Friday, November 23, 2012

Dominance as a Meta-Fetish

Author’s note:  This will probably be my last serious entry for a while.  I realized today that I had hit the mania phase of my depression cycle and that has driven a few of my recent blog posts.  During these times I have a tendency to overstate some things and make an ass of myself.  The downside is that once I leave mania I tend to sink into a pretty deep downswing.  I think I was able to “catch it” in time and channel it in my last post on “deep submission,” hopefully steering me clear of the worst of it.  I am feeling fine now but I have taken the internal note that I should write when I feel like writing and not grasp at straws trying to write simply to express the mess going on inside.
End note.

I had a rather striking breakthrough realization today.  It is probably the most important step in understanding the nature of my submission since I entered the lifestyle.  It answered about twenty thousand questions that had been lingering within me and my outlook is a lot clearer now.

The concept that has granted me solace is Dominance as a meta-fetish.  That is, while a varying number of activities are able to act as subspace triggers and cause sexual arousal, it is not the activity itself but the symbolism of those activities that are of greatest importance to me. 

Failing to truly grasp this caused a lot of confusion over the years because I was never quite certain what was going on at the essence of my submission.  It also explains why such a wide variety of activities appeal to me on some level.  I have often said, “I hate it, but I love what it does to me.”  I feel like it should have been clear then but it seems that I just didn’t see how the pieces fit into the puzzle until now.

If a sub has a fetish for Dominance, what I mean is that their peak response is to the symbolism of power exchange.  They will respond to activities that (A) increase the power of the Domme, and (B) make the sub more vulnerable.

This is an interesting fetish since it seems to cover both giving and receiving types of activities.  The sub may appear as if they have a fetish for service-oriented submission but their actual response is to status inequality and fear of punishment.  They may appear as if they have a bondage fetish but the inner draw is her control over him and his helplessness before her.  They may appear as if they have a fetish for forced feminization when the inner draw is that she has the power to make him dress how she wants him to and his status requires him to comply no matter how unpleasant it might be. 

I’m sure on some levels someone might read this and feel, “well duh, this is common sense.”  There’s been many cases where I described these reasons for specific fetishes, but I have yet to really hear from anyone who is drawn to pretty much all activities that fit the A + B archetype.  Like, you’ll find bondage enthusiasts that do not respond to any more intense activities.  You will find sissies that respond to cross-dressing when it isn’t forced.  You will find subs that respond to many “receiving” activities (such as play) but respond to very few “giving” activities (such as service). 

This is why I find this unique in a way.  You will find many that respond to some activities, but very few that will respond to pretty much all activities. 

I think the other separating point for subs with a fetish for dominance is that the greater the symbolism of power exchange in an event, the stronger the submissive response.  I believe this is why some subs will crave cruel treatment yet still wish to be loved by their Mistress.  The greater the cruelty the, greater the display of A and B, the deeper the sub falls into subspace, and the more he loves his Mistress. 

If you believe in my theory of D/s escalation (that repetition gets ordinary which requires new, more intense activities to trigger the same feelings) it makes complete sense why subs seem rather insane at the intensity they crave. 

This brings me pretty much full-circle back to the reason I started blogging in the first place.  I am not so much a sissy, I just crave the display of power exchange of being forced to wear a humiliating uniform while serving my Mistress because it amuses her. 


  1. This is a very wise entry. The meta fetish concept also explains how subs can be satisfied - in practice - by things outside our fantasies.

    PS Perhaps you just need a standard caveat for more manic posts,e.g. "Taking an idea for a walk."

  2. Thanks Giles, trying to explain submissive or sexual response to activities that I have no idea why is pretty much why I wrote this.

    There are actually only a couple of posts that occurred during this manic episode. They were in fact part of my depression cycle and not just at random hehe.