D/s and BDSM

It seems the deeper I fall into submission, the less I care for the ideals and principles that serve as the foundation of the BDSM community.  I understand them on some levels, namely that in an environment where one person is empowered over another, safeguards have their purpose.  From my experiences in the BDSM community, it is common for many to play with a variety of partners, often without love involved and in some cases, where the two parties don't know each other very well.

The rules and safeguards are put in place in order to avoid abuse and cautionary tales.  It is easy for a sub to get caught up in the moment and get in over their head.  That being said, I feel like these rules are mostly aimed at Mf and that they occasionally frown upon the development of intense lifestyle D/s dynamics that occur over longer periods of time within loving relationships.

The BDSM community continuously comes up with new terms and protocols towards some of these intense activities but at their core, there seems to be a continuous juggling act of where dynamics stop and abuse starts. 

The 24/7 lifestyle D/s Femdom relationships that are the type that I desire frequently involve intense levels of emotional manipulation and control.  This is, of course, consensual on the level that the sub agrees to go down this path even if it includes a mixture of things they like and dislike.  I can see how these would be extremely dangerous in a casual play environment with great potential for emotional damage.  I am of the type that looks to the long-run... I submit to the one I love with the intent on it lasting forever.

I think that the most pronounced spot that BDSM ideals fail in lifestyle D/s is in regards to what a sub "needs and wants."  For those who have experienced intense depths of subspace, these depths are frequently fueled by having your emotions twisted and turned, your ego crushed, and being put into lose/lose situations.  This creates a disconnect between a sub's rational self and its sexual/psychological self that is rather complicated. 

To give a contrast:
A masochist acknowledges that pain gives them pleasure, so they request and consent to pain.  This is a straight forward situation between both Domme and sub.

A submissive as illustrated above may want to have an orgasm but being denied an orgasm increases both the intensity of their arousal and the depth of their subspace.  In this case the sub has what they rationally want and what they psychologically crave.  A Domme then must read into things and decide if they wish to cater to the sub's rational side or their psychologically submissive side.  This isn't straight forward at all since there is no clear cut "mutual pleasure" to be had.  There is Type I pleasure and Type II pleasure and it is common that both cannot exist at the same time. 

As I have been with some newer Dommes I have learned to encourage them in a different way.  Rather than struggle with confidence on their ability to properly read situations like that I encourage them to just ignore it.  I tell her to do what brings her pleasure and I will feel lucky if I experience pleasure in the process.  If that means she wishes to ruin every orgasm I have for the rest of my life, so be it.  My rational self hates the thought but my submissive self willingly endures.  If she wishes to punish me if every chore isn't completed to absolute perfection, so be it.  My rational self screams no but my submissive self feels this is how it should be. 

Would I ever recommend this type of submission to someone entering the lifestyle?  Hell no.  I would never recommend this without a history of trust and care between both individuals.  Does this mean it is better to discourage this type of relationship since it doesn't work for everyone?  Probably not, but then again it isn't wise to ever underestimate the stupidity of an inexperienced sub on the internet with his dick in hand. 

I guess I just find it difficult to connect with others when we see things from such different sets of eyes.