Monday, January 9, 2012

Downs and Ups, Ups and Downs (Part 2)

The next day things were better, or so they seemed.  We went out for dinner, ran some errands, and it was all quiet until she left for work.

On Friday her son had a friend over for the night.  She was off work.  We had plans to go out to dinner, try to reconnect, and then go visit a friend of ours.  She received an invite to meet with a co-worker for a drink around dinner time for the co-worker's birthday.  I told her that was fine and we could just eat dinner at the bar and then have the drink.  I told her we should probably leave at 6 at the latest or it would be busy there.  She got going a bit late.  We left at 6:30 and arrived at the bar at around 6:45.  The parking lot was 100% full.  The street in front of and to the side of the bar were 100% full for 3-4 blocks..  We managed to park a block away barely squeezing in on the end.

Something I haven't mentioned before but I have mild agoraphobia that becomes a little bit more pronounced in crowded bars.  I used to be okay with them but now they bring up some very negative emotions and I avoid them like the plague.  I was willing to tough it out since it was a birthday.  The place was packed.  40+ minute wait for a table.  We were supposed to be at the friend's house by 8pm and we were both very hungry.  She used me as the excuse and we left to go eat someplace less crowded for the time being.  At dinner we talked a bit but it seemed very uneasy.  Finally she said "how come you'll go out with friends that you like but won't go out for any of my friends?"  I explained to her that I am willing to go out, but she knows how terrible I feel when I'm in crowded bars and that it had nothing to do with whose friends were there... and I explained it again and again in roughly five different ways, each time receiving the response that basically, I'm a piece of shit.

When we finished eating I got her a take out box for her leftovers and immediately went out to the car.  She sat in the restaurant for another 15 minutes while I was in the car.  Finally she came out and the abuse continued.  We continued talking/arguing until we arrived back home and we sat in the car for another 20 minutes.  I stayed much calmer this time, not letting my emotions flare up and simply stating "it hurts my feelings when you say that" when my feelings were hurt.  Her attacks on me continued when I listed off a few reasons that I love her.  I asked her, "what do you love about me?"

She couldn't answer, so with my feelings hurt I opened the car door and started to get out.  She replied to that with an attack, calling me a pussy and telling me that I was running away and giving up on the relationship.  I got back in the car and asked again, "what do you love about me?"  Repeat silence and abuse cycle.  Finally I told her I was getting out of the car and I went back to our home, went upstairs, and laid down on the bed. 

When she got inside she hopped on facebook and stayed on there for 30-45 minutes.  When she came upstairs she laid down next to me and started naming some (impersonal but) positive characteristics about me.  She said that she took me for granted.  I started to cry gently and explained how I've been feeling, why this was so hurtful, and the like.  She held my hand.  We were exhausted and we fell asleep early.

(continued in part 3)

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