't alone.  "I am a ______," can help us a lot to attain peace of mind... by allowing us to more easily find people that feel similarly.

This sub type is a bit different.  When people don't understand, the "commonly accepted advice" doesn't work... and in fact... it is often counter-productive to us.  It makes us feel shittier instead of better.  It makes the spiral more difficult rather than less.

This is going to be a work in progress.  I hope to eventually find a name.  I will start by listing some basic characteristics that seem to be common and work from there.

This is the roughest of drafts... I will call it attempt 1.0.

1. This sub has usually experienced a significant amount of emotional trauma, to such an extent that it feels like there is a part of them that is "missing."  They are not whole or complete.

2. The psychological damage has convinced them beyond any doubt that they are not worthy.  They do not deserve goodness.

3. They can function just fine in society.  They are not a "timid" or "parallel" submissive.  They are (usually) capable and confident in their abilities and flow just fine in day to day life.

 4.  D/s fills in the holes left by psychological damage.  Because they don't feel inherently deserving of "goodness," they are fine having to earn the goodness that is shown to them.  Similarly, negative acts also feel deserved.  They find the limitations and obedient = reward, disobedient = punishment nature of strict D/s to be emotionally stabilizing. 

5.  Some things that many people pursue naturally just don't seem important.  Internally they feel that there is no point.  It provides no internal reward.  While they can blend in, it is nearly impossible for them to feel completely fulfilled without a D/s backing. 

6.  The lack of D/s frequently leads to depression.  D/s is their anchor to stability.  In its absence they feel like they are spiraling out of control, struggling to figure out what should be done next because none of it feels important. There are also physical symptoms that will develop that closely resemble drug withdrawl and there very well may be a chemical addiction to the subspace they desire.  

7.  They are extremely loving and obedient.  Earning the goodness provided by a Dominant is the source of their self-esteem.  They feel extremely driven and motivated to please and love deeply.  They easily feel that the Dominant that they submit to is the most important thing in the entire world.  

8.  Their kink is D/s.  Nearly anything that symbolizes status, power, or the like will usually fuel their subspace.  Hard limits may exist, but when pushed sufficiently deep, it is unlikely they would be able to say no.

9. They are extremely versatile and adaptable.  Since they respond more to dynamics and their love than any one specific activity, this sub type is able to transform almost at will to best serve their dominant.  They can be a fierce protector when called upon.  They will be timid and meek when required.  They will be anything and everything in between.  Because of this they can often be mistaken for a different submissive type: warrior, alpha, domestic, slave, etc. as they will routinely become whatever is needed.

10.  They thrive in the long-term.  This type of sub builds their entire view of the world around the will of the Dominant.  They invest everything in making the Dominant's dreams come true.

11.  This type of sub is best suited for strict rules that will keep them constantly thinking about the D/s nature of the relationship.  They will not act out and strive for perfection.  Most rules will not need to be enforced as long as the dynamics keep them in subspace.   The stricter the rules, the more at peace they will feel.  Rules make them feel loved and cared about.  Rules violations will be few and far between. 

12.  It's not a sacrifice.  It's easy to look at this type of submissive and wonder "why would they sacrifice so much?" They don't see it that way.  While they routinely shed large chunks of personality at the whim of the Dominant, this sub doesn't feel like their personality has any important value, so they can easily give it up without any sense of loss.

13.  They are not doormats.  While many of these characteristics might make this sub type seem identity-less and perceived negatively, this is not actually the case.  These subs spend a lot of time in their heads thinking of ways to express their love and make their Dominant happy.  They can be proactive and very warm and compassionate with a very strong personality behind it all.  They simply choose to love a Dominant more than they love themselves and give all of themselves with ultimate vulnerability.

14. Very little training is required.  These subs are able to reach an obedient mindset easily.  They require very little breaking and "training" is usually brief, mostly just a matter of learning the rules and expectations.  As long as dynamics are present they can excel within that environment with ease.

