Friday, January 6, 2017

Pain vs. Discomfort

This one had been in the works for a while... I posted a "quickie" version of it but then deleted it.

Here is the rewritten version.

While both of these fall under the umbrella of "suffering," I've always felt that the ideas of pain and discomfort tend to reach people in entirely different ways.

Pain is often the major focus of BDSM, it's consensual nature often being simplified to:  The dominant wishes to inflict pain and the submissive wishes to receive pain.  This is a symbiotic relationship of mutual desires that make everything okay.  Wanting to inflict pain doesn't make you a sadist... just kinky.  Wanting to receive pain does make you a masochist, but that's okay too.  It's almost like pain has been compartmentalized to where it isn't really suffering.

When I interact with those from the BDSM community I frequently find that we hit communication blocks that seem to revolve around this idea.  Pain is fine.  Think about suffering as a whole... and everything goes off the track. 

To make someone suffer is seen as evil because while someone may want pain, no one truly craves suffering do they?

As a whole, I find that many dominants do not embrace their sadistic sides because of moral hangups with those views.  While I might agree that people don't truly wish for suffering... I know in my own case, I wish to be dis-empowered to the extent that I could be made to suffer.  That is part of the root nature of my subspace and what drives much of what I seek.  To submit to an authority with the power to control whether I suffer or not... if I am rewarded or punished.

I do not seek pain.

Pain in general is interesting when you view it as a concept.  Pain is temporary.  Pain can be blocked out or ignored.  An athlete may "play through the pain."  An alcoholic may "drink through the pain."  With enough force of will you can detach the mind from pain... you may sense its existence but not experience its brunt force in the same way.

I do not seek pain... but I am adept at handling pain. 

By contrast, discomfort is constant.  Discomfort goes on and on, slowing the passage of time... stretching out the experience in a bad way.  While those with extensive mental strength may be able to conquer discomfort in a similar way to overcoming pain, it's a lot more difficult with each nagging instant reminding you of it.

When a dominant seeks to inflict discomfort, I see a gateway to their sadistic nature shining through as clear as day.  Unlike pain, which can often be driven purely by the act and stops the moment the act ceases, the desire to inflict discomfort involves enjoyment of the idea that even as a passive spectator, the predicament continuously inflicts suffering.  "One small choice that doesn't affect me in the slightest and your existence will be hell for ."

This is where I definitely cannot relate to a sadistic mind.  While I can come up with ideas and methods for discomfort, I gain no enjoyment from the idea of putting someone through it.  If you think about how this pertains to real life situations, it actually gives me a lot more trust for sadistic dominants than say... a judge.  A judge makes one decision on their own that drastically affects the rest of someone's life.  Are they able to sleep at night feeling fully confident that it was a "fair" ruling?  Is it out of sight and out of mind once it's over?  Do they actually get off from having the power to do that?

At least when dealing with a sadistic Domme you never have to wonder.

I also get a little bit disturbed when decisions are made like... let's put a prison in a horrible hot and humid wasteland so that every day is horribly uncomfortable... or let's put the gulag in Siberia.  One small choice that doesn't affect them... but will make your existence hell for .  Is this actual rationale?  Or are they actually a sadist?

I do not deal well with discomfort.  If given the choice between never having another orgasm or sleeping in 100 degree 90% humidity weather without air conditioning, I'd probably give up the orgasms.

That being said, I crave to be powerless before a sadistic mind.  Those sadistic Dommes that naturally impulse that one small choice... are just beautiful. 


  1. You're drawing a mighty fine line between the giving of pain versus discomfort, fur. As an unabashed sadist, I admit to using both on occasion, and I must disagree when you say that wanting to inflict pain doesn't mean you're a sadist. Of course it does, though it's just one element of sadism. Who else but a sadist would "want to" inflict pain? I suppose one could argue that it's an act of kindness to inflict pain upon a masochist, and one is just being kindhearted by giving the masochist what he/she wants, but isn't it a bit far fetched to view it that way? As some sort of clinical act of pain giving, without emotion on the part of the giver? Without any feeling of sadism? Well, you've just lost me here.

    There are times when I've willingly brought "discomfort" to my subs. A long lasting sense of continuous, inescapable lower level discomfort that serves as a constant reminder of who is in control. As such, discomfort can be a valuable tool to employ, and I can't see that it makes one either more or less of a sadist to utilize it. A sub often craves it, as well as a more dramatic "one time shot" of intense physical pain. As a sadist, I am happy to comply either - or both - ways:)

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey.

      When I wrote this I had guessed you would disagree with my classifications but I keep coming across Dommes that love the idea of bedroom play but abhor the thought of doing something that is simply intended to inflict suffering/anguish upon a sub. There seems to be a line that some cross but others refuse to on principle.

      I was rejected once for being "too submissive" and that line seems to be somewhat mirrored in a "not sadistic enough" sense.

      The natural impulse to tack on layers of discomfort is a beautiful thing :)

      When you wrote about sending out Karl in shoes that were a size too small that really captures its essence in my opinion :)