Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Who would be intrested in [blank]?

One of the most difficult things for veteran submissives is having to re-enter the "dating scene."  We are no longer a fresh ball of clay waiting to be shaped. We have been shaped and reshaped, and a few parts of us have become so defined that they're almost stuck like that for good.

There are advantages and disadvantages of being this way and honestly, being a veteran rather than a newbie really only affects things in the short run.  However, the short run has to happen before there can be a long run so it's also a large stumbling block.  I have met Dommes that have a preference for both types.  Some don't want to waste lots of time training a lamb and in many cases it's the lambs that are the first to bolt when they get scared.  Others love the thought of breaking-in a virgin ass and making the first big splash in their kink life. 

I think it is safe to assume that no one wants to be constantly shuffling through submissives while searching for a "good one."  Even the Dommes that prefer lambs generally just want a clean slate where they aren't being compared to other women and the training process is an emotionally bonding experience that builds love and trust.

Some of the primary advantages to having experience:
-Veteran subs may have more realistic expectations.  You aren't (completely) off in fantasy-land.  Your expectations of a Domme and responsibilities as a sub will be within reasonable bounds.
-Veteran subs may have fewer limits.  Novices that aren't aware of the depths of subspace they may reach (or what it takes to reach them).  Experienced subs probably have a greater breadth of experience to draw from and in turn, are often willing to endure more things.
-Veteran subs are experienced at fulfilling our roles.

-Veteran subs will have more strongly ingrained fetish needs and probably be more strict about any hard limits they may have.  Think: "He's perfect, except he's really into [blank]." or "He's perfect, except he refuses to do [blank]."
-Veteran subs have a greater risk of having their previous submission experiences rubbing off on how they try to submit in the future.  If they were trained in a strict environment they will likely be hesitant to act without direction.  If they were allowed to roam "free," they may bring many bad habits to the table.
-Veteran subs are at a higher risk of bringing emotional baggage.  Everyone has their demons... but D/s break-ups are rarely mutual.  This is a safe assumption to make.

Do these even matter?  Should they even matter?  I never really know.  I'd like to think that every sub is given a clean slate chance to prove themselves worthy through individual merits.  I'd also love to believe that dating never happens based upon looks alone, that Santa Claus is real, and that people are always given opportunities based upon their abilities. 

Sadly, veteran subs do eventually develop a submissive identity that is given a shallow label (or two) that most closely defines them.  e.g. service slave, domestic servant, sissy maid, cuckold, pain slut, cum slut, and the like.  Even more sad is that there is enough of a negative demographic to often provide stigmas attached to each label (read as: subs that send a picture of their cock in their first contact email to a Domme along with a message along the lines of "u r hot. dominat me.").

I guess I'm trying to figure out if being a veteran is more of an advantage than a hindrance.  I guess it varies case by case... just as everything else does.


  1. Hi Fur Sissy

    Would'nt that be a good question for the dommes that you know???

    I have seen your name on quite a few blogs, so why not ask them?

  2. Thank you, jellybean.

    This was more of a "thinking out loud" post, voicing some of my fears based upon my moods and thoughts in the aftermath of what had happened in my ups and downs posts.

    In reality, it becomes a matter of what I would be willing to sacrifice or getting lucky. Could I still be fulfilled if these things weren't present? Probably but I'm not sure.