A new year

A lot of things changed for me in 2016 and unfortunately I ended up falling out of writing during the final 3 months after maintaining such a torrid pace for much of the year.

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions... I think that we either decide to change or we don't... we do something differently or we don't.  Too much can change for me to ever believe in making a choice because of a resolution.  If it was that important, I should have already done it :)

I've tried to write a few posts over the past few weeks and deleted them or left them as unpublished drafts 3/4ths of the way done.  I find that when I don't really have something to say the writing quality deteriorates badly when I just write to write.

I do want to write... but I actually just wish I felt good enough in my head to have something to say.

I do have plans to get back to fs01 but I may write out what happens after the current arc before returning and finishing up the birthday party.  I'm stuck at a bit of an impasse at the moment as I've reached a point where I feel things "should" be pushed a bit further or changed up.  I'm not sure yet where I would like to go.  I do have to say that my birthday this year managed to throw me off balance and the result was a change in how I approached each day.  My focus drifted and everything internet-based just slid to the background.


A little random blurb that stands out from this past year...

When I was in my teens I was huge into music.  I was playing in multiple bands, going to 100+ concerts a year, and really, music was my only true emotional outlet.  I tended to stay on the forefront of my favorite genres, digging up "the next big thing" months before they were the next big thing.

Something I find interesting about music is that the "when" and the "how" is often very important in what we choose to like and love.  Internet hindsight has become shockingly "correct" in regards to having an appropriate opinion of a band now no matter how wrong everyone was "back then."  e.g. a small underground band that pushed the forefront of a genre may have had only hundreds of fans back in 1998, but through today's eyes there is a widespread acceptance of their place in that genre's history with 100x as many followers now that they are long gone. 

I also find that with certain albums, you "had to be there" to really grasp what it meant and felt... at the time... to be 17 and confused... hearing something express your personal feelings better than you ever could.  It just doesn't have the same impact on me 20 years later.

It's sort of funny that this past year I really discovered a band "for real" that I have had albums of since 1998 or so.  I realize that with what they brought to the table on the sonic spectrum they just found me at the wrong time.  2-4 years earlier and I probably would have loved them, but by the time they were contemporary I had already moved into things that were more complicated musically.  That band was the Alkaline Trio.  I don't love most of their songs and I have had them on my ipod for years but after having a trusted friend of mine talk them up to me, I started paying more attention when they would show up randomly on shuffle.  What I can say is that I always find a gem or two that I wish I had really paid attention to... in say, 1998.  Mostly... I would have to say that they sort of capture the sense of depression that resonated so deeply within me during that era.

When I hear the songs now, I think back and feel like "wow, I wish I would have had this then."  But alas, it is only in hindsight where I can see just how it could have impacted me then but did not.  On the upside, it makes me feel young enough to still be surprised.  (I shared a cover of one of their songs a few months ago).

I hope you all had a good and safe holiday.