15. Are they masochists?  While some may be masochists, it can often be confusing to both Dominant and sub due to how their body responds.  These subs will generally accept any punishments willingly, partly due to their inner feelings that if it happens that they deserve it.  Their sexual response may be inconclusive since it is uncertain as to whether they are responding to pain or responding to the D/s dynamics of the situation.

16. There is a tendency to be overly self-conscious.  They are often strongly aware of what they think/feel vs. what they want to think/feel.  This can lead to feelings of emotional betrayal and confusion.  They hate feeling like a burden and will feel guilty if their needs are not met. 

17. They have a different thought process.  Advice and constructive words will often clash with their core inner beliefs that they hold about themselves.  Their dependence upon D/s can make them feel alienated/isolated.  Their self-consciousness makes them aware when they feel they are too high maintenance. and this can cause them to spiral.  During these times it may be difficult for them to communicate their ACTUAL needs if they feel it will conflict with the needs of the Dominant. 


  1. Fur sissy, one thing I know for sure: (and you might agree or not with me here, I know I am right anyway ;-):
    You deserve all the good the world has to offer.
    Nothing is too good for you.
    You deserve to love and be loved, just for who you are, and not only for what you do.

    fur sissy, would you mind doing this test ? or both of them.
    I´d like to see the results.
    And it´s not super secret information. I do have my guess about what type you are ;-)
    And FYI: I am a type 2 with a wing 3

    1. Thank you, Tina.

      I took the tests. I can say it was rather difficult balancing the alpha face I show to the world, the individual me that I show to those I trust, and my submissive self. The answers often conflicted but mostly changed with how I deal with others more than myself.

      Type 6 - 10.7
      Type 1 - 10.4
      Type 4 - 9.7
      Type 2 - 9.4

      Wing 1w2 - 15.1
      Wing 2w1 - 14.6
      Wing 6w5 - 14.4
      Wing 4w5 - 13.4
      Wing 4w3 - 13.3

      The second test yielded the top 2 being nearly equal with the 3rd slightly behind:
      Type 2 SP
      Type 6 SX
      Type 1 SP

  2. I think this is excellent overall. Great job!

    I found myself reflecting on the "alone" feeling in your introduction. I was trying to imagine if I would feel less alone if I were the: "I'm submissive until I get off (MY way only of course, since it is all about me) then I brush my hands off and happily return to vanilla land" type.

    I can't relate to that so I can't even do an Einstein mind experiment. :P

    There is something in my aloneness that feels right to me. Not even from feeling statistically abnormal exactly, just that feeling apart from others is my nature and that as a result when I belong to a dominant woman it adds greatly to my connection to her, since she understands in ways that (essentially) no one else does.

    It seems odd to say, but I think I like that alone feeling. Having said that, I am mindful that "alone" and "lonely" are quite different matters. I was lonely often as a child and even into my early 20's. I guess I then (finally) adapated.

    Thanks again for a post that let me wander a bit inside myself. ;)

    1. Thank you, Watson.

      I so think that feeling "right" being alone is part of this sub type :)

      I guess one of the things I have found over the years is that it is very difficult to relate to others about my submission. I seek company when I am feeling low and then the inability to relate to them or for them to relate to me has me sinking even lower. It is only now that I have found a handful of people that really get where I am coming from and I get them as well.

      It is quite a good feeling.

  3. "When people don't understand, the "commonly accepted advice" doesn't work... and in fact... it is often counter-productive to us. It makes us feel shittier instead of better. It makes the spiral more difficult rather than less." ...So true!

  4. I can't imagine how you're going to come up with a label that covers all of this. There seems much too much to encompass. Good luck, fur. If anyone can do it, it's probably you!

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey.

      I have yet to hear back from that other author. A term may already exist. If not, I have no clue what to choose :D

      There are a lot of strange sub types that have generally accepted labels. What strikes me as odd is that the majority of people I have met within this type seem to relate to at least 15 of the 17 points with a little wiggle room in the others. It just seems too coincidental not to have a name for this.