Author’s note: This
will probably be my last serious entry for a while. I realized today that I had hit the mania phase of my depression
cycle and that has driven a few of my recent blog posts. During these times I have a tendency to
overstate some things and make an ass of myself. The downside is that once I leave mania I tend to sink into a
pretty deep downswing. I think I was
able to “catch it” in time and channel it in my last post on “deep submission,”
hopefully steering me clear of the worst of it. I am feeling fine now but I have taken the internal note that I
should write when I feel like writing and not grasp at straws trying to write
simply to express the mess going on inside.
End note.
I had a rather striking breakthrough realization today. It is probably the most important step in
understanding the nature of my submission since I entered the lifestyle. It answered about twenty thousand questions
that had been lingering within me and my outlook is a lot clearer now.
The concept that has granted me solace is Dominance as a
meta-fetish. That is, while a varying
number of activities are able to act as subspace triggers and cause sexual
arousal, it is not the activity itself but the symbolism of those activities
that are of greatest importance to me.
Failing to truly grasp this caused a lot of confusion over
the years because I was never quite certain what was going on at the essence of
my submission. It also explains why
such a wide variety of activities appeal to me on some level. I have often said, “I hate it, but I love
what it does to me.” I feel like it
should have been clear then but it seems that I just didn’t see how the pieces
fit into the puzzle until now.
If a sub has a fetish for Dominance, what I mean is that
their peak response is to the symbolism of power exchange. They will respond to activities that (A)
increase the power of the Domme, and (B) make the sub more vulnerable.
This is an interesting fetish since it seems to cover both
giving and receiving types of activities.
The sub may appear as if they have a fetish for service-oriented
submission but their actual response is to status inequality and fear of
punishment. They may appear as if they
have a bondage fetish but the inner draw is her control over him and his helplessness
before her. They may appear as if they
have a fetish for forced feminization when the inner draw is that she has the
power to make him dress how she wants him to and his status requires him to
comply no matter how unpleasant it might be.
I’m sure on some levels someone might read this and feel,
“well duh, this is common sense.”
There’s been many cases where I described these reasons for specific
fetishes, but I have yet to really hear from anyone who is drawn to pretty much
all activities that fit the A + B archetype.
Like, you’ll find bondage enthusiasts that do not respond to any more
intense activities. You will find
sissies that respond to cross-dressing when it isn’t forced. You will find subs that respond to many
“receiving” activities (such as play) but respond to very few “giving” activities
(such as service).
This is why I find this unique in a way. You will find many that respond to some
activities, but very few that will respond to pretty much all activities.
I think the other separating point for subs with a fetish
for dominance is that the greater the symbolism of power exchange in an event,
the stronger the submissive response. I
believe this is why some subs will crave cruel treatment yet still wish to be
loved by their Mistress. The greater
the cruelty the, greater the display of A and B, the deeper the sub falls into
subspace, and the more he loves his Mistress.
If you believe in my theory of D/s escalation (that
repetition gets ordinary which requires new, more intense activities to trigger
the same feelings) it makes complete sense why subs seem rather insane at the
intensity they crave.
This is a very wise entry. The meta fetish concept also explains how subs can be satisfied - in practice - by things outside our fantasies.
ReplyDeletePS Perhaps you just need a standard caveat for more manic posts,e.g. "Taking an idea for a walk."
Thanks Giles, trying to explain submissive or sexual response to activities that I have no idea why is pretty much why I wrote this.
ReplyDeleteThere are actually only a couple of posts that occurred during this manic episode. They were in fact part of my depression cycle and not just at random hehe.