Monday, November 21, 2016


Nothing kinky here...

With the holidays approaching I find myself balancing the double-edged sword that the holidays bring.

I love gift giving.  I enjoy the challenge of finding gifts that the receiver will truly enjoy within budgetary constraints.  I believe that giving a good gift is a sign that you can truly understand someone... what makes them tick... and why they like the things that they do.

The major downside I tend to find with holidays is dealing with family. I am not close to my family.  I despise the "game" of it all.  Seeing people that pretend to be nice knowing full well how they actually feel will differ from what they display.

I've been accused over the years of not being "nice," which I can agree with completely... but rarely are people able to say that I am not "good."  I'm the friend that will drop anything when a friend is in need.  I will be there through thick and thin, good and bad, and able to step up and be strong when they need me.  Growing up in the midwest... which is the hotbed of passive-aggressive behavior has always been rough on me.  I don't pretend to be nice.  I don't give false compliments.  I say what I mean and I mean what I say.  This catches many people off-guard, and it isn't long before very few people see me as "nice."

On the flip-side, I don't pretend to be nice to people I don't like.  If they ask me why I will give an honest answer.  I don't go on and on with empty praise, only to tear them down behind their back as soon as they leave the room.  This sort of behavior is one of the easiest ways for me to lose respect for someone because it leads me to believe that I can't trust their words at face value... and I also know that if they are talking shit about someone to me, they are talking shit about me to someone else. 

In some ways I tend to straddle the two coasts.  I'm east coast enough to be straight forward.  I'm west coast enough to only care when it's something important.  In either case, I will take "good" over "nice" any day of the week.

It is during the holidays that I get most acutely aware of this game.  In my day to day life I tend to avoid it as much as possible but knowing that this sort of interaction is inevitable tends to sour my mood even before it happens.


  1. I'm fine with the holidays, until I leave the house.

    From what I've observed, people like to talk behind backs because it makes them feel better about themselves.

    1. You are probably correct on why they do that, Misty. I think what I like least about it is that in these parts it is often all people have to talk about... and they are very boring to be around.

  2. fur sissy, i think here as always the old saying goes: "you get more of what you focus on". you focus on people talking badly about you, and all you perceive are people doing that kind of thing.
    For me, being nice is super important. And I imagine your way to go through life is pretty exhausting. I guess the point I am trying to make is: This year, can you try to give these people a chance? I know, you tend to be a super strict judge, but from my perspectives as a lawyer and a defence lawyer too, people are not intentionally bad or mean or assholes. if they are, they are suffering and hurting inside. In the end, what people want is to be hold in arms and being told: "you are ok."
    This year I have met so many wonderful people, I "moved " from the US west coast to the east coast, and I can honestly report: I have met wonderful people everywhere. oh, and one of my best friends lives in the midwest, so I can guarantee that there are super warm and friendly people there too ;-)
    Anyway, fur, old friend: there are good people everywhere. I am one and you are one. And for heavens sake: it wont kill you to be nice too, come on, lol, at least sometimes ;-)

    1. Thank you, Tina.

      Unfortunately there are a good number of people that base their conversations around ripping down others here. Eg talking about how others dress, haircuts, etc. It is not an activity I partake in and tend to remove myself from environments where this is happening. Several members of my family are this way and i tend to distance myself from them.

      I do a number of nice things, but I do them because I want to and not because I'm "supposed to." I find it is much more rewarding if kindness is genuine.